Day 236: Getting Ahead of Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the experience I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE THIS EXPERIENCE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get rid of the experience I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to understand the experience I am in, I just want it GONE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the experience I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for the experience that I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself that I am not getting out of this experience 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the experience I am in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to do self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that it is useless to do self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the self forgiveness I am doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for being in a point of negativity, for being negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having a mind experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that my current experience and point I am walking invalidates all of who I am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am never going to move out of this experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself and the experience I am in

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk this point truly, because of the shame and judgment involved, any effort or attempt has only been to get rid off and get away from the experience, to get back to a sense of ‘normality’ when this point was not present or at least not active / activated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that I cannot ‘afford’ to walk this point, that it just needs to be ‘gone and done’ 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have made everything about ‘the destination’ - of where I think I should be of where I think I should be at - wanting to be there without walking the process, the journey

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get ahead of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to skip ahead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to walk the physical process of walking a point through

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not allowed to be patient with myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and live in a state of urgency, where I perceive and believe that I need to change NOW, things have to move and change NOW and every day that things are still the same I perceive and believe as a judgment and failure on my part

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to want to walk the process of 1 + 1 + 1 +1 - denying the process of creation and only being fixated on the outcome / end result

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that fixating on the outcome / end result without giving attention to the process of creation is pointless and shows how much I have been stuck in my mind dimension where everything is ‘instant’, expecting physical reality to match my imagination - where I can see and conceptualize my correction, my living potential - but it’s not here YET, where I get hung up on the fact that I can see it but it’s not yet manifested as a reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my own experience and points worse for myself by constantly comparing myself to the potential that I see and envision for myself, reacting that I am not yet there or rather that it’s not yet ‘here’ and within that add more fuel to the fire, add more energy to the experience I am already in and blowing it out of proportion

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to hold the potential I can see for myself as a seed within me that I nurture within myself - to in every day and every moment ask myself: how can I nurture this seed? What is the + 1 that will assist and support me right here, right now to assist in the creation and manifestation process of my potential - to focus on what is Here and what is in my Reach to work with - rather than getting stuck in future projections and imaginations and build up more energy/friction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately go into a drop after writing this - not believing in myself, not wanting to give myself a chance

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the drop was created because I had a moment of hesitation, a moment of doubt a moment of postponement and did not immediately act on the statement that I wrote out for myself