Day 33: Fear of Speaking - Part 5

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I want to say something to another which is 'against the grain' of what the person just said / did -- go into fear of how what I want to say might influence the other person's view / opinion of me -- where I will accept and allow myself to not speak from the starting point of fear as 'what if the person is not going to like me anymore if I say this'


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a little politician character inside my head, where whenever I want to say something I will first stop and consider how what I am about say might influence the other person's view of me -- where I want the other person to like me and not affect their 'liking score' of me negatively, and so I will rather keep quiet and say nothing even when the other person is acting / speaking in a way which is abusive, just so I can comfort myself that they 'still like me'


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me deciding not to speak in a moment where I see clearly that another as me is not behaving in a way which is best for All and in fact being harmful, just because I want them to 'like' -- makes me as guilty of being harmful and abusive in the face of Life as within the moment of not speaking I am showing that I will not stand up for Life for the sake of 'being liked'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave myself according to 'wanting to be liked' instead of the principle of 'What is Best for All' -- where I will abusive behaviour go by 'unnoticed' because I fear the other person will not like me anymore if I say something about it, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value maintaining the popularity of my character and my 'PR' more than Life -- which is the only thing worth valuing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is 'normal' to want other people to 'like you' -- where it is acceptable and totally justified to act in a particular way if it means that it will get people to like you, without ever questioning the implications and consequences of such a principle, where within the moment of 'wanting to be liked' and acting upon it, one is giving permission to the Abuse of Life because one will do anything to maintain one's "popularity" -- even if it means that others get hurt just so one can be assured that they are still liked


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise, that me giving permission to others to act in a way which is not best for all, from the starting point of not wanting to be disliked, where others may get hurt in the process for the sake of me feeling good about myself -- is also me giving permission for others to act in a way which may hurt me for the sake of someone else being able to maintain their 'likes'


I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me not speaking within a moment where I see something is not 'right' as something which is not conductive to what is Best for All Life -- is me actually stabbing myself in the back as self-compromise -- because even though I may have achieved the other person to not 'like me less' -- I am now disliking myself for not speaking -- so what's the point?

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to investigate the nature of 'wanting to be liked' unconditionally and what it implies, and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to thoroughly investigate the value systems which I have created and incorporated within myself -- and to deconstruct these and re-prioritize my values within valuing what is Best for All Life ALWAYS

Day 24: Life as a CharActor

A memory came up of when I was in high school while I was listening to the ‘Real Communication’ Life Review Interview, where at some point when I was 16-17 years old, I actually dreaded the break times in between classes, especially lunch time as it was longer, as it would mean spending my time with my classmates. I never really formed any relationships with any of my friends as I never really opened myself up or shared any intimate points or experiences with them – so ultimately all my friendships were based on talking about “stuff” as sharing our likes and dislikes as gossiping about people, talking about music, movies, fashion, etc.

Where all we did every day was re-enforce and re-confirm our own characters within ourselves, using one another’s likes and dislikes to validate that “who we are” as ‘character’ is in fact ‘real’, and the ‘right character’ to be – and all other characters who are not like our character are wrong and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as character, based on personal likes and dislikes which emerged from memories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out other people with the same character so we can share and validate our character and experience ourselves as ‘real’ and ‘right’, so we may feel comfortable within the Lie we live – where if more than one person also lives and shares this lie, then it must actually be the truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate other people’s likes and dislikes so they can in return validate my likes and dislikes so I can feel good about myself and delude myself that I am on the right path as the right character within this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out my personal character entourage where I can feel comforted and validated as character and forget about what really happens within this world and inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-occupy myself within myself and my world with getting my daily ‘likes’ where I will act out my character according to what I believe the people I like, like – so I can get my daily confirmation that everything is fine and that I do not have to change or take responsibility for anything within my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life’s about being a character and getting other characters to agree with your character and then you Die – without seeing and realising that this is an absolutely stupid way to live one’s life as if it is one big popularity contest between one’s own character and the character of others, where it’s not even about the actual being but made-up make-belief characters based on memories as likes and dislikes which after Death simply disappear into thin air and in no way contributed to making this world a Better Place of All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made life within myself about who I am as character and how to best present my character, where I will be very meticulous about how I look and what I wear, literally pulling a character suit over myself and then believing this character/suit to be “who I am”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I was not born with the characters which I believe myself to be now – which indicate that these characters are not Who I Am, but a creation of myself as myself which I adapted, as the Lie I live within this world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever stop and have a look at the various different characters existent within me and how they developed emerged – as I would have seen that they are based on memories as energy and likes and dislikes – and not in fact real, as they shift and change and do not stand the test of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lost myself within the various characters I created within myself – where I am so occupied about what character to be/wear now that I am completely oblivious to what goes on inside the world as the pain and suffering as consequence from a World System which is not Best for All, where half the people in the world suffer so those with money can live out and perfect their characters

I commit myself to identify all the various characters I have built around myself through which I accepted and allowed myself to live within separation – and to bring all these various characters back to myself and release myself from my own creation in separation through Self Forgiveness, Self Correction and Breath within every moment

I commit myself to investigate what characters I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within – to pin point the memories from which the characters emerged and let go of these memories so I can empower myself to live here in the moment instead of recycling the past

I commit myself to show how humans have currently only “lived” within and through characters as a form of entertainment where one uses those close to oneself to validate and feed the Lie one lives so one can feel comfortable enough to ignore and neglect the real hardship and abuse existent within this world as consequence of us behaving as CharActors instead of Care Takers as what’s Best for All Life

I commit myself to investigating all the various relationships and friendships I have and have had within my life and see how they contributed to my character building within myself and to let go of these relationships so I may stand as Care Taker as a responsible human being who will act within the Best Interest of All Life instead of not being able to see further than one’s own character and live a Lie in complete separation