Sunday, 23 December 2012

Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection

When and as I see myself noticing consequence within me playing in any form, as the result of how I am playing around but want to ‘hold on’ to my way of doing things even though the feedback I am giving is telling me that it is not working effectively for everyone – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am being selfish within wanting to hold on to ‘my way of doing things’ – where I want to have fun the way I want to do it, where I believe that any deviation from MY WAY is a compromise which makes whatever I do NOT Fun anymore, not seeing and realising that I am in fact compromising by not changing as this has consequence for not just me but other people as well and so I commit myself to investigate ‘my way’ and see how I can change things in my approach to make sure that no consequences come about which could have been prevented if only I cared to prevent them

When and as I see myself react to others getting angry or giving me “negative” feedback in terms of how I do things for fun and take this personal within believing that it is ‘not fair’ because ‘I’m just having fun’ and ‘Why can’t they just leave me alone’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am only taking my mind experience into consideration and do not want to give this up and so do not investigate how what I am doing may create damage to others and so I commit myself to unconditionally look at who I am in what I am doing and check whether how I am doing things cannot be done differently without taking it personal as it is just a matter of acting in a way that’s best for all and aligning my application

When and as I see myself react to “negative feedback” in relation to what I do within believing that it is about me personally and that this means that “I am not good enough” and that “I should hide” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely interpreting the feedback given to me and distract myself with thoughts of self-judgment instead of looking at the point, where within giving in to such thoughts and not looking at how I can perfect myself I am actually manifesting myself as ‘not good enough’ as I am deliberately not pushing myself to be the best version of myself that I can be and so I commit myself to stop thoughts of self-judgment and instead simply look at the practical points in terms of how I can specify and expand my application in whatever I do, such as having fun

When and as I see myself in a situation where one is angry at me and I am reacting within fear/anxiety/crying – where I believe that he is wrong just because he is angry which I interpret as ‘exerting power over me’ and believe that I am right simply because I am in fear and crying which I interpret as ‘being a victim’ where a victim is ‘always right’ – where the other is the ‘bad guy’ and I am ‘the poor girl’ – and within that do not look at anything that has been said simply because of this weird-ass conviction – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am allowing myself to be limited in what I see due to belief systems that I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me and so I commit myself to investigate my belief systems and remove them to assist myself being able to see the bigger picture and correct myself accordingly

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