Jury

ok - tomorrow I have jury about my art work. 8 people (4 of them that I do not know) will watch my work, listen to me and judge accordingly.

now i stress. and I am nervous. Altough I know - this is ridiculous and not helping me anyway whatsoever. They are bugging me and distracting me from the real point - being here.
I fear I will not know what to answer - that there will be many silent parts and that I will use empty words to cover up the silence. Which won't do any good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that there will be many silences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not know what to say or answer.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use empty words in an attempt to cover up silences in conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from silence.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that silence is as much as an expression of me - as words are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate silence from words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed m

lol just got phonecall from my teacher hehe she said I will have to go later because there is a woman coming over from SA with plane that is part of jury and she will be there half hour later and she said it is important that she is there with my jury and that they will have others do it first.

DAmn, I wwanted to go first!!!
hahahaa

actually, this thing, is just something I will have to walk through you know. I know the constructs, I know how it works, I know how ridiulous it is - now it's time to live it.



cool