Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome 
Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the ease of my life was only possible by someone else compensating/making up for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been completely ignorant in relation to my reality and what was behind my reality to make it possible for me to live the life I had

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had the right to only ever to do 'what I want' without seeing and realising that if this would have been a universal principle we'd all be dead right now because some things simply need to be done to make life possible whether I /we want to do it or not

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that one can only do 'what I want' if one has money -- where if you have money and others don’t you have leverage to get people to do the things you want them to do to get what you want in life -- where this is only possible if others stand in service/bondage to you through money -- where we end up in a world where a few have a lot of money and everyone else's life is in service for those few to live their dream while sacrificing their life and any form of dignity in the process

I forgive myself that i haven't accepted and allowed myself to ever look at the things I had in life and ask myself 'where do they come from', 'who made them', 'how did it get here', 'what resources was used to make this'-- where within not asking these basic questions I was indicating that I don't care who made it and how it got here, how this may have affected other people/the earth and that all I care about is that I have it and can use it as I please so that I can have 'my happiness'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become a happiness drone where all I care about is experiencing some energy/vibe that 'makes me feel good and will fight, reject and avoid anything that may threaten MY happiness, not caring how this attitude may in turn affect other's people's happiness because I just don't care

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be cared for yet not wanting to return this service to others / care for others

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within not caring for others I am tacitly giving permission to others to not care for me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that being cared for but not caring for others comes at a cost

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I was at the other side of the coin in conditions of hardship, I would want someone to care about me and my situation

Related articles

• Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation
• Day 310: The Children of the Law of One (Part Three)

Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a 'rough life' and that doing something which would benefit others besides myself was considered to just be 'too much'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a 'rough life'-- not seeing and realising that this 'roughness' was only ever relevant in terms of my mind experience of my life -- and had in no way to do with any form of 'physical roughness'- as I had everything in my life (and more) which I required to support myself physically

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that mental roughness does not count as it is self-created and can at any time be terminated and is thus no valid reason/excuse/justification to not do something physical which actually supports physical living on this planet

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I had no right to say 'no' and 'let someone else do it' -- as I was in a position where I could do things to improve practical living, even if it was just in the home environment -- but where I accepted and allowed ideas about 'my life' which were not real to hold me back from doing something real and tangible which would actually have an actual effect in improving things in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had a rough life while everything was taken care of, where I had a home, food, and support from my parents to ensure that I would be able to stand in the world and were quite generous in the freedom they permitted to me in 'doing my own thing' and what directions I wanted to take in life and then did not want to contribute in the home environment to make things more nice to live in terms of cleanliness and alleviating work from others because I was too busy in my mind thinking of how things weren't going my way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have huffed and puffed whenever my mom would ask me to help out with something, where I believed it was 'my right' to just lay in the couch and watch tv -- not seeing and realising that this luxury was only possible to exist within others actually having a rough life where these products came about from assembly lines with people having horrible jobs with little pay and did not have the privilege of saying 'no' and 'let someone else do it' as this would jeopardize their and their family's security -- just so a few can make a good buck in selling these products cheaply for others who believe they have a rough life and want a 'piece of happiness'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to not see and realise that for certain things to be possible like the ease of taking a clean cup from the cupboard -- certain conditions and steps require to be in place for that cup to be clean and be in its spot -- where someone had to clean the cup and put it there for me to be able to 'just take it' and use it and where I enjoyed this option but did not care/bother to make it happen the same for others and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything 'free' in life -- where I want to be able to just take the cup and use it with no consequence, 'free of charge' so to speak, where once there is effort/'charge' involved, I'm no longer interested because now I have to 'do stuff' and now 'just taking the cup out of the cupboard' is not so nice anymore because I have to actually be part of the cleaning and putting away process so then I rather not use the cup at all or come up with some excuse that will allow me to keep getting it 'for free'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my life and what I had/have and the people in my life for granted -- where I did not take into consideration that someone had to build the couch and the tv, that someone had to work to be able to pay for the couch and the tv, and where I had no respect for the end result or the people involved in the process of making the couch/tv accessible to me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if everyone just wants to do nothing but at the same time wants everything from life -- that these two stand points are simply not compatible, because having things in life like food, a home and luxury products requires of someone to make it, to put effort into it -- and thus if I want those things I must make myself equally available to others so they can have the same -- which I didn't because all I cared about was myself and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have only ever lived within and as self interest

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that i had not yet experienced actual roughness in life but only ever experienced my idea of it -- where I rather indulged in an experience of 'oh no, its too much' while comfortably being zoned out on the couch while others on this planet have no such choice and have to bear harsh physical conditions just to make it another day and would be happy to give up everything to be able to live my life and have barely any responsibilities to take care of in life

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome - See more at: http://ylaww.blogspot.com/#sthash.7NZ6qAAj.dpuf

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome

The other day while working outside in the nursery I was listening to some Life Reviews, one of them being 'Giving up on Myself'. The interview explores the concept of 'giving up on self' in terms of 'giving yourself up' for something else.


The being describes how we will have resistance doing something which requires us to for a moment disregard ourselves - ourselves as self-interest - to bring about a point of change, which is basically what is happening all around the world: Where 'those who can make a change don't and where those who want can't'.


I looked at my life and how I used to experience this point of "No, I can't do something other than for myself, that's just toooo haaard - I have the right to be comfortable, disregarding myself like that is just too inconvenient, I'm sorry'.


At home we had a dishwasher, and once in a while my mom would ask me, my sister or my brother to take out the dishes (which were mostly already dry) and place them in the right spots in the cupboards. Usually my mom would do this, so only once in a while she would ask us to do this. I remember my mom would ask me after I had gotten back from school, and 'just wanted to do nothing but lay in the couch and watch tv'. She's ask me to put the dishes
away and I'b be like 'Uh - seriously? Why do I have to do this? I had SUCH a rough day - why can't you or someone else do it'.

I mean, it was literally just moving a few object from one point to another, not even one meter away - and I would be like 'Hmm, no no'. And sometimes I'd even get away with it and my mom would then do it. I was completely inconsiderate and lazy. My mother would go to work, come home, cook, do cleaning, do our laundry, iron our clothes -- for most of our lives (for as long as I lived at home) -- and I had the arrogance of protesting when she would ask me to help out and the arrogance of bitching at her when I wouldn't put away my clean clothes which she washed and ironed 'like it was no big deal'. Her whole life revolved around her kids and work and I would barely hear her complain.


Getting involved in Desteni and visiting the Desteni Farm, I learn what a comfortable, secure, isolated life I had been living which demanded zero consideration or responsibility. I had everything I needed and so I didn't bother doing anything. I learnt what it means to live in a group, why it matters to clean up after yourself and to consider others in your environment -- after all, I wouldn't want to be like my mom doing everyone's 'dirty jobs'-- and for that to be possible, everyone has to work together and daily, consistently tend to the chores that need to be done so that it doesn't accumulate into a massive task. I had lived in such a comfortable bubble and being faced with Desteni that bubble got popped -- I had been living a lie, a comfortable one maybe -- but at the expense of others. Not only did this happen in my home environment at a micro scale, but also on a macro scale -- where my elitist lifestyle could only be sustained by beings on the other side of the world cleaning up the consequences of the life I lived, while they have to do with barely anything.


I remember being back home after my initial two month visit, and my parents were flabbergasted at how my sister and me would now spontaneously help out with the chores at home. I remember the first thing we did was something simple like helping them get the shopping out of the car down the street, bring it inside and putting all the stuff away -- and they were just standing there in the door opening with the bags in their hands going 'Whhhut?' LOL


I mean, it's such a simple point, a small point of consideration and yet previously this had seemed to me like this mountainous burden, where the mere thought of doing something like that would make me already tired. On the farm, there is no space for such an attitude of apathy. You are part of a group, not only humans but also animals and plants -- and certain things require to be done in order to function effectively as a group as well as tending to the animals and plants so we can have a relationship of harmony. So, common sensically, you being part of that = you help out, everyone does their part.

And I mean -- and I'm sure many people who've visited the farm can agree -- what we have on the farm and how we live/go about our day is pretty awesome. Yes, there's work to be done but you end up going through an educational process where you learn how to live effectively and can be satisfied that all points have been taken care/been tended to and that all measures of prevention have been taken. Previously, I would not have gone there and for what -- my own self-interest, and the life I didn't want to 'give up'. But, there was actually nothing to be given up! I was deeply dissatisfied with my life from a mental well-being perspective and on top of that was that life contributing to the diminishment of other people's physical well-being, within living an elitist life that could only be possible when others are deprived of resources in order to fund mine.


So what are you really giving up when you make the decision to stand for a world that's best for all and where you no longer think of only yourself = less than nothing! Because it was all a lie, it was all an illusion. So don't wait for your bubble to be popped -- pop it yourself, because in the meantime real people are ACTUALLY suffering and living in unbearable condition which would give ALL to bring about some change in this world (in comparison of the so called 'suffering' as 'inconvenience' one experience when doing something for something other than just yourself).


Check out the DIP Lite course to investigate what your bubble consists of and how you can move yourself past your illusionary bubble of convenience to actually bring about change in this world.

Related articles

• Day 308: The Children of the Law of One
• Day 310: The Children of the Law of One (Part Three)
• Day 275: Free Choice, Karma and Desteni
• Day 296: Desteni and the Consciousness of Love and Light
• Day 277: Psyche Logical Creation and Desteni
• Day 302: The Encryption of Systems (Part Three)

Day 128: Sigh - Part 6

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
Day 126: Sigh - Part 4
Day 127: Sigh - Part 5

When and as I see myself access the belief that I do not have to consider other people or things because I am not aware of them and should only tend to my own self interest as MY experience and others should do the same for themselves – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within not wanting to consider others and how they may be experiencing themselves (as a result of m actions) I am stating that I do not want to have anything to do with anything that goes beyond me and my comfort zone, to ensure that I do not have to change and so I commit myself to push myself out of my comfort zone and within every moment and every decision look whether I am only taking my own self-interest at heart or whether I am taking at heart the Interest of All within the understanding and realisation that my participation and life on earth is not an isolated manifestation but one that affects each and every one – just as theirs affect mine and thus understand that the only common sensical way for all to be in harmony is by acting and moving myself within what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself access / play out the belief that since I have experiences and can only experience me and nothing/no-one else, that this means I am special – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that it is actually quite in reverse, where me being only aware and only being able to experience is very limited and inferior in relation to being aware and experiencing as part of the whole in unison – but where instead of acknowledging that my separation of the whole is in fact of a point of self-diminishment I have accepted and allowed myself to give it a ‘positive twist’ as to not question and thus change my current status and so I commit myself to investigate the point of ‘individuality’ within me and what this entails/implies within me and my existence and to study how I am separating myself from the whole and walk my journey to life

When and as I see myself make decisions within the reasoning of ‘why should I do it? I don’t see how that is my problem, I am not the one having an issue/experiencing a problem – what’s in it for me?’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is the very same capitalistic thought that has brought our world into ruins through the economic and monetary system of the world, where no one cares about anyone but themselves and so I commit myself to stop such abusive thoughts/backchat/attitudes/opinions as they are in direct violation of what is Best for All Life and the principle of Responsibility and move myself to make decisions within placing myself in the shoes of others

When and as I see myself getting upset when something is not going my way such as the internet being slow within the belief that I have ‘my right to happiness’ and that ‘nothing and no-one should stand in my way of MY happiness’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am living in direct contradiction within expecting everything and everyone to change for MY happiness but do not take into consideration what this ‘rule’ of mine would mean if it were to be applied to everyone – because if I have my right to happiness then everyone else also has their right to happiness which means that I should adjust/change the way I do things to not only be limited to my happiness but must act in way that is Best for All and so I commit myself to stop participating within the expectation that things should change to fit me and instead look at what role I play within the whole and make sure that my actions are not stemming from a stance of inequality

I commit myself to change my values within walking my Journey to Life to stand as Life being the only real value on Earth and have Equality as what is Best for All to be my guiding principle within every moment

When and as I see myself access the belief that ‘I am a good person’ because I once in a while will not have backchat just about myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am deluding myself within believing that because I have reactions that not just consider me that this means that ‘I am a good person’ while most of the time I am only consumed by my own self-interest and thus inherently evil and will use ‘positivity’ to cover up the evil in me and so I commit myself to investigate and explore what it is to actually care about life and not live an existent limited to only my self-interest

Related articles

• Day 126: Sigh - Part 5
• Day 126: Sigh - Part 4
• Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
• Day 97: Don't you just LOVE Complaining? - Part 2
• Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

Day 14 - Trusting Fear - Anxiety and Me - Part 4

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find a sense of comfort and familiarity within fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'fear' with 'comfort' and 'familiarity'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this sense of comfort is not real -- as it is only the result of habitual conditioning of experiencing energy as fear where I have gotten used to experiencing fear and accepted it to be a part of 'Who I Am' and what defines me -- and where I thus find comfort within experiencing a part of 'me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a sense of control within experiencing fear and anxiety within having something which is 'familiar' and 'certain' to be right by my side when in situations of uncertainty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that fear helps me -- where in the past I faced points within fear and came out just fine, and where I had accredited this outcome of being fine / it wasn't that big of a deal, to the energetic experience of fear instead of accrediting it to myself and how I directed myself within the particular situation that I found myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that fear helps me to drive myself and prepare myself for situations -- where I end up being able to deal with a situation quite well and then accredit this outcome to the energetic experience of fear -- instead of seeing and realising that this was actually the result brought about by my own work through preparation and consistency and not anything to do with the energetic experience inside myself -- as I would have been able to achieve the same result with the same actions but without the energetic fear experience being present

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that fear in essence has no power whatsoever in terms of providing control, preparation and safety --- as fear can only do one thing which is feeding itself and had no practical purpose whatsoever for the being experiencing it -- it's basically a parasite

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed my trust outside of myself where 'it must have been something else' in terms of why something worked out for myself instead of seeing and realising that I had created this outcome for myself through my actions as preparation and that I should thus give myself credit and allow myself to trust myself instead of some energetic experience as fear which happened to also be there while I was walking through the point, but is not the reason why things worked out for myself -- and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if fear helps me and thus I should listen to my fear and basically shut down and not do anything -- that I would not have gotten anywhere at all, only showing how completely useless fear is

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of trusting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot be trusted by default

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect myself to make mistakes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect failing at something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect not being able to do something -- at least not on my own

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to gift myself trust

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is nothing "wrong" or "bad" about mistakes -- it only means that I missed a point and where a learning opportunity emerges to not miss the same point again -- and is thus an opportunity to expand and grow within myself

When and as I find myself finding comfort within fear and anxiety -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have made this connection within myself through habitual conditioning and that this relationship between the two points is not real in fact: I created it

When and as I find myself placing my trust in fear to tell me what to do -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that fear can only feed fear and has no practical use whatsoever and does not have my best interest at heart -- instead I place my trust within myself and trust that I can direct myself appropriately within any given situation within the context of what needs to be done

When and as I see myself not feeling worthy of trusting myself -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this thinking pattern emerged from my past within my childhood family environment and educational upbringing and does in no way have to dictate how I live my life -- instead I allow myself to trust myself and commit myself to unraveling and releasing myself from my past so that my past no longer has the power to dictate my future

When and as I find myself givin credit to any emotion/feeling or thought for the outcome of a particular situation -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that emotions, feelings and thoughts have no such power as they are confined to my head only and that any physical action which as a particular outcome as result -- is due to that physical action -- and that the same outcome could have been achieved without the emotions, feelings or thoughts but NOT without the actual  physical actions which led to the particular outcome/result. Within that I also see and realise that emotions, feelings and thoughts only have the power I give to them and that it is up to me to act upon them or not -- and that without me acting upon them or feeding them, they are not of any significance as they can be stopped at any given moment without it ceasing my existence lol