Thursday, 4 July 2013

Day 218: Suppression will keep me Safe – Part 2


Continuing from:
Day 216: Internalizing Conversations
Day 217: Suppression will keep me Safe

url When and as I see myself observing something within my external reality which I would like to comment on and within experiencing the movement of ‘wanting to say something’ / ‘comment’ – go and re-route what I want to say to my mind as formulating my say as thought as if it is the normal way of doing things – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am running on automatic where I am following the patterns of my mind based on past experiences and am missing out on breath – I thus commit myself to snap myself out of ‘automatic mode’ and bring myself back here in my human physical body, as breath, and voice my say out loud using my physical body

When and as I see myself believing that I am doing ‘the right thing’, within voicing my say as thought instead of voicing my say as sounded words, as the ‘safe thing to do’  – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am accessing a construct where I believe that I am avoiding conflict / negativity within my external world/reality by keeping things for myself while still being able to “express” myself. I commit myself to stop the fear that leads me to escape into my mind and commit myself to remain here as breath and simply speak when the opportunity opens up to do so

When and as I see myself believe / think that it is ‘fine’ and ‘okay’ to keep things to myself in the form of holding back and that it is ‘no biggy’ that I didn’t speak – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that holding back does matter as I have seen and experienced the consequence of not speaking as the inner conflict and energy accumulation that takes places inside self – and thus I commit myself to remind myself of the consequences that I have seen for myself so that I can assist myself in not doing something which i will end up regretting anyway

I commit myself to let go of the conditioned pattern of holding back and not speaking in the moment based on some past memories which have lost all relevance in the here moment. I commit myself to remind myself of the redundancy of this pattern and allow myself to let go and be the directive principle in my reality

When and as I see myself assessing whether I should speak or not depending on my prospect of ‘conflict’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I cannot allow this single variable be the one thing that will determine whether I will speak or not and thus I commit myself to push through the fear of conflict and simply speak and find out what happens lol

When and as I see myself being pre-occupied within my mind reality / space with no attention or awareness for my external reality and my human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am busy creating / generating / building up towards a mind pattern and possible possession. I commit myself to remind myself that if I go down this path I will have to walk it back anyway so there is no point to go there and bring myself back here within and as breath and take note of the pattern/point that was occupying me to sort it out within writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

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