Day 175: Mother Knows Best!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics
Day 174: Don't talk Politics!
 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in fear and anxiety when I asked my mother about our neighbours political view/standpoint wherein she immediately assumed a stance of shock and perplexity to my question and where her words (Leila! You don't ask that type of questions! You don't ask people who they vote for, that's very inappropriate! You only talk about it with family. People have the right to keep their voting preferences a secret and you shouldn't ask about it') pierced through my ears and body so that I would never forget : you do no talk about and inquire about other people’s political views, it’s impolite and inappropriate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ‘stepped back’ within myself within hearing my mother’s response of ‘No you don’t talk about that’ , wherein I had taken her verbal response and emotional reaction personal within the belief that “I should have known this” -- where her verbal response and emotional reaction was so strong and so full of conviction that I interpreted this strong display of emotion as ‘she must be right if she feels so strongly about this – she must have good reason for her statement’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted my mother as being an authority on ‘how the world works’ because she has been here longer than I have and is still alive and well off in the current system and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I safely and carefully walk in my mother’s footsteps and do as she did, I will end up in a safe place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have concluded from my mother’s intense negative response in relation to asking about other people’s political views/standpoints that ‘bad things will happen if you ask/talk about other people’s political views/standpoints’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have immediately integrated, without questioning that ‘everyone deserves to keep their political views/standpoints secret’ and ‘other people’s political standpoints/views are none of my business’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have trusted myself within the moment where I experienced a slight discomfort within me when hearing my mother’s instructions on how to deal with politics in public life – as I found it strange and peculiar that one would not want to know/inquire about one’s neighbours political standpoint/views if they are considered to be ‘one’s friends’ – and where it was strange that this aspect of a ‘friend’ ‘s life would be okay to be secret/hidden – as obviously one’s political standpoint/point of view tells/shows a lot about where a person is standing in their Life and what their approach is to Life, and this is something I would want to know about within my friends

Day 174: Don't talk Politics!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted upon hearing Gian speak about politics in public within which he was expressing his political view and standpoint and reacted to this information within surprise and offense, wherein I thought "Doesn't he know he should not talk about politics like that in public - it's not done!!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have watched out carefully and closely after hearing Gian express his political view/stand point to a stranger within the belief that it is not done -- where I carefully anticipated the other person's reaction within the belief that the person will act/respond according to my moral code as 'you don't talk about politics in front of strangers' where I exprected the other person to react within a point of conflict/friction and offense/uncomfortability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held my breath within the moment of the stranger moving her mouth to start forming her response to Gian having expressed his political view/standpoint within the belief/expectation that she is going to say something displeasing with Gian's comment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in disbelief upon hearing the stranger agree with Gian's comment where I reacted within "This can't be right, she didn't do what I expected her to do" and where I was shocked that my belief-system / moral-code had been wrong / not a 'universal principle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself having felt betrayed by my own belief-system / moral-code when it turned out to not match reality amd within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have investigated my belief-system / moral-code in relation to politics

When and as I see myself react to someone expressing their political views in public within the starting point of a belief system of "speaking in public about one's political views/standpoint is not done' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am acting upon taught instructions as what had been given to me by my parents in relation to politics without finding out / investigating for myself whether these instructions were real/valid and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and let go of the reaction/fear and ground myself within my human physical body

When and as I see myself react within anticipation when someone is about to respond to another having expressed their political views in public, where I anticipate their reaction to be 'negative' / 'being displeased' with someone having expressed their political views in public -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that my belief-system / moral-code did not match reality and that the outcome of a response towards someone is not pre-scripted to always be negative as if it is some universal law, but will depend from person to person and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, be here and unconditionally embrace the moment no matter the outcome and trust myself to act within common sense no matter what comes out of the situation/conversation

When and as I see myself react within 'betrayal' to my belief-system / moral-code not having played out in reality as to how I believed things should have played out -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have only betrayed myself within not investigating my own belief-systems and moral-codes and find out whether they are rooted in Reality/Common Sense or the realm of Belief, where instead of actively investigating I had to go through a process of reaction to be shown where I still require alignment and so I commit myself to actively engage in investigating my moral-codes and belief-systems so that I do not have to go through a process of reaction each time, where I have to wait for an event to happen before I see/realise that there is a problem to be aligned/work through

Related articles

• Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?
• Day 276 - Self Doubt - Part 1
• Day 252 - The Trap of Who I am Every Day.
• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
• Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions
• Day 222 - I am worthless in Conversations and Self Sabotage

Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics

Today I had an interesting reaction that came up.


Gian and I went to the optometrist to get new glasses. At the end of our appointment we were going through the information about the lenses and how long it would take before I would get the new glasses. The lady who was helping us mentioned that the lenses have to go overseas to get treated since the technology to do the treatments does not exist in South Africa. She then mentioned a funding problem upon which Gian made a comment about the government and the president being corrupt.

As he opened his mouth and started criticizing the government, I immediately reacted into disbelief and my eyes went big and one of the thoughts that came up automatically was 'you can't just talk about politics like that in front of people -- what if they don't agree with your point of view??!! Doesn't he know it's really impolite and inappropriate?!!'. What's interesting about this thought is that it sounded exactly like my mom and how my physical behaviour changed for a moment was exactly how my mother changed her physical posture when I asked her about other people's political views for the first time.

I remember being a kid and elections were around the corner. There were posters and ads all over town about the different parties and representatives, and our mailbox would get flooded with pamphlets daily. I started getting curious what this whole politics ordeal was about and started asking my mom questions. Like how do the elections work, what this this and that party, who is our mayor, what party is he from, what party do 'we' / she vote for (she was the only one voting at the time, since my dad is not originally from Belgium but naturalized he has the option to vote but does not have to -- in general voting is compulsory in Belgium).

She explained how the voting process is a very private thing -- which I interpreted as being secretive -- where people go in a little booth where no-one can see what party and who they vote for, and where the voting cannot be traced back to them (not sure if this is actually so, this is what I got out of it as she explained it to me).

I remember looking outside through the window and seeing the neighbours on the street. My mom is friends with them so I asked them who the vote for. She immediately reacted, almost in a fright and her eyes went all big and she said: 'Leila! You don't ask that type of questions! You don't ask people who they vote for, that's very inappropriate! You only talk about it with family. People have the right to keep their voting preferences a secret and you shouldn't ask about it'.

Woaw, ok.

This point was then classified under other points such as
'Don't ask people how old they are, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much money they make, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much they weight, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'.

So as Gian was sharing his perspective with the lady, I went into complete fear because he was breaking an important moral code: DON'T TALK POLITICS WITH OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN FAMILY - IT'S IMPOLITE!!!!'

When he was done, I held my breath in suspension, awaiting the woman's response -- anticipating an uncomfortable moment. Instead she laughed, agreed and made some more jokes about the government and the president -- not an uncomfortable situation at all. There was also a sense of betrayal, because things had not played out the way 'they should have' in terms of how my mother had prepared me in relation to politics and other people.

So it was interesting to see how this one moment, this one event triggered a memory from say 15 years ago, as the first impression I got from my mother about talking / asking about politics with other people -- and how within that moment I took on the entire expression my mom had taken on when she had talked to me all those years ago - exactly copying the physical movements/changes and the exact words spoken back then, but in this case in thought form.

I mean, in terms of where I am now and my involvement within political issues -- this is a very strange and random reaction, completely out of place. This really shows how we are programmed and instructed by our parents as children, copying and integrating the impressions we receive from them and then play them out without asking/questioning -- as they are adults and they have been longer than me here on Earth and know how things are done, I must just trust them and follow foot.

It's also creepy to see how an event of 15 years ago which only lasted a few seconds is stored in the body, with all its information in tact, ready to come up when the right trigger is set off. The experience seemingly came 'out of nowhere', but when I looked at it closer it was so clear that it was just a replica of my moms experience/expression over a decade ago.

Related articles

• SA Pupils Terrified - Bullying - Day 275
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• Day 266: Thank God for the System
• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
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• Day 149: Credits and Levels of Administration within an Equal Money System

Day 34: Fear of Speaking - The End

When and as I want to say something to someone and see myself going into fear within accessing memories of the past -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am merely accessing and recycling memories from the past and thus not being here, where I am attempting to impose past experiences as memories unto the current moment and within that altering/modifying the present moment into something which it is not -- and so I commit myself to within those moments take a deep breath and simply speak, and to break the pattern of the past through me being here

When and as I see myself going into fear when wanting to say something which is against the grain of what another just said / did -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise how I have created this fear and realise that I do not have to be in fear, since I have seen and realised for myself how this construct works and how it does not serve -- thus I stop and I speak

When and as I see myself going into fear of becoming emotional -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within fearing becoming emotional, I am in fact stating that I am not the directive principle and that I am a victim of my emotions -- and so I stop this fear and trust myself as the directive principle and I commit myself to unconditionally be here and walk through the event

When and as I see myself going into the 'Fear of Speaking Character' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that within participating in the 'Fear of Speaking Character' I am being untrue to myself and diminishing myself little by little -- revealing to myself how little self-worth and self-respect I have for myself -- and since this is something I do not want for myself, I stop and I speak

When and as I see myself being disappointed with myself for having accessed and played out the 'Fear of Speaking Character' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have built/created this character over time, memory by memory -- and thus it is going to take an equal process of deconstruction - removing the layers of information as memories and practically living the correction over and over again until I have re-aligned the Fear of Speaking Character as myself to what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself going into the fear of 'what if the person is gonna come back at me' when wanting to speak -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that if I give in to this fear I am only ever going to remain a limited version of myself which will always give into fear and never give herself a break, and since this is something I do not want to live I commit myself to breathe through the fear and speak unconditionally no matter the reaction / outcome / response of the other person -- because no matter what they say, at least I know I have been true to myself within allowing myself to speak

When and as I see myself accessing ideas about how conversations are supposed to go and what I should be like -- I stop and I breathe, I see and realise that I am limiting myself within wanting to act according to how I think things *should be* -- where if I see myself being unable to attain this particular idea, I hold back -- within that I commit myself to let go of all preconceived ideas of how things should be and should go and commit myself to unconditionally walk through an event without fearing the outcome

When and as I see myself accessing the fear of being embarrassed -- I stop and I breath -- I see and realise that the fear of embarrassment merely indicates that I am facing a point which I have not yet embraced as myself, and so I commit myself to unconditionally walk through the point / event and within doing so embrace the point of embarrassment and see / realise that I am the creator of the embarrassment and there is nothing to be embarrassed about

When and as I see myself pointing fingers to another as if they are the reason / cause of my inner experience -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am deflecting taking self-responsibility and so I stop and direct myself as my inner experience and take responsibility for my own creation

I commit myself to purify my vocabulary to one that is Best for All and within purifying my vocabulary purifying myself to live words that are best for all

When and as I see myself reaching for the past as memories to tell me what to do -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that by relying on the past as memories to tell me what to do I am never going to get anywhere as I am only recycling the past into the present -- Instead I commit myself to breath and trust myself to direct myself within common sense practicality

When and as I see myself judging myself as a child for not being able to respond to a particular situation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I had not been given / taught practical tools on how to deal with any and all situations where emotional possession is one of them -- and so there is no point in judging myself as within judging myself I am only further limiting myself and keeping myself from expanding and learning from my mistakes

When and as I see myself taking it personal when a person reacts emotionally to something I said or did -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that the other person's reaction is created by them and has got nothing to do with me / who I am, and that I merely functioned as a trigger within that moment which brought up to the surface something which was already existent within them before I opened my mouth / did something

I commit myself to establish a Society which understands the role the Mind plays and how the Mind functions -- where the functioning of the Mind is part of basic education so that children may be taught how their own mind and that of others works so they can see for themselves what happens when someone gets emotionally possessed, can see how it happened and see that it is not their fault

I commit myself to expose how children currently are only taught garbage and no practical Life skills whatsoever which they can use and apply every day in their Life to assist and support themselves -- and where any point of emotional stability only gets addressed with medication to be suppressed and so the root / cause never gets investigated / discovered / discussed -- where we end up in a world where no human really knows how they function and find themselves as victims to their own mind unable to take self-responsibility

When and as I see myself holding back on saying something within accessing the fear of 'how is this going to influence their opinion of me?' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this attitude does not serve me or anyone else, as I've seen / realised / understood that not speaking for the sake of maintaining someone's opinion of me is a permission to abuse -- and since I do not want to stand for abuse I will not stand for not speaking for the sake of 'being liked' -- and so I commit myself to walk through the fear and simply speak as I know that if I don't I will regret it anyway and be disappointed with myself -- and within that create that exactly which I feared, which is someone not liking me -- and that person is ME

When and as I see myself wanting to let something potentially harmful go by unnoticed, because I fear that if I will speak that the person involved might not like me anymore -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this thinking pattern is completely unacceptable and that me allowing abuse for the sake of me maintaining my 'image' is completely ludicrous, as I am allowing something REAL to get damaged for the sake of up keeping an ILLUSION which only exists in my head

I commit myself to investigate and expose the consequences of the politics/popularity game – where people and beings get hurt as a result/consequence of someone’s popularity game within ‘wanting to be liked’ – where we will allow abuse for the sake of people liking us while this should be of no value whatsoever because what is the point of being liked by people who abuse / allow abuse anyway?

I commit myself to investigate the nature of ‘wanting to be liked’ within myself unconditionally as I see that this is not only self-destructive but destructive to the environment as a whole and within that I commit myself to restructure my values and priorities to always respect and maintain what is Best for All Life instead of only caring about what’s best for my own created personal illusion