Saturday, 14 June 2008

Self Forgiveness using dictionary

HAha, so at one point I was using the dictionary for self forgiveness. I would read the words and if any reactions popped up : self forgiveness.
I told myself i would do one word atleast everyday but hehehe, as you can see : nope didn't do that
That was at end of january, I think at the time that we were at seaside and Ann came haha.

Ok, I first go pee and then do SF with dictionary - brb

Ok back

Now I realised I have to do self forgiveness on something else first.... That Benny LAva song LOL.

Yes, it has been playing in my head almost non stop since that bitchy Ann gave me the link hehe (you know I love you Ann hehe).

So.
I decided it has to go cause it's driving me crazy!!!! hear "lalalalanananan Benny Lava! Have you been hight tooodaaaayaaayayayayay" shit the whole fukcing time. So , yes, sorry Benny Lava, you got to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this Benny Lava song play in my head non stop for the past few hours that I've been awake and those hours before I went to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep with the Benny Lava song.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to clear myself effectivly from the day that is gone - so I can fall asleep clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander off in my mind and start repeating past events conversations and start picking my skin to then suddenly "wake up" and come back HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander off in the mind and start picking my skin again right after I've just done Self forgiveness on it!

Leila you are incredible lol

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to put my self forgiveness in immediate application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the Benny Lava song as catchy and that I can't do anything about it - so i just let it run into my head.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I can stop a thought I can stop a song from playing non stop in my head.

STOP

I do not accept and allow this Benny Lava song to be stuck in my head!

:)


ok dictionarry, last word I did waaaaas aandacht = attention hehe

reading words ... an YES : reaction on the word (drum sounds) ........... : aandenken = souvenirs

SOUVENIRS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy or take souvenirs from places where I enjoyed myself so I can later look at it, take it in my hans and have happy thoughts about it - to live some more in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to want to buy souvenirs when on holidays, so I wouldn't forget the holidya and have something from there, here at home

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be here as the breath of every moment while doing self forgiveness.

ok - Im going to eat, byebye

ok back mm paella and chocomousse hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

right

SOUVENIRS

I forive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy souvenirs and define them as e 3D memory, a presentation of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy stuff so I can give it "emotional value" and so I can fear losing it HA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my souvenirs.

souvenirs in french means memories so yea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy or take things from places where an event took place so I can link the object with the past even so I would not forget it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear I am not able to remember all events (at least the nice ones) in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all of my memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and importance to souvenirs/memories and past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to take and actually take photographs to "capture the moment" while all I get is this piece of shiny paper with colors and lines on it that present anything BUT the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to capture the moment by taking a photograph while it is all actually in vain as the moment cannot be captured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to hold on and not let go of happy thoughts and happy memories while the only result I get from this is that I actually DO forge them and that I only remember all the BAD stuff - surprise surprise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to forget bad stuff and actually tell myself : in a few years you will have forgotten about this - and then what happens - I remember as it was yesterday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to push away all the bad memories and thoughts and pull the happy pretty thoughts to me - but all in vain.
Beecaaaause in case you did not know yet Leila, what you RESIST WILL PERSIST.

aah yes, you FORGOT hahaahahahahah hihi

giggly wobble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the song Souvenirs by Patrick Wolf in my head whenever I see this world.

strange words souvenirs sou venirs sous venir

i look up in etymologic dictionairy ...

Provenç. sovenir ; ital. sovvenire ; du latin subvenire, subvenir, de sub, sous, et venire, venir. Ce sont les langues romanes qui ont donné à ce verbe le sens de venir en mémoire, en le détournant légèrement : subvenit mihi, il me subvient, il subvient en ma mémoire.


yea thats what I thought lol


ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things or take things with me from places so I can attach lots of memories and thoughts to is , so that everytime I see it and take it in my hands - these thoughts memories and all related emotions are generated inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic charge that some thoughts and memories bring up inside of me - so I buy souvenirs so I can use this souvenir to generate the charge inside me - over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past - believing that if I lose all memory of past - I am no one - I am lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to my past and the ability to recall past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I loose and cannot recall some past events - I lost a piece of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a life and that I am someone because I have the ability to recall past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I lose all of my memories I would be lost and I would be no one.

I am not my past.

I am not defined by my past.

ok, I go study some more for math. and maybe change this blog lay out, beginning isnt really easy to read when there are flowers all over the place LOL
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