Sunday, 3 March 2013

Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a 'rough life' and that doing something which would benefit others besides myself was considered to just be 'too much'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a 'rough life'-- not seeing and realising that this 'roughness' was only ever relevant in terms of my mind experience of my life -- and had in no way to do with any form of 'physical roughness'- as I had everything in my life (and more) which I required to support myself physically

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that mental roughness does not count as it is self-created and can at any time be terminated and is thus no valid reason/excuse/justification to not do something physical which actually supports physical living on this planet

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I had no right to say 'no' and 'let someone else do it' -- as I was in a position where I could do things to improve practical living, even if it was just in the home environment -- but where I accepted and allowed ideas about 'my life' which were not real to hold me back from doing something real and tangible which would actually have an actual effect in improving things in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had a rough life while everything was taken care of, where I had a home, food, and support from my parents to ensure that I would be able to stand in the world and were quite generous in the freedom they permitted to me in 'doing my own thing' and what directions I wanted to take in life and then did not want to contribute in the home environment to make things more nice to live in terms of cleanliness and alleviating work from others because I was too busy in my mind thinking of how things weren't going my way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have huffed and puffed whenever my mom would ask me to help out with something, where I believed it was 'my right' to just lay in the couch and watch tv -- not seeing and realising that this luxury was only possible to exist within others actually having a rough life where these products came about from assembly lines with people having horrible jobs with little pay and did not have the privilege of saying 'no' and 'let someone else do it' as this would jeopardize their and their family's security -- just so a few can make a good buck in selling these products cheaply for others who believe they have a rough life and want a 'piece of happiness'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that for certain things to be possible like the ease of taking a clean cup from the cupboard -- certain conditions and steps require to be in place for that cup to be clean and be in its spot -- where someone had to clean the cup and put it there for me to be able to 'just take it' and use it and where I enjoyed this option but did not care/bother to make it happen the same for others and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything 'free' in life -- where I want to be able to just take the cup and use it with no consequence, 'free of charge' so to speak, where once there is effort/'charge' involved, I'm no longer interested because now I have to 'do stuff' and now 'just taking the cup out of the cupboard' is not so nice anymore because I have to actually be part of the cleaning and putting away process so then I rather not use the cup at all or come up with some excuse that will allow me to keep getting it 'for free'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my life and what I had/have and the people in my life for granted -- where I did not take into consideration that someone had to build the couch and the tv, that someone had to work to be able to pay for the couch and the tv, and where I had no respect for the end result or the people involved in the process of making the couch/tv accessible to me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if everyone just wants to do nothing but at the same time wants everything from life -- that these two stand points are simply not compatible, because having things in life like food, a home and luxury products requires of someone to make it, to put effort into it -- and thus if I want those things I must make myself equally available to others so they can have the same -- which I didn't because all I cared about was myself and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only ever lived within and as self interest

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that i had not yet experienced actual roughness in life but only ever experienced my idea of it -- where I rather indulged in an experience of 'oh no, its too much' while comfortably being zoned out on the couch while others on this planet have no such choice and have to bear harsh physical conditions just to make it another day and would be happy to give up everything to be able to live my life and have barely any responsibilities to take care of in life


Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf

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