Thursday, 17 July 2008

sf anxiety related to relationship construct and visa versa

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep over 6 hoursI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep for 9 hours or a bit less

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to bring up the self discipline that I require to get out of bed after 4-6 hous of sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go sleep early cause I was tired of feeling this anxiety and wanted a break

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I needed a break

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this anxiety is unbearable

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to wake up after 6 hours and get my day started immediatly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up "fuck I'm still here"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think when I wake up "fuck the anxiety is still here"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back to sleep when I first woke up because I believed I was not yet ready to experience myself this way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sleep as a hideout where I do not have to experience myself (as anxiety)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to run away from me as anxiety by going to sleep and sleeping for long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing worth waking up for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worth to wake up for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to wake up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put all my focus and attention on the anxiety I am experiencing from the moment I wake up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sleeping might make the anxiety go away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire and hope for a relationship in which I can hide from myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything would be better once I have relationship - altough I know its BS

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go of the idea of being in a relationship because I know it won't assist me anyway whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to check out guys when walking in the city, guys that my radar says "potential boyfriend"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to first of all see guys as potential boyfrends instead of individual beings

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my experience of guys by defining them as potential boyfriends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep falling for the same kind of guys - I'm so predictable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start liking guys once they say they like me because now I really have a chance and this one is a potential one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start liking a guy only once he said he likes me but before had no interest at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start controlling and managing my own behaviour once I know someone likes me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely stunned whenever someone says they like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing that i have or am to like me for

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that guys that like me must be stupid - I mean, liking me? wtf lol

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just go for a walk in the city or go get something in the city - no it always turns out to be a mindmanhunt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a crush on guys just because their picture presentation fits the idea/definition that I have inside my mind as how the perfect boyfriend would look like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a crush on guys just because of their picture presentation and nothing else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my experience of guys already from the first time I meet them because I immediatly define them according to their picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give someones picture presentation more value than who they actually really are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can know what kind of person someone is by looking at their picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my experience of participation with other people by their picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes not listen when someone is talking to me but just admire their picture presentation not listening at their words at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stare and observe people and absorb their picture presentation within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about my picture presentation because I know I judge other people by their picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people are their picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am my picture presentation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someones picture presentation is a part of their self expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my picture presentation is a part of my self expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my picture presentation is a part of "who I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people their picture presentation is part of "who they are"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i AM

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am undefined

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living for another is easier than living for self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define living for another as easier than living for self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is impossible to live for myself because I am not worth of living for myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to buy into these stupid self pity thoughts

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that 'love' is the greatest, biggest, most extensive illusion that exists in this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that love only exists to form relationship connections between systems so they are able to function properly and being able to exist and I DO NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO SUPPORT SYSTEMS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and seek for 'love' outside of myself once I believe and define myself as not being able to function alone anymore

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I search, seek, want, need, desire and hope for 'love' to keep another system with me because I can apparantly not function without that system to be able to exist as a system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to utter the word 'love'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive that I require to be in a "relationship" to be able to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive that I require to be in a "relationship" in order to experience myself fully

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I require to be in a "relationship" in order to enjoy myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to speak 'system language' by daring to utter the word 'love'.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in the illusion that 'love' really, actually exists

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that love is BUT an illusion that I make real through participation and allowing and accepting it within and as me

I do not accept and allow myself to participate in system love
if a thought comes up I STOP

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in believing that 'love' exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberatly deceive myself by believing in love while I know it does not exist but I like to pretend it does like that I dont have to sort myself out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself in believing that I require a "relationship" in this world.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I stand alone as all as one

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that in uttering the word love- I in that moment, am saying that I am a system that requires another system's needs, another systems wants, another system's desires, another system to form a "connection" as a "relationship" to be able to exist in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lust "love"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire "love" because I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept myself alone as just me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am not one and equal with the person I desire a relationship with, but separate as a system who wants to have a "relationship" as a connection to form "love" because I cannot apparantly exist alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the being(s) I have a crush on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand alone

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I actually fear standng alone, and instead of facing that fear I'd rather form a "relationship" with something separate from me and call it "love"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a thing such as love as I perceived it and believed it to be could possibly exist in world like this, unless it is actually as fuicked as this world..

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that only systems fear being alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the illusion of love, the posibility of the illusion of love, control, direct and inlfuence me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tempted to fall into the relationship trap because it all seems so nice and pretty

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed msyelf to realise that love is fuicked in every way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even consider relationships

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop whenever my mind wants to wander of into love and relationship crap

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop feeding those love, relationship crap systems by just stop thinking and participating in it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by writing this out in self forgiveness I might stop thinking about it

i forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that doing self forgiveness and doing the actual corrective application are two different things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to take the corrective application for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on tricking and deceiving myself by keep on thinking of relationship and love and beings I am apparantly attracted to because I want to test myself if I still react and yes I do so just fuicking stop it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a being to be in a relationship with that resembles my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a being to be in a relationship witht aht is the opposite of my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to have a relationship with a being that resembles my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to have a relationship with a being that is the opposite of my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being disgusting for accepting and allowing such a program

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted with the idea of being in a relationship with someone like my dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted by the idea of being as stupid as my mom by getting in a relationship with a being that resembles my father

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my mother for marrying a guy like my dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because I would have probably done the same thing as I am programmed to

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge beings for following and walking their preprogrammed path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for following and walking my preprogrammed path

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for love in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for comfort in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for "the one" in a relationship while I am the one for me lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a soulmate in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for a "connection" in a relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search for the feeling of "being loved" in a relationship because I have not yet accepted and allowed myself to love myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, and desire, hope for a relationship to feel like "being appreciated" because I have not yet being able to appreciate me

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire and hope for a relationship to feel "accepted" by another because I have not yet allowed myself to fully accept myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire, hope for a relationship because I believe that I can only experience and feel comfort while being locked in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire, hope for a relationship because I believe that I can only experience security while being locked in a relationship with another

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define having a relationship as having and experiencing comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having a relationship as having and experiencing security

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire, hope for a relationship because I belief that i can only experience safety in and as being locked inside a relationship with another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having a relationship as having and experiencing safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, desire, want, need a relationship because I believe that I can only experience protection while being locked within a relationship with another being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to deifne having a relationship as having and experiencing protection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a relationship to experience comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seperate myself from comfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to believe that I need a relationship to "feel loved"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a relationship to feel appreciated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly appreciate myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate msyelf from appreciation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly comfort my own self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to believe that I cannot possibly love my self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a relationship to experience acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from acceptance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a relationship to experience security

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from security

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly provide myself security because I apparently do not trust msyelf enough for that

I forgive msyelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a relationship to experience safety

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from safety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly experience safety on my own because I perceive/perceive msyelf to not have enough self trust for that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to believe that I need a relationship to experience protection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate msyelf from protection

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to believe that I cannot possibly provide my own protection or protect me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need protection against anything or anyone. there is nothing to lose anyway

I forgive msyelf that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am able to comfort me, protect me, accept me, appreciate me, secure me, etc.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to get into a relationship because I haven't accepted and allowed msyelf to accept myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to get into a relationship because everyone else in my world has got "relationships" so i HAVE to get into a "relationship" as well ( I first wrote "religionship" instead of "relationship" at end of this line, interesting typo lol )

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf wanting to go into a "relationship" to "break my virginity" to be accepted by all my toher "friends" who have already had sex and have lost their virginity

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to get in to a "relationship" to be "loved" instead of ME loving and accepting ME , MYSELF as "who I am"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysef to be entranced and hypnotized by a picture presentation of a human being, in the moment that I saw this being I "had butterflies in my stomach" and my "knees went all weak" and I "could barely stand straight"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to be trapped by emotions and feelings


more to come...
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