Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Self Forgiveness on entry 21/01/08

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to attach value and worth to the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to my past.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to let go of the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep myself busy with the past and future in my mind, instead of not participating in the mind and be here, now in the moment as the breath as one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep looking back at the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the past is who you are and is important.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep comparing myself to “who I was” in the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep living in the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to still keep on worrying about past events.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear who I was in the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that the past may reoccur.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the past is better than present and future.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe “everything used to be better in the “old days”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that the past has any importance.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep linking things/places/people to the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define other people according to their past that I know about.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to experience people in the moment because I keep seeing and experiencing them as I saw them in the past.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise that I’m still living in the past.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting to be friends with everyone at school when I was little.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself fearing not being accepted by my classmates when I was little.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear becoming an “outcast”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to dislike communicating with other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be part of the group.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to “change” myself in order to be accepted by people which I call “my friends”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I got fucked up during all these years.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I fucked up right now.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that one can actually become fucked up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear people as me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear what people are capable of.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear what I am capable of.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realise me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my unconditional expression as life in oneness and equality.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my own expression.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my actions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my actions in the moment as me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear standing up.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear standing up by speaking self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear my own brutal self honesty.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to separate my world when I was little in an outer and “inner” world.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear myself like you cannot imagine.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to do crazy stuff just to fit in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to buy pokemon stickers to fit in.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to steal money from my parents wallet to buy pokemon stickers.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to steal money from my parents wallet to buy lottery tickets from school.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to steal money from my parents wallet for money that I would use for crap.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to steal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be afraid to be left alone.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want that others see me as cool and normal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting that others perceive me as being cool and normal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting to be cool and normal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I can be cool and normal.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide stuff so that no-one would find it.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hide stuff so that no-one would find it and that no one would be able to talk about it to me so I wouldn’t have to be faced with me and my actions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being faced with myself and my actions.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being bullied by other people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being the target of bullying because I do not fit in and that I’m not accepted.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to accept myself and be content with just me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be mean to other kids out of fear that if I wouldn’t do that, the kids would be mean to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be mean so that people would accept me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to let other people feel like they don’t fit in and are not accepted while this was my big fear.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to do things upon other that I would never want to be done onto me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself as an “emotional person”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to abuse words.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress my thoughts, feelings and emotions out of fear that when I show them I might not be accepted and fit in anymore.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get emotional when I say something wrong during class.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress my tears when someone makes the remark that I’m wrong during class.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to cry when I failed a test.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to my tests.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to my grades.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to my “rights and wrongs”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to get all emotional when someone’s mean to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress my tears when someone’s mean to me because I don’t want to show them that I’m hurt.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress my tears when someone would cause me pain out of fear that they might think that I’m weak and won’t be accepted anymore.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to keep staying in the “accepted” mode.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I am not enough and never will be.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe when I was little that by the age of 16 everything would be juuuuust fiiiine.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to place hope into the future.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to define myself according to what I think is the perception that other people have of me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to be scared of my father.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to see my older brother as my protector.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be my own “protector”.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need a protector.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that I need to be saved by someone separate from me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to “save” myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear one day being killed by my father.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being killed.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being beaten up to death.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being strangled.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being suffocated underneath a pillow.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear that one day I would kill myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting to kill myself from a very young age.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting to kill myself because my brother ran away.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that my brother ran away somehow because of me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to want to kill myself because my brother wanted to kill himself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hate my sister.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think and believe that my sister was somehow different from us.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear hearing my fathers footsteps out of fear that he might come and hurt me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being hurt by my father.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear the presence of my father out of fear that he might do something to me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hate my father.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to hate my mother because she would go talk to my father and then he would beat me/us.
I forgive myself that I have never allowed myself to stand up against my father.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear standing up to my father out of fear that he might get even more angry and hurt me even more.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself not to go an talk to someone that might could have helped me because then my father might have to leave the house and then my mother would be sad.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress myself out of “fear” of my mother being sad.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear the death of my mother before my 18th birthday because then I’d be left alone with my father and might kill myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take my situation for granted when I was a child.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to take our family situation for granted when I was a child.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear smoking in the presence f my father out of fear that he might beat the crap out of me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being caught smoking by my father out of fear that he might get angry and beat me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to suppress my entire life big time.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that confidence is something that you get by wearing the “right clothes” instead a thing that you just are, that you are without needing anything separate from you to make you confident.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel hurt because my sisters feel ashamed of me.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to destroy myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to feel the urge to destroy myself.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself wanting to achieve control over myself and my existence by stop eating, instead of realising that I am self control and that I am the creator of my own existence.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that people find my blog dead boring.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that people might not read my blog because I write kind of much.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fear being dishonest in my blog.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to give in to the wall that I’ve built where a lot of dishonesty and self deceit lies.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to lie big time just because I wanted to be accepted and make others feel accepted.
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