My Family & Desteni

During my entire childhood I had a very bad relationship with my father. I mostly spoke Dutch at home with my mother, brother, sister as well as at school – while my father spoke French and Spanish. I was always very scared of my father, he’d come home angry and frustrated from work and then take it out on us kids. My main experiences towards my father had been fear and anger and I kept my distance.

 Ever since I started participating with the Desteni, I could through the many videos, articles, forum discussion and interviews assist myself with better getting to know myself and understand how my experiences operate. At the same time I also discovered and was able to see why my dad acted the way he did – and that things weren’t as ‘simple’ as I had thought them to be (Eg – “He acts this way because he’s evil”). I could work through my own personal issues towards my father and within that change my attitude and approach in how I participated daily with my father. Once I started changing towards my father, my father started changing towards me.  Our relationship improved a little bit, but not that much.

 Then, after being on the farm for two years, my mom came for a second visit and my dad came with. For the first time in my life I was able to have an actual conversation with my dad. It wasn’t yet a ‘natural’ point but at least it was comfortable. Then a year and a half later (and some moreself-investigation and self-forgiveness later), my parents visited again – and for the first time in my life I was able to have actual fun with my father, have a cool conversation and enjoy each other’s company. It’s like we decided to open up a new chapter and leave the past behind. What had been done, had been done and there was no point holding on to it.