Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome

The other day while working outside in the nursery I was listening to some Life Reviews, one of them being 'Giving up on Myself'. The interview explores the concept of 'giving up on self' in terms of 'giving yourself up' for something else.

The being describes how we will have resistance doing something which requires us to for a moment disregard ourselves - ourselves as self-interest - to bring about a point of change, which is basically what is happening all around the world: Where 'those who can make a change don't and where those who want can't'.

I looked at my life and how I used to experience this point of "No, I can't do something other than for myself, that's just toooo haaard - I have the right to be comfortable, disregarding myself like that is just too inconvenient, I'm sorry'.

At home we had a dishwasher, and once in a while my mom would ask me, my sister or my brother to take out the dishes (which were mostly already dry) and place them in the right spots in the cupboards. Usually my mom would do this, so only once in a while she would ask us to do this. I remember my mom would ask me after I had gotten back from school, and 'just wanted to do nothing but lay in the couch and watch tv'. She's ask me to put the dishes
away and I'b be like 'Uh - seriously? Why do I have to do this? I had SUCH a rough day - why can't you or someone else do it'.

I mean, it was literally just moving a few object from one point to another, not even one meter away - and I would be like 'Hmm, no no'. And sometimes I'd even get away with it and my mom would then do it. I was completely inconsiderate and lazy. My mother would go to work, come home, cook, do cleaning, do our laundry, iron our clothes -- for most of our lives (for as long as I lived at home) -- and I had the arrogance of protesting when she would ask me to help out and the arrogance of bitching at her when I wouldn't put away my clean clothes which she washed and ironed 'like it was no big deal'. Her whole life revolved around her kids and work and I would barely hear her complain.

Getting involved in Desteni and visiting the Desteni Farm, I learn what a comfortable, secure, isolated life I had been living which demanded zero consideration or responsibility. I had everything I needed and so I didn't bother doing anything. I learnt what it means to live in a group, why it matters to clean up after yourself and to consider others in your environment -- after all, I wouldn't want to be like my mom doing everyone's 'dirty jobs'-- and for that to be possible, everyone has to work together and daily, consistently tend to the chores that need to be done so that it doesn't accumulate into a massive task. I had lived in such a comfortable bubble and being faced with Desteni that bubble got popped -- I had been living a lie, a comfortable one maybe -- but at the expense of others. Not only did this happen in my home environment at a micro scale, but also on a macro scale -- where my elitist lifestyle could only be sustained by beings on the other side of the world cleaning up the consequences of the life I lived, while they have to do with barely anything.

I remember being back home after my initial two month visit, and my parents were flabbergasted at how my sister and me would now spontaneously help out with the chores at home. I remember the first thing we did was something simple like helping them get the shopping out of the car down the street, bring it inside and putting all the stuff away -- and they were just standing there in the door opening with the bags in their hands going 'Whhhut?' LOL

I mean, it's such a simple point, a small point of consideration and yet previously this had seemed to me like this mountainous burden, where the mere thought of doing something like that would make me already tired. On the farm, there is no space for such an attitude of apathy. You are part of a group, not only humans but also animals and plants -- and certain things require to be done in order to function effectively as a group as well as tending to the animals and plants so we can have a relationship of harmony. So, common sensically, you being part of that = you help out, everyone does their part.

And I mean -- and I'm sure many people who've visited the farm can agree -- what we have on the farm and how we live/go about our day is pretty awesome. Yes, there's work to be done but you end up going through an educational process where you learn how to live effectively and can be satisfied that all points have been taken care/been tended to and that all measures of prevention have been taken. Previously, I would not have gone there and for what -- my own self-interest, and the life I didn't want to 'give up'. But, there was actually nothing to be given up! I was deeply dissatisfied with my life from a mental well-being perspective and on top of that was that life contributing to the diminishment of other people's physical well-being, within living an elitist life that could only be possible when others are deprived of resources in order to fund mine.

So what are you really giving up when you make the decision to stand for a world that's best for all and where you no longer think of only yourself = less than nothing! Because it was all a lie, it was all an illusion. So don't wait for your bubble to be popped -- pop it yourself, because in the meantime real people are ACTUALLY suffering and living in unbearable condition which would give ALL to bring about some change in this world (in comparison of the so called 'suffering' as 'inconvenience' one experience when doing something for something other than just yourself).

Check out the DIP Lite course to investigate what your bubble consists of and how you can move yourself past your illusionary bubble of convenience to actually bring about change in this world.

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