The Open-Minded pt I

Body Suites and Personality Designs in the Matrix - The Open-Minded

Definition of open-minded according to dictionary:

–adjective
1.
having or showing a mind receptive to new ideas or arguments.

2.
unprejudiced; unbigoted; impartial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being an open-minded person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and thus limit myself by defining me as an open-minded person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and present myself as someone that is receptive to new ideas and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy sucking and absorbing new ideas and information inside myself without doing anything with them except for thinking about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to present myself as an open-minded person because of wanting recognition and validation from other people that I perceive to be open-minded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is a compliment when one calls you open-minded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the open-minded as superior towards the narrow-minded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see narrow-minded people as inferior towards open-minded people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself and other people to then accordingly divide them into polarity groups such as “open-minded” – “narrow-minded”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people by comparing them and putting polarity labels on them so that I know apparently know them a bit more and have more power and control over them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to have some illusionary control feeling over persons by gathering knowledge and information about them so that I know apparently “know” them and have some “control” over them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to put labels on people in order to understand them and getting some sort of grip over them.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that narrow minded people and open minded people are actually one and the same cause they’re both minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people according to their ability to be open to new ideas and information/knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people according to how they cope when encountering new ideas and information/knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people according to how they are open to new ideas or reject them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to participate with people that I have defined as narrow-minded.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject an entire being just because I perceive them to be narrow-minded, defined them as being narrow-minded and thus I could not possibly have a normal conversation with him or her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to select my friends and choose my friends according to if they are open-minded or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to have anything to do with people that I perceive to be narrow-minded or that my other open-minded friends perceive to be narrow minded because then I would feel ashamed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of knowing and talking to so called “narrow-minded” people out of fear and judgement of my friends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I were narrow minded (which I actually I am, because mind is simply narrow) I should be ashamed and feel inferior , not worthy of the presence of open-minded people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself doing my best to be an open-minded person while all I actually do is follow the unspoken, unwritten rules of the “open-minded people stream”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that “being open-minded” is just another program.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that “being open-minded” is not who I am, it is of the mind consciousness systems inside me, and it is there because I have accepted and allowed myself to let it be there by believing that this is who I am, letting it become my very nature.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that being “narrow-minded” is not who I am, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that being “narrow-minded” is just another system program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself only wanting to participate with beings in this world that have the same or similar mind programming as me – thus limiting myself extensively.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself that “narrow-minded people” and “open-minded people” are actually one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject every being that hasn’t got a similar mind programming – simply because I do not understand them, can’t have a grip on them, and thus have no apparent illusionary control over them – and thus fear them.




To be continued lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that process goes by itself and that I have to do nothing.

I forgiver myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my mind direct me instead of me directing myself as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sit back in my body and let my mind do "all the work".

I fogive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let scenes that I once saw on tv play in my mind and let past conversations play in my mind that I do not even remember I ever heard them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget most of the moments of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am able to forget.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to forget.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend as if I do not remember.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make up some "funny" details when
I tell someone a story.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop when I know I'm talking bullshit and exagerating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to be percieved by other people as funny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslf wanting to be percieved as funny by other people becasue I want to be liked and accepted by them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept and like myself and thus go search for acceptande and recognition outside of myself with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to be accepted and liked by other people in order to like and accept myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot possibly like and accept myself if other people don't accept and like mself first.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept and love myself unconditionally.

I am self acceptance
I am self love
I am here
I am stability whenever wherever
I direct me as life and do what is best for all as one as equal
I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by the mind.
I do not accept and allowed myself to be in, of and as the mind.
I do not accept anything less than who I am.
I am here as breath in every single moment.

SF eten

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan eetgewoontes te creëren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd oftewel mezelf vol te vreten en anders mezelf uit te hongeren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb geaccepteerd and toegestaan “eten” in de hand te houden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mijzelf onder controle te houden wanneer het gaat over eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegelaten over te geven aan vraatzucht.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan eten te kiezen aan de hand van picture presentation en niet aan de hand van wat ik voel dat mijn lichaam graag zou hebben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf helemaal te laten gaan en mezelf te overeten om dan over gaan naar het andere extreme van “niet eten”.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan van de ene polariteit naar de andere “over te schakelen”.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaceppteerd en toegestaan te eten om te supressen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te eten om mij te verschuilen van mezelf - wat onmogelijk is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te eten voor dat ene moment van tijdelijke verzadigdeih dat snel overwaaid naar pijn in de buik en schuldgevoel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij schuldig te voelen wanneer ik iets lekker iets dat calorierijk is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan het aantal caloriën van eenderd welk stuk voedsel op te zoeken om te zien hoeveel ik er van mag eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan eten te kiezen aan de hand van kennis en informatie dat ik heb als in weten hoeveel calorieën iets bevat zodat ik toch maar niet mogelijks zou
kunnen verdikken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan de calorieën te tellen die ik eet.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat door eten te eten dat veel caloerieën bevat, je verdikt.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan obsessief bezig te zijn met eten.

Ik vergeed mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan een obsessie met eten te ontwikkelen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan een eetobsessie te ontwikkelen om weg te vluchten van de realiteit, van het hier, van mezelf.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te realiseren dat een eetobsessie geen oplossing of toevlucht is.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat een eet obsessie mijn problemen zou oplossen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat een eet obsessie het probleem zou oplossen, het probleem dat ikzelf ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven en te trachten adhv een eetobsessie mijn problemen te vergeten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mijzelf te onderdrukken adhv eten en bezig zijn met eten in mijn mind.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan bij alles wat ik eet - of van plan ben te eten mij af te vragen : ga ik hiervan verdikken?

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben om te verdikken.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben van een dikke Leila in de spiegel te zien.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan van mijn picture presentation en of mogelijke picture presentations.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben van een illusie (die voor andere mensen misschien wel “echt” is).

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat andere mensen mij zien als dik en beoordelen als dik.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat mensen mij zeggen dat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben om uitgelachen te worden door mensen om dat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat mensen mij uitschelden omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat ik uitgesloten word omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan geaccepteerd en aanvaard te willen door andere mensen, omdat ik mezelf van mezelf heb afgescheiden en mezelf niet aanvaard, lief heb.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan naar aanvaarding en acceptatie te zoeken bij en in andere mensen ipv gewoon mezelf te appreciëren, accepteren , aanvaarden en lief hebben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en teogestaan chrik te hebben van wat de wereld zou denken moest ik echt dik zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben van de schaamte die ik zou voelen van dik te zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij te schamen omdat ik dik ben, dikker ben geworden.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat je je moet schamen wanneer je dik bent.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en teogestaan dikke mensen te linken met geen zelf controle en geen zelf controle met schaamte.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen te definiëren als mensen zonder zelf controle, die hun verdriet weg eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te realiseren dat ik net hetzelfde doe als al die dikke mensen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben te worden gezien door andere mensen als iemand die geen zelf controle heeft en haar verdriet weg eet.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen als zielig en miserabel te definiëren.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat mensen mij zien als zielig en miserabel.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen te zien als minderwaardig, doordat ik hen definiër als geen zelf controle hebbende.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan schrik te hebben dat andere mensen mij zien als minderwaardig omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij te zien als minderwaardig omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mijzelf te definiëren als minderwaardig omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat ik minderwaardig ben omdat ik dik ben
Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij minderwaardig te voelen omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij minderwaardig te gedragen omdat ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen te definiëren als inferieur.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en tegestaan magere mensen te definiëren als superieur.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan polariteit te creëren en in polariteit deel te nemen door mensen in te delen in superieur/inferieur afhankelijk of ze dik of dun zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mensen hun uiterlijk, gewicht en massa te vergelijken met elkaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mensen te beoordelen adhv hun uiterlijk, gewicht en massa.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te beoordelen adhv mijn uiterlijk, gewicht en massa.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf af te scheiden, af te splitsen van dikke mensen. (haha, ik had eerst ‘ikke’ mensen ipv ‘dikke’ mensen geschreven lol)

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen uit te lachen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf uit te lachen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen te zien als onaanvaardbaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te zien als onaanvaardbaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan magere mensen te zien als aanvaardbaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te zien als aanvaardbaar.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen enkel te zien als hun ‘picture presentation’ en niets meer.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan magere mensen enkel te zien als hun ‘picture presentation’ en niets meer.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te zien enkel als mijn ‘picture presentation’ en niets meer.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat dikke mensen enkel dik zijn en niets anders.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat dikke mensen hun leven draait om hun dik zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat mijn leven draait om mijn gewicht en picture presentation.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat dikke mensen geen leven hebben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te geloven dat ik geen leven heb als ik dik ben.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mijn zelf waarde te bepalen adhv van gewicht en picture presentation.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan waarde te hechten aan mijn gewicht en picture presentation.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mager te zijn, willen zijn om aanvaard te worden door mensen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mensen te aanvaarden, enkel omdat ze mager zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan dikke mensen niet te aanvaarden, enkel omdat ze dik zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf geprogrameerd te laten worden te geloven dat ik moet zijn wat de media mij zegt dat ik moet zijn.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te vormen adhv van het beeld dat de media geeft van een standaard persoon, perfect persoon aka perfect walking system robot.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan de verantwoordelijkheid bij de media te willen leggen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf niet heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te realiseren dat ik zelf verantwoordelijk ben voor mijn doen en laten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mij aan te passen aan de media.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan de mode te volgen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf obsessief te wegen, meerdere keren per dag.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan niet te eten voor een hele dag.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan te letten op wat ik eet.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te willen bewijzen dat ik niet geef om wat ik eet door extra vettig te eten.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf tegenover mezelf te bewijzen.

Ik vergeef mezelf dat ik mezelf heb geaccepteerd en toegestaan mezelf te willen bewijzen tegenover he idee/beeld dat ik over mezelf heb.

SF on sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself t

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be programmed to fall asleep once I lie down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that lying down implies falling asleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep whenever I lay down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired and let the mind dawn over me when lying down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become tired as I see lying down as being tired and going to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define lying down with eyes closed as sleeping.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stay awake while lying down with my eyes closed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself "I now go to sleep" by lying down and closing my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to myself to fall asleep once I lay down and close my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the act of lying down and closing eyes, as an act of giving up, giving the mind permission to do as it pleases.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to sit up once I feel I am going to fall asleep while lying down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link lying down with the mind wandering off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the position of lyind down with eyes opened as a position where you think and wander off in your mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link lying down with eyes closed to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up before i start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted to lie down as in not standing up.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to literally stand up when being tired or feeling the tiredness coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that tiredness is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to blame something outside of myself for me being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that I might be tired because of the heath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to believe that I am tired because of the heath cause then I won't have to do self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist self forgiveness while I know it is only here to support and assist me for and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give permission to my mind and body to shut me down by closing my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the act of "closing my eyes" the meaning of giving my mind and body permission to shut down on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the mind permission to do what it pleases by shutting my eyes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define "closing my eyes" as giving my mind permission to do as it pleases.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stay awake - to stay here - while my eyes are closed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'open eyes' and 'closed eyes' are two different states of being in a moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change when my eyes are closed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having eyes open or closed is different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a state of "eyes open" and "eyes closed".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate my experience, change my experience according to whether my eyes are open or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change the experience of me depending on whether my eyes are open or closed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define closed eyes as being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define lying down with eyes closed as being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the act of lying down and closing eyes as a confirmation/validation/affirmation saying : Yes, I am tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give in into tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was going to be useless doing self forgiveness on sleep and tiredness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ideas, expectations, images about self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self forgiveness as something I HAVE to do instead of doing it unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link "have to" to "don't want to".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and define all the things I HAVE to do as things I do not WANT to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing things that I have defined as things I "have to do"/"must do".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel all negative when having a thought of SF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something I HAVE to do MUST do, is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if there is something I HAVE to do , MUST DO, it is also HARD to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the words "have/mus"t, to "do not want" and "hard" and "work" and "labour" and "unpleasant".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect everything I have to do eve, if it is just for myself as : not wanting to, hard, work, labour and unpleasant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something I HAVE to do also means it is HARD WORK LABOUR UNPLEASANT and that there must be something else I would enjoy doing more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that something I have to do, must do, implies that it is hard wor, labour and unpleasant to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself into not wanting to do anything I know I have to do.

even though in the end, when I'm actually doing it, I'm mostly enjoying myself. But I just dont seem to get that lool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell myself that "I am tooooo tired" to put my contacts out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep with my contacts on although I know I shouldnt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the past never sleep with my contacts on because I was afraid of what might happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start sleeping with my contacts when I'm apparently "too tired to put them out" after evelyne told me she does it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to copy someone's behavior just because the other people judged that behavior as being ok - so i believe it to be ok - and copy it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame tiredness for not putting my contacts off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with dry eyes after a night of still wearing contacts.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to put my contacts out before I go to sleep - no matter how tired I percieve myself to be.

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oh, I found some more :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep by 23.00.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link 23.00 to the hour I have to go to sleep because of dad checking up on me to see if I am not already in bed - and if I wasn't in bed by eleven - he would become very mad - so I decided I would go to bed everyday at eleven butttttt I also decided to make this my hour of going to sleepe ven when my dad isn't going to check up on me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in tiredness when seeing it is eleven o clock - almost eleven o clock - or past eleven o clock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the number 23.00 to going to sleep and having to go to sleep (out of fear of my dad being angry at me for not yet sleeping on a schoolday).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like going to bed whenever I see the numbers 23.00 on a clock or somewhere else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to program myself to fall asleep whenever I see it is almost eleven o clock, eleven o clock or past eleven o clock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself automatically permission to go to sleep once I see it is eleven o clock or "already" past eleven o clock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define 23.00 h as the hour I MUST go to bed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to check out the time : haha its almost eleven o clock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself a hard time waking up in the mornings.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to jump out of bed/sofa from moment I wake up

SF on Pffffft

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting and actually postponing the moment where we were going to talk to dad about going to SA and asking permission although I always knew this moment would happen - I would still try to postpone it out of fear of his reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself be sad that I got what I expected lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on myself and walk away from the situation because I believed it was a done deal and the answer was no.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by emotions and be absolutely stuck - not being able to get a word over my lips.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled and influenced by emotions.

Really this entire experience proves it again : emotions and feelings : worthless shit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad would do something stupid with those scissors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait every second to the moment he would start to scream and I would get conformation of : no you can't go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dad would never let me/us go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to prove to dad - that I can study - that I can work, just to prove he's wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to prove myself towards my dad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to prove that my dad was wrong and show him that he doesn't know me at all and should shut his mouth instead of talking
about me about stuff he does not know about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe every word he says about me.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel helpless, believe I am helpless because I am not able to get a single word out of my mouth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am helpless against my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to avoid dad because I don't want to hear his comments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that he will have another outburst soon because of this even and direct it towards me because he is angry for me not going to study next year.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up going to SA because within and as these overwhelming emotions - it just seemed not worth it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of not going to SA and let fear keep me chained at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself considering of not going to SA because at the moment being overwhelmed by emotions it seemed to much trouble and too much conflict with father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up on myself and just follow the mind so I wouldn't have to be scared of my dad anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to pick the easy way out instead of doing something for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still consider becoming another system robot as an option when things get too rough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up on process as myself just so I wouldn't have to face my angry dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing is worth doing if it means I have to face my angry dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in everything that I do because - dad might get angry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a constant underlying fear of my dad becoming angry and me being the cause of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to avoid my dad because I fear he will have an outburst once he sees my face.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that by avoiding him after this event he will think that his approach actually works and that i now respect him (instead of fearing)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to watch every move I make because I could possibly maybe make dad angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think for a second that I was going to drop everything and be a good system girl just to keep my dad from being angry at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the words he speaks "about me" personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what my dad thinks of me, and what he says about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like falling into a black hole everytime dad becomes angry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad will change his mind and decide not to let me go to SA and then shout some more at me till i'm sick of it and go study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider doing whatever my dad wants me to do if that means he won't get angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider living according to the ideas my dad has about what I should do and how I should live, just to avoid conflict.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear beings that shout because I fear that I caused them to be angry and that they will direct their anger towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shiver, slightly, everytime I hear a sound that comes from my dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to go to sleep in an attempt to forget all about this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to neglect the fact that my dad lives in the same house as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to pay back the ticket, even if he says I don't need to, just so i can show him I am also able to make money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to find job right away so i can show him what I am capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to show my dad that I am not that which he thinks I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what my dad thinks of me, what he percieves, believes that I am.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am nothing compared to anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing I can do when a being is angry and directs its anger towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anger is something superior, bigger than me, and that I am a worthless piece of shit when a being is angry at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the cause why being get angry at me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to look at the dad construct inside of me because I believed it was too big for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any system can be too big , or too much for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to ignore, neglect and avoid the
dad construct in my SF like I ignore, neglect and avoid my dad

dead dad dead that dead dad

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I can take on any system - that I am able to handle whatever system.

eXploSion

we finally talked to dad about wanting to go to SA. And at first all seemed well we explained how we got to know the people from SA and stuff, showed the pic on facebook, showed the farm vids.
But then he started to ask "for how long" "WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL" when looking at me, mom explained and he said "I DONT CARE" "Im so tired of you guys!!! you spoiled brats, not wanting to work! not wanting to go to school (and then of course) SHE CANT EVEN MANAGE HER ROOM.

tadam...

that's when I got off my seat and went ok, it's done, it's a no, fuck it, I give up.

And then he said OK, whatever, just do whatever the fuck you want like everyone else in this house! You're all from a different world !! you know that???!!!!

So I went upstairs, sit in my couch, and cried my head out.
I just can't stand how he shouts at me, screaming stuff as if he knows me, and me just sitting there, boiling not being able to get a word out of my mouth.

Some time later maite came in my room and said "it's ok, we can go you know", and asked her to leave cause I was writing in my notebook.

Then later mom came in said the same thing, cried along with me, and then we just sat there. She said, we could go, but that I have to go and come back with Maite. That dad will pay my ticket so I won't even have to pay him back.


Then all was kind of quiet in the house but just some seconds ago he started screaming again.
So, I don't know, I just don't know.

One thing's for sure, I'll be avoiding him even more BIGTIME.

Damn, that moment he started to scream, he just got that DEMON look. Looking allllll MAAAAD. And he had a pair of siccors in his hands that he had been playing with and I just kept staring at those scissors.

So I guess, the hard part is over. I also felt like puking when in my room but didn't in the end.
Phheeeew, I just hope he does not change his mind.

Damn, I really don't want to stay in this house for much longer. I'm gonna work my ass off so hard, save up money and get the hell out of this madhouse.


But, what I also noticed, was that I was little bit more stable then I had expected me to be. So, I guess that's kind of cool.

Shit, next few days are going to be hell.

Ppffffffffffffft

Okay so yes, okay aaargh gotta get rid of that OKAY haha

School is over and now I'm here and go uhm ok what do I do now??

Well obviously writing and self forgiveness! But damn, that's something I don't feel like doing hmmpf.
Like , I want to hold on to who I am right now as mind. But thats just ridiculouuuuuus LEILAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.


What have I been doing since school ended hmmm.. oh yes, been busy cleaning up my room all the time. Did some SF, but very very superifcial, those don't even count!

So I feel like a real ass for wanting to get my ass to SA but not applying myself while I'm here.
shitty shitty

As soon as I get to the point that I know "now I have to do this, and get it done" , I get distracted and start doing something else.

Cmon, I really have to push myself, do it do it do it do it do it do it do it



DOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIT

22 June 2008

Today we are going to talk to our dad about us wanting to go to SA. And it’s a bit tricky cause he is the only one that can actually say “no” and make it so. Hmmmm. So I have no idea how we are going to explain it to him. What the fuck I’m going to say about the folks in SA (no way I’m gonna say they stop the mind shit and all lolol). Why does dad need to knooooooooooow pfffffffffffft :p.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to ask dad his permission to go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to ask dad his permission because I fear that the answer will be “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad won’t let us go to SA and that’ll have to find another way and some other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that dad will say “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dad will do anything to just so we don’t get things the way we want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dad is “against us” from every possible perspective.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad will say “no” because we’ve never met the people from SA irl.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be very sad if dad says “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust hope believe that I will go to SA while I haven’t even got dad his permission.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put hope in the trip to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will not know what to do if I’m not allowed to go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to a trip to SA and not wanting to consider the option that I might not go.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider what I will do if I don’t go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dad his answer is already “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that whatever I ask my dad, he will say “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad will get angry and find it absolutely ridiculous that we want to go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not be able to say a single word because I fear raging dad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that all my plans and hopes will be gone the moment dad says “no”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if dad doesn’t let us go that it “isn’t FAIR”. Lol

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that he does not need to be fair if I can’t even be fair with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create plans and hold on to hopes instead of directing me in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my mind illusions and hopes for the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if my plans don’t come out – I lose a part of myself – while all I lose is a part of my self definition as mind - and that’s not who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the future instead of being here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yawn.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy worrying about the future like that I don’t have to be here and take self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone self forgiveness just cause my ego did not feel like doing SF.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the self definition, image/idea that I have about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to look inside myself and see of what my self definition, image/idea about myself consists of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and wanting to break stuff because I’ve been hiding behind self dishonesty for so long.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to hold on to the self definition I have about myself and wanting to keep it for as long as possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about how people might judge my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry towards myself because I actually thought and believed I could hide.

I forgive myself that I haven’ t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the mind has to go ALL OF IT.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself 100% in this process for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to keep my mind for as long as possible and only wanting to get rid of it when there is really no other way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is still a way out now, but maybe not later.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that staying in and as the mind is actually an option if you choose so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy myself in and as the mind and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that without the mind I will not be able to enjoy myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the mind as my drug of energetic charges.

20 June 2oo8 - Judgement day

Jury

ok - tomorrow I have jury about my art work. 8 people (4 of them that I do not know) will watch my work, listen to me and judge accordingly.

now i stress. and I am nervous. Altough I know - this is ridiculous and not helping me anyway whatsoever. They are bugging me and distracting me from the real point - being here.
I fear I will not know what to answer - that there will be many silent parts and that I will use empty words to cover up the silence. Which won't do any good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that there will be many silences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear silence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not know what to say or answer.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use empty words in an attempt to cover up silences in conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from silence.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that silence is as much as an expression of me - as words are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate silence from words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed m

lol just got phonecall from my teacher hehe she said I will have to go later because there is a woman coming over from SA with plane that is part of jury and she will be there half hour later and she said it is important that she is there with my jury and that they will have others do it first.

DAmn, I wwanted to go first!!!
hahahaa

actually, this thing, is just something I will have to walk through you know. I know the constructs, I know how it works, I know how ridiulous it is - now it's time to live it.



cool

18 June 2oo8

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still believe that I can't do this anymore!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the exams for the experience of me as my head right now - there is this mist that seems so keep me from being able to grasp the material I'm learning lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to learn anymore exams and belive that it has been enough.

Maybe instead of whining about my exams I should just get to it.

17 June 2008

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget my bottle in class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the moment for granted and thus forget my water bottle in class.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with myself because I forgot the bottle in the class and i was thirsty while waiting for the train.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit sad that I forgot my water bottle in class cause I had gotten used to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get used to a bottle and in getting used to the bottle giving it an actual value and worth and saying - I own you - you belong to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad cause I will never see my bottle again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as stupid for forgetting that bottle.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I had placed the bottle elsewhere - I wouldn't have forgotten it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care more about one plastic water bottle than another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about a plastic water bottle lolol - maybe someone nice took it hahaahahahaa

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left alone - like my little bottle :(

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that when I get to be left alone - I have to rely and trust other to take care of me, because I am not able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not capable of taking care of myself when "left alone".

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in any given moment.

I see I will have to dig deeper into this - hmmm - maybe not too bad I forgot that bottle! LOL

okaaaaaaaaaay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot absorb any information whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that all my learning for my geology exam will be in vain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a big chance at failing the exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder if the exam will be easy or difficult.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to work with what is here - instead of holding on to information and knowledge without practically applying it like my geology test showed me so beautifuly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to scratch my head open.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep with the thought of worrying about my exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not be able to remember all the stuff I've just "learnt".

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as in seeing myself as stupid for not understanding the study material earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated with myself because I started to learn the exam just the day before and not earlier though I knew it was a lot to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to continue learning once I take a break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crave cigs while learning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with myself because I am not able to explain to mom in a way that she would understand how certain computer things work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to give up on learning exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can learn no more - that I have had enough.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be here - else I could learn forever lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by giving in to the mind and stating that I am tired of exams and can have no more.

I am not my mind, I won't let my mind tell me what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire doing some more "fun" stuff while learning.

In forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define studying as "no fun".

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am responsible for the experience of me while studying - I am the creator of it all - thus I can direct and correct it.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to apply myself effectively while learning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no room left in my head for information and knowledge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous at other people that do not have exams or that have already done their exams or finished school like ruben and marlen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that everything would be much better if i did not have exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care so much about exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a big deal out of exams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated with all these people calling me for help with their exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes still help people with their exams when I know I actually shouldn't cause I'm not REALLY helping them or assisting them in a way that could be actually USEFUL for them.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to tell people in their face that they have to sort it out for themselves - I won't be there for them forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wonder how the folks of my class are going to handle next year as they wont have me or catherine to call.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about other people - not my problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not like it that people always come to me with their questions and act as if I have all the answers and then act all disapointed and show disapointed towards me when I do not know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel disapointed in myself when I do not know the answer to a question someone asks me and think - I should have known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself an ego boost when I know and give an answer when someone asks me something that they themselves dont know caue now apparently I am superior to them cause I knew it and they didnt.

I forgiv myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get an ego punch when I do not know the answer to a question and someone else does - cause now I am apparantly inferior and the other person superior because he she knew and I did not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to people with regards to answers and questions and judge myself accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the polarity constuct and create polarity by defining me and or others as inferior/superior when I or he she does not know or knows anwer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined "who I am" according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by defining myself as who I am according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define other people as "who they are" according to the knowledge and information they possess.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit other people and my experience of these people by defining them according to the knowledge and information they possess.

I am not just knowledge and information.

No one is just knowledge and information.

Let those exams come muahahahahahahahahahahaaaaa

Exams

I just wanna PUUUUUUUUUUUUKEEEE!!!





BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRKK!!!!!



Exams make me goooo aaaal SIIIIICCCK





puke puke puke







oh, so disgusting what we have to learn. DO I CARE HOW STONES ARE FORMED??? DIDN'T THINK SO



yuk yuk



stupid information stuff



I did not understand what that teacher was talking about until now : till I have to actually learn it for exam. And now I know what its about it doesnt interest me one fucking bit.





Why o Why do schools exist.

Fucking dumbasses







lolol





ok





I calm down



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brrreaaaath

ok



alais



tout bien



I'm off to study again





yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

Self Forgiveness using dictionary

HAha, so at one point I was using the dictionary for self forgiveness. I would read the words and if any reactions popped up : self forgiveness.
I told myself i would do one word atleast everyday but hehehe, as you can see : nope didn't do that
That was at end of january, I think at the time that we were at seaside and Ann came haha.

Ok, I first go pee and then do SF with dictionary - brb

Ok back

Now I realised I have to do self forgiveness on something else first.... That Benny LAva song LOL.

Yes, it has been playing in my head almost non stop since that bitchy Ann gave me the link hehe (you know I love you Ann hehe).

So.
I decided it has to go cause it's driving me crazy!!!! hear "lalalalanananan Benny Lava! Have you been hight tooodaaaayaaayayayayay" shit the whole fukcing time. So , yes, sorry Benny Lava, you got to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this Benny Lava song play in my head non stop for the past few hours that I've been awake and those hours before I went to sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep with the Benny Lava song.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to clear myself effectivly from the day that is gone - so I can fall asleep clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander off in my mind and start repeating past events conversations and start picking my skin to then suddenly "wake up" and come back HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wander off in the mind and start picking my skin again right after I've just done Self forgiveness on it!

Leila you are incredible lol

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to put my self forgiveness in immediate application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the Benny Lava song as catchy and that I can't do anything about it - so i just let it run into my head.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realise that if I can stop a thought I can stop a song from playing non stop in my head.

STOP

I do not accept and allow this Benny Lava song to be stuck in my head!

:)


ok dictionarry, last word I did waaaaas aandacht = attention hehe

reading words ... an YES : reaction on the word (drum sounds) ........... : aandenken = souvenirs

SOUVENIRS

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy or take souvenirs from places where I enjoyed myself so I can later look at it, take it in my hans and have happy thoughts about it - to live some more in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to want to buy souvenirs when on holidays, so I wouldn't forget the holidya and have something from there, here at home

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be here as the breath of every moment while doing self forgiveness.

ok - Im going to eat, byebye

ok back mm paella and chocomousse hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

right

SOUVENIRS

I forive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy souvenirs and define them as e 3D memory, a presentation of the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy stuff so I can give it "emotional value" and so I can fear losing it HA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my souvenirs.

souvenirs in french means memories so yea

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy or take things from places where an event took place so I can link the object with the past even so I would not forget it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear I am not able to remember all events (at least the nice ones) in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing all of my memory.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and importance to souvenirs/memories and past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to take and actually take photographs to "capture the moment" while all I get is this piece of shiny paper with colors and lines on it that present anything BUT the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to capture the moment by taking a photograph while it is all actually in vain as the moment cannot be captured.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to hold on and not let go of happy thoughts and happy memories while the only result I get from this is that I actually DO forge them and that I only remember all the BAD stuff - surprise surprise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to forget bad stuff and actually tell myself : in a few years you will have forgotten about this - and then what happens - I remember as it was yesterday.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to push away all the bad memories and thoughts and pull the happy pretty thoughts to me - but all in vain.
Beecaaaause in case you did not know yet Leila, what you RESIST WILL PERSIST.

aah yes, you FORGOT hahaahahahahah hihi

giggly wobble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the song Souvenirs by Patrick Wolf in my head whenever I see this world.

strange words souvenirs sou venirs sous venir

i look up in etymologic dictionairy ...

Provenç. sovenir ; ital. sovvenire ; du latin subvenire, subvenir, de sub, sous, et venire, venir. Ce sont les langues romanes qui ont donné à ce verbe le sens de venir en mémoire, en le détournant légèrement : subvenit mihi, il me subvient, il subvient en ma mémoire.


yea thats what I thought lol


ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy things or take things with me from places so I can attach lots of memories and thoughts to is , so that everytime I see it and take it in my hands - these thoughts memories and all related emotions are generated inside of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energetic charge that some thoughts and memories bring up inside of me - so I buy souvenirs so I can use this souvenir to generate the charge inside me - over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past - believing that if I lose all memory of past - I am no one - I am lost.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to my past and the ability to recall past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I loose and cannot recall some past events - I lost a piece of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have a life and that I am someone because I have the ability to recall past events.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I lose all of my memories I would be lost and I would be no one.

I am not my past.

I am not defined by my past.

ok, I go study some more for math. and maybe change this blog lay out, beginning isnt really easy to read when there are flowers all over the place LOL

some more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous at all the people that are going to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t have enough money to go so SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need, and desire to go to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if I still got my summer vacation job as I haven’t heard from them anymore…

Lolol, ok I’ve just sent them e-mail to check if I’m still in hehe..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that mom won’t let me go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I’m not allowed to go to SA, and I do not want to study, I will have to do a crappy job in order to keep my parents off my back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be stuck in this house with my parents for ever

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that one day eventually me or my parents will die so I won’t be stuck with them here forever.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I will get my ass over to SA eventually.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will have more fun in SA then I will have here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that me having fun and enjoying me is dependant on places, and thus based on separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a plane though I have no real reason too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a plane cause it’s something I’ve never done before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear things I have never done before because I fear that I won’t be able to do it as it is my first time lol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is no room for mis takes in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that mis takes are unacceptable

random

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty when doing someone else’s self forgiveness list out loud because I think I should write my own instead of USING theirs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I shouldn’t just do someone else’s SF out loud without returning something to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I’m abusing someone and taking advantage of someone by using their SF lines for myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to feel grateful for the self forgiveness’s of other people that are assisting and supporting them and me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally receive the self forgiveness lines from other people as a gift.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally receive the self forgiveness lines from other people as a gift.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to write down my own self forgiveness so I take someone else’s self forgiveness lines and apply them out loud.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that doing self forgiveness requires “energy” and thus if I am lazy I cannot do this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed, controlled and influenced by laziness instead of pushing through the laziness and apply myself the way I should.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to stand up to laziness.

Dutch oral exam

I just came back from school. I was first one to go and was surprised about me not stressing LOL.
The exam went great. At one point after a few minutes my teacher says : "Leila, don't you see that what we are doing here is ridiculous?? It's a joke!" I said "Yup" and he then says " I know you got all the insights and you got the feeling and you're great in it! We know you're gonna have a "very good" (we dont get points but a quotation : very weak - weak - unsifficient - sufficient - good - very good). So just let's get this done quickly cause it's bullshit". LOL

so yea

thats what we did hehe

I also said at beginning of exam I did not learn it, only read it. But I that I thought that I would make it work out anyway.

So yea, that was cool.

dutch exam and other things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about my dutch oral exam tomorrow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress, fear, be nervous and anxious because I have to go as first one and can’t ask someone else how it went and what he asks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this is a valid reason to stress, fear, feel nervous and anxious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to learn Dutch as it is all pointless shit and even if I do not learn it I know I will pass my exam.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that Segers will turn the exam into a “deep” and “sentimental” conversation as he thinks I’m going on the wrong way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the part of the exam where we will do the job interview.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to say to Segers that he can put my resume up to his ass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect he will have that grin on his face that he always has when he thinks that he just figured me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect that he will try to catch me on saying paradoxes cause he likes paradoxes and always tries to use them against me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I wont be able to act the entire job interview and will go “fuck it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to play the role of someone that wants to apply to job application of cleaning lady.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to pick something else to apply to – pfft, what crappy job is there else to apply to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disgusted by the thought of sitting with segers alone in a room and him trying to be clever all the time – not even listening to what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself trying to be clever all the time and not listening to what another has to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I’m going to fuck up the exam as I haven’t learned much.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself that I will be able to pass the exam just by using common sense – because common sense can’t be denied!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will just go blank with every question he asks me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not really wanting to work for atelier after my dutch exam.

How do I know that, is it tomorrow already? Did I finish my exam?? Didn’t think so silly Leila.

We’ll see when the moment comes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise Segers because he thinks emotions are great and make this world a beautiful place to live in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not being to stand segers his ignorance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not being able to stand my own ignorance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to superior and inferior to segers at the same time. Inferior because he is sooo well ingrained into this system world that his arguments sometimes make me doubt myself, and he doesn’t want to let go of the world as he knows it, and for the same reason I feel superior towards him because I deem him as being an ignorant mother fucker.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise how much issues I have with Segers lolol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hateful towards Segers for the same reason I would be fond of him before I found Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see segers as myself, but the me being stuck into this world and not wanting to let go of all formed ideas.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not being able to have realised all this shit before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not finding Desteni before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I had found Desteni before – things would be much better now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being to ignorant in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not realising myself earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should have seen all this much earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in an illusion for such a long time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the past to who I am here. The past is the past, let it go.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to be angry at myself for my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not realising the simplicity and clarity of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for being a pre-programmed robot in a system world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I lived in ignorance and truly believe myself to have lived in bliss.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to make peace with my past and let it go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the past and use the past for the creation of my self definition and image/idea I have about myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace my past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for being angry at myself because I did not want to see what Segers was mirroring back to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to see and know what Segers was reflecting back to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prefer to believe that it all had to do with Segers and nothing with me – but it always comes down to self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not writing this all earlier.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself cause I was going to do SF on my dutch exam and I got away from the subject LOL
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the flow of my self forgiveness lines.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty that Gabs leaves the room as it is his room and I’m doing SF here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty about being in gabs room cause I know he always get grumpy about it and starts to sigh the entire time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let gabriels reaction to me being in his room influence me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I shouldn’t be here and that Gabs should come back to watch his movie here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry that gabs is angry at me for being in his room and using his laptop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in fear by the sound of someone shutting the door.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that dad went into my room – saw the mess and is now furious and wanting to scream and beat the crap out of me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to clean up my room to avoid such possible situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself always cleaning up my from the starting point of fear that my dad will freak out when he sees a messy room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of me while dad is shouting and hitting me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect dad to come up any minute now and be angry with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dad hates me cause everytime I’m around him he says “mumble mumble me fait chier!”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when dad finds out I want to go to SA far a rather long period of time he will beat the crap out of me and do mad things just to prevent me to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my dad his reaction might be when he finds out I want to go to SA for a rather long period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my parents will just say “NO – you can’t go and that’s it”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and expect that I will just lose it if they would give me that reply.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will do crazy stuff just to get my ass to SA.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable about people might reading my self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to write this self forgiveness with a note at the back of my head that says “people will read this so watch out what you write”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wanting to present my self forgiveness in a sort of way that people won’t think bad of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not to write certain things down because I fear or know people might read it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for fearing that people might read this – it is stupid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to just write my self forgiveness down as it comes – uncensored – not worrying or thinking about what other people might possibly think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist posting my self forgiveness on my blog and even more on the forum because I fear that my self forgiveness isn’t “good enough” and won’t assist or support anyone – not even myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting, needing, and desiring the confirmation and validation that my SF is “okay”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust me in my writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continuously doubt whether I’m being self honest or dishonest instead of just being here and type.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge someone’s SF lines I printed out a long time ago so I could speak them outloud in my room but then apparently when I actually read it carefully they seemed pretty useless and there was no common sense in it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my SF lines are useless and that there is no common sense in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do “self forgiveness pour self forgiveness”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to just stop when I’m bullshitting.

French exam

I have french oral exam in a few hours and I’m sort of stressing
Dunno if its related to the exam but I think it is most likely to.

So

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about my French oral exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will total block out in the exam and that I wont be able to get words get out of my mouth
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I will not be able to explain the book to my teacher properly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will fail on my exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I fail on my exam – I must be a failure
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am the quotation that my teacher gives me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce myself to a mere number
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting that the exam goes perfect
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the exam because I am not in control of the situation
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the questions my teacher might ask because I want to be prepared and have the answer ready
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, needing, wanting, desiring control over the situation
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust my self that I will be alright and that nothing can go wrong – as I am here.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t find the right words in French and then suddenly start talking in English cause that’s what I do sometimes lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about what my teacher will think of the words I speak
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to say anything usefull about the article I had to pick to talk about
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to talk about “my li(e)fe” and my “art work”.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear she will ask questions to which I do not know the answer
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself I will get bad grades if I don’t know the answer on some of her questions
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I won’t be able to express myself properly in French – although I’ve been talking in French out loud in bath this morning and it went pretty well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be nervous because I have exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be anxious and in fear because I have exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when it is exams you SHOULD feel nervous, anxious and stress and fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when you got exams – you stress , you fear, you are anxious and nervous, cause that’s the way it is when you got exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being nervous and anxious is part of having exams and that there is nothing you can do about it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is normal to feel anxious and nervous, to stress and to fear when having exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this stress, fear, anxiety and nervousness forces me to work hard for the exams
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions and feelings such as stress, fear, nervousness and anxiety direct me instead of ME directing ME as the directive principle
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions and feelings such as stress, fear, nervousness and anxiety control and influence me, let them posses me and do with me whatever they want – instead of me standing up for me, realising myself as self control
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate control from me
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self control
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe, see, perceive that I need to be in control of situations in order for things to be alright
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself and realise that I do not need to be in control of my situation, but that if I am just here – stable- as who I am, what can possibly happen?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am in control all will be fine
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to let go of the feel, need , want desire of being in control of situations.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise the ridiculousness of fearing an exam
Lol
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be here during in exam, but instead rush into my mind, and run into the walls of my mind – the limitations I put on to myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to succeed in an exam you must be in your mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link exams with being in your mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that learning and making, taking exams, requires participation in the mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link school with required to participate in the mind
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I actually escape in the mind while being at school – because the experience of me is that or boring and wanting to be anywhere but HERE
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have more chance to fail on my exam because I go as last and thus the teacher MUST be tired and pissed
Lol
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that teachers are always tired and pissed on the last person that comes for the exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need and require the mind and these feelings emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety and nervousness in order to prepare me for the exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as feelings and emotions such fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety actually prepare me somehow LOLI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not in control of my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness anxiety are something Bigger and Greater and More than me , they rule me – I cannot to anything about it
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior to my mind as feelings and emotions such a stress, fear, nervousness, anxiety, that these are superior
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that I am one and equal to my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety – thus I can direct them as me – because I am one and equal to them
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that one I am in school – it is the rule of the mind and I cannot possible be here – as I participate in the school system
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that once I’m at school – these SF lines turn out to be useless and I will be swallowed by my mind
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect to a certain extent that me doing SF will turn out to be useless
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations about my SF lines and thus not doing it unconditionally
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have expectations about my SF
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to apply myself as self forgiveness – unconditionally
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the nature of me as what I have become – take responsibility, direct it from here and let go
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise that the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, anxiety and nervousness – cannot possibly harm me – unless I let them
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace my mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, stress, nervousness and anxiety.
It is what I have accepted and allow – after all


LOL, normally I would drink alcohol and then I wouldn’t stress, but yeah, that’s not an option hehe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself wanting to suppress my feelings and emotion such as fear and anxiety so I can be somewhat stable and confident when I do my exam
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate confidence and stability from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can only be “stable” and confident after I drank alcohol or took drugs
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realise myself as self confidence and stability

So, my solar plexus has been calming down which is cool
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself be limited by the mind as feelings and emotions such as fear, nervousness, stress and anxiety
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept this exam as a chance and opportunity for me to observe the experience of me and to see how I direct and move me within this experience of me



Damn this was cool to do

Hehe