my experience of me in SA

So been here now for 5 days. Shit already lol. "Time' goes fast.
Hum hum.. In beginning I was full of stress an anxiety nervous ness the entire package. Like totally unfomfortable. Then later Bella gave me a niiice session that opened up a lot of points and that got my body and me to relax. So that was super cool. Right now I'm feeling more comfortable with myself, started to settle down. Starts to feel like I've always been here.
There's really not much difference from when I was home. I do stuff like eating, sleeping, smoking, drinking coffee and then now I also play with the dogs and there's the portal. but everything here is so fucking normal. Really. It's just...beings living together.
Like yah it is the way it is haha. Hmmm
Nothing out of the ordinary.
in evenings we watch a movie, sit by the fire and talk. Which is cool cause clarity comes up and we get to discuss stuff and consider many things..phewwww yes much to consider.
Tum tum tum.....that's all for now. Haha nt much to say really, just come and see for urself :)

SF beauty system, consumerism, money

BUY BUY BUY

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy unnecesarry things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy unnecesarry clothes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into buying things I don't need

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately manipulate others into letting me buying unnecesarry things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on manipulating although I know that I shouldn't

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate others out of self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up reasons (=excuses) to manipulate another to let me buy new things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things because I am bored and because I have money to buy it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things because I believe they will keep me from "boredom"

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to ask myself whenever I want to buy something if I actually need it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money should be spend right away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have money I have to spend it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have money I have to use it to buy stuff as soon as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money that I do not use right away as 'completely useless'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to use and spend money once it gets in my sight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as 'SPENDING'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that money means "spending" and "buying"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money on food that I eat cause I'm bored

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy food to eat cause I'm bored

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy food from the starting point of 'wanting to fight boredom'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat in an attempt to keep myself from being bored

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to simply STOP when I'm bored

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy stuff because it is pretty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to by things that are pretty and make me look pretty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I wear a piece of clothing that I have defined as pretty - I am now pretty as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the clothes I wear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy 'pretty' clothes because apparently I need pretty clothes because apparently I am not pretty enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not pretty enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should be pretty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be pretty so I can be accepted by others because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept myself to way I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my picture presentation to other people their picture presentation and then judge it accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am my picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my picture presentation to the picture presentations of girls in magazines

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly when comparing my picture presentation to that of girls of magazines, judging them as pretty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to look just as pretty as those girls in magazines

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define girls in magazines as pretty BECAUSE they are in a magazine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that you are pretty if you're in a magazine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that you are pretty when you look like one of the people in magazines

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the girls in magazines as pretty because they are skinny

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define beauty as pretty pictures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that beauty only exists within and as pictures ok I got myself some fashion magazines lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define long hair as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that long hair is beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting, needing and desiring long hair because I have defined it as being beautiful and because other beings also defined it as beautiful they might maybe also define me as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define long hair as beautiful because all the girls in magazines have got long hair

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be perceived as beautiful by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be perceived by others as beautiful because I perceive myself as ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe a perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust a perception

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust an illusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe an illusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was ugly as a kid because I was taller and fatter than most of the girls in my class

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly for not looking like what I perceived to be a "normal girl".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as ugly when being a kid cause I had pimples earlier than all the other people in my class

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as fat and ugly when I was a kid because when we were in Spain gabriel and mom made remarks about my weight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being fat as bad because when you are fat you get bad remarks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe things to be beautiful just because the media tells me so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be programmed by the media

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be programmed by pictures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a smooth skin as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire a smooth skin because I defined it as beautiful because other people defined it as beautiful and I want to be perceived as beautiful by other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being beautiful is a MUST

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if you are "ugly" you should atleast TRY looking beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being ugly is NOT DONE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that trying and attempting to be as beautiful as you can is a "part of life"

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that "ugly" and "beautiful" are merely based on definitions of the mind and those definitions are simpply BULLSHIT

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I actually have no clue what ugly or beautiful is about - apart from the useless mind definitions within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something is beautiful because for a moment I perceive it to be beautiful according to the minds definitions of beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that beauty is visible with my human physical eyes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that beauty can only be perceived through my human physical eyes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that apart from the visible - nothing can be beautiful

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that beauty cannot possibly exist in a world like this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define white teeth as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to have white teeth because apparenly if your teeth are not white you are disgusting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having perfect white teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I would have white teeth I would be a better person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give meaning, value and worth to "white teeth"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in astonishment when i see a person with white teeth - going "wooaaah"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people with white teeth are better than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people with white teeth as better than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am less than people with white teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as less than people with white teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "white teeth" as 'superiority'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "yellow teeth" as 'inferiority'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my hand infront of my mouth when I smile

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my hand infront of my mouth when I laugh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a habbit out of putting my hand infront of my mouth when I smile or laugh

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my hand infront of my mouth when I smile or laugh so I can hide my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my teeth when I smile or laugh by putting my hand infront of my mouth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my teeth with my hand when I laugh or smile because I judged them as ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my teeth as ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the judgement of others about my teeth so when i laugh or smile I hide them by putting my hand infront of my mouth automatically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my hand infront of my mouth when I smile or laugh automatically

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not having perfect white teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about myself everytime I smile or laugh in the presence of people because I instantly fear judgements about my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people might make remarks about my theeth when I smile or laugh because I judged them as being ugly - fearing other people will judge them as ugly as well and might let me know

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about the color of my teeth lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what others might possibly maybe think about my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress myself when smiling or laughing - because of the self judgement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automatically judge myself when smiling or laughing in the presence of other people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i SHOULD be ashamed of my teeth cause they are not perfectly white

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to laugh and smile unconditionally - not caring about what people might possibly maybe think about my teeth - or what I might possibly maybe think about my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define silver jewelry as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy silver jewelry because I defined it as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend money on silver jewelry because I want to show people I wear silver

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy and wear silver jewelry so I can show off that I have the money to buy sivler jewelry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a non wrinkled skin as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define wrinkled skin as ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a wrinkled skin as ugly because it implies OLD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link OLD with UGLY

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define OLD as UGLY

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe OLD is UGLY

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that looking OLD is Soooo not done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one must do everything in order to not appear as being old

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of getting wrinkles cause that would mean that I'd be ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ugly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being ugly should be feared

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that uglyness doesnt exist - just like beauty doesnt exist

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that uglyness is but an illusion - based on idea, concepts, definitions and images of the MIND

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am beyond the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting old

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting old because getting OLD and WRINKLES implies DEATH

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link age, old, wrinkles to DEATH

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to lose all I've ever known

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won't be able to exist without and as the mind I forgiv myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will cease to exist without the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the mind - fearint that if I lose it - I will die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping mind means dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to define losing the mind as dying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define dying as something bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dying is bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define dying as negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define death as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe death is bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dying should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and alowed myself to believe that death should be feared

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that death is not something that should be feared - nothing should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define big eyes as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define big eyes as innocent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define big eyes as pure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link big eyes with a childs innocence and playfullness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define skinny arms as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define skinny legs as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define shaved legs as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define high cheek bones as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define smokey eyes as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define mysterious gaze as beautiful

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that there is no such thing as a "mysterious gaze"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to believe that there exists such a thing as a beautiful gaze

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a tanned skin as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a tanned skin to nature I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a tanned skin as beautiful because I link it to nature which I defined as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define nature as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define earth, nature and animals as beautiful Hmm not sure how to continue from this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a dark skin as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a flat belly as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a flat belly to self control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having a flat belly as being in control of what you eat as in not giving into unnecesarry food cravings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to admire self control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to admire self control but not practically apply it myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self control

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise myself from self control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define outsticking collarbones as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define outsticking hipbones as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define blue eyes and dark skin as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define green eyes and dark skin as beautiful *

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define epilated eyebrows as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define long black clothes as beautiful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define big lips as beautiful