Day 151: My Way or the Highway

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting
Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?

When and as I see myself react to criticism or ‘negative feedback’ in relation to something I said or did within ‘wanting to not do it at all anymore’ or ‘only doing it in secret’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is not an actual solution, nor is it real change – as I am merely moving to the opposite pole without addressing the issue as a form of protection mechanism and so I commit myself to identify what it is I am trying to protect as self-interest and hear the words spoken to me and align my application to take into consideration all who are affected within what I say / do and not just my own interest

When and as I see myself react upon seeing that I require to change my application to take others into consideration and within that believe that this ‘takes the fun out of it’ where I then rather do not want to do it at all or do it in secret so I do not have to hear / be faced with criticism/feedback that indicates that I should change – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am not allowing myself to be the directive principle within ‘having fun’ as I have placed particular conditions and limitations on fun and self-enjoyment where ‘taking others into consideration’ is apparently ‘not fun’ and something wherein I ‘cannot enjoy myself’, and where instead of seeing and changing this point I go into the opposite of ‘not wanting to do it at all’ or ‘doing it in secret’ and so I commit myself to move myself to integrate self-enjoyment within the principle that is Best for All

When and as I see myself reacting to feedback that indicate that I would have to change how I do things with thoughts such as “If I can’t do it my way then I won’t do it at all” or “What’s the point if I can’t do it MY way” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is a form of spitefulness as resistance to change, reflecting back to me my self-interested nature and unwillingness to take others into consideration and so I commit myself to address my backchat and hear the words spoken/written and expand my self-application to take into consideration others as myself

When and as I see myself react to feedback given to me in relation to something I did or said and react to this within feeling offended / attacked and then only give this experience attention – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in reactive mode and not actually hearing what is being said and so I commit myself to hear / look at the words spoken and whether or not they are relevant to my situation without taking it personal

When and as I see myself react to someone giving me feedback about something that I said or did that indicates that I require to change within feeling attacked and judging the other for what they said within accessing the belief that whatever I do as an outflow of “my expression” should be respected and simply accepted no matter what where in turn I will do the same for others -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that living by such a principle is what got us into the mess of today in the first place and will not get us anywhere and so I commit myself to no longer live by this principle and re-align my behaviour and responsiveness within myself to the principle of what is Best for All – Always

When and as I see myself react to criticism/feedback which indicates a requirement of change within myself within believing that this is unacceptable and an attack on my ‘god given unique expression’ where I did not have a say on ‘who I am’ and thus it is not fair for someone to attack me on this point because it is simply ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is nothing unique about ‘who I am’ as who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become, as it is merely the result/outflow of particular inputs producing equal outputs and thus there is nothing ‘special’, ‘holy’ or ‘sacred’ about it, as it is merely a matter of simple mathematics and so I commit myself to change my programming and align my response-ability to go beyond the limitations of my programming as how I was brought up in the context of a society of inequality and greed, to structure myself in a way that is Best for All life as the only worthwhile way to be

Related articles

• Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?
• Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting
• Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
• Day 143: Busted!
• Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
• Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions

Arguments within Agreements

The first year that I was in an Agreement with Gian, our Agreement revolved around one thing: Self-Forgiveness. Most of our discussion ended up in misunderstanding, disagreements and fights.
When we’d both cool down and look at each person’s “side of the story” – we could see where the other was coming from and “where it all went wrong”. It’s amazing how assumptions, opinions and ideas can create this whole “alternate universe” right then and there as your having a conversation with your partner – and your partner is also participating in his or her own “alternate universe” and none of the two are actually participating in the only universe that matters, the physical one right here.
So the first year (more year and a half) – we applied Self-Forgiveness, a lot of it. This was exactly because of these ‘alternate realties’ we’d create inside ourselves and then project unto the other person. Only after we went through this phase – the deconstruction phase – we were able to actually start communicating and hearing each other. And the Self-Forgiveness we did, was never about the other person – we’d simply each time take the point back to ourselves, apply Self-Forgiveness and then that’s that.

In the beginning we were very easily tempted to “point out each other’s dishonesties” and to “stand up” (well play out an ‘idea’ of what it means to “stand up”) but then all we’d do was point fingers at each other, get angry / hurt and not get one foot further. See, in the initial stage of an Agreement, there’s just no way that you can immediately effectively assist the other by “pointing things out” because you’ve got so much shit of yourself that is filtering and moulding your perception of the other – that you never get a clear picture of what is actually going on – and that most likely, your just projecting your own shit. So once you realise this point – you’re ready to get somewhere lol.
 
Before I was in the Agreement I am currently in with Gian, I thought that I was pretty stable and was easily able to assist myself in terms of dealing with my inner world. Because of that, I had created an idea about myself that “I was pretty stable” and that thus the Agreement should go pretty smooth. Boy, was I wrong! LOL – all those ‘issues’ and ‘points’ that I had worked through in my Process while walking ‘alone’ suddenly looked very bleak and small compared to what I was facing within the Agreement. Sometimes it looked like the end just wouldn’t come in sight and every day was just a struggle within myself to get through the day without getting each other all agitated. But whatever happened , we just stuck to the basics: breathe, forgive, don’t give up.
And then, one day it suddenly hit me: I’m not struggling anymore.
Our agreement was effortless.
So whenever you find yourself in an Argument with your Partner take note to a) Not take it personal (god, if you do this, you’ll make things very hard for yourself) and b) to realise – that mostly when you are having an Argument, YOU’RE BOTH WRONG!!!.
The moment you see /realize that you (and your partner) are wrong, you’ll find that it’s very easy to stop and give up the argument because you’re not fighting to be proven right = there’s suddenly nothing to win and then all of a sudden your actual starting point within the fight will be clear for both parties to investigate (mostly just ‘I am right, you are wrong, lemme steal your energy so I can feel goooooood).

Ok that’s it for now.

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Why Sex Sells and How you can Become Immune to this Phenomena

 
Why does sex sell? Whenever someone is confronted with advertisement within which they use sexually tinted images to manipulate the consumer to buy their product –- the advertiser is playing on a sense of ‘longing’ and ‘desire’.

But why do people connect ‘longing’ and ‘desire’ to sex / sexuality?
Looking back at my own childhood experiences regarding ‘love’ and ‘happiness’ I can see that all those experiences all pointed to a singular concept = Relationships.

You are all alone within this world an the purpose of your life is to find your Soulmate, who will complete your life, who will make you whole.
 
This idea that ‘somewhere out there’ is the perfect partner for you to become ‘complete’ holds the problematic implication that inherently = you are incomplete.

So the moment you grasp this concept of ‘your happiness is out there somewhere, go find it’ – you will find yourself always feeling unsatisfied, like something is missing, your life’s just not complete.
But have you noticed how whenever you really want something, and then you get it = it suddenly isn’t all that great anymore? I remember perfectly how when I was 12 I really wanted this particular pair of shoes. It was constantly on my mind “If only I could have those shoes… it would totally complete my look (and thus complete my life)_”. LOL

So then the day came and I got the shoes and I was just like ‘woah awesome!!! At last!” This thrilling experience lasted for about a day and as things ‘went back to normal’ and I started to doing my normal daily activities – I suddenly realized that: My life was not complete, I am still not feeling satisfied. I felt so scammed, lol – scammed by my own desire. Because now I have these shoes and, it just feels like nothing.
This is to demonstrate that ‘desire’, can never really be fulfilled. Only the ‘chase’ is fun, is thrilling. Once you have what you want it’s just not fun anymore – because your idea about it and what it is actually like, do not match at all.

So now if we look at relationships and having the ‘One’ that completes your life (assuming that the ‘One’ exists at all lol) – this is quite a hectic and intense desire/longing that resides within each and every one – it’s like a ‘Life Mission’ / quest for your own personal ‘Holy Grail’.

Now, what is the core ‘characteristic’ of Relationships within the adult-world = ‘Sex’.
That’s right. Sex shows that ‘you’re being serious’ now. It ‘seals the deal’ so to speak.

So this is now the perfect pool of opportunity for companies to get YOU to buy THEIR product – using your ever lasting desire and search for ‘the one’ and ‘the one sexual experience’ (because this amazing sexual experience will indicate that ‘this is the one for you’).

By using these sexually tinted pictures, it ‘activates’ your everlasting desire for the perfect sexual partner and you just can’t help yourself – you need to try this shit out (whatever it is their selling) – it may just be THE ONE THING that can help you on your quest for THE ONE who hold the key the THE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE and your everlasting blisssss.

So now companies and advertisement use this point to present all and whatever products as THE THING that may POTENTIALLY get you to achieve your Great Quest.

And what the greatest thing is about this whole “THE ONE” thing is that = nobody ever finds him or her. Because, people look outside of themselves, they look ‘out there’ for that special person to complete their life. While all along, that person’s been ever-present in their life, but they never noticed it. Who is it? It’s you!

Because you’ve accepted yourself as being ‘incomplete’, inherently ‘sinful’ and ‘damaged’ and what not – you have not allowed yourself to live a life of unsatisfaction and incompleteness. It’s all just a perception, a state of mind. The real thing that you need, the real thing you need to work on: is your relationship with yourself. And that is exactly what Desteni and the Desteni tools are for: you working and establishing your relationship with yourself.

So if you want to become immune to Sexually Tinted Advertisement & Live a life of true Fulfilment = do the Desteni I Process and LEARN to LOVE YOURSELF.

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