Wednesday, 11 June 2008

French exam

I have french oral exam in a few hours and I’m sort of stressing
Dunno if its related to the exam but I think it is most likely to.

So

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about my French oral exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will total block out in the exam and that I wont be able to get words get out of my mouth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not be able to explain the book to my teacher properly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will fail on my exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I fail on my exam – I must be a failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the quotation that my teacher gives me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce myself to a mere number
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting that the exam goes perfect
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the exam because I am not in control of the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the questions my teacher might ask because I want to be prepared and have the answer ready
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, needing, wanting, desiring control over the situation
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust my self that I will be alright and that nothing can go wrong – as I am here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t find the right words in French and then suddenly start talking in English cause that’s what I do sometimes lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what my teacher will think of the words I speak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to say anything usefull about the article I had to pick to talk about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to talk about “my li(e)fe” and my “art work”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear she will ask questions to which I do not know the answer
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I will get bad grades if I don’t know the answer on some of her questions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to express myself properly in French – although I’ve been talking in French out loud in bath this morning and it went pretty well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous because I have exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious and in fear because I have exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when it is exams you SHOULD feel nervous, anxious and stress and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when you got exams – you stress , you fear, you are anxious and nervous, cause that’s the way it is when you got exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being nervous and anxious is part of having exams and that there is nothing you can do about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal to feel anxious and nervous, to stress and to fear when having exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this stress, fear, anxiety and nervousness forces me to work hard for the exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions and feelings such as stress, fear, nervousness and anxiety direct me instead of ME directing ME as the directive principle
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions and feelings such as stress, fear, nervousness and anxiety control and influence me, let them posses me and do with me whatever they want – instead of me standing up for me, realising myself as self control
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate control from me
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self control
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, see, perceive that I need to be in control of situations in order for things to be alright
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and realise that I do not need to be in control of my situation, but that if I am just here – stable- as who I am, what can possibly happen?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am in control all will be fine
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of the feel, need , want desire of being in control of situations.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the ridiculousness of fearing an exam
Lol
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here during in exam, but instead rush into my mind, and run into the walls of my mind – the limitations I put on to myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to succeed in an exam you must be in your mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link exams with being in your mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that learning and making, taking exams, requires participation in the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link school with required to participate in the mind
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I actually escape in the mind while being at school – because the experience of me is that or boring and wanting to be anywhere but HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have more chance to fail on my exam because I go as last and thus the teacher MUST be tired and pissed
Lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that teachers are always tired and pissed on the last person that comes for the exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require the mind and these feelings emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety and nervousness in order to prepare me for the exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as feelings and emotions such fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety actually prepare me somehow LOLI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not in control of my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness anxiety are something Bigger and Greater and More than me , they rule me – I cannot to anything about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to my mind as feelings and emotions such a stress, fear, nervousness, anxiety, that these are superior
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am one and equal to my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety – thus I can direct them as me – because I am one and equal to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one I am in school – it is the rule of the mind and I cannot possible be here – as I participate in the school system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that once I’m at school – these SF lines turn out to be useless and I will be swallowed by my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to a certain extent that me doing SF will turn out to be useless
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations about my SF lines and thus not doing it unconditionally
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations about my SF
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply myself as self forgiveness – unconditionally
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the nature of me as what I have become – take responsibility, direct it from here and let go
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety and nervousness – cannot possibly harm me – unless I let them
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
It is what I have accepted and allow – after all


LOL, normally I would drink alcohol and then I wouldn’t stress, but yeah, that’s not an option hehe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to suppress my feelings and emotion such as fear and anxiety so I can be somewhat stable and confident when I do my exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate confidence and stability from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can only be “stable” and confident after I drank alcohol or took drugs
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self confidence and stability

So, my solar plexus has been calming down which is cool
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be limited by the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, nervousness, stress and anxiety
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept this exam as a chance and opportunity for me to observe the experience of me and to see how I direct and move me within this experience of me



Damn this was cool to do

Hehe
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