I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my focus on ‘getting through the day’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my day in anticipation of my day being over, to wait for the time where I am ‘too tired to do anything’ and can go to sleep
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a form of depression as a consequence of not directing my fearfulness - where I fear ‘my day’ but really fear myself within my day as I anticipate ‘more of the same’ to take place and be experienced
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a polarity towards the day and night, fearing and wanting to avoid the day, wanting the day to get ‘over and done with’ - while looking forward to the night where I can ‘shut down’ and basically ‘not be existent’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be existent
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out the time and state as sleep where ‘nothing more is required of me’ because I’ve made myself believe that it is all too much and too overwhelming
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I make things too much and too overwhelming through my very relationship with the day and night, my relationship to being awake and not being awake - where each time I resist the day, the night ‘becomes sweeter’ and the ‘sweeter’ the night becomes, the more I resist the day - trapping myself in a compounded loop where I enhance my experiences, polarizing myself even more
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be awake, to not want to be existent because I have on some level given up on myself, given up on the fact that I can change, that my experience can change, that I can be the directive principle of myself instead of a slave to my mind and emotional experiences
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my depression by referencing my experience of fear and overwhelm, that ‘this is just the way things are’ and that there is ‘no way out’ and ‘no chance of change’
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only reason I don’t want to be existent is because I have accepted my state and position as being a slave to the mind - where I am stuck in the haze of the ‘now’ of consciousness where no moment is ‘new’ as every moment is laid over and projected over by my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my depression by saying that ‘nothing is changing’, looking for external change as a reward that I am ‘doing the right thing’
Within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk my process for myself, despite what may or may not be changing on the outside - where I have created conditions around my process that make it either ‘worth it’ or ‘not worth it’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fixated my process on ‘doing’ as what I am doing / not doing and what others are doing / not doing instead of focusing on Who I Am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a chore out of process, a religion - where I ‘move’ and ‘do my corrections’ but do not do them as myself, but do them from a sense of ‘avoiding damnation’, of ‘having to do the right thing’ - from a ‘I have to’ not because ‘I want to’
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have become a victim to myself, abdicating self-responsibility by blaming others for the actions and decisions I have made and the actions and decisions I have not made
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and argue for my limitations
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and argue for my limitations instead of fighting and arguing for my expansion and growth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend my idea that I cannot be self-responsible, that I am not a creator, that I am not of Life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and live in constant denial of my true nature, in denial of Oneness and Equality as an Equal Creator of Reality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the belief that I am not a creator, that I am just a victim and a slave - not consider what it is I want to create for myself and everyone because apparently ‘that’s not even an option’
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to believe or conceive that I am more than who I think and believe I am as a character - to only see and behold myself from a System’s perspective and have stopped seeing myself and who I am within the context of Life, as a Child of Life
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