Tuesday, 15 July 2008

SF on Anxiety Pt. I

anxiety part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the future
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself with what is here in the momoment instead of being petrified by the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to survive in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what "the future will bring".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit myself to the future letting it direct me instead of taking self responsibility and be self directive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the cosy safe bubble that is home is going to explode and that I'll have no where to go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to wait and see while anxiety is eating me up from the inside.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that the anxiety will disappear by doing self forgiveness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to supress the feeling of anxiety that I'm experiencing by smokings loads of cigarettes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only make things worse by smoking cigs from the starting point of supression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to hide and escape from the future , i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to escape from myself, wanting to escape from process.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will need to get a job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of getting a job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link anxiety, fear and nervousness to the word job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go in a state of total anxiety whenever I think about getting a job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to do a crappy job that'll boost my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a job can boost my mind - it only will if I let it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start becoming depressed because of this continouse state of anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go of anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in a state of panic whenever I start thinking and wondering about the future - meaning getting a job, earn money and get out of parents house somehow.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to fear that I will not be able to get a job, make money, and sustain myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and wait for earth changes so i wouldn't need to worry about money and shit like that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that I will not be able to get a job cause I never worked before and my resume looks like shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will never be able to get a job no matter what.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will die if I do not get a job, earn money and get out of my parents house.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to fear anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to totally hate the feeling and experience of anxiety in the solar plexus
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill myself slowly but surely by participating in anxiety, by participating in the things that cause anxiety such as fear and worry of the future and fear of death fear of death of the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck up my experience of myself in the moment by fucking thinking and worrying about the future all the time.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to know what is causing this anxiety but instead wanted to follow the mind interpretation that didnt made much sense as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be living in constant fear and anxiety in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience now what I think, believe and fear will happen to me in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to believe that getting a job means living in constant anxiety and fear/
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that earning money means living in constant anxiety and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define having a job as living in continous and total anxiety and fear.
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define earning money as in living in continous and total anxiety and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be living in total fear, anxiety and petrification as long as I need to get a job and earn money, as long as the money system is there.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be conquered by the mind as in feelings and emotions such as fear, anxiety and petrification, instead of standing up.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living in this world as an adult means linving in continuous fear anxiety and petrification only being focused on money and surviving.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this anxiety fear and petrification compound until I can't stand it anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with myself for accepting and allowing this to happen.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fucking pissed at myself for ever having allowed and accepted this shit to manifest inside me and let it suck me dry.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not find a way to sustain and support myself by earning money and having a job that I enjoy doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will enver find something that I thoroughly enjoy doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to enjoy myself in the future as in having a job and earn money.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear the future as in worrying and fearing that I will not find a place to live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and fear stuff that doesnt really matter at the moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to distract myself from this anxiety and fear so i would not have to face it yet and create another fucking timeloop.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people their futures.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting and tempting to compromise myself in order to make other people their futures more "comfortable"
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am not responsible for anyone's future but my own.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dragged along by worries of the future that other people express.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose my stableness when expressing their concerns and worries, fears of the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to question and doubt my own future when hearing other people talk about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to prepare myself somehow towards my future and live for my future and worry about it so I am now apparantly "preparing" myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that worrying and fearing to future is normal and OK to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know now already that I am in control of my future which means from mind perspective that I want to have a plan and stick to it no matter what.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to know what my path is so i can walk it without any faults.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist walking into the unknown and wanting to make sure what I will be doing so i feel more "safe".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need a plan and that I need to stick to it no matter what
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.
I forgvie myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the unknown should be feared.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to fear the unknown.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to follow my pre pregrammed path - at least its a bit predictable.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be in control of my future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must and need to be in control of the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other peoples possible futures as my future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to fix other people their future while I actually just want to fix mine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to compromise myself in order to "help" others - not doing what is best for all as one as equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people their lives not realising that its their lives not mine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is hard to not care about other people their future
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through living in anxiety by worrying about other people which is a projection of my own worries.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and fear that I will have to do crappy jobs with "crappy" people, bosses around me making me feel like shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will feel like shit once I get a job and earn money because I apparently now have a system life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will feel like shit when having a job because I can't stand myself when I feel like shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to supress my fears concerning my future and letting it compound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret that I've let this shit compound cause now I feel like shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might have to do a physically heavy job that I will not be able to do because of not being strong enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will get totally demotivated once I get a job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create all sorts of ideas and perceptions about having a job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will lose all motivation while working and that I will be depressed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I am able to do to myself when being depressed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I might be getting depressed.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am fine and that I will always be fine no matter what.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am fine, I have always been fine and will always be fine.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and as the mind as feelings and emotions such as anxiety fear and petrification
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself and realise: I am not this anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself and realise: I am not this anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven't accetped and allowed myself to stand up within myself and realise: I am not this anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself and realise: I am not this anxiety.
I am not my mind, I am not anxiety, anxiety is not who I am.
I do not accept and allow myself to be consumed by anxiety.
I do not accept and allow myself to let anxiety 'conquer' me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the idea of having to take care of myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I take care of myself no matter what and I do not accept and allow to give up on myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pressure from home concerning getting a job or go study.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not know what to do with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that at some point in the future I will not enjoy myself anymore.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that things will get worse.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to be of this system world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to escape from system world by going to live in a forest.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up because this fucking anxiety is still there. I mean here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and believe that I will never get this anxiety out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, percieve and belief that anxiety is too big for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as anxiety my entire life.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that the anxiety might just disappear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly hope that someone else can maybe help me to get rid of this anxety while I know it's upto me if I am to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give this anxiety all my focus and attention.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry and wonder what the fuck I'll be doing once process is over.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that it has always just been this anxiety of the mind consciousness system that has been here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect this anxiety through my allowance to other separate lanifestations and sources from me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to let go of anxiety.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just stop
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this anxiety will only stop and go away once I have found a "purpose in my life"
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to seek for something outside and separate from myself for which I can live.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to live unconditionally for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown as who I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as the unknown as that which is yet to be discovered.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear me as in what I do and what I don't d , what I will do and what I not might do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed my mind with what-ifs
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feed and grow fear isnside me by thinking, wondering, fearing what might possibly happen some day, moment in the future
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe, perceive I am able to fear that which I don't know, as the mind, not realising that it only creates separation of realzing myself here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe perceive that I am fearing the future while obviously I am experiencing this anxiety here now and not somewhere in the future.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Dad his behaviour once I get back from SA
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear mom and dad their reactions once hey get home.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will still feel like this on the plane to SA, fearing that I will get sick and puke.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will still feel like this when Tala comes because I fear taht I will not enjoy myself at all and that he'll just be here for nothing lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to kill myself slowly but surely with all the what if might possibly happen shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future not realising that I only exist here as the breath in every moment here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dear seeing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for what I think I have become through acceptance and allowances.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that once I realise the entirety of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become that I will jsut hate myself and do nothing else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for all that I have accepted and allowed in my life, existence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the things that I have accepted and allowed
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for accepting and allowing the mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start imagining about job interviews.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to eat because of anxiety wanting to make me puke everything right back out again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to eat when experiencing anxiety because I fear I might puke.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not enjoy Tala being here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish tala didnt come over
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that we will not enjoy ourselves while being here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel pity for myself
I do not accept and allow myself to feel pity for myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bored with my life
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish I could just cease to exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bored with myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do something practically.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to move me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to direct myself out of my pool of self pity.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not able to face myself because I have defined it as being "too much to handle"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to run away from myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can run away from myself
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I cannot hide from myself because self is here as who I am, always
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop trying to run away and hide from myself
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am always with me as me as who I am here.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self courage to take the self responsibility to face the truth of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for courage outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self courage as the courage to live.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a person with no courage
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a person that isn't brave
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have the guts to be courageous and live my life for me and not for something or someone outside of myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope that someone would come and tell me that it's ok and that there is nothing to fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope and desire that someone else could give me courage.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that only I can give myself to gift of courage
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire want and need someone to come and comfort me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope, desire, want and need understanding from someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope, desire, want and need someone to be here with me
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely and trust on other people to confirm my own understanding of self
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in the presence of beings that are understanding, my process will be easier
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the pit of self pity because of self judgement of me because of fear of the truth as me as what I have been, become and am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to inflict myself a wound of self pity and then want, need, desire someone else to heal it, to come and fix it for me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem msyelf as a bad and terrible person and that i cannot handle the truth of me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take self responsibility.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that no one can judge me, but myself, me.
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I alone can judge me, I create the experience of me, I alone must STOP
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hope, want and desire, need to receive consolidation from another
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting someone one else to take responsibility for me
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do this or myself
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I dont take this step for me i will never understand what it means to take self responsibility for self
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope for another to comfort me - this aint going to happen
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the cycle of allowing fear of me, self judgment, self pity
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep on feel pity for myself as in an addication
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to feel pity for myself and in and as self pity manipulate others around me.
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to release the addiction to the acceptance of self pity
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop self pity within and as me;
I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed self pity within and as me
I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to let self pity become a part of me, become a part of my very nature
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I make this anxiety 'real' while its actually an illusion
I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that anxiety is only an illusion that I make real
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that self pity is only an illusion, that I, myself make real
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that self judgement is only an illusion, that I, myself make "real"
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that fear of self is but only and illusion, that I, myself make "real"make it experience as real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to self pity, self judgement, fear of self
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as who I am as endless cycles of self judgement, fear of self, self pity
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that illusion isnt real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let self pity, self judgement and fear of self be ME as "who I am"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve what I am experiencing because of what I have done, all that I have accepted and allowed myself to be
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve this experience of me and that I need to be punished for all that I have accepted and allowed by living in constant anxiety
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the trap of the illusion wich I experience as being me, as being who I am
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to only illusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the illusion of anxiety real by accepting it, allowing it and participating within and as it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the illusion of self pity real by accepting, allowing it and participating within and as it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the illusion of self judgement real by accepting, allowing it and participating within and as it, defining myself according to the experience of self judgement
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the illusion of fear of self real by accepting, allow it and participating within and as it
NO FUCKING MOREI DO NOT ACCEPT AND ALLOW MYSELF TO DEFINE MYSELF ACCORDING TO ILLUSION THAT I USE TO DEFINE MYSELF ACCORDINGI AM NOT SELF PITYI AM NOT ANXIETYI AM NOT SELF JUDGEMENTI AM NOT FEAR OF SELFI AM NOT A FUKCING ILLUSION
I accept myself as self forgivenes as a statement of me as me to not accept and allow to participate in illusion
I distinguish for myself what is illusion and from here I stand up within me and just not make a part of me by participating in it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to almost want to just not stop the illusion once I am aware of it, do not want to stop in and in some way "turn a blind" aye as though I did not see it while I clearly did - not taking self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to let moments where I participate in an illusion just let pass by and allow it because I perceive this to be easier than actually taking self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I am able to lose myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to lose myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can lose myself when I drop the illusion because I defined myself according to the illusion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death because I fear losing me as that which I defined myself to be according to the mind, according to illusions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that death will cause me to stop existing because death means the death of the mind, the illusion as that which I defined myself accordingly
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise and understand that I cannot actually lose me - I am always with me - myself here
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to to push and force me to whatever lenghts necessary in every moment to not accept and or allow the illusion within and as me
I move me no matter whatI direct myself no matter whatI force myself no matter whatI take self responsibility no matter whatI push myself no matter whatI give myself the freedom of directing myselfI direct myself no matter whatI stop the mind no matter what
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my focus/attenion on the anxiety experience within me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to strain within myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the uncertainty of whether my application is effective enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist applying myself "because of this"
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do this process for me and for me alone
I forgive myself that I have acepted and allowed myself to worry about other people "thoughts and their minds".
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give worth, value and importance to other people their thoughts and their minds
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that other people and "their thoughts and mind" are completely irrelevant.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be pre-occupied within and as my mind about what could/might possibly occuring within other human beings their minds
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise this is a stupid mindfuck and just STOP it
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