points that came up during movie

What came up during the movie I went to see yesterday



So – what came up within seeing ‘Twilight’. First of all my fascinating for this guy – his eyes – that specific look I always fall for.

What did I find so fascinating about him?

He was beautiful. He seemed mature, ‘deep’ – the perception that there is something ‘more’ within this guy. And this ‘more’ would state that there is a ‘less’ within me – that I am unfulfilled – that I am incomplete and that I need to fill up this ‘less’ and fulfill myself.



Excitement – I look for excitement. During the movie I got sucked into this energy of excitement – like an energy that builds up to then come to its climax like an orgasm.



Whenever I meet a guy like that I get totally fascinated and then my sole purpose – goal becomes ‘getting him’. It’s like an exciting chase – my search for acceptance within another. And I will not care how much I compromise myself – supress myself – abuse myself – as long as I get this guy I believe it to be all worth it.
The belief that acceptance lies within another. That self acceptance can only be here if I get accepted by someone else first. And being accepted by this being becomes my focus – not realising that I am separating myself from self-acceptance HERE. Literally chasing a ghost – a projection outside of myself.



Getting someone to love me – accept me – being the ultimate goal in my life. This energy – excitement of getting that is similar to that of the energy of sex – of getting an orgasm.

Getting my goal fulfilled – to get my goal achieved is my orgasm.



Seeing sex as the ultimate act of acceptance – THE achievement – the final goal. So the path of excitement – the desire – chase – manipulation is only there to get to this final point. To experience myself as complete – which I defined to be the act of sex – experiencing an orgasm - as being the act of total acceptance. And believe that to be something I have to achieve (while it is really an empty and shallow experience – and then there’s the dissapointment afterwards – because I still feel incomplete – unfulfilled. Because I haven’t accepted myself and until I see and realise that all of me is HERE and I accept myself as all of me that is here – I will experience myself as being incomplete and unfulfilled – looking for something more. But this can never be achieved by looking and getting something outside – separate from myself. Cause by looking for something ‘more’ I am stating that I am ‘less’ and thus I will get ‘less’ – one and equal. Trapped forever – enslaved forever within desire – polarity – separation and unfulfillment.



Wanting – desiring to be complete – to be fulfilled. Big time separation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the act of sex as being the act of ultimate acceptance



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance lies within the act of sex



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined an orgasm as the experience of being complete – as being fulfilled



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define completeness and fullfilment as having sex and experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let ‘experiencing completeness, fullfillment and acceptance’ be the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve – which I separated myself from – and projected unto the act of sex and experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let ‘having an orgasm wherein I experience fulfillment, completeness and total self acceptance’ become my ultimate goal in my life – as THE thing I have to achieve to be content with myself – to finally be complete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken for granted the extent to which I separated me from myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as incomplete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be incomplete – to experience myself as being incomplete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as being unfulfilled – to believe myself being unfulfilled – and to experience myself as being unfulfilled



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as ‘missing’ something – stating that there is a ‘less’ within me and that I need to get a ‘more’ to complete myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started a search – a quest – to get that ‘something more’ which I perceive myself to need to be fulfilled – looking, searching and seeking for something outside of myself to complete myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this ‘more’ I am searching for – lies within guys – within relationships and the act of sex



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated me from myself – and within that experience myself as missing something



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I can never be complete, fulfilled and accept myself by looking for something outside of myself. There is nothing outside of myself that can complete, fullfill me or accept me. Only I can complete, fullfill and accept me – within seeing and realising that all of me is already HERE as ME and thus I do not require to look for it somewhere outside of myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘finding someone to totally accept me – love me’ as being the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘the act of sex – as the act of total acceptance’ as being the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined sex as the key to experience acceptance, completeness and fullfillment



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made something out of sex which it is not



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that sex is simply an expression – nothing more – nothing less



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/belief/opinion/image/perception that the key to experiencing acceptance, completeness and fullfillment lies within sex – within experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise msyelf within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care to which extent I have to compromise, suppress, abuse myself – as long as I can achieve my goal



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw myself as life into a trashcan so I can chase some illusion



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to abdicate msyelf completely to the mind – to my quest – search – goal of achievement



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is nothing for me to achieve – as all is here already.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy this search – this quest and defined it as being exciting – while it’s all just one big energy fuck leading to – exactly NOWHERE



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up this energy and then follow it in the hope and belief that it will lead me to something MORE than who I am here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be more than who I am here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up this energy and follow it even though I know it leads to nowhere – yet I follow my curiosity and hope that maybe MAYBE THIS TIME I will get what I want



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to STOP when I notice myself following this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become addicted to this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this energy like I need water to keep myself alive



Funny – the movie was about vampires – but who’s being the real vampire here lol “III nEEEEEED ENEERGYYYYYYY *sucks energy up yummmm better than blood mmm*



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that all of me is HERE.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossibe/inprobable that everything of me is already here as me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to see that all of me is already here as me – because I have defined it as being impossible and unreal



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible that all of me is already HERE as me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible and unreal for me to accept me to live in self acceptance



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible and unreal for me to love me and live in self love



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as unreal and impossible for me to be complete and fulfilled without needing anything or anyone outside of myself to ‘make me so’



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and deny myself within these definitions



I let go of all definitions



I accept myself here



I appreciate myself



I love myself



I am here



I am stable



I do not accept and allow myself to distract myself with haunting projections and following energies that lead to nowhere



I do not accept and allow myself to separate me from myself any longer



I see that all of me is HERE – and that looking for me somewhere out there is simply separation and not real.



I accept that all of me is HERE as me



I breathe



I express



I am here

Manipulation

Manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate out of self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become habituated to manipulating – to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted manipulating/manipulation within my nature – deeming it as natural

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be normal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined manipulation as ‘normal’ , ‘natural’ and ‘accepted’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that manipulation isn’t normal, natural or acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that manipulation can be justified

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question manipulation in all its different ways and forms

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/perception/belief/opinion/image that I need to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to manipulate other beings into liking me as it is all I have ever known and believe it to be justified because everyone else is doing it – instead of seeing and realising that it is not ok, it is not normal to manipulate and it is not ok that everyone else is doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made it a habit to manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live through a program where I manipulate other beings into liking me – instead of expressing myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be a natural extension of myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question why I manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become used to manipulating other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question myself and stop in the moment that I see and realise that I am using manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken manipulation for granted because it seemed ‘so me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to and as manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me – as a part of me which I believe to be me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that manipulation is who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and endless pattern where I manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice manipulation as if it is necessary – like breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe manipulation to be necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that manipulation is not necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to just unconditionally express myself – direct – instead of wasting my time in manipulating and calculating how I should express myself to come to a desired outcome/result

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become addicted to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do without manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself unconditionally out of fear what the other might say or think – and thus I wrap what I want to express in manipulation

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be unconditionally and directive within my expression – but instead present what I want to express in such a way that I can have a desired outcome/result (or avoid a certain outcome/result) – without realising that I am actually compromising myself and my self expression through manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to manipulate in whatever I express

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can choose between expressing myself in a manipulative way – or being direct – whenever it suits me best

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there lies no choice within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become dependent on manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be my ‘safe zone’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing that part of me where I defined myself according to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out who I am if I were to let go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared in letting go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of manipulation because of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have soaked manipulation into everything I say or do – out of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation out of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation to avoid conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation so that I do not have to be faced with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation as a form of procrastination so that I do not have to face myself – yet

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that whenever I am not being unconditional – I am manipulating in one way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken this expectation/anticipation for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict and therefore use manipulation constantly and continuously in order to prevent this ‘conflict’ that I expect/anticipate to be coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become used to living in constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into fearing conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project conflict into the future and use manipulation as a means to avoid this ‘conflict’ idea that I projected into the future

Where does this construct originate from?
Childhood - newsflash

Expressing myself unconditionally wasn’t appreciated and thus I compromised and suppressed my self expression. If I did express myself I would to it in such a way towards a being that I could calculate how they would react to it – as in getting positive feedback from them – instead of judgment (if I were to just unconditionally express myself)

So herein the belief/idea was also created that if I were to unconditionally express myself - I would end up being judged. So instead I would present myself and express myself in such a way that I could calculate how the other being would react to it – and get positive feedback because of fear of judgment.

This construct kept running throughout my entire life – even though it didn’t/doesn’t apply to the circumstances at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate other beings into liking me because I fear being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to use manipulation – and that if I don’t I will end up being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation to avoid being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/belief/opinion/image/perception that if I do not manipulate – I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I unconditionally express myself that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/image/belief/perception/opinion that if I were to unconditionally express myself – that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into believing that I have to use manipulation and that if I don’t I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into believing that if I express myself unconditionally that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and avoid judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and anticipate other people judging me and thus I use manipulation as a means to avoid judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment because I believe it to be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that judgment is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/idea/belief/opinion/perception that judgment is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached worth, value and meaning to judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe judgment to be valid

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that judgment is not real – not valid – and is actually worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation as a means to keep myself safe from judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need manipulation to be able to live in this world

I let go

I breathe

I let go of manipulation

I let go of control

I let go of fear

I accept myself

I am here


I express myself here in every moment of breath – where no expectation or anticpation exists – where only I as the breath remains HERE. I express msyelf unconditionally and not accept and allow myself to compromise myself.
I let go of my fear of judgment. I see and realise that judgment is not real – and it never has been real.
I let go of patterns and habits that do not serve me – such as manipulation and the anticipation of judgment.
When I notice myself going into manipulation mode – I STOP – I breathe – I let go and simply express myself unconditionally.
I assist and support myself - within capturing these moments of shifting in a mode - by being here in self presence in every moment of breath. To no longer live in constructs and programs of the past – but live here in every single moment of breath – living to the fullest.

Mistakes

Bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘bad’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘bad’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined mistakes/making mistakes as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that making mistakes is bad – that mistakes are bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge mistakes as being bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the polarity manifestation of good and bad – in judging mistakes as bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge mistakes

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see mistakes for what they are – mis takes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/image/belief/perception/idea/illusion that mistakes are BAAAAAD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make something of mistakes in my head which it is not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret mistakes through and as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as bad when making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/image/belief/perception/idea/illusion/interpretation that I am bad if I make a mistake

Failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘failure’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and link ‘failure’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined making mistakes as failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that failing and making mistakes are the same thing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a failure whenever I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be a failure whenever I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/opinion/image/belief/perception/interpretation that making a mistake equals failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/opinion/image/belief/perception/interpretation that if I make a mistake that this implies that I am a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge mistakes as failing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making mistakes as being a failure

Self-Judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘self judgment’ to ‘making a mistake’/’mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘self judgment’ to mistakes/making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that mistakes/making mistakes implies self judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when I make a mistake – according to the ideas/perceptions/beliefs/opinions that I have (created) about what mistakes are and what they ‘imply’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to something that is not even REAL

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied by defining myself according to stuff that is not even real lolol

I forgiven myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bother judging myself when I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dwell in self judgment when I make a mistake instead of looking at the mistake practically and do it over and over again until I stop mis taking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to judge myself for making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/idea/image/belief/perception that I should judge myself and that I have to judge myself when I make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made a religion out of judging myself for making mistakes lol

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself that see and realise that self judgment is not real – and not valid

Belief that mistakes are not allowed – everything must go perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘not allowed’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and link ‘not allowed’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined mistakes and making mistakes as NOT ALLOWED

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an opinion/idea/image/belief/perception about mistakes/making mistakes that looks like this : NOT ALLOWED lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that mistakes/making mistakes is not allowed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within not allowing myself to make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/image/idea/belief/perception that everything must go perfect from the very first time and that no mistakes are allowed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am limiting myself within accepting the belief that mistakes are not allowed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the belief - that mistakes is not allowed – does not actually serve me - and thus I let it go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘everything must go perfect’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘everything must go perfect’ to ‘making mistakes/mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have set up a rule for myself that everything must go perfect

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within wanting to do everything right from the first time

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the belief - that everything I do must go perfect from the very first time – does not serve me – and thus I let it go

Right/Wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘right/wrong’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and link ‘right/wrong’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret mistakes according to right/wrong – according to morality – according to polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place mistakes/making mistakes within polarity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interpret and experience mistakes from a polarity perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity within defining mistakes/making mistakes as wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity within defining not making a mistake/no mistakes as right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is wrong to make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing something ‘wrong’ as in making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined mistakes as wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take mistakes personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place mistakes within the box of “WRONG!”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should do everything right – and that I cannot make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry whether what I do is right or wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within polarity mindgames to keep myself occupied and distracted from what is really HERE

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ to be valid opinions within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the opinions that exist within me of what is right and wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached and placed value, worth and meaning into ‘right’ and ‘wrong’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ are simply opinions and thus not real

Fear of judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes because of fear what other people might maybe possibly think about me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to make mistakes out of the fear what other people might maybe possibly think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pre occupied with what people think of me – and in this occupation/distraction keep myself from giving myself space – allowing myself to make mistakes and expand myself within and through this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes because of fear that other people might judge me for the mistakes I make

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and anticipate judgment from others if I were to make a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take other people their judgments personally and believe that because they react to me making a mistake that there is something wrong with ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally when I make a mistake – and thus take other people their judgments personally as a validation that I fucked up and that I suck

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather not take risks because I do not want to find out afterwards that I was indeed wrong – that I made a mistake and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within this BIG TIME

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give fuck all about what other people think of me

Holding back – “what if”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back within the fear of making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should fear mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘fear’ to ‘mistake/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘fear’ to ‘mistake/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/image/opinion/belief/perception that mistakes/making mistakes should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into fearing mistakes/making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the fear of making a mistake – as in holding back – instead of pushing and breathing through the fear and just going for it unconditionally – for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit and ponder about “what if’ – instead of taking directive action in self trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bother about “what ifs”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pre occupied with “what ifs”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that worrying and thinking about ‘what ifs’ is what it is = A BIG WASTE OF TIME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a choice

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at things from the perspective of having a choice

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that only systems have got choice

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I consider choice – I am already being dishonest with myself

Control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘control’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘control’ to ‘mistakes/making mistakes’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in constant and continuous control within the fear of possibly making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice control non stop because of the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice and participate in control because I haven’t let go of the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself unconditionally and within that let go of all fear and thus let go of control

Trust – Direction –Movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself self trust within the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself self direction within the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself self movement within the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that self trust – self direction and self movement is HERE as ME and that there is no reason to fear mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within denying myself self trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within denying myself self movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within denying myself self direction

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am deliberately putting myself in a situation where I am stuck – as there is no self movement, self trust of self direction involved – all because of my fear of maybe possibly making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the fear of making mistakes

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am compromising myself within denying myself self trust – self direction and self movement

I let go

I do not accept and allow myself to compromise myself over some stupid fear that doesn’t make sense at all

I let go of fear

I trust myself

I direct myself

I move myself

And I ENJOOOOOY myself hihihi lolol

Truth of Myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea of what the truth of me is - as some separate entity idea that I have yet to discover within myself lol
(from previous self forgiveness)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea/image/belief/perception/opinion of what the “truth of me” is – as some separate entitiy that I have yet to discover within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea/image/belief/perception of what the “truth of me” could possibly be – as some separate entity that is hiding within myself that I have never heard of but should be scared about lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created expectations and assumptions of what “the truth of me” could possibly be – but not actually knowing what this is – as I have defined it outside of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of myself as something separate, outside of myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the truth of me is not some creepy idea – but my self honesty point in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I had created an idea/image/belief/perception/opinion of what the truth of me could be – or “is” – instead of realising that the truth of me is not an idea – but who I am in every single moment of breath

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the idea that I had of what the truth of me is – was never real – but just an illusion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of me as something horrible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/belief/image/idea/perception that the truth of me was something horrible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am is horrible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of me as some “dark secret” that slumbered inside of me – as an entity that I was not even aware of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/belief/image/idea/perception that the truth of me was some dark secret that slumbered inside of me – as an entity that I was not even aware of

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a dark secret within me that I do not know of but it sure as hell must be awfull lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated me from myself by creating an idea of what the truth of me is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of me as ‘hidden evil’ inside of me of which I am not aware and which can pop out anytime

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/image/idea/belief/perception that the truth of me is some hidden evil of which I am unware that can pop up anytime and take over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is some hidden evil within me that I am unaware of and that can pop up at any time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of me as being my greatest fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/image/idea/perception/belief of the truth of me as being my greatest fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should fear myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me being my greatest fear is simply ridiculous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the truth of me as “unknown” – instead of realising that it is here as me in every breath

I let go of all defintions/ideas/perceptions/images/beliefs/opinions related to the truth of me

I see and realise that I live the truth of me in every single moment of breath – and that this is not something separate from me

I see that the truth of me is here in every single moment of breath – and it is not only irrational but ridiculous to fear the moment of breath here as me and thus just stupid to fear the truth of me.

I let go of fear

I am here

I breathe

Facing

Anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached the feeling/emotion anxiety to the word facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect the word facing to anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing implies anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anxiety has got anything to do with facing.

Fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached the feeling/emotion fear to the word facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect the word facing to anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing implies fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that fear has got anything to do with facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to have defined facing as something to be done wthin the future – expecting and anticipating this ‘moment’ which thus created fear and anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing as being a future projection – something that will happen in the future
Instead of realising that facing is HERE in every single moment of breath I face myself as what I have accepted and allowed – every single moment I have the opportunity to face me to transform me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing is something that should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing as something that should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/belief/perception/image/opinion that facing is something that should be feared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared of facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared of the truth of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea of what the truth of me as some separate entity idea outside of myself that I have yet to discover lol

Okay – this is an interesting one – will map that one out as well.

Not enjoyable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach ‘not enjoyable’ to the word facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing as not being enjoyable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/idea/picture/perception/opinion/belief that facing myself is not enjoyable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/perception/idea/opinion/belief/picture that I am not able to enjoy myself within facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as some event separate outside of myself that ‘happens to me’ – instead of seeing and realising that facing is HERE as me in every single moment of breath – it is me directing me into facing myself in every single moment instead of being event driven as something that happens to me that I am “now facing”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the idea/perception/idea/belief/opinion that I cannot enjoy myself within facing myself – which is in every single moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that facing me is a self directive expression of me and thus I am able to move myself within this expression and enjoy me – because in facing me as what I have accepted and allowed I am honouring me as life and I allow myself to enjoy myself within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have set up rules for myself that I am not allowed to enjoy myself within facing myself which is actually the same as saying that I cannot enjoy myself at all haha

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with my self imposed rules and limitation of what can and can’t be done within facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined what facing is

I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to have created an opinion of what facing means – of what it apparently implies

I allow myself to enjoy myself in every single moment

I allow myself to enjoy myself within facing myself as I am doing myself a favour haha

Uncomfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached the experience of being uncomfortable to the word facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect being uncomfortable to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as something to be experienced as uncomfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/image/opinion/belief/perception that facing myself implies being uncomfortable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable within facing myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this uncomfortability is the resistance of the mind – fear of loss – fear of death – fear of letting go of all the rules, ideas, definitions and limitations

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace this uncomfortability as me and push through it – transforming and changing myself within and as the mind – into no more accepting and allowing my bullshit as self imposed rules, limitations, ideas

Test

Test, points, evaluation, fear of making mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect mistakes to the word facing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach “fear of making mistakes” to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself implies mistakes.

Well it kind of does lol. OK – map out mistakes lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist facing myself because of the fear of making a mistake

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is no bigger mistake than fear of making a mistake lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and be pre occupied with the fear of making mistakes instead of accepting myself and loving myself and within this not allow such a fear to limit me or hold me back but just go for it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that mistakes do not exist – they only assist and support thus what are they really?

Stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the experience of stress to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect and link stress to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the opinion/belief/idea/image/perception that facing myself implies stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself under tension and stress

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that stress is totally unnecessary and useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given worth, value and meaning to stress as something that appently helps me – assists and supports me – while all it really does is fuck myself up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck myself up with stress

How/where does this stress originate from?  from the rules I have placed upon myself to which I apparently have to live by and keep up with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself when I am not following my self imposed rules and limitations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself within self judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself in the belief that I should do better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself in the belief that I could to better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress myself in the belief that I am not doing enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that self judgment does not serve me in anyway whatsoever

I let go of self judgment

I let go of judgment

I allow myself to live

Depressing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached the feeling of being depressed to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being depressed is one of the consequences of facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined depression as a consequence of facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I face myself I will get depressed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/opinion/belief/perception/image that facing myself implies experiencing depression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined depression as a consequence of facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/idea/perception/opinion/belief that I will get get depressed if I face myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is impossible to be depressed within facing myself because if I were to face myself I simply stand up from depression – and how can it be depressing to do myself a favour as in facing myself?

Difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached ‘difficult’ to ‘facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘difficult’ to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as being difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/opinion/belief/image/perception that facing myself is difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea/opinion/belief/image/perception about facing myself in general.

Hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached “hard” to “facing myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect “hard” to “facing myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘facing myself’ as being ‘hard’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the perception/idea/image/belief/opinion that facing myself is hard

Unpleasant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached ‘unpleasant’ to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected and linked ‘unpleasant’ to ‘facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as being unpleasant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself is unpleasant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/perception/image/opinion/belief that facing myself is unpleasant

Heavy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached heavy/burden to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected ‘heavy/burden’ to ‘facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as being a burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/idea/perception/belief/opinion that facing myself is a burden – that facing myself is heavy

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that not facing myself is the actually burden as I have to carry the weight of the mind

Having to prove something to someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached ‘having to prove something to someone’ to facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have linked and connected ‘having to prove something to someone’ to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing implies that I have to prove something to someone

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to face me for me – but face myself to apparently please another

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to face myself unconditionally – head on for myself as myself

Bernard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached ‘Bernard’ to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected and linked ‘Bernard’ to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself implies having Bernard around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need Bernard in order to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the perception/image/idea/belief/opinion that I need Bernard in order to face myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I only need myself in order to face myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need Bernard to push my buttons

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need Bernard to point out points within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am dependent on Bernard within facing myself

Farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached “the farm” to “facing myself”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected and linked “the farm” to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am defined by my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only face myself properly in certain environments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need the farm and the people at the farm in order for me to be able to face myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself has got anything to do to with the farm or the people at the farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from the people at the farm

No Fun

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached ‘no fun’ to ‘facing myself’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link and connect ‘no fun’ to facing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that facing myself implies no fun

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘facing myself’ as not being fun

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined facing myself as something dead serious where there is no space for fun

I allow myself to have fun within my facing myself

I allow myself to have fun within my process

I allow myself to have fun in every single moment of breath

I face myself in every single moment of breath