Saturday, 29 June 2013

Day 217: Suppression will keep me Safe


introvert I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an automated pattern of expressing things ‘quietly’ within the chambers of my mind / internal reality before even considering expressing / voicing myself out loud / within my external reality out of a fear of potential/possible conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as ‘safe’ to express things within my mind as thoughts and eventually backchat – where I believe that I am escaping consequence through not voicing myself out loud in my environment / external reality and within doing so avoiding any conflict that may arise from my ‘point of
view’, while still being able to ‘have my say’, even though I am the only one hearing it…

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have in no way been ‘escaping consequence’ and ‘avoiding conflict’ within keeping myself to voicing my point of view only as thoughts within my mind – as I have clearly experienced the consequence and conflict that results within, from not sharing what I have to say within a particular situation, where within me only voicing my point of view within my mind, I am the only one being able to take it into consideration and thus there is no space for others to receive my feedback and adjust/re-align points in the external reality that we share, which will thus result in the same point returning over and over again and thus me repeating my point of view within my mind over and over until it becomes a point of back chat and dream possession, where I may have possibly avoided an argument, but am now stuck with inner conflict / energy possession that I have to direct, which in the end still leads to me having to simply express/voice myself in the moment as the opportunity opens up no matter whether there is conflict forecasted or not, as this is the only way to get our external reality managed while and keeping the peace inside myself lol – there is no ‘other way’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned my expression in an absolute way as a result of only one / a few occasions/occurrences of violent conflict within my life in relation to expression, where from those few instances/occurrences I created an absolute, fixed, eternal ‘rule’ as to how I am now going to behave and express myself at all times no matter the context of the situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned my expression within tying it to the possibility of conflict (where the possibility is always there if you’re paranoid enough about it) where I created a character and personality of ‘rather keeping things for myself’, where this ‘rather’ is purely based on fear and is not really/actually any form of ‘preference’ or ‘indication of who I am’ but simply a fear-based defense mechanism where I believe I am keeping myself ‘safe’ through holding myself back

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that in an attempt to ‘try and be safe’ within not speaking / expressing myself out loud within my external reality ,but resorting to suppression as internally ‘thinking about it’ – I am in fact placing myself in harm’s way as I am encouraging myself to become a danger to myself within allowing thoughts and backchat to accumulate to a point where it just ‘explodes’ and ‘needs to come out’ which even though it hasn’t happened yet, can lead to possible consequential situations/events where I can put myself and others in harm’s way through acting out a Mind Possession
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