Monday, 16 June 2008

okaaaaaaaaaay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot absorb any information whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that all my learning for my geology exam will be in vain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a big chance at failing the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if the exam will be easy or difficult.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to work with what is here - instead of holding on to information and knowledge without practically applying it like my geology test showed me so beautifuly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scratch my head open.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep with the thought of worrying about my exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not be able to remember all the stuff I've just "learnt".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as in seeing myself as stupid for not understanding the study material earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated with myself because I started to learn the exam just the day before and not earlier though I knew it was a lot to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to continue learning once I take a break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave cigs while learning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with myself because I am not able to explain to mom in a way that she would understand how certain computer things work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up on learning exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can learn no more - that I have had enough.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be here - else I could learn forever lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by giving in to the mind and stating that I am tired of exams and can have no more.

I am not my mind, I won't let my mind tell me what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire doing some more "fun" stuff while learning.

In forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define studying as "no fun".

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am responsible for the experience of me while studying - I am the creator of it all - thus I can direct and correct it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to apply myself effectively while learning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no room left in my head for information and knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous at other people that do not have exams or that have already done their exams or finished school like ruben and marlen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything would be much better if i did not have exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care so much about exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal out of exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with all these people calling me for help with their exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes still help people with their exams when I know I actually shouldn't cause I'm not REALLY helping them or assisting them in a way that could be actually USEFUL for them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to tell people in their face that they have to sort it out for themselves - I won't be there for them forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder how the folks of my class are going to handle next year as they wont have me or catherine to call.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people - not my problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like it that people always come to me with their questions and act as if I have all the answers and then act all disapointed and show disapointed towards me when I do not know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disapointed in myself when I do not know the answer to a question someone asks me and think - I should have known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself an ego boost when I know and give an answer when someone asks me something that they themselves dont know caue now apparently I am superior to them cause I knew it and they didnt.

I forgiv myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get an ego punch when I do not know the answer to a question and someone else does - cause now I am apparantly inferior and the other person superior because he she knew and I did not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people with regards to answers and questions and judge myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity constuct and create polarity by defining me and or others as inferior/superior when I or he she does not know or knows anwer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined "who I am" according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by defining myself as who I am according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other people as "who they are" according to the knowledge and information they possess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit other people and my experience of these people by defining them according to the knowledge and information they possess.

I am not just knowledge and information.

No one is just knowledge and information.

Let those exams come muahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa
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