Friday, 21 November 2008

Getting them constructs out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my frustration, fear and anxiety unto the matrix as a system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the matrix as ‘something out there’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that my mind is the actual matrix.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am actually frustrated, in fear and anxiety towards myself as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger, frustration, fear and anxiety within me through believing or thinking that I am powerless in the face of the system as my mind of emotions and thoughts

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that the ‘anger and resistance I experience towards the system’ is actually the anger, resistance, frustration towards me, because I have accepted and allowed this experience within me and I did not stop it

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to stop what I accept and allow to exist within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed thoughts, feelings and emotions to fuck with me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be stable within self-trust – instead of crashing down every time I perceive I’m being questioned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself because I fear creating a time loop

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stick with my self trust because I fear I might be wrong and I fear creating a time loop and experiencing this all over again but then intensified

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself because I fear being wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself because I fear making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes because I fear consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather ask others for direction instead of trusting myself because I fear being wrong/making a mistake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone outside of myself knows what is the “right thing to do”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather trust other people so when something goes wrong I can blame them and shift my responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not in the right position of trusting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not allowed to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed a rule for myself : that I am not able/allowed to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created rules and standards for myself by which I live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself because I fear that if I do trust myself and it turns out that I wrong that I will look back at myself in regret and judge myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself because I fear other people their judgment and what they think of me if I’d trust myself when in the end it turns out to be a fuck up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes out of fear of judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself out of fear of judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take mistakes personally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take judgment personally

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself because I would rather listen to other beings and do as they perceive to be fit instead of trusting myself because I immediately assume that they know best and that I am wrong and that it’s better to listen to others

Okaaay, I better dig deeper into that last one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have suppressed self trust within suppressing self expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated self trust from self expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have denied myself self trust within denying myself self expression

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live in accordance of my own true self as me here in self trust self honesty and self expression

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be courageous enough to trust myself unconditionally and within that express myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned my self expression through the beliefs of what is right and wrong – what is acceptable and unacceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have stopped trusting myself because my expression had been judged by family and school – and thus it felt not right for me to trust myself and express myself within trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not dare trusting myself because I fear that it will turn out being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself and expressing myself within self trust out of fear of being judged by other thus I hold back and rather do as others tell me or suggest me to do and trust them instead of myself because then at least I am safe from their judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that there is something wrong with my self expression and thus something wrong with my self trust within which I would express myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have told myself that I shouldn’t trust myself because I always turned out being judged by others so I believed it was not worth it and thus I compromised myself and others within this conditioning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now feel uncomfortable with trusting myself because I am unsure whether I should really trust myself because I might get judged again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an expectation and anticipation space within myself where I participate in 24/24 – the expectation/anticipation that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to drop my personality as the opinion that was placed unto me as a kid – and live my own true self in self trust self honesty and self expression – to honour me to live me unconditionally HERE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as “not right” to trust myself because of the belief that if I trust myself I will just get hurt again – and thus I would rather do like everyone else because it is safe to be like everyone else it is safe to be a sheep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a sheep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a sheep as my mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a sheep is my only option

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a choice : the choice that I can choose to trust myself or to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is no choice within self trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can choose whether I trust myself or not lol

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by not trusting myself I am compromising myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop allowing myself to trust and express myself because of fear of being touched

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep questioning my self trust as being the right thing to do – and with every ‘opportunity’ I get I question – I doubt and I stop trusting myself – instead of standing – stable HERE – no matter what, trusting myself unconditionally – taking a stand within myself and sticking to it



I see and realise that I have created a construct where I am in the constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of being judged. This brings forth fear – anxiety and I keep holding myself back within this fear and anxiety – holding back on self expression and holding back on self trust.
I see that this construct originates from my childhood where I was judged extensively by everyone at home with whatever I did – and thus I see that those judgments were not for me to be taken personal.
I see that I have created the fear and the belief that I am able of doing something wrong/making a mistake (as expression being judged this would imply “wrong”/”mistake” for me)
I see that I have to take self-responsibility for this construct and let go of living in the constant fear and anxiety (anticipation and expectation) of getting judged but push through my fears and express and trust myself unconditionally HERE in every single moment of breath – to not allow this construct to limit me – control or influence me – but for me to stand within absolute self trust, self determination and self freedom of expressing myself unconditionally absolute in every moment of breath in total self honesty HERE – living and honouring me as life.
I stop self judgment.
I am patient and gentle with myself.
Self trust is allowed lol
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