This blog is a continuation to:
Day 146: Death of a Horse
Three days ago, one of the cats Babitjie was put down, due to kidney failure.
Two days ago we put down one of our Horses Titan, due to carcinoma in
his throat – resulting in him not being able to drink or eat.
After Titan’s death we had to make new arrangements for the stables, as
Titan had been stabled in between Grootman and Charlie, and we didn’t
want Grootman to have an empty stable next to him, with no buddy to keep
him company. So we then scrubbed down the walls of Titan’s stable, as
it had a lot of his saliva on it due to him not being able to swallow
anymore and snorting it all over the place. We took out all his hay and
cleaned up all his tools. It was very hot so this turned out to be quite
a job.
In the evening we put Grootman in Titan’s old stable and he was a bit
fidgety but otherwise okay. The next day Titan was buried. That
afternoon, Grootman was very active in the stable. While me and Cerise
were finishing up (we stayed a bit later because we
exercised
our horses), Grootman started neighing a bit and pawing around. He
could still smell Titan in the stable but couldn’t see / find him
anywhere. He then also started pawing around with his front feet and
laying down. I
thought he was just a bit
anxious
because he was missing Titan but then he kept on pawing, laying down,
getting up again and laying down. Cerise then said that these are signs
of colic, which indicates that the horse is having stomach
pain and have some form of gastrointestinal problems. His stomach was not obviously cramping but his
breathing
was vey quick. Titan had previously had slight colic which we were able
to work through using homeopathy, but this seemed more severe, and we
had to call the vet – once again – as colic can be fatal (horses can’t
puke, so if something’s stuck in their stomach they’re in trouble). He
was also getting
pretty gassy.
We went and took him for a walk to get his gut moving and assist the
process. He was not getting better and the vet advised that while we
wait for her, to get him to run as long as he was showing signs. We
started off with Cerise, Fidelis, Gian and I (but Fidelis is physically
weak at the moment, so he had to stay on the side), each taking turns
running with him through the camp. First we’d just run with him as fast
as we could the whole time. But it was hot, and we were getting tired
pretty quickly. We then would walk him at a firm pace to the gate, and
run him back as fast as we could, and switch people. Before I went on
one of my next runs, I asked Gian to call Maite for backup, because we
were already pretty exhausted. So by the time I got back from my run,
all the people from the farm were there, ready to take over taking turns
running with Grootman. After that, it was easier to keep him going
while waiting for the vet.
The vet then eventually arrived, and gave him some meds for colic. She
then went on putting her arm all the way through his bumhole, to check
whether all the organs were still in place and to detect any
irregularities. She took out some poo while she was at it but otherwise
everything seemed normal. We then had to tube him (where a tube is put
through his nose into the esophagus and into the stomach) to give him
electrolytes straight into his tummy. We then had to wait a bit to see
how he would respond to the treatment.
He wasn’t responding and was actually getting worse. She gave him some
more meds to calm him down and to relax his muscles, to ease the pain
and make it easier for things to move inside himself. He was getting
pretty roused up and had to sedate him. Then we had to wait and see how
he would respond. The vet left to have supper , and if things got worse
we’d have to call her to come back, as we’d then have to empty his
stomach in case he was
suffering
from a gastric impaction. I then left to post Bernard’s blog. After I
was done I wanted to go check up on him, and saw that the vet’s car was
back…
He wasn’t doing well and we had to get all the fluids out of his
stomach. Because he was in so much pain, he was heavily sedated and
couldn’t walk properly, and some people had to always stand next to him
and hold his head, which we again did in turns. It was quite a story as
you never know where the end of the tube is exactly in the stomach, as
it would have to be right in the pocket with water and food to get it
out through the tube. We did this for over an hour, maybe two until the
vet assessed that since it wasn’t working, that it was probably not a
gastric impaction. It then could be that one of his insides got twisted,
which would reduce the blood flow in the organs which obviously would
be quite problematic. She went for another anal probe, but couldn’t say
what he had, as her arm could only reach so far inside him and check
only so many organs. We then only had two options left, either we send
him in for surgery to find out for sure what was going on inside – or we
keep him doped up and hopefully he would work through whatever it was
by himself.
Surgery for horses, and especially such a big one, is very invasive and
the vet said that most horses are not the same afterwards, both in
character and physically – where most of the time they suffer from the
aftermath and are compromised for the rest of their life. And such
surgeries are very risky and since they are big
animals,
the anaesthetics involved is also not optimal for them. We did not see
this as an option, as it would be too much of a compromise, so we went
for the second option. The vet left half an hour after midnight, and
we’d have to watch him during the course of the night to see how he
progressed. We had some
drug
injections we would have to give him to moment he would start pawing,
cramping or rolling and laying up and down again. Fidelis and Rozelle
stayed with him all night. Me and Gian went to
sleep
around 1 – 1.30 to get a little bit of sleep, as we were going to need
people in the early morning and next day to keep and eye on him while
others would rest. We slept for about 3 hours and went back down.
Rozelle and Fidelis gave us an update, he was doing pretty well, walking
around, grazing and he had a poo (which means stuff was moving inside)
and while the four of us were there he had another poop. As it was
getting more light and closer to our morning horses routine, Rozelle and
Fidelis went to sleep and me Gian and Cerise took over watching him. He
started looking uncomfortable again, and called the vet. She told us to
take him for a 30 min walk while she was busy finishing up with another
horse and she would try and come as soon as she could. Cerise took
Grootman and I took Charlie, and we walked him around the field close to
the herd (previously we tried walking him alone, but his was neighing a
lot and kept on looking at his friends which were still in the stable).
After the 30 minute
walk in the sun, my knees getting burnt and all the various
weeds scratching my
skin
open – we stopped for a bit to see how he was responding. He stood a
bit, grazed for 30 sec next to Charlie and then he went back to laying
down.
This was not a
good sign.
We called the vet again, this time she suggested we work him out on the
long line – to try and keep him in to canter for at least 10 min. Cerise
started working him, but it was hot, we were all very tired so after a
few minutes I took over and did my best to get him to run hard and fast –
but it was just not working. I was exhausted, my legs were in pain, and
my shorts were too big and kept falling down which were not really
optimum conditions to work with a horse lol. He did poo then about 4
times while we lunged him, which was cool. I went to gather my strength
in the shade underneath a little tree, while Cerise walked him
allowing
him to cool down from the run. Once she was done, he went back laying
down on the ground, got up, got down and then he stayed there. It was
not looking good. If he had another colic relapse, we were serious
trouble and would probably have to put him down as well, as he was in
major pain. So you can imagine, with the previous events that had taken
place in the last few days and us being physically exhausted from all
that had happened and we had done so far – it was quite tough. Cerise
put the phone down, and said Leila – run, get the injections. I was
still knocked out from running him, but had to just get up and run, run,
run down the field to the feedroom to get the injections. He wasn’t
doing good and we had to buy him as much time as possible. As I was
running down, my whole body was so soar, and I was running but it was
slow, like in a
dream
where you are being chased and you just want to run fast but it’s like
you’re running through water and more running in slow motion than
anything else. So I got the injections, ran back up and Cerise injected
him. We kept him with us underneath the little tree in the shade, as we
didn’t want him to possible lay down in the sun and dehydrate. He calmed
down and after a bit all the horses came running up to us/him and kept
him company. After about 20 min or so, he started eating and he seemed
pretty okay so we took off the lead to see what would happen next.
I had asked Charlie earlier to take care of Grootman, as Titan had always been his buddy in the field and now he was
feeling
lost and alone. Initially Grootman was following Charlie around and
then later Charlie also kept up with Grootman, which was cool for him to
have someone there while he’s sorting himself out.
After two hours or so, he was still grazing and hadn’t shown any signs.
We called the vet, as the painkillers had worn off and he was doing
okay, so she was not going to come anymore as there wasn’t anything she
would be able to do, we’d call her if he got worse and needed a second
injection. So we were now at the moment of truth – he was off drugs and
it was now all on him. Cerise, me, Fidelis and Gian watched him for most
of the day in the field, in the heat (it got up to 36 degrees Celsius).
We eventually moved out from the tree because our shade spot was
getting smaller and smaller and we were already pretty burnt, and moved
to the stables where we settled down with some comfy camping chairs and
watched him from a far. We watched a movie for a bit and Sunette made us
some nice cheese toasted sandwiches which our hungry tummies welcomed
very much, along with some nice cold fruit smoothie Maya had made. Our
bodies were recuperating a bit and Grootman seemed to have settled down,
grazing normally staying close to Charlie.
At around 2PM the two Maya’s came to relieve us. I went to wash myself
up a bit and crashed down into bed – waking up later by Cerise
calling
me for horses time in the evening – I had slept straight through my
alarm. We shifted the stables again so Grootman was back in old one and
moved the others one up. So far Grootman has been stable – which is
great, which means he worked through whatever it was himself with the
time we “bought” him, our efforts had not been in vain, and
seeing him get back to his normal self made all exhaustion disappear for a moment.
So the last few days have been quite hectic. We’ve all had to make some
tough decisions, work together, and push ourselves physically for the
sake of the horses’ well being (even if that meant death for one of
them, it was still the best for his well being). With all these things
happening, unexpectedly, and one after another – there’s not much time
to think or wonder off in your mind, and it’s really a matter of being
here, constantly assessing and just acting according to what would be
best.
So even though the events were unfortunate, it was quite a cool
experience in terms of having to deal with these things. I always
thought that you have to be a “tough person” to be able to work with
animals being sick, animals having to be put down, and being there when
they die. Working through the
Desteni
Process, I realise this is not true. It’s not about putting on an
armour, suppressing your personal emotions and feelings and keeping
everything bottled up and making decisions based on what you experience.
Once you walk and base your decisions on what’s Best for all, your
course of action is pretty much determined, and you just stick to that
one principle. Within that sure, it’s sad because what was happening was
unfortunate – but it was not devastating as how I used to experience
myself in the case of the death of animals, because I knew, whatever the
outcome, we were doing what was Best, and anything less, yes, would
have been devastating, but could only come about as a result of personal
compromise – where you experience internal turmoil because you know you
are not acting to support the animal in the best possible way, but are
allowing personal interest to override – where one could for instance
keep an animal alive for the sake of ‘holding on’ while the animal is
suffering unnecessarily. Then you stop caring for the animal, and only
care for yourself.
If you’re doing the best you can within the limits of what is possible,
and stick to making decisions that are best for the animal – the
experience of walking through these points and dealing with becomes
completely different, because you have that point of stability as the
principle you stand by.
It’s also then, that the limits we’ve imposed within this reality become
more emphasised. Once your inner shit is out of the way, the shit
existent within this world as the rules and conditions we live by are as
clear as day. Because you’re always doing your best within the limits
of what is possible, but what is possible currently is not a definitive
point. For instance, we had to do a lot of guess work and test out lots
of different things with the horse, like the anal probing and the
tubing – which is not a nice experience for a
healthy
horse, so just imagine what it’s like for a sick horse – and these, are
quite “primitive” methods of diagnosing what is going on. I mean, the
technology exists to be able to see right through beings’ bodies, but
due to our distorted values of valuing
money
over life and living in an economic and monetary system, such
technology is only available at great expense, often not making it an
option, and thus having to result to primitive, invasive methods of
treatment – while we could be living in a world where life is valued and
technology is openly available for all to use so that we can ACTUALLY
do our best within supporting and taking care of ourselves, animals and
nature to the highest level. Because right now, we can do our best, but
only so far – while we could reach a whole new level of being able to do
your best if only the conditions in place were different.
The world we live in and our daily experiences and struggles, could be
SO much different, if only we move ourselves to transform how we live on
Earth. I mean, there are so many unnecessary constrictions in place,
causing pain and suffering for so many being. So then you have a world
where generation after generation you have massive amounts of beings
suffering – for the sake of some having a blissful experience of
outrageous abundance for the
duration of their lifespan.
It is madness, and it is maddening – as you can clearly see in the news
every day. The society we live in is not a healthy one, and as such its
producing unhealthy people doing insane things.
We do not have to live this way, we have an alternative – let’s stop the
madness,
Prevention is the Best Cure – visit
EqualMoney.org and participate in creating a world that
is Best for All.
