Day 22: Back Chat - Self-Correction - Part 2

When and as I see myself participating within back chat – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that participating in back chat only serves the back chat itself and not me as a human being within practically living within this world and my environment from an equal and one starting point – and there is thus no point to participate within this.

Within this I commit myself to discipline myself to stop all backchat and be here within every moment of breath – and to expose how back chat only serves to feed itself and does not consider what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself shifting from one mood to another within my day – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I continue to participate within this pattern of shifting from one polarity to the next, the shifting will be never ending, and additionally I see and realise that moods in itself serve no practical purpose but to limit self within one’s self-application where one will act based on experience instead of acting within the consideration and starting point of what is Best for All Life and What Needs to be Done.

 Within this I commit myself to stop shifting from one polarity to another and step outside the polarity construct and simply be here as breath – constant and continuous – being the same in one moment and the next

When and as I see myself participating within backchat as thought, feelings and emotions –  I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that breath is here to assist and support me within grounding myself within every moment – and thus I accept this gift and embrace breath and assist and support myself to be aware within and as breath within every moment

Within this I commit myself to breathe effectively and show others how breath is the gift of life which can embrace to assist and support self within the Journey to Life

When and as I see myself participating within backchat as thoughts, feelings and emotions – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fact sabotaging myself through adding additional layers of crap within myself, only making this more difficult for myself and prolonging my process – instead of being here, breathing within every moment as to not add anything but come to a point of removing and walking back the accepted and allowed layers of self as self-dishonesty

Within this I commit myself to be diligent in being here within every moment of breath and commit myself to the 7 Year Journey to Life where I push myself to remove the layers of self-dishonesty that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – and to walk with and assist andsupport others who have chosen the same journey

Day 21: Back Chat – Nothing has Changed – Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my trust in back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given my back chat my permission to do with me as it wants in terms of how I will experience myself during my day and shifting from mood to mood

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to breathe effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to listen to the voices inside my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that back chat is valid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see back chat as a part of “Who I Am” and what makes me – ME – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to individuality and uniqueness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that no-one is unique as we are all just pre-programmed organic robots following our back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to the voices inside my head

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that having voices inside one’s head is disturbing and should be checked out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal to have thoughts running inside one’s head that no-one else can hear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everyone should have the right to ‘privacy’ as ‘back chat’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this implies that everyone should be allowed to have their private room where they can abuse and have back stabbing thoughts about one another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have split myself where I am one person on the outside and another within my back chat as my secret mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat keeps me safe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my back chat provides me with guidance and structure

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only ‘guidance’ my back chat provides me is how to remain within my limited bubble of reality and not change into a person who acts within the interest of what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my back chat will only ever keep me within a closed loop where I always end up at the same point and never ever move or expand myself within me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stop my back chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the same back chat patterns over and over again, day by day – even though I know where this pattern goes, all the thoughts that is going to come next after the initial initiating thought and how I am going to just come back to the same spot and later repeat the same cycle all over again

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that each time I participate within a pattern and repeat it, I am only making it harder for myself to work through the particular point as each repetition is another layer being added within myself which I will later have to remove – instead of seeing and realising that if I simply stop and not participate within back chat, there are no layers to be added that need to be removed later – which allows me then to work with what is already here, which is already plenty to work with in terms of walking myself backwards and getting to a point of nothingness

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I decide the direction, duration and difficulty level of my own process within every breath within the decision to either breathe effectively or not

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that Desteni has been repeating the same message, the same principle over and over again throughout all the years – where nothing has changed except the words used from time to time – where each time a new word is used to describe the same thing I accept and allow myself to be moved and be motivated to “take myself on” instead of me moving myself within the understanding of the core, base, principle of the message which hasn’t changed in any way whatsoever – yet I have not moved myself to apply it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply myself within the understanding of the Desteni message

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be moved by energy, where each time apparently a “new point” opens up – which is the same point under a different name – I will accept and allow myself to be moved and “get back in there” – instead of seeing and realising that nothing has changed in fact and that this movement is self-deception as it was initiated from an outside source instead of me moving myself within the understanding of what has to be done and what is Best for All Life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if after all these years I am still not applying the basic Desteni principles such as breathing in every moment and stopping any thoughts, emotions and feelings inside myself within every moment: that there is something seriously wrong with my capability of doing simple things as these are very simple steps/guidelines to stick to yet I have not disciplined myself to apply these within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply myself within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone applying myself within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am only compromising myself within not applying myself within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up justifications and excuses as to why I am not applying myself within every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse and dishonour breath through expecting my human physical body to work and function for me unconditionally 24/7 without giving it a moment’s consideration and being here with and as my human physical body to support me within every single moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a pattern where I will resort to breath within those moment that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined as “difficult’ and those moments/experiences which I do not want to experience – but where I will not breathe effectively within every single moment of my day and in those moments where I experience myself as “good” as these are moments/experiences that I do not want to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use breath selectively only in those moments where I want to change instead of being here as breath within every single moment within the consideration of what’s Best for All and not my limited self-interest desires and wants

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I won’t get anywhere as long as I am selective in terms of what I like and what I dislike – where both polarities require to be addressed but where I will be more engaged towards stopping the “bad”, “negative” experiences and not give much attention to the “good”, “positive” experiences

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is useless to address the “bad” if one is not going to address the “good” as both are sides of the same coin

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I cannot expect myself to change COMPLETELY if I am going to be selective about what I want and don’t want to change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have been wasting my time

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to GET REAL

Self-Forgiveness and Commitment Statements to follow within next Blog

Day 20: Angry People – Anger and Me – Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear angry people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let past memories ingrain fear of angry people within and as me – where I did not know and did not understand why someone would get angry at me and took their reaction personal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of the person getting angry with me, have taken it personal – in the belief that I was the cause/reason why the person was angry – where I now see/realize/understand that just as I am responsible for my reactions of anger – the person in question was also responsible for their own reaction of anger – and had in fact nothing to do with me as a being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of the person getting angry at me and shouting/ lashing out – have gone into complete fear and petrification where I froze completely within and as my physical human body as I thought that the end was upon me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear angry people as I fear them doing something unto me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question the reaction of anger the person went into – as my non-responsiveness implies that I thought this kind of behavior was ‘okay’/’acceptable’  within the belief that I must have had done something wrong – and that this was the consequence of having done something wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone within complete fear and petrification when the person lashed out on me within anger – and where this became my main response mechanism to any other later event relating to anger – where I would simply stand frozen and wait it out, then run to my room and cry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief within myself that I cannot deal with anger – as I did not as a child have the vocabulary to communicate with the person being angry at me – where I wanted to say/express something but just couldn’t find any words – and then defined myself according to this experience, as the experience of being ‘powerless’ and ‘helpless’ and then within all subsequent events related to anger – would access the same experience inside myself, where I basically each time would loop through my very first memory again – reliving the exact same pattern without looking at how I could do it differently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the moment of the person being angry at me / lashing out on me – have only looked at the emotional aspect of what was happening within the event and did not really look at the words spoken by the being and whether or not the being was making sense – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in turn respond to this within emotion instead of common sense

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed value within emotions and see them as a valid part of life – and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider emotions to be a valid component within conversations which must be considered and valued, where I completely disregard what is being said and whether it does or doesn’t make sense as I’ve accepted and allowed emotions to override all logic as common sense

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that emotions are not a valid part of life and not a valid component of conversations and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to discard any emotions within conversations/arguments and only look at the words spoken and in turn respond to these words within common sense practicality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when people get angry at me – instead of seeing and realizing that one can only be angry at self – and that I am thus only serving as a mirror for the other person within that particular moment where they saw something within me which reminded them of themselves which they had not yet sorted out – and then triggered anger as a reaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am only able to respond to the emotions of others with emotions of my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am powerless in the face of strong emotional outbursts

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can only give emotions authority over me if I place myself within that position of powerlessness as I am in fact in that moment giving permission for these emotions to influence and control me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I do not have to react when others are reacting/being emotional – and that this in fact a decision I make for myself within myself – and thus I can also decide to not play this game and STOP within myself – and within this not feed / confirm the other person’s emotional outburst

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to handle conflict situations within a common sense approach

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with moments of conflict and friction anticipate and expect fear, anxiety, petrification and lock-down mode within myself – instead of accepting and allowing myself to trust myself to direct myself within common sense practicality and not be swept away by the wave of emotions

When and as I am faced with another person being angry and responding to this within emotions as fear, petrification, anxiety and “lock-down” mode – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that this is not the only way to respond to a situation like this and that I can decide for myself how I would like to walk through this experience – where I either allow emotions to direct myself and the event or step up and use practical common sense to direct the event

When and as I am faced with another person being angry and taking it personal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that it is not personal and that the person within that particular moment is taking out their own inner-frustrations on me – where they are dealing with a point in relation to themselves which I happened to trigger – but where this is no way means that I am the “cause” or “reason” why they are angry as I have already seen and realized within myself that one can only be angry at oneself for accepting and allowing dishonesty to exist within

When and as I am faced with another being angry and going into emotions and feelings – I stop and I breathe – I see / realize / understand that there is no point within going into emotions and feelings as a response to another’s emotional outburst as this only feeds their experience – instead I look at the words spoken and reflect the person’s words back to themselves to assist and support the other in seeing what has been accepted and allowed within self

When and as I am faced with an angry person and going into feelings of doubt and distrust – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am the creator of my own inner experience and thus I direct myself within this realization/understanding to stop this inner self-doubt and allow myself to trust myself within breath to do what is best for all

I commit myself to changing the current educational system and parental support system in a way where emotions and feelings are explained from the start – so humans may be aware of how they operate and be more aware of how one’s own behavior towards others reflects only one’s relationship towards self

I commit myself to the re-education of human beings on Earth so they may in fact become responsible parents and teachers within this world who support and assist the children in understanding how reality works and within that empowering them and giving them the tools to work with their own inner reality so that they don’t have to go through a lifetime of confusion and abuse to then only after death realize what happened and how it happened within one’s Life Review

Day 19 – Power-less – Anger and Me – Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘Anger’ as ‘Power’ and ‘dominance/superiority’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the experience of “anger” with power due to the high energy levels surging through the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected the experience of high energy levels within the body as “power” – instead of seeing and realising that this is not real power as it is merely an indication that the mind has taken over completely -- and thus actually quite the opposite, as I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to energy with no directive principle whatsoever

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that being and becoming angry – is in fact the very statement of Powerlessness, Submission and Inferiority

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within me becoming / being angry at something / someone – I am in fact stating and showing that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as ‘less than’ and ‘inferior’ to the point I am angry at – where I try and compensate/make up for what I experience within myself by going into the opposite polarity as anger – where I will allow myself to for a moment experience ‘power’ and being ‘more than’ – which ends up only deepening and further ingraining feelings if powerlessness and inferiority

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I burst out in anger and feel powerful – that this is only so because I within that moment felt pushed within the deepest corner of feelings of being ‘less than’ and ‘inferiority’ – and where I then bounced all the way to the opposite polarity of being angry/enraged within the momentary experience of “no, I don’t want this anymore – I’ve had enough!!”  -- but where I project this statement/experience to the outside world / external factors – as if it is the outside world / others who are to blame for my experience – while in fact I should be telling myself STOP! And ENOUGH! – as I am the creator of my own inner hell

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am the creator of my own inner hell – and that if I do not like this experience, then there is no point getting angry at others / other things within my world as it is no way related to them / those points – but what I have accepted and allowed to exist within and as me as my own created, self-imposed inner hell

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that when I react within anger towards something or someone  -- such as for example the perception that my horse is pushing me around – that this is in fact me reacting to me allowing myself to be pushed around by myself as the mind as self-limitation and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exert / take out my anger at myself towards my horse within the belief that it is the horse ‘pushing me around’ while it me accepting and allowing myself to be pushed around by my mind within myself – but where I instead place the point of responsibility within/upon the horse where I will demand the horse to change and not me as I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the point at which I am being angry at not taking responsibility for within an attempt to maintain my self-definition as personality to not have to change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that whenever I react within anger towards something or someone – it is always ME – and never the other and that this is a sign that I must take SELF-Responsibility for myself within myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I react within anger towards something/someone I am in fact stating that I am ‘less than’ and ‘inferior’ to the point which I am angry at – where I get angry because I have already made the decision within myself through acceptance and allowance that I cannot change this point and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for and within myself as self-imposed limitation and trust that I can change -- and realise and apply the realisation that I do not have to remain within my self-imposed limitation and feelings of inferiority

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others / points / factors outside of myself for how I experience myself – instead of seeing and realising that I am the creator of my own experience and that I do not have to accept and allow this bullshit inside myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that reacting in anger is in fact a defense mechanism of and as the mind to protect itself as self-imposed limitation as personality as who I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as – where when I get reminded of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined/limited as – I get angry and blame others/the world instead of seeing and realising that it is I, ME who created this idea/belief/definition/personality of myself and that there is no reason / that I have no right to become angry but at myself as I placed myself in this position through acceptance and allowance

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that bouncing from one polarity to another as ‘inferiority’/’powerlessness’ to ‘anger’/’power’  -- is not a solution but only an artificial form of “change” where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I experience ‘something else’ that this means that I have ‘changed’ – while all I am doing is flipping the coin and still participate within the exact same construct/system

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I want to change this pattern/construct it is a matter of going beyond it – erasing it – and rescripting myself completely and live according to this new script within the context of what is Best for All to have Actual Change manifested – and not to simply loop from one polarity to another as this only further deepens and ingrains the pattern with every loop

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of anger – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise the polarity construct I am participating within and that it has no benefit/use to continue this participation – So instead I stop, take a deep breath and bring the point back to myself and move myself to identify the origin of the pattern and apply Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements to correct the point within myself

When and as I see myself going into a reaction of anger and feeling “powerful” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating within a mindfuck and that I am actually experiencing myself as ‘powerless’ – and thus I move and direct myself to identify where within myself and my world I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as powerless and move through the appropriate Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective statements in order to release myself from this self-limitation – and within that – I commit myself to identify and trace back all my anger points to all the various points/aspects within myself which I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from – so that I can embrace myself as these points and direct them as myself, take responsibility and release myself from this self-imposed limitations as personality

When and as I see myself accessing back chat about another / points within my world – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this back chat is only revealing my relationship with myself and where I still require to give attention to changing / transforming my self-relationship in alignment with what is Best for All – and within this I commit myself to stop all back chat as this is deliberate abuse as abdication of self-responsibility within the defense of personality -- and to bring all back chat points back to myself, sort them out through Self-Forgiveness , Self Corrective Statements and Actions – so there may be no more

When and as I see myself accessing energy as anger – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept and allow myself to further participate within this energy and/or act upon this energy as this is self-deception as the ego trying to divert attention from itself and its limited design – and thus I look at where and how I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself within self-limitation and move myself to correct this point within myself instead of throwing a tantrum lol

Day 18: Angry at the World – Anger and Me – Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the world for being dishonest

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am part of this world and dishonest to the same extent – and that through being angry at the world I am actually being angry at myself as the world is merely a reflection of who I / we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become within our dishonesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the world – without seeing and realising that this is self-righteous and self-absorbed as one is pointing fingers while not doing anything about the issue at hand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the money system – without seeing and realising that the money system is a reflection of who we are as the human race and our indulgence in the accumulation of energy as experience at the cost of Life on Earth as the Physical – where I form part of this human race and thus am equally responsible for our current money system and the state of the world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that anger is in fact dishonest – where the experience and participation in anger indicates a point of self-dishonesty where one is blaming an external point / factor within one’s world – without seeing and realising that self is responsible for the existence of this point and is thus through anger actually making a statement of separation and that self will not get his/her hands dirty – the point must just fix itself!

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am as much part of the problem as of the solution

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that anger without taking responsibility will only lead to more anger

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate anger through doing nothing instead of using and directing anger as myself to move myself to change that which I am angry about within the world and myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I will remain angry if I remain passive

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I will only get more angry at myself if I don’t fully commit myself to changing the world and myself as the world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that through participating within anger at something or someone outside of myself – I am in fact giving my power away and left with no directive principle – as I am stating that “I am not the creator” and thus am left with no power to change or direct the point – whereas if I see / realise / understand that I am in fact responsible for the existence of the particular point – I see/realise/understand that I am the creator – and thus gift myself / embrace the power to change the point – instead of being angry and getting nowhere at all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that through being angry at something outside of myself  and not doing anything about it – I am in fact feeding and supporting that very manifestation which I despise – and thus in fact despise myself for not doing anything about it

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have confused anger with ‘rebellion’, ‘rejection’  and ‘refusal’ – instead of seeing and realising that anger is the expression of acceptance and allowance within the abdication of self-responsibility

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress anger within and as me – instead of making the decision of forgiving myself for experiencing/participating within anger and taking the necessary self-corrective steps to ensure its non-reoccurrence

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have only participated within anger from the starting point of disempowerment – instead of using and directing anger as me as the driving force/passion to change this world/me to what is Best for All, once and for All


When and as I see myself experiencing/participating within anger – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this anger I am experiencing as myself is indicating to me that I have not yet taken full responsibility within myself and my world – I thus identify the origin of the anger within myself, forgive myself and apply self-corrective statements and actions as an act of self-responsibility and commitment to change

When and I see myself experiencing/participating within anger – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fact disempowering myself and abdicating my power to change what it is that I would like to see changed – and thus I commit myself to taking self-responsibility within the realisation/understanding that I am in fact the creator – and remind myself that anger within itself will bring about as much change as positive thinking = nada

When and as I see myself experiencing/participating within anger – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is an opportunity for me to see where I am still allowing myself to be dishonest within myself and my world – and I commit myself to take responsibility for this point of self-dishonesty and change myself / the world within the context of Self-Honesty and what is Best for All Life

Day 17: Betrayal – Anger and Me – Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt angry and betrayed when I heard people talk behind my back about something I did while I was playing on my own, where it was said that it was childish and that they can’t believe I’m still occupying myself with these type of things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt hurt within myself when I heard them talk about my back and judge me for what I did

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged myself for what I did

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone all red in my face, where I felt raging anger, embarrassment and tears well up in my eyes all at the same time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that  -- within that moment of them talking about me as being “childish” – that they had taken something away from me and thus feel hurt inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed and perceived that they had taken a piece of my “dignity”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been angry at myself for having done what I did because while I was doing what I was doing before, the thought had popped in my head that the other family members might think that this is stupid and childish – but I did it anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have felt angry and betrayed because I believed that family was here in the world to help me and I didn’t understand / couldn’t believe why they would talk about me like that behind my back – we were supposed to have each others’ backs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that moment of hearing them talk about me behind my back – have gone into complete anger possession – where I swore to myself that I will never trust them again and that I should instead trust myself as my thoughts because I did think that they would judge me for it and now they did – which I interpreted as a confirmation that I should trust myself as thoughts instead of expressing myself unconditionally no matter what anyone else thinks of what I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what my family members think of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my family members to like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my family members to like me because at that point in my life they were all that I had

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed a higher value on what my other family members think of me than what I think of me on the basis that they are older and that they know better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between “being older”, “knowing better” and “authority”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between “being younger”, “knowing less” and “inferiority”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my family members as an example of how things are done within the belief that they know better as they are older than me – and thus use their feedback to judge myself and change myself according to what I thought would make me fit  / be normal within the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have had created the belief that it was “us” as the family “against the big bad world” – and now that I heard them talk about me behind my back I felt like I had lost this support as it felt like the “big bad world” was now also in the house as the family members and I felt hopeless and alone within myself as I perceived that I had lost all hope of having people by me that I can trust as I walk through my life and this world as a child

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise at that time that there cannot be any separation between “the family” and “the world” as the family is a result of the world and thus there can be no “family vs the world” as it’s all one and the same thing as what we have accepted and allowed to have become of our creation on Earth

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that in that moment it wasn’t my family that betrayed me – but me that betrayed myself – as the experience showed that I had not been unconditional in my expression but had tied my expression to the feedback of others as my family – and thus when their feedback was negative, I felt bad and hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to betray myself within myself through not being unconditional in my expression but tying it to what other think / might think of me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the particular experience I went through as anger, rage, betrayal, embarrassment and sadness – was never about them but about ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have blamed my family for how I experienced myself within that moment for stabbing me in the back – while it was actually me stabbing myself in the back through not unconditionally expressing myself within the moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I experienced betrayal because of the way I treated myself and my expression

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the family system cannot be perfect in an imperfect world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it’s not because the world is fucked up and the family system is fucked up that I must now go and betray myself and act like everyone else and the world does and become equally fucked

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I cannot be angry at the world if I don’t take the practical steps to change the world – as all I am doing then is blaming the world for how I experience myself without doing anything to correct it and thus in essence being angry at myself for not taking responsibility for myself, my experience and my / the world

When and as I see myself going into an experience of betrayal – I stop and I breathe – I see / realise / understand that I am in fact causing this experience of betrayal inside myself as I am the one betraying me – and thus I do not accept and allow myself to participate within blame/projection but take responsibility for my actions as self-betrayal and I commit myself to investigate this point of self-betrayal and walk the necessary Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements and Actions

When and as I see myself going into an experience of anger – I stop and I breathe – I see /realise / understand that I am in fact participating in a form of blame where I am not taking responsibility for a particular point within myself and the world – I thus investigate this point and commit myself to take the necessary steps to correct the point

I commit myself to changing the world to a place where everyone can unconditionally express themselves and where both parents and children are educated in terms of the functioning of the Mind so that they can be provided with the tools in terms of how to work with oneself and sort oneself out

Day 16: Anger and Me - Introduction

I've known that anger has been an issue in my life, but I have brushed it away, saying to myself "But I am not an angry person! Right?" and where I saw it as "not that important" of an issue to deal with, as I don't experience it as a constant thing bugging me -- but which in certain moments will completely take over to extreme levels - which is not cool.

I can definitely see a lot of anger points in my childhood, and I can clearly see myself as having been an angry child -- where my whole face would become all red, except for my nostrils turning all white and just feeling so furious, where if I could have exploded into millions of pieces, I would have. But then later as I grew up and started to keep my emotions and feelings more to myself I stopped seeing myself as "an angry person" but it's all still buried deep down inside there.

My dad was also a very angry person when I grew up and I've come to deny "anger" within me as a point of separation with my dad -- where I did not want to become anything like him or be associated in any way whatsoever with him -- yet here I am, and I am angry.

So in my next few blogs I will be taking a closer look at my Relationship with Anger and how accepting anger to exist within and as me affected my life and is still affecting my life -- and walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements to ensure that I no longer abuse myself and others with this point of anger -- but instead transform it into a self-driven passion to change myself and the world around me in a way that is Best for All.






 

Day 15: Self as Creator - Fear and Me - Part 5

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to stop fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from fear within not trusting myself to stop fear as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I create fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself as the creator of fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand one and equal to my creation

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that fear is self-induced

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this implies that I can direct fear as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my creation as fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame outside/external sources and circumstances for me creating fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have taken the point back to myself and take responsibility for what I accept and allow within this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and stop fear through thoughts

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that trying to stop the mind through the mind doesn't work

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand by and trust in breath -- here, in every moment

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that breath is the only stable point within life and it is the only common sense point to stick to within living life

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the physical and breath

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is the physical which is going to support me within stopping myself as the mind as fear and not the mind lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that one day, the fear within and as me is not just going vanish just like that -- as it took a process of habitual conditioning and accumulation over time to integrate the fear within and as me and connect it to all the various trigger points which I accepted and allowed to exist within myself -- and thus it is going to take time through accumulation within daily application and consistency to disintegrate the fear within and as me and replace it with practical common sense consideration within what is Best for All Life

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I imposed this affliction unto myself within a process of creation and that it is thus going to take an equal process of creation to re-create myself in a way that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is up to me to face my fears, day by day, breath by breath until it's done

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there are no quick fixes -- as this would be cheating and not taking full self-responsibility for one's creation

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I will be facing fear over and over again -- each time being faced with a test and that it is up to me to work through it each and every single time -- to prove to myself in fact that I can stand -- which should not be a problem, since if I can work through it once, I can work through it and face it no matter how many times it comes up -- within self-trust


When and as I see myself experiencing fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that breath and my physical body are here to assist me in grounding the energy I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as -- and thus I utilize breath to ground myself and allow the energy to flow out of my body into the Earth

When and as I see myself being discouraged and having thoughts like "What? Fear again?!" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that a creation process within time accumulation and consistency took place to create and embed this fear within and as me -- and it is thus going to take an equal process of creation to disintegrate the fear within and as me -- and within that I commit myself to be patient with myself and stand by breath -- moment by moment -- until it is done

When and as I see myself panicking in the face of fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am in fact the creator which means that I am the directive principle allowing fear to roam free within me -- and that this same directive principle as myself can thus cease fear as well

I commit myself to do what it takes to undo the mess we've created within this world within the consideration that it took time to create this mess and that it is thus also going to take time to clean it up

I commit myself to move myself to do whatever it takes to get over this mess once and for all -- no matter how long it takes

I commit myself to stand by breath and my physical body and to assist and support my physical body the same way as it assists and supports me