My Agreement - Making a Decision

I've been in an Agreement with Gian for about 2 years and 9 months now.

Here I share some points that I found to be 'fundamental' within walking Process in Agreement...

I remember the day that Bernard spoke to me about entering an Agreement, that I should first ask myself the question whether I am willing to commit myself to a single being for 'eternity'.

This stirred-up a lot of points within me, mostly in relation to ideas I had formed about concepts such as'marriage' and 'freedom' and 'commitment'. Though now I can see how starting with the disentanglement of that particular single point from the beginning - I started establishing the foundation upon which the Agreement that I later on entered was going to be built.

What was clear to me at that point in my process was the following: Process is going to have to be walked by everyone, everyone is a 'reflection' of me, we're all in this mess together - so one has to be able to walk an Agreement with anyone/everyone - as everyone shares all points, and all points have to be taken responsibility for.

So when the point opened up of entering into an Agreement with Gian, the points where I saw that I resisted (which was certain characteristics/personality traits within Gian) - I knew were not 'valid reasons' to 'not go there' - as I understood the point that I have to be able to walk with anyone, so why not Gian?

In the early stages of the Agreement, I had many moments where I wanted to 'give-up' and just say 'no'.
Where I thought I couldn't take it anymore, it was just not working, how am I ever going to get through this?
Then as I want to speak the words or discuss the point - I saw that this would be self-dishonest, self-defeating. Because all I would be doing was giving up on myself, saying 'I can't change' and giving up on my partner saying that 'he can't change'. While if you look at it from a commonsense perspective: even if I do end the Agreement due to the current points I am facing and my experience thereof - I am still going to have to push through & transcend the exact same points - so really, there was no point in 'ending' the Agreement as this would only be an attempt to 'postpone' the 'inevitable' and thus create a timeloop. The points are here - might as well face them as they come.

Then there was many times where I would wander off and play with the idea of entering an Agreement with someone else, trying to convince myself that 'it was just not working with Gian' and 'it will go better/easier with this or that person'. While again - if I had to look at it from a common sense perspective - we are all copies. And the points that I am currently facing where I go into 'escapism' in the form of desiring an Agreement with someone else, I am going to have to face with any other person anyway! Because, like I said, we are all copies, and secondly, I am still going to be stuck with, yes, exactly = me! So my experience is going to be the exact same just with a different person in front of me. So again, another reason to end the Agreement defeated.

The 'Dynamic' of the Agreement was also something that was/is quite challenging. In many ways, Gian and I are opposites - where our strong and weak points are each other's polarities. So, in the beginning = we were not equal. We weren't programmed as 'equal'. For instance, my strong points and skills rest more on the intellectual side - which is Gian's weak point. Whereas Gian's strong point is his enthusiasm, innocence and ability to 'move' things and not being able to hold things in (whatever is bothering him, it'll come out some way or another) - which is my weak point. [Together we're a team! lol]. So as we walk, I assist him with his weak points, get them to a point of effectiveness and he'll do the same for me and so we 'equalize' each other.

Where one can either 'take it personal' that one's being assisted with their weak point - or just accept that that's the way you've been programmed, be real about and allow yourself to change.

That's all for now - I will share more in the days to come.

ECO NO ME - I Am Here to Satisfy your Needs

In my current semester my modules are either in relation to English Writing Skills - or Economy/Business Management.

The first point that opened up while reading one of my prescribed books was that of 'need satisfaction' - where 'the people' are the source of unlimited needs - and the business, the economy is merely the humble servant of 'the people' and their 'unlimited needs' - at your service.


The authors explain that it is the needs of the people that are ever changing and evolving, and that the business/economy has to keep up and provide.

While - if I look at my own experience - my 'basic needs' stay the same: I require food as energy to survive, I require shelter, I require clothing, I require air to breathe, a hole to poo in. These needs don't change, these needs do not 'evolve' - it's not like I develop new needs that if they do not get satisfied that I die.

The "needs" that 'evolve', that 'change' - are not needs that we develop, but needs that are presented to us. Because - you can only 'want' and 'need' an iPod once you have knowledge of the iPod (which the business manufactures and provides) - after you have seen the iPod, have heard about the iPod. These needs are 'given' to you in a way through audiovisual advertising by the company. But you did not have this need before there was an iPod. Saying that your need was there before, is just some Capitalistic mambo jumbo to justify why they keep on producing products that do not last - and release a particular versions of a products while they already have designed a way better version - but hey what the heck, we'll just keep on buying.

Another point was how they present statistics and data in a way to support the argument that Capitalism is the ultimate system and the solution to all your problems. Where they'll go 'Oh look at the US and look at all those countries there, they all have a capitalistic money system and you know what, they are wealthy = thus if you want to be a wealthy country you just got to implement capitalism!'

That's such a 'one sided' way of looking at it. They don't look or give information of how that country's position as a capitalistic system influence every other country in the world or any other relationship. You cannot isolate one country from another as it's one big whole. You pull a string here, it's going to ruffle on the other side.

So that is some observations I've made while starting my new semester - and the bullshit they try to pull off in the textbooks.

An Equal Money System is what we need!

Battlestar Galactica – Season 3 – Episode 5 – ‘Collaborators’

Ending the Cycle of Blood for Blood – Forgiveness is the only way forward

Context:
 In the previous Episodes there were a whole bunch of people on New Caprica, which the Cylons took over – Admiral Adama and the Galactica came to the rescue.

Those who managed to escape from New Caprica are seeking revenge under the name of ‘Justice’ against those they believe collaborated with the Cylons. Six of them, including Chief Tyrol and Col. Tigh, have formed the Circle and are acting as judge, jury and executioner. Those found guilty are blown out of an airlock. 

A lot of interesting points come up in this episode – the main point being ‘Vengeance’ under the disguise of ‘Justice’.

A whole lot of people did a whole lot of stupid things – everybody did.

Like Gaeta mentions – they all collectively voted for Baltar to be president, they all wanted to indulge into their desire and ideals.


And even before that - everyone is responsible - as the Cylons is the creation of Man.


Everyone participated and created the fuck-up together – there’s no point in pointing fingers and blaming others for ‘what they went through’.

The ‘Blood for Blood’ principle cannot work though – because just like ‘Karma’ it is something that just keeps on going in circles moving from one polarity into the other into infinity.

Once Roslin got back into Presidency and got to know about the ‘trials’ that had been going on, she made a Public Statement – and that Statement was one of Forgiveness.

That whatever anyone did in the past under the occupation of the Cylons – everyone was Pardoned.

Which was really the only Solution – the only point which would’ve allowed everyone to move on and step away from never-ending polarity conflict. 


Fascinatingly, in the moment while watching the episode I was analyzing within myself what 'moral decision' I would have made and looking at all the points that required to be taken into consideration, where when I came to the point that Roslin said 'okay everyone's pardoned' - I experienced a moment of 'Surprise' , where I went 'Of course!! That makes total Sense! Why did I not think of that?'


Instead I had been looking at the whole scenario from a frame of 'right and wrong' - instead of stepping outside the frame/box and looking at Forgiveness.


So that was a nice little educational highlight in the series.

No Space for Choice within 1 +1

This is a continuation on my previous post which covers the point of doing 'one thing at a time' - though there was still a point missing, which is the point of not allowing space for Choice.

Because now during my day for instance, I have point that I have to deal with. I've established that I can only do 1 thing, 1 breath - but now I went into 'what shall I do now' from a perspective of 'scrolling through' all my available 'options' as choice and then make a decision based on energy - where I will pick something on the basis of 'I want to' and 'I don't want to do that right now' (and postpone).
Instead of looking at things from a practical common sense perspective - where I look at 'what is priority' and 'how much time/breaths is this going to take me' and then just DO IT.

So that's that.

1 + 1 - Getting Everything Done - One thing at a Time

I’ve noticed that when I want to ‘take things on’ – I grab a whole bunch of points and I want to deal with them ‘right here’, ‘right now’ – rushing into it without actual consideration. It’s then more of a ‘wanting to get things done’ instead of taking each point on, one by one – and getting it done in actuality.

So now I am looking at what points I would like to have effectively in place in my realty – take a singular point on, take it into consistency until it is integrated completely as a part of my world, as a part of me. Once a point is completed – take on the next.

Because – just like a computer where there’s several programs running at the same time trying to execute things = it’s bound to get into trouble – so it’s best to just do one thing, one time – breath by breath.

With this I want to take on my back. I spend a lot of time working and sitting in front of my PC, if not most of the time and it is taking quite a toll on my back since I’m not sitting straight but move into all kind of weird positions to keep on re-balancing myself – instead if just keeping to one point – straight – supported, then there is no need to go into strange polarity positionings to balance myself out.

Gian almost reminds me everyday, to look at how I’m sitting and how it is not supporting my body – but I haven’t yet been able to will myself to get this point to a point of consistency.

So now I stick to this point – apply it – until it is done!

And then I move to the next point lol.

Inconsideration & Consequence

Written on 10-01-11 -  as a joint Blogpost by Leila Zamora Moreno & Gian Robberts 

Today an Event happened that showed how ‘Specificity’ can be a lifesaver – literally.

In this case though – it pressed the attention to how a life could have been saved, how an accident could have been prevented – if we would have been more specific and considerate within every point of our room in relation to our Bird – TweeTweet.

TweeTweet is the Fiscal Flycatcher that Bernard found a few months ago by the entry Gate of the Farm – and that we’ve been taking care of ever since.

We recently moved into a room within a house.
Now that our living area/room was situated in a house, and the dogs were now also living with us we had take more points into consideration. Previously it was just the two of us (Gian & Me), the Bird and a few rats. The points were very simple: Keep the door closed and do not let any other animal in.

Moving into a house presented a whole new set of points that had to be looked at, because we weren’t now the only beings living in the same block. Keeping the door closed the whole time (which we did initially + we had to lock it with a key because the door wouldn’t close properly) wasn’t very practical with the dogs wanting to be able to move around. So slowly we allowed the door to be open more and more till at one point we just left it open most of the time. TweeTweet would keep himself to flying in our room, preferably sitting by the windows where he could observe all the things that were going on outside.

From time to time he’d find himself in the kitchen / lounge area, but this was seldom (after for instance chasing ‘Tweeter’, Maite & LJ’s Teenage Rooster, out of the room). We also found him flying outside, right in front of the building twice but directed him back inside safely.

The dogs were all fine with him being out there, Chimera would sometimes upset him because she’d want to play with him and he interpreted it as ‘being chased’.

So you’d think that – if anything would go wrong – it would be a) he flies out of the room and something happens (out in the wild, cats, etc) or b) one of the dogs kills him (albeit by accident).

But now – from all possible deaths – he died by falling through the small feeding hole of the little fish tank we have in our room & drowned.

I was baffled when I heard the cause of TweeTweet’s Death because it seemed so Random. From all possible Death Scenario’s this was the one. Showing us that we had overlooked one simple thing: ‘What if the bird comes by the hole and decides to go for one of the fishies?’ I mean – we know he’s adventurous & that he likes shiny things: 1 + 1 = 2.

Gian gives a Practical Example of how – in one moment of ignoring and ‘waiving away’ a single point of awareness, a singular point of consideration – you create your own (and that of others’) demise:

“Since we moved into the new room I have been feeding all the animals in the mornings, changing their water and providing them with food for the day. After I would be done making TweeTweet’s food, I would place the food at a specific point in the room and wait for the food to soak.
Meanwhile, I’d then open the cage that served as TweeTweet’s sleeping cage. He would climb on my finger and I would bring him out - he would either fly away and land on the highest point in the room and check everything – or per usual he would scream for food and I would feed him.

Most of the time he’d want me to feed him, specifically screaming for food when I was around. I had taken on the point of being his caretaker; he can trust me with his life.

It happened a few times in the mornings while I was feeding the fish, that TweeTweeT would sit on my shoulder and observe what I was doing. He’d then jump to the tank and poke at the fish in the tank, I then said no do not do that and he would fly away (that’s what parents do so what did I do as the parent). I created curiosity with in TweeTweet and he wanted to go where it was forbidden and find out why he can’t go there.
He did this with me being present about 2 times. The one time he climbed up and looked through the hole - I pushed him off and said “No do not do that, go away leave the fish alone”.

 In my mind I had a flash thought that I should cover up the hole, but instead I immediately went into my own opinion of reality and how I believe it works and said ‘no way that TweeTweet will ever go in there for the fish’ – and I simply ignored the point after that as being irrelevant and nothing to be worried about. (all the points that I saw was practically possible points of playing out with in my understanding of the physical seemed pretty valid) according to my own self interest in that moment and not what is best for all ‘Twee Tweed”

I was wrong – I did not take all of and as the physical as me into consideration and I trusted the physical instead of myself. I did not apply the 1 + 1 = 2 equality equation and now for my ignorance for not standing equal to and as the physical - as TweeTweet and his expression-, he suffered the consequences.

He placed all his trust in me and within that single moment of consideration I could not trust myself to actually see that it is relevant with in what is here as the physical and not the mind as that which I gave trust to and caused suffering and death.

Now another being such as TweeTweet lost his life for the sake that I must wake up and see what I have accepted and allowed to exist. How many more should die before humanity actually see what is here and what the fuck we are doing. Billions of animals die yearly for no fucking reason - but die at the hand of the abusive accepted and allowed nature of the human, and Yet only a hand full will see it but not Yet act on it – as I did.
                                                                                                                                                              

The Specificity that was required in this case – is not Specificity as Obsession & Paranoia, where you go and ‘secure’ everything from a Starting Point of ‘Fear of Loss’. Not ‘fearing losing something’ does not mean that you become Reckless – just as you don’t go and not look around you when you’re about to cross a street because you do not fear Death – that’s absurdity – not Practicality and Practicality is that which we want to work with.

It’s a matter of following a Mathematical Equation and finding all the variables as points where possibilities exist that can be prevented – and to fine-tune yourself as this Mathematical Equation into and as Perfection where all is considered, and nothing taken for granted.

So TweeTweet Death’s was a learning Experience – as every bird and animal we’ve had that died has been a learning experience. To each time show us what points we missed – so we may correct ourselves and become more effective in what we do and who we are. Thank you TweeTweet, you were an awesome friend.