Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Day 231: The Disempowerment of Hope – What are you Waiting for?

For a while now I have been going through all the various recordings Bernard has made throughout the years in order to sort through the content and compile them into books by topic. The History of Desteni – Volume 1 being the first such publication. While going through the interviews and deciding how to sort them, I often come across interviews that ‘hit me home’ in terms of a particular point or dimension I am walking and investigating for myself.

This time, it was a discussion on the word: Hope.

It was particularly timely as I had also listened to the latest Life Reviews Holding Back and Imprisoning My Life Part 1 and Part 2. If you haven’t listened to them, I strongly suggest you do so as it gives extra angle/perspective into the particular topic of this blog. (If you don’t have them, leave a comment along with your e-mail address and I might gift it to you ;-) )

Hope – for many a word with a very positive connotation. The little light that shines at the darkest hour. In recent days, maybe even weeks, I have been looking at my relationship with Hope and in how many ways and forms I participate in hope – without necessarily being aware that it constitutes as hope. 

At first, I was using hope as a way to move myself. 

That things may not be as bad as they look.

That anything could happen at any time that would turn things around 180 degrees.

That maybe something exciting will happen during my day that I may not know of – and it’s just waiting to happen, so I better get out of bed!

It worked for a while, I got myself moving, dived into projects, enthused that great things would be coming my way.

But then – my schedule would fall in the water (which is kind of a chronic condition when you have a toddler) or things beyond my control would freeze my efforts. Or I worked really hard on something and the results were naught. The next day – I was experiencing what I dub a ‘Hope Hangover’.

I didn’t quite understand my experience. I had been ‘so full of energy’ (well, that should have already made some bells ring *oops*) the day before and I had ‘such a positive outlook’ – why was I feeling so low and exhausted today? On a purely physical level – there was nothing that could explain my drained experience. I hadn’t been overexerting myself, Cesar managed to not use me as a mattress for most of the night resulting in a pretty good night’s sleep – everything was working out quite okay in my reality – so why this crash?

I didn’t figure it out until later that night, when I slowed down in bed before sleeping and went over the last few days in microscopic detail. I hadn’t realised how much I had been participating in hope because I hadn’t actually used the word ‘hope’ in any of my thoughts. I hadn’t even been participating in verbal thoughts all that much. And then I realised how many small positive movements occurred within me throughout the days. Where I may be thinking of something, and simply because the particular object of my thoughts has a positive energy charge attached to it – I’m actually going into an experience of Hope.

Or maybe I am scrolling through Instagram, and a particular picture triggers a slight positive reaction inside myself – so slight, so undefined – it’s a pretty picture, of course I should admire it, right? Getting excited about a project idea that’s come to mind. Seems innocent enough right? A slight positive experience as I start working through my to-do list. Well, I should be positively moved – I am being all productive and shit, right? This is how successful people get things done! Yeah, role model stuff happening right here.
Or maybe not.
Maybe all that positivity is just there to cloak what’s really going on inside: fear, powerlessness and most of all =  a lack of self-trust.

The hope that – maybe if I was living that person’s life things would be easier for me.
Because I don’t trust that I can change despite what environment I am in

The hope that if I work on this project we can bring more people into the Desteni group.
Because I fear that people don’t move themselves to investigate things unless they are prompted to, as I don’t trust that I can move myself out of my own self-will.

The hope that if I keep myself busy and diligently work through my to do list that people will be inspired.
Because I haven’t established the trust to be passionate myself through sheer common sense and understanding. That's why I move from fear instead of understanding.

Now, I’m not saying one shouldn’t like things on Instagram, not come up with any ideas/new projects or not work through your to-do list. The point I am making is that our starting point in how and why we engage in our reality determines how we will experience ourselves and move ourselves.

What if I am ever forever stuck in the living conditions I have now? What if things don’t get better, but worse? Will it change who I am? Will it change what I stand for? Does it mean I will give up on pushing for a better world for all, equally?

What if people don’t come and join Desteni, and we remain a relatively small group – or get disintegrated all together? Does it change anything for who I am and what I stand for? Will I turn my back and submit that the world is ‘just the way it is’?

What if doing my best and getting as many things done as possible does not reap any results? Will I regret how I spent my time? Will I wish that I could have ‘not wasted my time’? Or will I stand by who I am and what I do – unconditionally – regardless of the outcome?

These are small examples of ways where can still be stuck in the Design of Hope. Where we focus on our external reality to (magically) change or suddenly support us – while on a deep level not being there for ourselves.

What are we waiting for?

Are we waiting for things to get better, before we will diligently stop our thoughts and emotions and live in every breath? Or do we move ourselves in every breath because we have proven to ourselves that the old way, the way of the mind for sure does not reap the best benefits for everyone in this world, equally?

Are we waiting for someone else to stand up, to prove that stopping your mind and moving your trust and faith in Life makes things better for everyone in the world including yourself, in fact? Or are we going to be that person for ourselves, because the proof has been in our face countless times – and we have just that mustard seed of self-honour to stop torturing ourselves?

Are we going to wait for Desteni to become more financially successful because money has been deemed to be the ultimate sign and beacon of truth, success and validity in this world (which is a highly dubious conviction in itself)? Or are we going to move ourselves unconditionally because in our being we know that what has become of this world and ourselves is disgraceful and have decided: No More!

The more we hope for circumstances to change ‘for the better’ the more we confirm the belief that ‘I cannot do it’ , ‘I’m incapable’.
And that's why I had a 'Hope Hangover'. Because all my movements had been conditional, to achieve something, to appease something. And when those conditions weren't met -- down, down the rabbit hole you go.

Investigate all the various ways you are still participating in Hope and show to yourself how Abandoning All Hope – to make the decision to develop Trust in Yourself – can be the most empowering move you can make.

Here’s a video by Matti which he made closely after Bernard discussed the word ‘Hope’ :

And here are some blogs I wrote around the same time linking in to this, when I went through tickbite fever:

Monday, 26 September 2016

Day 229: Guilty until Proven Innocent & The Mathematics of Self-Trust

The other day I was in a discussion when the topic came up of how to work with points that are pointed out by someone else.

In my own process, when someone would point something out that they saw in my words and behaviour – I’d sometimes get this ‘surge’ movement inside of myself coming up where I felt compelled to disagree and set the record straight.

This surging experience I interpreted as being a movement of self-trust, that ‘I know what I’m experiencing’ and that ‘I know where I stand’.

After some trial and error and discussions – I realised that this movement was not at all ‘self-trust’ – but an energetic experience of unquestionable self-righteousness. I also learnt that self-trust – is not an experience. It’s not an experience or feeling of ‘blind faith’ of ‘just knowing’. Self-trust wasn’t so much a ‘decision’ either (like – “I am going to trust myself from now on!). Self-trust is more of a verb – it requires certain actions for you to take.

You wouldn’t just blindly loan out money to a stranger. You’d want to know them, and have a sense of their track record.

The same goes with Self-Trust – it’s not enough to simply ‘experience’ and ‘believe’ that you’re trustworthy – you need to be able to show yourself a track record.
And that track record is your self-investigation, you testing points out, seeing what the feedback is, and specifying your application accordingly.

With being really good at deceiving and sabotaging ourselves, what I started to use whenever someone pointed something out to me -- is to use the principle of ‘guilty until proven innocent’.
I’ll assume that I was in a reaction, a movement, or some form of misalignment – check myself, check what I was looking at, what I was doing before, anything that may have led to developing an experience in the current moment and anything that led to having created my current stance.
Maybe I find something that was not aligned – maybe I don’t. If I do, I can work on it to specify myself, and if I don’t – I can use the information I tracked down within myself to discuss the point further with the person, and so learn to specify my communication (which means that in a way, something was still misaligned!)

It can be handy to have a tagline or a specific Living Word you bring up in those moments – as it’s easy to get lost in an experience and ramble over all the reasons and justifications of ‘why I said what I said’, ‘why I saw what I saw’. To for a moment just shove all the talking aside – remember the decision I made in walking this process, to be humble, to remember the dedication and persistence it takes to work through every little cranny of the mind – to not take anything for granted.

It only takes one moment of being unaware, one moment of letting something slip by, taking something for granted – and before you know it you’re on a slippery slope in altering your entire perception about reality. It kind of reminds me of working though math equations in high school. Where if you make one mistake, in one little variable that you didn’t quite move correctly – the whole path the equation takes and end result is COMPLETELY different to what you end up seeing on the blackboard as the version the teacher worked out correctly. Where it just takes that one little teeny weeny mistake to create a HUGE disparity between what you worked out and what it is in reality.

Same with the mind. If you’re not aware of every breath in every moment, keeping track of your every movement, correcting the mistakes as you catch them right then and there, unless you got yourself covered every step of the way – how can you be trusted? How can you be sure that how you’re looking and seeing things isn’t like a math equation that quietly went astray without you noticing?

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Day 228: How We Worship False Images & are Self-Blasphemous

I was investigating a pattern of Self-Compromise within myself where I went back to childhood memories to trace the origin of this pattern and what motivated me to take on this pattern within my life and acting it out.

As I was walking a mini-Mind Construct* on this point, I could see how and why I had allowed Self-Compromise to become such a big part of my life. While I currently experience Self-Compromise to be a ‘very big part of me’, I could see while walking my Mind Construct, that this hadn’t always been so.

I could identify the specific moment in childhood where I had made a particular decision about a direction I would take in my life / a particular ‘role’ or ‘purpose’ that I had assigned to myself which had Self-Compromise has a direct outflow/consequence.

This role/purpose that I had assigned to myself, had been made in separation of myself – where I was aspiring to embody a particular idea/image.

I could see within opening up the point further in my Mind Construct, that in every moment of participating in this role and giving into Self-Compromise, how I was feeding and growing this construct/idea – where initially I as a child had been aware of the decision I had made, and was aware that this ‘is not me’ – to over time continuously participating in the point to where it superseded the ‘real me’ and where I kind of started to forget about this decision that I had made in the past to participate in this construct, and where as time progressed even more, and my ‘real me’ had now been effectively completely suppressed by this construct and others that I had taken on on the way – I now believed that this ‘idea’/’role’ I took on *was me*, and that this was in fact the ‘only real me’ and only ever was and will be ‘the real me’.

As I was applying my Self Forgiveness on this point, it struck me how I throughout my life had actively lived out the point of ‘Worshipping a False Image’ and ‘Serving a False God’ ( because after all, if we are made in the image and likeness of “God”, it means that ‘we are’ “God”). Where I actively served a false image/idea of myself, believing it to be ‘the real deal’ and within doing so, not serving myself as Life, but serving myself as the Mind. This would be: Self-Blasphemy, as we are insulting ourselves and treating ourselves with a great deal of lack of respect within pursuing and maintaining our ‘false images’.

So this was quite cool to see, once again, how we create our limitations and believe ourselves to be all these ideas and images that when you get to the core of it = are actually not. And how within seeing/revealing this creation process for yourself, the simplicity of the realization that you do not have to live-out this particular point or pattern, because you can see/realise that you were never ‘it’ in the first place = is just awesome.

* A Mind-Construct is a specific structured method of Self-Investigation taught within SRA as part of the Desteni I Process

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Day 227: What can we learn from Continuum?

I have been following the Tv-series ‘Continuum’ for a while now, and would like to share a perspective that came up while watching the last few episodes.

For those who are not familiar with Continuum, here a short delineation so you can have some background/context:

The series starts off in the future, in the year 2077. Corporations have taken over the role of government, where a ‘Corporate Congress’ rules. A rebel group (or terrorist group, depending on ‘whose side’ you’re on) called Liber8 tries to fight the corporatocracy in favour of a democracy, but their main players are apprehended and to be executed. As they’re about to be executed, something unexpected happens and they are sent back in time, to the year 2012. With them, one of the cops who was present at the execution, was also sent back. Even though there are no longer in their timeline, the Liber8 group tries to fight the corporations and change the future by changing things in the past/present, while the lady cop still tries to catch them and stop them.

What I find interest about the series is how no particular side is being choses in terms of ‘who the good guys’ are and ‘who the bad guys are’. One could relate to the Liber8 group as being ‘terrorists’ because they are involved in illegal and sometimes violent activities, yet on the other hand they are fighting for democracy and wanting to get rid of a police-state, which is something a lot of people would be able to relate to as ‘being a good thing’.

On the other hand you have the cop who wants to uphold the rule of law, yet what is law is not always what is right or good – so there you have another moral conundrum.

The point both the ‘fighters’ and ‘protectors’ share however, is that they assume they can change the future by altering events in the past. As the series progresses, and especially now in the last few episodes, it becomes clear that even though their best intentions at changing things in the past/present, leads to bad outcomes in the future.

It’s quite fascinating, because the whole time, they are trying to change events or create events, and then hope that by altering this and that point, it will lead to some effect down the line that will make ‘everything better’. The whole point that seems to be missed then, is that it’s pointless to try and change events, try and change ‘who’s in charge’/’on top’ – without people actually changing.

You can have a timeline which is government heavy, and which can be totally unsatisfying and unbearable, while you can also have a timeline where government is basically nil and corporations have free reign, which can be equally inadequate. In the end, it doesn’t matter ‘who’ rules in terms of the polarities and dualities we are used to (corporations vs government, freedom fighters versus police/protectors) – because in the end you are dealing with the exact same thing, which is = human nature. You can go back in time as much as you want and try and change events and hope to have a better future as an outcome, but so long you don’t touch the point of changing human nature, you are merely going to have the same outcome. Because, if you’re only changing events, you’re not really changing anything.

In the series for example, there’s a lot of mention of electronic technology and biotech that can potentially be dangerous for public safety and wellbeing. A drug that can cure Alzheimer’s for instance, can be messed with to become an addictive drug that can ruin people’s lives if addicted. A health monitoring gadget, can potentially become a device for mass control and manipulation.

These are for instance some of the points that the Liber8 group will attempt to ‘stop’ and ‘destroy’ because they are ‘dangerous to mankind’. The thing is, that they’re equally beneficial to mankind.

The Alzheimer’s drug or the health monitoring gadget are in itself not evil. They just ‘do what they do’. It’s is all up to the human element, the ‘who we are’ and what principles we live and stand by, that in the end determines whether we’re going to have a cure for Alzheimer’s or another devastating addictive drug on the street. Just as atomic science was just another area of investigation and exploration to further scientific research, development and knowledge, it was the human who decided to use it in its destructive potential, rather than its constructive potential.

I mean, it makes you wonder doesn’t it, about why we’re here on Earth. All the things that have massive constructive potential, also have great destructive potential. The internet as a recent point of technological innovation can be constructive in bringing people together from all over the world and increasing the speed at which we process and send information – yet, at the same time, it’s also great catalyst of apathy, separation, shallowness and triviality. In the end, it’s not about the internet being either ‘good or bad’, but what we can tell about its users in how the internet is being used.

A health monitoring gadget can be just that: a health monitoring gadget. But it’s about ‘who wields it’, that in the end decides whether the outcome we may observe and witness, is that of creation and support or destruction and subversion.

You cannot change the outcome of a future, by going back in time and ‘prevent this and that from being made’. Because even though these objects may not come into being, the evil that wielded it, is still ever present, and that evil: is us.

We are on a planet with what seems like unlimited potential, yet the only potential we seem interested in developing is the kind that destructs and annihilates, the kind that keeps a few happy while a majority suffer.

We were given dominion over the Earth and all things upon it – yet, we decided to interpret this dominion as domination, where we perceived this to be the permission to submit and subvert whatever and whomever we want at our heart’s whims and desire. However, if you investigate the word ‘dominion’, you will find that it roots back to the Latin word ‘domus’, which means house, home. We were given a choice, to develop, support and take of those living under our house, to embrace all who reside in our responsibility – and yet, without even the blink of an eye passing by, we decided that our dominion meant doing whatever the fuck we want at whomevers expense, and this is exactly what we have been living out, from the dawn of time till now.

There is no point to try and change the past.

There is no point in fighting one another.

What must change is us, who we are, our nature, the laws of our being that we live by
If you agree that we have to change our course of living, check out the Desteni of Living, and change the principles you live by the ones that are Best for All Life, so we may yet create Heaven on Earth.