Tuesday, 1 July 2008

Bamboo Banga

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be able to do automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for being able to do automatic writing you have to achieve something first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that for being able to do automatic writing you have to be in a higher state of mind.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat automatic writing niet voor mij is weggelegd.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat automatic writing enkel is weggelegd voor “speciale” mensen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be able to do automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that automatic writing is already here – not something that I have to achieve “out there”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only artists or mediums can do automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to do automatic writing you have to be drunk, high or under influence of any other drug.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that you first need to “take something” in order of being able to do automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that automatic writing is something above me – superior to me, something I could not possibly do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define automatic writing as being paranormal and thus being impossible for a girl like me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself in an inferior position towards automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that automatic writing is something out there, high above, where I cannot reach it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not able to do automatic writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to look up about automatic writing before I can practice it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need someone to show me how to do automatic writing in order of being able to do it myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only do something I have never done before if someone else shows me how it is done first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to do something if someone else doesn’t show me how he/she does it first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for trust in other people and putting my trust in other people instead of trusting myself in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trying out automatic writing because I fear it will turn out in a mindfuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to make sure I’m not mind fucking myself and thus doubting the entire time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were to do automatic writing that I’d be mind fucking myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that it will turn out into nothing and will only disappoint me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to disappoint myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and already feel the disappointment before I even did something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the feeling of self disappointment because I cannot stand it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let disappointment exist within and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can only be disappointed if I have expectations about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations of myself that I want to fulfil.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need, want, desire to fulfil the expectations I have about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to keep up with expectations.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to drop the illusion of expectations..

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be and to live unconditionally without any expectations.

I am here
I am self trust
I am stability
I am self confidence
I do not accept and allow myself to let doubts and expectations overwhelm and overrule me.
I do not accept and allowed myself to let the mind direct, control and influence me.
I direct.
I am the directive principle.
I am not just my mind.
I am life and I direct me as life.
I do not accept and allow myself to submit to the mind.
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