Thursday, 31 January 2008

self forgiveness with dictionary (at first) but then turned out to something else :)

I decided I wanted to "try" (as in: actually do and then see how it goes ) applying self forgiveness while flipping through the dictionary and do self forgiveness on every word I have some reaction/feeling/thougth/memory. I decided to do this after reading someone's post about it ( ) but never really got to it (posponement aaaaargh!) so I will do a part everyday. Why do this? Well, it's kind of a 'systematic' way to release yourself from your past, to stop judging words, stop abusing words...

Self forgiveness is about releasing. So when doing self forgiveness on words you release yourself from your past (I worte post instead of past first woops :p). It's like a statement you're making. You're not going to let your past control or influence you. You're not giving you power away to your past anymore. Nope. You're going to stay here, now. Not worrying about past or future. Cause really. Whenever you're day dreaming or thinking about stuff it's always about a past event or a future event, but you're never ever actually in the NOW. Be aware of your thoughts people. You'll see them either go back of forward but never here. You're thinking about some party you're going and wondering if there are going to be any hot chicks/guys. You're thinking about how everything was better a year back. You're thinking about what you're going to eat for dinner... What purpose have these thougths? Are they helping you? No. In no way whatsoever. Follow your thoughts, look where they go. They're just distraction, entertainment that keeps you away from living. Living in the here and now. Enjoying yourself in every breath you take. Being fully aware of the moment. I mean wouldn't that be cool? To experience yourself when you're just sitting. Being aware of everything that your body is touching. Being aware of how your body moves while breathing. Being aware of the taste in your mouth. Being aware of YOU. How can you ever be bored or wanting to be entertained when fully living and experiencing yourself? You can't, you just can't.
How wonderful would it be, if your past cannot affect you. Not control you.
And this is not some wishful thinking you know. You can actually achieve this. Of course it will take some time. There are tools to do this. Self forgiveness is one of them. And applying the self forgiveness you've done, else it don't really matter. I'm guessing everyone wants to be released from their past. And you can only do this for yourself. So do it I tell you. Just do it. What do you have to lose except for your precious past that is still holding its tentacles onto you?
Do something for yourself.

I wrote a bit more than I would do usually. But I wanted to make it clear for people who are not familiar with desteni. So that they too can understand what it is people participating on the desteni forum are doing. That they can recognise themselves instead of just reading "system talk" and talking about how "the mind fucks with you". Cause I understand that when I started this blog I jsut wanted to put my application out there. But I realise that people who have no idea what self forgiveness is, who have no I idea about most of the stuff we talk about will just go to some other website cause they simply arent able to understand what's written. So from now on when I do a specific post about e.g. self dishonesty, systems, polarity, 'of the mind', self forgiveness, etc I'll expand on it in a way that it can be understood by anyone and that not only the people who are actively participating in process know what I'm talking about. This will assist me too in many ways I realise. So I can see how I understand things to be, to see how I work with self forgiveness, how I see systems... But also how I can assist other people practicaly and assist myself in the same way. A lot of specific words that we use on the forum, I never really written them out. It's inside me as an 'idea' like this uhm concept that has a tag like 'system' or 'honesty' and when the words are used I understand what's been said but I never really put the explanation as I experience it into words. It's like uhm... I used to play this game called Guild Wars (still play it from time to time) and you have your character and you've got skills, spells, enchantments that you can do unto other charachters. But then there would be spells named like "Backfire" but I wouldn't know what they mean (my english has its limits :p) but by "experiencing" the spell when someone would cast it on my character I understood what it meant. I knew what backfire meant. And now actually, I think this is a way better way to learn words. You don't really have the word in your mind along with a picture of it (like with the word apple and then imm. there's a picture of and apple with it) but you have the word and the experience of the word. I'm not sure if I'm getting this clear... I hope you get what I mean.
Anyway, lol, this wasn't really what I had "in mind" to write but hey, I'm glad I did.
I'll expand on the self forgiveness with dictionary later.
Also I'd like to ask the people from the forum to comment when I make a post about specific words we use at desteni so I can read your perspective on it. That'd be nice.
Ok, going to clean the stairs now.
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