Day 239: Experience Living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my experiences as I perceive and believe that the only way to give myself direction and derive guidelines of ‘who to be’ and ‘what to do’ comes from what I experience inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that the only way to have direction and have a guideline is to fall back on my experiences as my compass of positive and negative as what to say yes and no to depending on what I experience as positive or negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that using experience as emotions and feelings and thoughts as the morality construct of right and wrong is the only way to have direction in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if I give up my thoughts, feelings and emotions that I am giving up direction for myself in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if I give up my thoughts, feelings and emotions that there is ‘nothing else’ and ‘nothing left’ to fall back on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I do not have the capacity of common sense and considering what is best for all and so when the notion comes up of ‘give up all emotions, feelings and thoughts’ I go into a panic -- because I perceive and believe that nothing else exists besides emotions, feelings and thoughts 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a continuous dance of balancing the positive and negative energetic experiences inside myself - constantly compensating one for the other, perceiving and believing that I am 'moving forward' but really I am just stuck in a cycle of infinity, moving between polarities, where even though the 'seasons' change, I have not changed, I only think and perceive I have changed based on the notion that 'there was movement' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if only I had more positive experiences that 'things would be better' - not seeing and realizing that only the 'experience' is better but that this is not an actual indicator of things for real being and moving better - as both the positive and negative energy are an illusion and not an indicator of reality 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that I am incapable of principled living which then only leaves me with experienced living -- which leaves me as a victim to the dictations of my mind as the positives and negatives I've accumulated and assigned to words throughout my childhood from my family, culture, environment - which is essentially random as it is based on the negatives and positives others had assigned and passed on / shared through various encounters where I have established my own ‘cocktail’ of positives and negatives as ‘MY’ outlook on life encapsulated in positive and negative experiences, not seeing and realizing that it is not MY outlook on life and living but the outlooks I’ve copied and integrated from those around and before me

 

Day 195: Giving up on Myself - No More Head in the Clouds

This blog is a continuation to: 
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome 
Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2) 
Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)
Day 193: Giving up on Myself - The Quick Fix Cycle (Part 4)

Day 194: Giving up on Myself - Idea of Roughness (Part 5)

When and as I see myself take my reality for granted, where I make use of things without investigating how it got in my life and what its implications are -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise how consequential such an attitude can be and so I commit myself to investigate all points in my reality to put myself in a position where I can make informed decisions within the principle of Prevention is the Best Cure and Give to another as you would Like to Receive


When and as I see myself being apathetic -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that apathy is part of the problem within the world as a reaction to a world of inequality and injustice – but not a solution and so I commit myself to move myself out of apathy as passive resistance and to instead engage myself actively within ensuring that I use my time / every breath effectively within contributing towards the establishment of World Equality as a World I would like to live in

When an as I see myself not wanting to do something which I see requires to be done or not wanting to do what someone asks me to do because I don't want to give up what I am currently doing and the 'positive'/'good vibe' energy charge connected to it -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am basing my experience on energy variables as attachments to definitions and within that base my decisions upon my experience which was determined by energy/definition – which has no relation to common sense mathematical reasoning or consideration in anyway whatsoever and so I commit myself to disregard the charges and to see within common sense practicality whether or not I am able to do what was asked and move myself accordingly and I commit myself to investigate the various positive and negative charges I accepted and allowed myself to attach to particular tasks/engagements as word definition and to clear them through Self forgiveness and redefine them


When and as I see myself wanting to be cared for -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I want to be cared for I have to first take care of myself and be willing to take care of others as a point of principle and example and thus this is what I commit myself to do


When and as I see myself believe that I am better / more important than other people -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I do not want to be on the opposite end as being seen as less than and less important but would like to be considered equally in all things and thus I commit myself to do the same for others within the principle of Give as you would Like to Receive


When and as I see myself not caring about other people -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I would not want to be in a position where people do not care about me and thus I commit myself to care for others as I would like to be cared for within the principle of Give as you would Like to Receive


When and as I see myself believe that I have a right to comfort -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I cannot demand and complain about ‘my right to comfort’ as long as I am doing shit about other people having been denied a life of comfort due to greed and self-interest and so I commit myself to stop greed and self-interest within me and to engage myself and use my time effectively to ensure that whatever I do benefits the whole – where my own personal desire for comfort is not allowed to compromise or prolong the discomfort for others

When and as I see myself just 'wanting to do nothing' -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from an energetic polarity experience where I perceive myself to ‘have done a lot’ and now want to reward myself with ‘doing nothing’ – where all I am looking at and considering are internal energy experiences which have got nothing to do with reality and what is Best for All and so I commit myself to stop and investigate my experience and align myself in breath to ensure that my decisions are based on variables which actual matter and contribute to physical reality


When and as I see myself wanting to experience something 'positive' after having experienced something 'negative' -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am only taking into consideration limited amount of information as only ‘how I experience myself’ without looking beyond myself and that I am still looking at experiences in separation of myself where I believe a ‘something’ will give me this or that experience, not seeing and realising that I am the one who decided to experience myself negatively within doing one thing and decided to experience myself positively within doing another thing – and then place the responsibility of ‘how I am going to experience myself’ unto other things/beings – abdicating my self-responsibility completely and so I commit myself to investigate my energy attachments and to disregard any mind energy variables within decision making


When and as I see myself wanting to 'take a break' and wanting to 'zone out' from a starting point of "I am unavailable to do anything else" -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am making a decision based on my limited reality/experience as mind and am not taking into consideration that reality does not work according to ‘my rules’ and ‘what I feel like doing / not doing’ and that things require to be done and can happen whether I am up for it or not and so I commit myself to snap out my ‘unavailable’ zone and bring myself here in reality, in breath, in my body


When and as I see myself wanting to experience something positive as a 'quick fix' to charge myself up so I can continue with my day -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is reactive behaviour which will only repeat itself without every changing anything in fact and so I commit myself to investigate the origin/cause of my ‘energy depletion’ which requires a ‘fix’ so that I can correct myself and direct myself within common sense rather than being a slave to / being energy dependent

Related articles

• Day 194: Giving up on Myself - Idea of Roughness
• Day 193: Giving up on Myself - The Quick Fix Cycle
• Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)
• Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)
• Day 178: Fail-You-Are - Redefining Failure

Day 194: Giving up on Myself - Idea of Roughness

Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome 
Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2) 
Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)
Day 193: Giving up on Myself - The Quick Fix Cycle

When and as I see myself react to someone asking me to do something within an attitude of 'No, it's too much, I had SUCH a rough day' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am responding from reaction wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to attach a negative energy charge to the day / activities I did and where I am now reacting to the prospect of more activities to which I have attached a negative energy charge -- where I believe that I had 'enough' negative experiences and can't handle more -- not seeing and realising that it is not about the activities/tasks that I did or might do -- but about the charges that I had attached to them, and thus I am not so much reacting to what it is another is asking me to do, but the energy I have attached to it -- and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, let go and ground myself in my human physical body and simply do what is asked of me

When and as I see myself believing that I have a rough life -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have created an idea about what 'a rough life' means, where I accepted and allowed myself to base my definition of roughness on a mental experience of negativity -- and where this energy experience is self-created and thus not so much my life being rough as me giving myself a hard time within attaching negative energy experiences to my life and what I do / go through -- and so I commit myself to stop, breathe -- take responsibility for my self-created experience of roughness within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself react when seeing that something needs to be done or someone asks me to do something wherein I think 'Ugh no, let someone else do it' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am coming from a reaction where I allowed an accumulation of negative experiences to build up within me and where the prospect of another 'negative experience' is seen as 'the last drop that spills the bucket' and where I thus resist doing what I see requires to be done / do what is asked of me -- and so I commit myself to do what is asked of me and to investigate the process of accumulation that occurred to assist and support myself in becoming more effective in identifying where I am still reacting

When and as I see myself huff and puff and protest when someone asks me to do something -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this reaction is an indication that I have not been breathing effectively and have been allowing reactions to build up and accumulate and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and practice in breath awareness as I go about my day

When and as I see myself wanting things for 'free' and 'without charge' where I want to just 'get it' without having to do anything for it -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to free things without considering the actual costs / consequences involved and so I commit myself to remind myself that nothing is for free and that someone always pays the price and so I commit myself to take on my responsibility and to ensure that I minimize consequence for myself and others within the principle of prevention is the best cure and do unto another as you would like to be done unto yourself

When and as I see myself access the believe that 'I have the right to only ever do whatever I want' -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this principle is not universally applicable / practical, and if it not feasible for everyone then it is not a principle to live by and so I commit myself to snap out of this brainwashing as it’s unsustainable nature causes much harm and abuse and commit myself to take responsibility and do my part within contributing to make our living environment work for everyone – both at home and on a global scale

Related articles

• Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)
• Day 298 - To soft To Kind for the Job, Commitments Part 3.
• Day 193: Giving up on Myself - The Quick Fix Cycle
• Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)
• Day 311: The Secret to Self-Realisation

Day 193: Giving up on Myself - The Quick Fix Cycle

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 190: Giving up on Myself - The Spoiled Brat Syndrome 
Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2) 
Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about other people and other life forms and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am better/ more important than other people/life form

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see the hypocrisy/evilness of not caring about others who are not as well off as me while knowing that I would want to be cared for if I was them with all my heart

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to care for and respect others as me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have no right to live the life of comfort I have if I am not willing to live the life of others that make possible the life I live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to give up my life of comfort which takes place primarily in my mind as a drug induce happiness experience for the sake of making other people's lives actually physically more comfortable

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that what has become of me/humanity is a ruthless, principle-less monster that stands against anything of value within life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just 'want to do nothing' after going through a regular day from the perspective that the life we live and how do things in the world is not cool / enjoyable but a drag and where within that point of 'just let me be' and 'I don't want to do anything/contribute' I am actually only further perpetuating the problem and creating / maintaining what I don't like within this world/reality where I only care to balance out the negative with some positive so that I can 'recharge' myself for another day without in any way whatsoever changing what is actually causing me to not like my life so much and keeping the cycle going for myself and everyone else -- where if I only looked at the problem and that which is not cool from a starting point of 'Prevention is the best cure' -- I wouldn't need to constantly shift myself from the negative to the positive to 'be okay' but could simply be here, stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care but actual solution but to only care about my personal/happiness experience - where I did not care about how the world is set up and functions as long as I can get some reward/positivity to compensate for the bad stuff -- not seeing and realising that this may have been manageable for myself and my life but not on a grand scale where many have to live in constant negativity to uphold/maintain and substantiate a life of 'positivity' for others

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I wouldn't need 'a break' and to 'zone out' if the problems that are existent within the world today weren't in place -- and so it is not acceptable/enough to just 'zone out' and 'take a break' once in a while as this never changes anything but to look at why i need a break/escape from reality in the first place and deal with it hands on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rather go for a ‘quick fix’ in quite a literal way, where I rather go for a quick ‘feel good experience’ rather than moving myself to bring about an actual change in my world which would eliminate the need for a quick fix in the first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about reality but not willing to take the necessary steps to change it and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I had no right to complain

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it was my ‘quick fix feel good’ experience/desire that is in fact creating the problems/shit in the world that I then go and compensate for within my quick fix – where the positive perpetuates the bad and the bad perpetuates the good – keeping the cycle in place and growing

Related articles

• Day 192: Giving up on Myself - Happiness Drone (Part 3)
• Day 191: Giving up on Myself - My Life is so Rough (Part 2)
• Day 206: The Suffering of Others

Day 143: Busted!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a relationship of fear and anxiety in relation to expression – where I received feedback that I had perceived and interpreted as being ‘negative’ and accepted and allowed myself to take this feedback personal – where instead of investigating my expression and what it is that I am participating within and see how I can improve to ensure that it is best for all – I went into a mode of self-victimization and self-pity and would instead start hiding within expressing rather than investigating and correcting

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how I made my own anticipations come true – where I feared and expected the same type/form of feedback to come out in relation to my expression – which obviously would happen since I didn’t change but merely started hiding/going into secrecy – where the integration of fear and anxiety resulting in shyness and timidity was my ‘trade off’ and ‘deal with the devil’ in order to be able to remain unchanged in ‘who I am’ as ‘who I believed myself to be as expression’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I put myself in the position of being timid / shy in relation to my expression – because I know that my expression is not best for all and evidently can be criticised, where I go into ‘holding back’ and ‘fear of speaking’ because I know that what I might possible say / do is not in consideration of all and thus I may receive the feedback which I fear as feedback of disagreement as an indicators that I require to change – where I thus rather ‘hold back’ and ‘not speak’ because I rather not put myself in a position where I am faced with having to change / re-consider who I am and whether this ‘who I am’ is in fact worthy of existing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that if I were to truly express myself, I would simply do so no matter what the feedback may be – where I welcome and embrace so called ‘negative feedback’ as criticism as this is in fact an opportunity for me to learn, correct, specify and expand – and it is thus in fact stupid to want to hold back and ‘not go there’ out of fear of comment, because this merely implies that one wants to hold on to one’s limited existence and is not really interested in establishing self as a version that is Best in all ways and thus also not interested in establishing a World that is truly Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have viewed ‘timidity’ and ‘shyness’ as ‘innocent’ manifestations, where I belittle these points and go ‘poor thing’ towards myself and others which I see displaying such behaviour – not seeing and realising that any manifestation of personality is ALWAYS Self-Interest and embedded within the point of Not wanting to Change and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have thoroughly investigated my relationship with all forms of personality traits, whether I perceive them as ‘good’, ‘bad’ or ‘neutral’ – as any distorted relationship with any such points hinders and obstructs my insight into these points and thus myself where I will overlook and not consider particular dimensions/angles because I have already created a value judgement about particular points – where if I am faced with a point but have already interpreted to be ‘innocent’ – I will not know how to deal with the point because I do not see ‘what is wrong’ with it and will go ‘blank’ and then leave it as I have not yet questioned / investigated the point within myself and will have to timeloop and accumulate experiences and memories until I can see which can be prevented through writing and self-intimacy

Related articles

• Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being
• Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
• Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
• Day 134: Living by the Rule of Fear
• Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
• Day 138: Move or Be Moved
• Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest

Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within complaining audibly as sighing very loudly, I am stating that I am at the centre of the universe and that everything revolves around me -- where if things don't work out for me it is not up to me to change -- it's up to everything and everyone else to change and adapt to how I want things to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and what goes on inside me (and even that, only to a VERY limited extent) and am not able to experience what everyone else / everything else is experiencing -- that my existence is the only one that matters so that when things are not going the way I want them, I get upset because I am only concerned with my existence, my reality within the belief that only I matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that since I am only aware of myself, that only I matter -- where I do not even try and attempt to put myself in other people's shoes -- because that would mean having to move out of my comfort zone as all I know and all I care about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have experiences, and can only experience me and nothing else -- that this means that I am special -- not seeing and realising that it is all quite in reverse, where me only being able to experience and be aware of myself only indicate my level of irrelevance as I have accepted and allowed myself to be separated from everything and everyone in existence to such an extent that I am in fact rejected by the whole but instead of acknowledging this, will give my situation a 'positive twist' and make something 'special' out of it as to not face the reality/truth of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and no-one else -- that only my happiness matters because I am not able to experience other people's happiness or suffering -- so why should I bother do something about them if I don't receive any gains?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life and existence is all about having nice, positive experiences -- which then creates situations where I get upset and sigh / manipulate myself into a 'down mood' when faced with a simple point such as the internet being slow, where I perceive the internet as being slow as infringing on my right to happiness and should adjust/change IMMEDIATELY, where I perceive how the internet is behaving to be UNACCEPTABLE and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the arrogance of such actions where many people suffer real damages as for instance being physically starved through my acceptances and allowances within the starting point of self-interest and do not care to change my behaviour as the result of who I am IMMEDIATELY, while expecting others to change right here, right now to be able to achieve a 'peace of mind' and move away from the illusionary damage I experience within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my actions as sighing and getting upset about 'things not going my way' is indicative to my values as this reveals what I care to spend my energy on as 'getting upset' to something like the internet being slow -- while being completely apathetic to the real relevant suffering of others and will make-up whatever excuses and justifications as to not have to spend time and energy on improving the life of everyone but only care about my own personal comfort of mind -- revealing to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become within the name of Self Interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I once in a while will feel bad for another or react to for instance animal abuse -- that this means that 'I am a good person' -- not seeing and realising that these reactions only happen ever so often and are minute compared to what preoccupies me most of the time as thoughts/feelings and emotions which relate only to the regard of my own self-interest

Day 109: Stop Crying! Everyone's watching You!

I have a habit where if I feel like I am about to cry, no matter about what -- that this requires to be done in hiding and not done where other people can see it, and that it is in essence a weakness.

The most clear memory I have around this point, is where my mother would drag me to some place that I didn't want to go to as a toddler (like school), and I would cry, cry and cry because I really did not want to go. As we are walking and she is pulling/dragging me -- I am crying and trying to hold back so that she really has to pull hard to get me to move forward, while I am shifting all my weight back to resist.

As I am just sobbing very exuberantly -- as if that is all that exists in that moment -- my mom suddenly whispers but in a 'shouting' way, where the words are kind of 'held back' behind the teeth but are still very harsh -- and she goes "Stop crying!! Can't you see everyone's watching you!!". Not 'everyone's watching US' no no, everyone's watching YOU.

So then I'd go huh? And kind of 'pause' for a moment as I stand and look around to see if this is indeed the case. There's some people on the street, and sure enough, they are looking at me -- but this might just be because I am looking at them and they are just meeting my eyes.

So now I am really confused, because what, I shouldn't be crying? I am making a fool out of myself because I am crying? But I am crying because you are forcing me to go somewhere I don't want to go -- I mean, I'm pretty sure they are watching you more than they are watching me, you are the one dragging me along!

So here, the idea is created that 'crying is bad', 'crying is shameful', 'crying is weak' and 'crying is not done in public'.

Obviously there are also other dimensions involved within this memory, where I was throwing a tantrum and tried to manipulate my way out of something by crying lots -- but this was not addressed by the parent, instead the focus was placed on the action of 'crying' and that I should stop what I am doing because it's a shameful thing to do. So instead of addressing the situation common sensically, the parent went into fear because of 'what other people might think' about how the parent and child are interacting, and so the parent freaks out and impulsively wants to infuse a 'bad feeling' into the child to just make it STOP. But this then got projected unto the child, where the parent was concerned what people might think and then re-directed/projected this point unto the child, and make the child believe that people are thinking bad about the child because of the way it is acting.

So this is quite a fuckup -- there's no common sense or self-insight present in parenting to this day, where the only tools used are positive reinforcement as providing the child with a 'positive feeling' such as compliments or candy and negative reinforcement by making the child 'feel bad' through for instance punishment and manipulation. This reduces children and the adults they become to what? Robots who's actions are completely predictable and based on negative and positive impulses? Isn't that the whole design of binary codes 1010100111?

We need to seriously re-evaluate our parenting methods, as we are creating little robots with no practical common sense or insight into themselves and into this world, who create dysfunctional ideas about themselves and then try to impose those same ideas unto the world around them -- leaving a world behind of disorder and failure.

To be continued

Related articles

• Day 94: Mourning as Excuse to have Pity-Party
• Day 80: What Have I Done? - Part 2
• Day 163: After Death Communication - Relationships and Love - Part 12
• Day 92: Always Expect the Worst - Part 2
• Day 98: Stress Management
• Day 167 - I need a Hero.

Day 23: Decisions

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have never made a real decision within my life

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I in fact have never made decision within my life – as all my decisions have only ever been based on past experiences as memory – and never a seeing in the moment what would be Best for All

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have never made a real decision within my life, as within every moment of decision I draw on my past, past experience and memories to tell me what to do – where I accepted and allowed my past to tell me, direct me into a particular decision – and thus it was never a real decision as it was already pre-determined based on my database of past experiences and memories

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my decisions are based on personal likes and dislikes as positive and negative energy annotations, based on past experiences and memories – where within every moment of decision will base my decisions and what route to talk on my personal likes and dislikes based on memory as past events and experiences – and thus never actually practically deciding within the moment within the starting point and context of what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to personal likes and dislikes – and to believe these to be real – while obviously they cannot be real if everyone has different likes and dislikes and there is no uniformity or absoluteness in anyway whatsoever, and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that personal likes and dislikes can never be what is Best for All as it only considers what is Best for Self as Character

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I am in fact a pre-programmed organic robot, executing and performing tasks based on my memory as all the inputs I’ve received throughout my life and the inputs I placed in myself within back chat – and thus any action, task, decision was never real but only ever based on past experiences as memory

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that with every new step, with every new decision – I am not in fact stepping forward, as I simply repeating and recycling my past within myself where I take all I have ever done and all I have ever experienced and run it through the equation of the decision I have to make in the present – and thus all that can ever come from this decision is more of the same, more of the past – and within that supporting and keeping myself as character in place

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have ever only existed as characters, as different sets of values as likes and dislikes – where I will move from one character to another as the input/environment changes and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have in fact never lived but only lived as fragmented characters within separation of myself, in constant fluctuation – instead of being here, stable, within every moment of breath

When and as I see myself being faced with a decision, and decide upon something – I stop and I breathe – I take a moment to evaluate how I accepted and allowed myself to come to this decision and ask myself: what variables were involved? What values were involved? Is this really what is best for all or is it a decision based on personal likes and dislikes which in no way whatsoever considers what is best for all? And within that I commit myself to evaluate the decisions I have made and the decisions still to make to check myself and my starting point within making decision and teach myself to make decisions which are in fact best for all and not automated decision making based on personal likes and dislikes

When and as I see myself shifting characters – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am not in fact here, present as breath within every moment – but am allowing myself to be a program running in automation mode where I will change and adapt myself according to the various inputs coming from my environment and my self-taught outputs as a response to these inputs – I see and realise that this is not in fact real living and thus I stop and stick to breathing, here

Within that I commit myself to for myself identify all the various characters I’ve accepted and allowed myself to create within my life to deal with various situations, people – and to walk the process of Self Forgiveness and Self Correction pertaining these characters so I can merge all the fragmented, separated parts back together here as me and transform myself from being multiple disordered character to an actual living being Here

When and as I see myself making a decision based on personal likes and dislikes as positive and negative energy, I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is not real decision making but running an automated program which is not reliable at all as it is only based on self-interest and the survival of self as character and thus I do not accepted and allow myself to go that route and re-direct myself to really look and see what requires to be done within the moment which is in the Best interest of ALL