Day 210: Blinded by the Light/Shine of Money

Continuation to:
Day 206: Uncovering the Mysteries of Self: Just Follow the Money!
Day 207: Buying Power and the Idea of Freedom
Day 208: Freedom and Limitation - Two Sides fof the Same Coin

Day 209: Correcting instead of Sidestepping 

When and as I see myself experiencing what I believe to be ‘freedom’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I have defined freedom within energy in the past and thus I commit myself to check whether or not I am coming from an energetic starting point and walk the necessary corrections to correct myself

When and as I see myself experiencing ‘freedom’ in relation to money as a positive energetic charge – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am coming from a polarity construct where I am used to having a negative experience in relation to money or what money will not allow when it is absent – and thus I commit myself to bring myself back here within and as breath, in and as my human physical body and let go of the energetic connection. I see and realize that things are nice when there is money and that things are not nice when there is no money and thus I commit myself to change the way the current money system operates so we can get this sorted once and for all – and to not allow myself to be carried away by positive/negative energies -- so that future generations do not need to go into polarity experiences in relation to money or create psychological disorders around money simply because it is not always there

When and as I see myself experiencing a positive energetic charge upon purchasing something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that the positive energetic experience I am having is a delusion based on a money system of inherent negativity as limitation and unnecessary suffering – I see and realize that by falling into the trap of ‘experiencing money positively’ I am in fact glorifying a genocide machine which cares only for itself. Thus I commit myself to breathe and ground myself into and as my human physical body and remind myself of what needs to be done/walked in order to change the money system/world system that is in fact Best for All as the only “Positive” way Money can ever exist

When and as I see myself accumulating / building up a desire to buy something, and where this desire grows stronger over time – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am attempting to balance out an opposite polarity experience and thus I commit myself to investigate where this ‘desire’ all of a sudden comes from and to address the point of negativity to assist and support myself in remaining here, stable

When and as I see myself being angry at my parents / blaming them / complaining about how they treated me/us (the children) with money – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that they have never had practical support in relation to money and parenting as such assistance and support has never existed for anyone, where they merely did ‘what they thought was right’/’would yield the best result’ for them/us/the finances and so I commit myself to forgive and let go and to walk as an example

Related articles

• Day 209: Correcting instead of Sidestepping
• Day 208: Freedom and Limitation - Two Sides fof the Same Coin
• Day 206: Uncovering the Mysteries of Self: Just Follow the Money!
• Day 207: Buying Power and the Idea of Freedom
• Day 373: The Sanctity of the Mind
• DAY 380: Capitalism is just another Word for Casino

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome

The other day while working outside in the nursery I was listening to some Life Reviews, one of them being 'Giving up on Myself'. The interview explores the concept of 'giving up on self' in terms of 'giving yourself up' for something else.


The being describes how we will have resistance doing something which requires us to for a moment disregard ourselves - ourselves as self-interest - to bring about a point of change, which is basically what is happening all around the world: Where 'those who can make a change don't and where those who want can't'.


I looked at my life and how I used to experience this point of "No, I can't do something other than for myself, that's just toooo haaard - I have the right to be comfortable, disregarding myself like that is just too inconvenient, I'm sorry'.


At home we had a dishwasher, and once in a while my mom would ask me, my sister or my brother to take out the dishes (which were mostly already dry) and place them in the right spots in the cupboards. Usually my mom would do this, so only once in a while she would ask us to do this. I remember my mom would ask me after I had gotten back from school, and 'just wanted to do nothing but lay in the couch and watch tv'. She's ask me to put the dishes
away and I'b be like 'Uh - seriously? Why do I have to do this? I had SUCH a rough day - why can't you or someone else do it'.

I mean, it was literally just moving a few object from one point to another, not even one meter away - and I would be like 'Hmm, no no'. And sometimes I'd even get away with it and my mom would then do it. I was completely inconsiderate and lazy. My mother would go to work, come home, cook, do cleaning, do our laundry, iron our clothes -- for most of our lives (for as long as I lived at home) -- and I had the arrogance of protesting when she would ask me to help out and the arrogance of bitching at her when I wouldn't put away my clean clothes which she washed and ironed 'like it was no big deal'. Her whole life revolved around her kids and work and I would barely hear her complain.


Getting involved in Desteni and visiting the Desteni Farm, I learn what a comfortable, secure, isolated life I had been living which demanded zero consideration or responsibility. I had everything I needed and so I didn't bother doing anything. I learnt what it means to live in a group, why it matters to clean up after yourself and to consider others in your environment -- after all, I wouldn't want to be like my mom doing everyone's 'dirty jobs'-- and for that to be possible, everyone has to work together and daily, consistently tend to the chores that need to be done so that it doesn't accumulate into a massive task. I had lived in such a comfortable bubble and being faced with Desteni that bubble got popped -- I had been living a lie, a comfortable one maybe -- but at the expense of others. Not only did this happen in my home environment at a micro scale, but also on a macro scale -- where my elitist lifestyle could only be sustained by beings on the other side of the world cleaning up the consequences of the life I lived, while they have to do with barely anything.


I remember being back home after my initial two month visit, and my parents were flabbergasted at how my sister and me would now spontaneously help out with the chores at home. I remember the first thing we did was something simple like helping them get the shopping out of the car down the street, bring it inside and putting all the stuff away -- and they were just standing there in the door opening with the bags in their hands going 'Whhhut?' LOL


I mean, it's such a simple point, a small point of consideration and yet previously this had seemed to me like this mountainous burden, where the mere thought of doing something like that would make me already tired. On the farm, there is no space for such an attitude of apathy. You are part of a group, not only humans but also animals and plants -- and certain things require to be done in order to function effectively as a group as well as tending to the animals and plants so we can have a relationship of harmony. So, common sensically, you being part of that = you help out, everyone does their part.

And I mean -- and I'm sure many people who've visited the farm can agree -- what we have on the farm and how we live/go about our day is pretty awesome. Yes, there's work to be done but you end up going through an educational process where you learn how to live effectively and can be satisfied that all points have been taken care/been tended to and that all measures of prevention have been taken. Previously, I would not have gone there and for what -- my own self-interest, and the life I didn't want to 'give up'. But, there was actually nothing to be given up! I was deeply dissatisfied with my life from a mental well-being perspective and on top of that was that life contributing to the diminishment of other people's physical well-being, within living an elitist life that could only be possible when others are deprived of resources in order to fund mine.


So what are you really giving up when you make the decision to stand for a world that's best for all and where you no longer think of only yourself = less than nothing! Because it was all a lie, it was all an illusion. So don't wait for your bubble to be popped -- pop it yourself, because in the meantime real people are ACTUALLY suffering and living in unbearable condition which would give ALL to bring about some change in this world (in comparison of the so called 'suffering' as 'inconvenience' one experience when doing something for something other than just yourself).


Check out the DIP Lite course to investigate what your bubble consists of and how you can move yourself past your illusionary bubble of convenience to actually bring about change in this world.

Related articles

• Day 308: The Children of the Law of One
• Day 310: The Children of the Law of One (Part Three)
• Day 275: Free Choice, Karma and Desteni
• Day 296: Desteni and the Consciousness of Love and Light
• Day 277: Psyche Logical Creation and Desteni
• Day 302: The Encryption of Systems (Part Three)

Day 146: Death of a Horse

Today we put down one of our horses, Titan.

A few days ago, he came back from the field with a big lump by his throat. Since it appeared just like that out of nowhere, we figures it may just a lymph node that is swollen and fighting off some infection, or maybe an allergy or an abscess that was forming. The lump didn’t seem to bother him until about three days ago he started making coughing sounds in his stable when eating the hay, like maybe some food got stuck in his mouth or went through the wrong hole and he was trying to cough/snort it out. Then the day before yesterday, as I was ready to leave the stables I heard him cough and wondered if maybe it wasn’t connected to the lump. I came around to see what he was doing and as he saw me come check up on me he came close, had a big cough, and splashed my boots full or green slime with small pieces of grass in it. He was having trouble eating and was just coughing and sliming up the whole place.

The next day we got a vet to come and check, and he thought that maybe the horse had “choke” which is where some food gets stuck and then the horse has a hard time eating and drinking. The slime that was coming out of his nose was actually the saliva from his mouth that he couldn’t swallow because of the obstruction, so it went out through the nose – along with anything else he ate.

He tried to tube Titan, which is where they put a tube through the nose down into his oesophagus, to see whether the tube could go past the lump/obstruction. The tube didn’t get through and just hit solid mass, which made it unlikely that it was food. We then considered cancer since he had cancer before in his eye, but since the lump appeared over the span of 8 hours, we thought that this would be unlikely. The vet then tried to draw fluid from the lump, if it was an abscess some puss should come out – but nothing came out except for a little blood when penetrating the skin.

He took a sample from the lump through a syringe and gave him so muscle relaxant in case it was food stuck, so that it maybe could start moving. We’d have more information after the lab tested the sample.

The next day, we got a call and the lab let us know that there were definitely cancer cells present, but that they would know more once they grew a culture and would phone a later. In the meantime, a horse specialist came out to look at him. He immediately did a UV scan like how they do with a pregnancy to check out the baby, but in this case to see what the lump/mass consisted of. The vet suspected cancer since it was solid and didn’t show characteristics of being an abscess, and also not a bacterial infection since touching or pushing the lump did not seem to hurt Titan.

We knew that if it was going to be cancer that we were going to have to put him down. He was already an old horse and has seen many things happening through his body, and another episode of cancer would indicate that his body is just not able to work through things properly anymore and is deteriorating, and so causing unnecessary suffering.

The vet then called the lab to see if they had more info, and this time the result was definitive: it was cancer, and it was highly aggressive – which is why it manifested into the giant size it was in only a day. It is a very rare type of cancer for horses, and due to the position and size of the tumour – there was no way that surgery would help, it would probably kill him anyway.

When we heard the news, everyone started to tear a little, because we knew now definitely: it’s time for him to go. It was obvious that this was the best way to go, I mean he hadn’t been eating, he hadn’t been drinking and was obviously suffering from the obstruction. The sooner we’d put him down, the better. So even though it was clear this was the best way to go, it was still an unfortunate point – not that I wanted him to live like this, but because we live in a world where things like cancer exist which cause much suffering – a world that we created through our acceptance and allowance.

We then had to quickly make some practical decisions, because we’d have to put him down on the farm and he has a big body, so we had to decide where we would bury him so he could die close to the spot. Once that decision was made, we walked him to the spot, the vet sedated him and once his was sleepy he gave him the final two injections that would put him down. After the two injections were in it was a matter of seconds before he fell down on the ground and was gone. It all went pretty quick. Once all the reflexes stopped in the body, he took a sample of the tumour as the people in the lab wanted to study it, since it was such a rare case. We then got a proper look at the tumour and it was real nasty – it was big and spreading down in throat, and up into his mouth and to the other side as well. We then also saw the jugular that had been feeding the tumour, which was also massive.


Everyone with a horse or other animal knows that this day comes, the day the animal dies.

I knew this within myself as well when I got Charlie, but always projected it to be waaaaaaay in the future and something I would deal with when the time comes. Believing, just like when I had my guinea pig, that his death would still be years away and that I would by that time have ‘toughened-up’ and be able to deal with it. Truth is, you don’t know when these things happen. This whole thing that happened with Titan, happened in the course of a week or less, and the same with Babitjie, the cat that was put down yesterday – it was all sudden and it was all quick.

All in all, I must say it wasn’t as bad as I had expected. A decision had to be made, it was unfortunate, but it was the best decision and anything else would have been a compromise. I was sad, because like all animals on the farm, Titan as a horse has been great support to Gian and also to myself when I have worked with him, I was grateful for him having been here and the time we shared.

He was an old stubborn horse, and he never cared much about us humans and our quirks. If he didn’t want to go somewhere, and didn’t want to move – you could scream and shout at him, and try and force him to do what you wanted, and he would just stand his ground and not move. Anytime you would go into some emotional tantrum, he would just stand there and not move, so everything you threw at him, bounced right off of him back to yourself, so you could see what you were doing. He’d gone through a lot of abuse in his life before he came to us, and even though humans had previously treated him as crap, he had accepted Gian to be his partner and walked with him every day.

It was the best thing to do to get him out of his misery, so his death in itself is not sad, since we’re all going to die at some stage, but what was sad was that this was the only solution to his suffering, as this was suffering created as a result of the world we live in, which is a world we collectively created.

Each time an animal has to be put down as the result of undue suffering – it is testimony to our legacy of fucked-up-ness.

Each time a child dies of starvation, while it could have been provided for, but we didn’t care to create and structure the world in a way to make it possible for all to live a dignified Life – it is a testimony to our fucked-up-ness.

I’ve dealt with a lot of deaths on the farm, and this is the one point that keeps on striking me, because most of the time the death was not a natural death where an animal’s life had been lived to completion – but most of the time the death was the result of consequence as a ‘negative side-effect’ of the world we’ve produced and participate in, which means it was each time an untimely death that could have been prevented.

We really need to sort out this reality, there are way more uncool things happening than there is cool stuff happening – it’s really not worth it to waste your time trying to chase the few good things in this world which give you a momentary experience of happiness while the majority suffers. This is not a cool world to live in, and we do have an alternative. We can eradicate world poverty, we can get rid of famine, we can get rid of crime, we can get rid of fear of living – where we fear living in this world simply because we KNOW that this is not a cool place and we KNOW that shit can hit us at any time from any corner.

So, instead of trying to be the ones that don’t get hit by shit in this world and living in constant fear, we can simply decide to change the conditions of this world to one that is truly Best for All, so that you can come into this world, and you can simply be and you can simply live. We’ve really screwed things up for ourselves, and we’ve screwed ourselves over believing that how we live is fine and acceptable: it is not.

If we can stop unnecessary suffering then it is our duty to do so – there should be no choice in this.

Work towards making this world one that is Best for All – learn how it is possible to change the nature of self-interest of the human to one that is Best for All Life at Desteni, and learn how we can put into place the structures and institutions that reflect a nature that is Best for All at the Equal Money System website.

We don’t have to live like this, so let’s not.

Related articles

• Day 93: Using the Dead's name in Vain
• Day 219 - The Mirrors of Competition for Survival of energy and Money.
• Day 193 - The End of the World Wish.
• Day 203: After Death Communication - Part 51

Day 10: Consumerism and the Pursuit of Happiness

I remember back in high school, I was about 13-14 years old -- my mom and I were planning to go and buy shoes.
We didn't go buy shoes very often so I considered this to be a very special occasion. We would go maybe once, twice a year so I had to be very specific about the shoes I wanted as I would have to wear them for a while before being able to get different ones.

At that time, a specific style of shoes was "the new thing" and I really wanted to have a particular type of shoe in that style.

A week before we would go and buy the shoes I was already being very excited, and thinking how cool it was going to be to have these shoes and how much more awesome my life was going to be.

We went to go and get the shoes, I was very excited, wore them with proud for a few days and the it dawned on to me:

My life hadn't changed

I had gotten the shoes, I was wearing them -- but my life experience hadn't changed!

I didn't understand -- I planned it in my mind, and I did all the things I was supposed to do like getting the shoes and then I was supposed to be a happier person -- but I wasn't.

The same shit was still going on
My life still sucked.

I was so disappointed. I felt scammed. All this time I had built up all this excitement towards getting this shoes and now that I had them, it didn't mean anything.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that buying new things will make me happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I want something really bad, and then get it -- that this will make me live a happier and more satisfying life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection within my mind where buying is synonymous with happiness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed the fairytale in my mind that told me my life was going to be so much better if only I get these shoes

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question this fairytale and see that there is no common sense link between getting new shoes (when I already have comfy shoes) -- and increased happiness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that buying things equals buying happiness

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have taken the realisation that the new did not make a difference all the way through -- but instead "forgot" about the disappointing experience and went to look for the next thing I can chase and get in the hope that maybe this next item will give me the happiness I seek

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been brainwashed by advertisement, media and fashion into believing that buying stuff will make me a happier person

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined happiness within buying and acquiring additional material goods

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined happiness only according to my own reality bubble -- not considering everyone else in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider happiness within the context of ME, ME, ME

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been so indulged within chasing the next thing that could make me happy that I did not stop and look around at the overall happiness of everyone else -- because then I would have seen that the happiness I seek is not real and that many are suffering needlessly but get no attention as everyone is so busy chasing their own private, personal happiness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken happiness as an energetic feeling experience for having a good quality life

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to consider that this cannot be so as one must only look at a drug addict whose physical body is deteriorating as a consequence of "happiness-abuse" -- clearly indicating that happiness has got nothing to do with how well you live your life and how well you're taken care off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserve happiness

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that this happiness is undeserved and needless when many starve and suffer in a world of plenty

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by saying "I deserve happiness" I am saying, "So what other people aren't happy and suffering, I still deserve happiness so I have a right to not do anything about the condition of the rest of the world because I have the right to spend my time chasing happiness just like everybody else"

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that true happiness does not in fact exist

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that happiness cannot exist when there is even one being suffering while everyone is able to make this suffering STOP

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my happiness is worthless as long as I am not willing to trade lives with any randomly determined person in the world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that MY happiness has no value at all as long as EVERYONE's basic needs haven't been met

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that chasing personal happiness is in fact a form of greed and by saying that everyone has a right to their pursuit of happiness I am in fact stating that everyone has the right to be greedy misers who don't want to share the fruits of life with others


I commit myself to remind myself when faced with the trap of consumerism that I know where this path will lead me as I have already been there and that I should just stop right there and not participate

I commit myself to remind myself that happiness is not defined by buying things and the accumulation of material goods

I commit myself to remind myself that happiness does not consist out of trying to match reality with a picture in my head -- as the picture will always be better, brighter, and more colorful than is practically achievable in this physical reality

I commit myself to a world where personal happiness comes after the happiness of the whole

I commit myself to expose the brainwashing that goes on within advertisement and the media -- with the promise that buying will make you happy while all it does is make those happy who get your money from you falling for the trap

I commit myself to show that happiness as it is currently known within this world is only an illusion

I commit myself to establish a world system where people are in fact supported from life to death and not placed in a position where they chase a carrot stick in order to "sustain" an unsustainable system of greed

I commit myself to expose that the consumerism trap is a scam and that it is one of the reasons why our world is fucked and is staying fucked

I commit myself to show that their is more to life than consumerism

I commit myself to transform the current world of producers and consumers to a world where all are beings sharing the same home and set on distributing resources in a way that is Best for All Life

I commit myself to show how the desire for happiness will keep one trapped in a limited version of reality and will in fact blind you from what is really going on in life

I commit myself to show that no happiness is of any value as long as a single being is suffering within this world

I commit myself to show that no pursuit for happiness is justified as long as a single being suffers in our world

I commit myself to the establishment of an Equal Money System where one will for the first time be able to explore and experience REAL HAPPINESS