Tuesday, 28 October 2008

My experiences with money

My experiences with money

When I was little my mom told me to save all my pocket money in a little bear. She said that once the bear was nice and full I could buy myself something nice. Woah, was I just excited to see the pile of little coins growing.

So every Sunday when I would get my pocket money I’d put it in the bear (his body was transparant till his chest) and I could see the pile get a bit bigger. I was so proud of myself putting those coins in there and seeing how it would grow.

Then one day, after saving looooooooooooooooooooong time , me and my mom counted the money and she decided that it was cool now for me to go and buy something.
I was so happy. I never had all the cool toys that my friends were used to so I was happy and hoping that I could get something nice like my friends had.

So this once day we go to this toy shop and I could go look around for something to buy for myself. I was amazed by all the pretty colours and all the shiny plastic things around me in the shop. Every time I pointed something out and yelled my mom “MOMMY MOMMY LOOK AT THIS!!!!!” she would simply go, no, too expensive, you don’t have that kind of money.

So everytime I would make sure if I pointed something out that it was cheaper than the thing I just pointed out but it would always still be too expensive – pfft, after a while the excitement was all gone.

Eventually I found this board where you can draw on with a little pen and the board could erase the drawings on it – it was like something magical. And my mom kept saying ‘Don’t you like drawing?? Yes you like drawing, buy this!!”.

I didn’t look as cool as all the other things. But my mom said it was from a good brand like me brother his little car and that it would last long – so that I had to buy it – and that it would be a good decision.
So I was like ok, I’ll buy this then.

Suddenly ALL my coins gone. But I was happy cause I had something for myself now. There were alse these pre-made pastic things that you could put in the board and then you had to follow the lines that were on them and then you’d get the drawing on the board.

But it got very boring after awhile. There was really nothing to it.

That’s my first experience with money that I can remember.

So what did my mom teach me:

Save your money
Buy something of a brand
Buy something that is not just fun but from which you can also learn (drawing)
Everything is expensive
You are limited by the amount of money you own.

Interesting – just now as I went downstairs to get my tobacco the memories of buying my guitars popped up.

Just like drawing – playing music is also good for your kids. You know, develop in their talents and shit.

I wanted to learn how to play guitar when I was a litle kid because I enjoyed music and it would make me cool.
My father and mother were happy that I wanted to learn how to play an instument – them being such good parents they bought me an accoustic guitar.

Well actually, I HAD to learn how to play an instrument. Already from when I was very very small I used to go music school and I would learn reading notes, and about melody and rhythm and we’d play flute.

Then when I was a bit older but still very young the lessons got more advanced and we had to write down the notes that our teacher was playing on the piano and the rhythm – and we also had to sing notes – brrrrrrrrrr.

I really hated that because it never worked out for me to sing in the class for everyone.
All of them were girls and had excellent voices and could sing very nice. And I was there because my parents had sent me there – not because I had talent.

I was always so embarrased when I had to sing infront of everyone – it was bloody painful.

But once I was out of there and alone – I could sing those notes just fine lol.

Anyway, I’m getting a bit off topic. At one point after a few years of music school you have to decide what instrument you want to learn. I actually wanted to play the harp but because it was bloody expensive I never mentioned it to my parents so I just said like yeah ok guitar then.
(they knew I was interested but they made sure I knew that buying a harp was very expensive)

Anyway at some point I stopped going to music school because I would almost piss my pants every time I’d enter those doors because of the “YOU HAVE TO PERFORM – pressure”.
I just couldn’t handle it so I cried and cried till it got through to my mom that this was not what I wanted to do.

Afterwards I learnt to play guitar by myself and then I actually had fun. I then started saving for an electric guitar which my parents approved because it is good for the development of your kid. When they decided that I had enough money I could buy one – and so I did.
Again all my money gone but I had my electric guitar.
That also got boring after awhile.
So then I thought that a bass guitar might be more fun – so I saved for that – bought one – same story.

Then I said fuck that saving thing there’s not anything that I can buy that’s gonna make me feel better or enjoy myself.

Soon after that my money would go to cigarettes haha. At least I enjoy those lol.

Buying cigarettes was then considered as bad because all my money would go to it every week and I would have nothing left but it was not like I needed money for anything else.
My parents always gave me very little pocket money and if I asked them why so little they would say :”Well you get everything you need from us so why need more.” That seemed like an acceptable answer at the time.

But it was just their way to make sure I was completely dependent on them.
That’s so evil. And I only saw this when it was “too late”.

When I was in highschool the question came up of maybe doing a student job during the holidays but I was like “wtf, you guys give me everything I need right, I don’t need the money – I’m glad it’s holidays I hate school why the fuck would I want to get a job? Holidays are there to have fun not to work”

So I never got myself a student job because there was no “why” involved – there was no reason why I should do it so I didn’t lol.
At that time it was already decided that I would go to university and study and that my parents would pay my studies. And that I’d get a job with my degree then.

But that plan didn’t really work out….

So now I still have no money because all my money goes to my cigarettes – the last time I saved money was for a pen and tablet to draw on computer – which I do enjoy and it’s the only thing I do not regret buying along with cigarettes.

I still only get enough money to pay for my cigarettes – I decided I do not want to study because there is nothing that interests me – so now the entire “plan” that was set up for me is fucked and I am stuck.

I never considered – and so did my parents – that maybe I might not end up studying – that maybe I would not follow the path they wanted me to follow.

And now that I made clear that I’m not going to do that. I’m pretty fucked concerning money.
Because I do not study my parents do not get child support money from the governement.
So they want me to get a job and pay them money.

And they still want me to go study – atleast my dad. So that is what I told him. He believes that I am going to study next year (the study costs 10 000 euros for 4 years omg) and he is willing to pay it.

See – the only reason I could go to SA was because I said to my father that I would get a job when I’d be back and study afterwards.
Else I wouldn’t have been allowed to go – and in my misery I would have ended up studying something random because if I do not do as he wants – he either kills me or I get kicked out and I have nowhere to go.

Basically my entire life I did not have to worry about money – and I did not have to work with money. Because it wasn’t necesarry for the path my parents had set out for me.
But now that I do not follow that path – I’m pretty fucked.

I am now basically home all day – I cannot go anywhere because it costs me money. If I ask my mom for money she says get a job. I can’t do anything because everything costs money. And the only reply I keep getting is “get a job”. Or “when you have a job you’re allowed to have this and that.”

And since I never worked in my life – and I went to an Art Highschool – my resumé looks pretty crappy. ( Art highschool doesn’t look good on a resumé in case you didn’t know – people then think you are a self centered ego person that cannot work)And I do not have many options as a job
So now I have been looking for a job and have some job interviews coming up.
At one point I had one – but it turned out I’d have to work my ass of for only 500 euros a month – from which I have to give 250 to my parents which leaves me with 250 euros.

And me being exhausted.

Sooo, yea

Bottom line

Money sucks
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