Saturday, 26 July 2008

SF: pain-alive

SF: pain-alive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about getting me periods while on the plane to SA.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the pain I might get during me periods while being on the plane to SA
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that the pains will be unbearable
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that by expecting, I am creating
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to to stop worrying
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine in what kind of miserable state I could be arriving in SA.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that I will have great pains
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I will be OK, I BREATHE THROUGH IT
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have my periods on plane to SA
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to script having my periods on plane to sa with massive pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a slave to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a slave to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I feel pain to remember that I am alive.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain means alive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define life as pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life means pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life means suffering
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to remember myself how precious life is
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to remember myself to the "value of life"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to remember myself to not take life for granted
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire getting sick or experience pain when I perceived my life to be boring
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish getting sick because I believed my life was boring and I had nothing to do and I believed that getting sick might "spice" things up a bit
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my wish of getting sick when I actually got sick, shortly after pondering about wanting to get sick - lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to believe that pain is here to make me aware of the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need pain to be aware of the moment
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to make me aware that I am HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need pain to make me aware that I am HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when feeling extensive pain to just Be pain and nothing else and surender myself to the pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bow down to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept pain as something greater than me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing I can do about pain but do nothing and wait
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain as "unlimited" grip over me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is something bigger than me
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am nothing towards pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am nothing compared to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is immense and overwhelming and that I just have to experience it and that there is nothing I can do but experience this pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is superior to me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to picture this image of me being all little and pain being this immense huge demon, on fire, burning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is unstoppable
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the role of slave to pain because apparently this is the only thing I can do
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will never be able to "start something against" pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely surrender myself to pain and just do nothing and have pity with myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use pain as a justification for not taking self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take all and everything as justification for not taking self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is actually able to limit me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to let pain limit me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain in itself can limit me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind pain so I apparently do not have to take self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when being in pain - it is impossible to take self responsibility
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are "cases" when you cannot possibly take self responsibility
what bullshit crap lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that not taking self responsibility because of pain is actually a good excuse
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as "good excuses"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as "bad excuses"
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that an excuse is an excuse, and an apparent "good" excuse doesnt make things suddenly seem OK
All excuses are worthless dishonest shit anyway
ALL EXCUSES ARE CRAP
got that Leila lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain and life go hand by hand
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there can only be life if there is pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that feeling pain means being alive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that experiencing pain implies "being alive"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be "grateful" for pain because it apparently remembers me how it feels to be alive
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the almost constant experience pain within me - without questioning it - believing it is a part of me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define pain as a part of "who I am"
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is a part of "who I am"
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that pain is but an illusion
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should experience pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is only natural to experience pain
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make pain real
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to make me remember I am here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that pain is here to confirm my existence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need pain to confirm that I am here
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need anything or anyone to confirm that I actually exist
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need anything or anyone to confirm that I am actually HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am totally dependent on all things outside of myself to confirm to me that I indeed actually exist
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am totally dependent on all things outside of myself to confirm to me that I am indeed HERE
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I do not need confirmation from anything or anyone outside of myself - I am here - and that's it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for confirmation outside of myself to confirm and validate my existence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if something or someone outside of myself doesnt confirm I exist, or I am here, I am not here, I do not exist
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that it is bullshit to expect from others to confirm my existence - i am here - I cut this crap
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