Day 238: Avoiding Disappointment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a Fool for having had and wanting to Trust Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it as dangerous and reckless to drop the ways of the System and to rather embrace the ways of Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for trusting Life, the moment, here -- perceiving and believing that it is naive and gullible and a sure way to destroy myself and others around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that it is not safe to Trust Life and that I have to use walls of knowledge and information to protect and defend me -- where I am constantly in a state of control and wanting to be ‘on top’ of the situation, not seeing the moment, not trusting the moment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is all in reverse - that it is not safe to trust the mind in its limited ways and that it is safe to trust life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of trusting myself as life, as process


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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected trusting myself, trusting life with causing pain and hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become scared of taking responsibility for myself and others because I have connected it to certain events where I was blamed for someone's pain and suffering and allowed it to crush me, allowed it to create pain and suffering within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsibility, to trust myself, to stand with and as myself because I perceive and believe that 'I am not the right person', 'please don't ask me to stand' - 'I am going to fuck up and create pain and suffering for me and for others'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing within and as my point of responsibility, of trust - believing and perceiving that it will only create disappointment for myself and others, so please don't ask anything of me, don't ask me to be or do more - it will only create more suffering, it is better if I take myself out of the equation and save everyone a lot of pain and hurt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cringe at the sight of 'being more' of 'doing more' - believing and perceiving that I am doomed and rotten to the core, that when others ask me for assistance or support, hold within me 'you don't know who you are dealing with, I am not who you think I am - don't ask me to support because it will only create more pain and suffering'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forgotten who I am - where all that exists and remains is the pain and hurt of having 'fucked up' where I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself to one / a few events that I have defined as a 'fuck up' as a 'failure' and as a disappointment to myself and others - holding on to this 'bad' while forgetting and disregarding any good I created and contributed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within the constant fear and anticipation that I am going to be blindsided again and have a shitstorm pour over me, that it is inevitable and just 'waiting to happen' - where I perceive and believe I can't trust 'any good' within myself or others, that is bound to get smashed in my face and that I will feel stupid and foolish for having put any trust and faith in myself and others

Within this - I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the worst of myself and others, of the world - as a way to protect myself from any hurt and pain, as a way to avoid disappointment

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by holding my eye, my focus and attention steady on the worst, on all that is going wrong and can go wrong - that is what I am nurturing and maintaining within myself and within the world - in essence creating that which I fear, that which I dislike - and only seeing that of myself and others which confirms my starting point 'as the worst' - and so I am constantly trapped and experience only the worst of me, as a constant inner hell and do not allow myself to experience anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the statement that 'you don't know who I really am' as the worst of me - feeling convinced that is the 'the truth', the 'reality' - not considering that I am so consumed by one or a few experiences - that it is actually I, who does not know who I am and I am not allowing myself to find out who I really am and who I could be - because I have already condemned myself to the worst

Day 230: Permission And Self - Worth

Day 227: What can we learn from Continuum?

I have been following the Tv-series ‘Continuum’ for a while now, and would like to share a perspective that came up while watching the last few episodes.

For those who are not familiar with Continuum, here a short delineation so you can have some background/context:

The series starts off in the future, in the year 2077. Corporations have taken over the role of government, where a ‘Corporate Congress’ rules. A rebel group (or terrorist group, depending on ‘whose side’ you’re on) called Liber8 tries to fight the corporatocracy in favour of a democracy, but their main players are apprehended and to be executed. As they’re about to be executed, something unexpected happens and they are sent back in time, to the year 2012. With them, one of the cops who was present at the execution, was also sent back. Even though there are no longer in their timeline, the Liber8 group tries to fight the corporations and change the future by changing things in the past/present, while the lady cop still tries to catch them and stop them.

What I find interest about the series is how no particular side is being choses in terms of ‘who the good guys’ are and ‘who the bad guys are’. One could relate to the Liber8 group as being ‘terrorists’ because they are involved in illegal and sometimes violent activities, yet on the other hand they are fighting for democracy and wanting to get rid of a police-state, which is something a lot of people would be able to relate to as ‘being a good thing’.

On the other hand you have the cop who wants to uphold the rule of law, yet what is law is not always what is right or good – so there you have another moral conundrum.

The point both the ‘fighters’ and ‘protectors’ share however, is that they assume they can change the future by altering events in the past. As the series progresses, and especially now in the last few episodes, it becomes clear that even though their best intentions at changing things in the past/present, leads to bad outcomes in the future.

It’s quite fascinating, because the whole time, they are trying to change events or create events, and then hope that by altering this and that point, it will lead to some effect down the line that will make ‘everything better’. The whole point that seems to be missed then, is that it’s pointless to try and change events, try and change ‘who’s in charge’/’on top’ – without people actually changing.

You can have a timeline which is government heavy, and which can be totally unsatisfying and unbearable, while you can also have a timeline where government is basically nil and corporations have free reign, which can be equally inadequate. In the end, it doesn’t matter ‘who’ rules in terms of the polarities and dualities we are used to (corporations vs government, freedom fighters versus police/protectors) – because in the end you are dealing with the exact same thing, which is = human nature. You can go back in time as much as you want and try and change events and hope to have a better future as an outcome, but so long you don’t touch the point of changing human nature, you are merely going to have the same outcome. Because, if you’re only changing events, you’re not really changing anything.

In the series for example, there’s a lot of mention of electronic technology and biotech that can potentially be dangerous for public safety and wellbeing. A drug that can cure Alzheimer’s for instance, can be messed with to become an addictive drug that can ruin people’s lives if addicted. A health monitoring gadget, can potentially become a device for mass control and manipulation.

These are for instance some of the points that the Liber8 group will attempt to ‘stop’ and ‘destroy’ because they are ‘dangerous to mankind’. The thing is, that they’re equally beneficial to mankind.

The Alzheimer’s drug or the health monitoring gadget are in itself not evil. They just ‘do what they do’. It’s is all up to the human element, the ‘who we are’ and what principles we live and stand by, that in the end determines whether we’re going to have a cure for Alzheimer’s or another devastating addictive drug on the street. Just as atomic science was just another area of investigation and exploration to further scientific research, development and knowledge, it was the human who decided to use it in its destructive potential, rather than its constructive potential.

I mean, it makes you wonder doesn’t it, about why we’re here on Earth. All the things that have massive constructive potential, also have great destructive potential. The internet as a recent point of technological innovation can be constructive in bringing people together from all over the world and increasing the speed at which we process and send information – yet, at the same time, it’s also great catalyst of apathy, separation, shallowness and triviality. In the end, it’s not about the internet being either ‘good or bad’, but what we can tell about its users in how the internet is being used.

A health monitoring gadget can be just that: a health monitoring gadget. But it’s about ‘who wields it’, that in the end decides whether the outcome we may observe and witness, is that of creation and support or destruction and subversion.

You cannot change the outcome of a future, by going back in time and ‘prevent this and that from being made’. Because even though these objects may not come into being, the evil that wielded it, is still ever present, and that evil: is us.

We are on a planet with what seems like unlimited potential, yet the only potential we seem interested in developing is the kind that destructs and annihilates, the kind that keeps a few happy while a majority suffer.

We were given dominion over the Earth and all things upon it – yet, we decided to interpret this dominion as domination, where we perceived this to be the permission to submit and subvert whatever and whomever we want at our heart’s whims and desire. However, if you investigate the word ‘dominion’, you will find that it roots back to the Latin word ‘domus’, which means house, home. We were given a choice, to develop, support and take of those living under our house, to embrace all who reside in our responsibility – and yet, without even the blink of an eye passing by, we decided that our dominion meant doing whatever the fuck we want at whomevers expense, and this is exactly what we have been living out, from the dawn of time till now.

There is no point to try and change the past.

There is no point in fighting one another.

What must change is us, who we are, our nature, the laws of our being that we live by
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If you agree that we have to change our course of living, check out the Desteni of Living, and change the principles you live by the ones that are Best for All Life, so we may yet create Heaven on Earth.

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Day 196: Irresistible Urge to Resist and Rebel

I’ve been looking at a point where someone will say or ask me something – and where the words they speak ‘make sense’, but it just feels like something’s ‘off’ about it – and I immediately want to protest/rebel against what it is they are saying or asking – not because of the words spoken but simply because of the ‘vibe’ or ‘energy’ it carries. And the reaction is like immediate, like NO, I do NOT agree/ I DO NOT want to do that – as a reaction to kind of “shake” the energy off of me, like it’s disgusting lol.

It reminds me of when my mom would ask me to clean my room. It didn’t bother me that she asked me to clean my room – that made sense, but it would be the way she asked, like you can sense there’s something hidden behind it which was just all off and it didn’t want to have anything to do with it. Back then I thought I was merely ‘rebelling’ towards my parents as ‘authority’ but I actually didn’t have a clue why I experienced myself that way and why I was reacting and just DID NOT want to do what she asked me to do lol.

So I got now that when people talk, there’s a lot more information crossing the room besides just the words spoken – there’s a whole resonance/energy component that I had previously never look at or considered – which was what I was picking up on whenever I would react to my parents demands. It was not because they were not being rational that I would not want to do what they asked, but because I could sense that their starting point was not cool. And this can be pretty confusing because all you know is that there’s something ‘off’ about what someone is saying to you but when you try to pinpoint what it is that’s exactly off about it, you’re kind of grasping at air and that would leave me wiggly/unstable – because I have this experience inside me but I can’t explain it and I have no ‘proof’ so to speak that I can put forward to explain why I do not want to comply to the request.

So this started happening recently, where someone would ask me something simple to do and I would get like a buzzing feeling where for some reason I don’t want to do it. I got confused because I looked at the words and the words made sense – so why was I experiencing myself this way? I brushed it off, thinking that I must be projecting something unto the other person and should just disregard the experience and work on ‘not wanting to do things’ or something like that. But it didn’t stop, each time the same person would ask me something and it would have that ‘vibe’ to it, I’d buzz – and I’m like what the fuck??!!! What is going on??

This would happen over and over again, buzz by buzz and in the end I would actually end up getting seriously annoyed with the other whenever this happened.

So then I looked at how the person spoke the words, the energy it had to it and put myself in the other person’s shoes. If I’d speak/ask something that way with that ‘vibe’ with it – what is creating that vibe? So then I got that if I would be speaking/asking things this way, that there was a point of morality/fairness involved – where I would ask someone to do something not because it makes sense, but cause of some idea of fairness/morality and where I do not even know that I am participating within fairness/morality because in my mind it ‘makes sense’. So even though the message makes sense, the starting point is off – and because it’s coming from an idea of fairness/morality which has been justified through “reasoning” – it’s hard to catch that there’s something off about it, because from the outside looking at it, it makes sense .This was then later also confirmed where this point opened up in a conversation where the person could see they where coming from a fairness point in how they would do certain things and I was glad to know I wasn’t going crazy lol.

So what was interesting with this whole experience is how little we know about ourselves, communication and how to deal with particular experiences. I mean, as a kid I had the exact same experience, and the only thing I could do that somehow made sense was to resist, protest and rebel without really even knowing why – it just ‘felt like the right thing to do’. But what happens then is that you’re just playing a reactive game where say my mom is being reactive within how she asks me to clean my room and then I react in protest and rebellion which in turn she can use to justify why she is reacting the way she is and strengthen her belief point to which I will then react even more and before you know it you’ve got a little snowball turned into a massive ball of snow causing an avalanche of reactions – because both sides just feed it and feed it and feed it to no resolve.

So this was now also kind of happening where because initially I did not know how to deal with my experience, I would internalize it and basically make a mind point out of it as I didn’t know how to direct it so it was just kind of stuck inside of me and then I would start back chatting about it and then that’s how the annoyance would grow. Where in the beginning I would brush it away but the experience kept re-occurring and the irresistible urge to just not comply/rebel was getting seriously huge. So now I know that if I experience myself this way to simply ask like ‘Hey, why are you asking me this way’ and to open up the point and if I am just projecting cool, then I know and sort myself out and if not then cool, it’s out in the open and I don’t have to sit with this experience that has got no-where to go and who knows the person might find some assistance in it.

Because I was more and more leaning into the not complying/rebelling point but I saw this also did not make sense because this will also just strengthen any already existent reaction within another / give them more reason to do what they are doing -- but I also saw that I could not just ‘do nothing’’ -- which is why I decided to write this blog to get some clarity and it did lol.

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements to follow…

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• Day 316: Sensitive Souls - How to Face Success
• Reacting - Revenge of the Ego - Day 283
• Day 261 - The Pattern of Who I Am Part 9
• Day 195: Giving up on Myself - No More Head in the Clouds
• Day 194: Giving up on Myself - Idea of Roughness

Day 180: Is Instagram Big Brother?

Everyone is always objecting any form of ‘tracking’ and ‘monitoring’ into one’s ‘private life’. Yet on Instagram, everyone is doing exactly that: people are posting pictures of where they are, what they are eating, what they are doing, who they are meeting, etc. And no-one had to devise some ‘cunning plan’ to ‘secretly track you while you’re not watching’ – you’re voluntarily putting yourself out there and displaying your life for all to see and share.

On Instagram I am following a whole bunch of people who have Parrots. Every day or almost every day they post pictures of themselves and their parrot(s) and what they’re up to. What’s fascinating to see is how there are a whole lot of people with parrots following one another and so in essence: keeping track of them / monitoring them.

When they see a Parrot in a picture eating and notice that the parrot is being fed an unhealthy diet, people comment and point this out to the owner who is then very grateful for pointing this out. For the next few weeks you see him posting pictures of how his Parrot is adjusting to his new diet and giving updates.

Another person put baby oil on their Parrot and this was immediately pointed out to be a No-No as this screws with the Parrots natural feather condition and can be poisonous as they will preen the feathers with the oil on and get it in their beaks. People commented immediately and the person went right off to get the oil removed. This ‘InstaTracking’ may have well saved the bird’s life.

So here you have a natural tracking system where people keep track of one another and if a point of disharmony is noticed, it is pointed out and the person corrects themselves.

I mean, scientists are discovering new species – not by travelling across the world to some distant place, but through platforms such as Instagram where people share pictures of the animals, plants and critters they come across.

Tracking does not have to be a ‘scary’ thing and with the technology we have available it can be quite a fun and beneficial experience.

Sure, tracking and monitoring is not cool if it’s done from a profit-motive perspective where all that is being done is finding the next clue about your personal life that can be used to manipulate you as a consumer into buying stuff.

Luckily in EMC (Equal Money Capitalism), the profit-motive is removed and one’s well-being is ensured and protected within the Constitution – leaving only space for tracking which is beneficial for everyone.

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• Day 263 - Me Myself and Parrots.
• Day 267 - Me Myself and African Grey Parrots Part 5
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• Day 166: Corporate Social Responsibility in Equal Money Capitalism
• Day 264 - Me Myself and Parrots Part 2
• Day 265 - Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3
Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions
Day 161: Become an Image and be Treated as an Image
Day 162: Eating Disorders and Unforetold Consequences
Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion
Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a starting point of separation, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require something ‘out there’ to fill me up with ‘passion and commitment’ and so I commit myself to identify where I perceive that I am lacking commitment and passion within my life where I want to make up for that lack within finding something else to be passionate/committed about and commit myself to apply commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life and see myself going into that movement of ‘looking out there’ and ‘wondering where I can find passion’ I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that commitment and passion is already here as myself and so I commit myself to apply and express commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself go into an application of obsession within wanting to be committed/passionate – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a polarity design where I perceived myself lacking any and all ability to be passionate/committed and within that go into the opposite polarity of being obsessive, where I allow myself to be completely obsessed with whatever point I decided to go with – where there is no space for expression of flexibility, but only a one dimensional focus which is doomed to burn out as it is based on energy instead of self-realization

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment in my life and look for it outside of myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely diverting/distracting myself from investigating my application where I have detected a point that can be perfected / specified, but where instead of dealing with that point, I go and look for something else to perfect so that I can fool myself to still experience myself as satisfied without actually having taken self-responsibility and so I commit myself to look at the points where I know I can improve myself and commit myself to passionately take on these points and perfect them for myself

When and as I see myself go into a mode of ‘adoration’ and ‘idolizing’ within seeing people with an Eating Disorder / contemplating Eating Disorders within the belief that what I am looking at is diligence, discipline, willpower and commitment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is exactly what the nature of Eating Disorders is about, where I/we have accepted and allowed ourselves to have created a distorted and disharmonious definition of what it means to be diligent, disciplined, will powered and committed – while we actually have not ever lived true diligence, true discipline, true will power and true commitment – as I have seen and realised through walking the Desteni Process, that true commitment, diligence, discipline and willpower has got nothing to do with occupying oneself with impose an image/illusion unto physical reality – that is an easy thing to do – what takes real discipline, commitment, diligence and willpower is to investigate the nature of ourselves as who we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become, to see and realise the dishonesty and destruction we’ve become and to walk the process of correcting our nature of self-destruction to one of Self-Support towards ourselves and all other forms of Life as ourselves – where one move and push to become the best possible version of themselves and within doing so assist others to do the same: This is the REAL Challenge and the only Journey of Self-Perfection worth walking

Visit the Desteni I Process Lite website to start your journey to Self Perfection today

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Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from passion and purpose in Life – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must go and find something outside of myself that I can add / attach to me, to be able to get a purpose and passion in Life, instead of seeing and realising that the drive as passion, as a purpose comes from within me, and is a matter of making a decision within myself – rather than finding the ‘one thing’ that will trigger an experience of purpose/passion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have looked/sought for passion and purpose as an energetic experience one can attain, instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose does not exist within the realm of ‘experience’ but is a decision one makes within oneself, to be engaged, to be driven and that no-one or nothing can ‘give’ this to self, only self can gift passion and purpose to self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have seen myself as incapable of passion and purpose, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘this is not for me’, that ‘passion and purpose is for other people’ – not seeing and realising that I had interpreted passion and purpose almost as if it was a genetic characteristic which allowed some people to experience themselves this way, while others were ‘less lucky’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘look out there’ to find something to be passionate and purposeful about – instead of looking at what is here as myself, to be passionate and purposeful about myself as a being as who I am, and to get to know myself passionately, intimately so that I may support myself in becoming the best possible version of myself and to within that, prepare the way to stand/live as an example so that we may change the world to become the best possible version it can be

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace passion and purpose as myself, where I interpreted and perceived passion and purpose to be an experience outside of myself – instead of seeing and realising that passion and purpose are not experiences, but applications and so I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have considered applying passion and purpose in my life as myself, as a living expression – as a statement of who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mistaken obsession with passion and purpose – where I believed that the nature of obsession as being part of one’s every day moment as always being there, present – was what passion and purpose is about – not seeing and realising that obsession is about being controlled while passion and purpose is about being in control as being the directive principle in one’s life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, within the belief that I am incapable of passion and purpose, have gone into the complete opposite polarity point as obsession, where I put myself in a position of constant and continuous mind pre-occupation, and believed this to be passion and purpose, while all I was doing was further confirm and integrate the belief that I am incapable of self-movement, as the nature of obsession being one of extreme limitation and rigidity

 

Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot handle/stand in the face of energy – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy is ‘more than’ and ‘bigger’ than me and that I do not have the power to direct such a ‘force’ and that the only thing I can do is to either ‘go with it’ or avoid it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘less than’ and ‘smaller’ than energy within myself and others – not seeing and realising that it is us human beings animating this energy and being the creators of energy as friction within ourselves and that consequently we should be perfectly able to direct such manifestations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created/scripted a pattern of automation within and for myself where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an ‘if this then that’ reaction within the nature of ‘if faced with friction/conflict’ and/or ‘when anticipating friction/conflict’ – ‘then go into fear and anxiety’ and ‘avoid situation at all cost’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have scripted/patterned myself in a way where I react to one type of energetic manifestation with another form of energetic manifestation – where I will react to aggravation/anger and other forms of conflict/friction energies within the energetic reaction of fear and anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy is ‘bigger’ than me where in the moment where I faced with another person being aggravated with something I said – I perceived the aggravation emanating out of the person as ‘taking over’ – where it did not even matter what the being said and whether or not it made sense or not – but where I immediately placed the energy of aggravation as being forceful into a position of authority – where all that mattered in that moment was the energy within the scene that was playing out and where within not understanding where this energy as aggravation all of the sudden came from – shut down within myself and isolate myself from what was happening around me, and in shock/petrification/fear and anxiety decided that I do not want to go through such an experience/scenario ever again and that I ought to avoid these type of situations at all cost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of seeing and experiencing the energy as aggravation coming from the other person as a reaction to something I said – have separated myself from that energy within placing it above me and in an authoritative position and within separation reacted within fear and anxiety – not seeing and realising how the other person’s energetic reaction as aggravation and my energetic reaction as fear and anxiety locked-in together and fed one another – where my experience of fear and anxiety was confirming the other’s aggravation and validating it, and where the person’s aggravation was confirming and validating my experience of fear and anxiety – where these two energies as reactions came together and within their blind acceptance and allowance permitted the other to exist and within that sustain one another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was faced with another being aggravated towards something I said – have opted for reaction to a reaction – where I accepted and allowed myself to react to another the same way the other reacted to me (regardless of the type of reaction) – and within doing so confirmed that such scenarios where people are limited and diminished to being reactive robots is ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ – and accepted this as what communication/interaction consists of between people and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that moment have ‘surrendered’ myself to the belief that we live in a reactive world as the only possible version/option of how we humans can interact with one another and that the only thing ‘left to do’ is to strategically avoid certain types of reactions as negative reactions such as conflict/friction and seek out positive reactions – as within controlling and managing one’s input through controlling one’s environment one is able to control/manage one’s inner reality as the reactions that get ignited within self and then believe this to be a solution – not seeing and realising that we are only circumventing the problem as the reactive nature we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to live by – where selective avoidance and seeking out is merely a coping mechanism to manage one’s inner reality without having to effectively deal and sort out / correct one’s inner reality and reality at large as the very mechanics/rules/laws we live by – where instead of living a life of enjoyment and expression we are living a life of fear, compromise, coping, survival and regret – in short: a life unlived

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Day 55: Sounds as Reference

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 51: Shocking Sounds
Day 52: Prelude – Don’t take anything for Granted
Day 53: I Am Robot
Day 54: Reading Sounds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used sound as ‘cues’ – where I relied on sound to tell me ‘what to do’ , ‘how to behave’ and ‘what to feel’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-responsibility within letting sounds ‘guide me’ and my participation in reality – where I will move myself according to the sounds I hear and the various meanings I have attached to the sounds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have linked my inner-experience to sound – where I will follow the sounds around me closely and modify/adapt my inner-experience as the sounds change in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used /relied on sound in terms of ‘what to do’ and ‘how to feel’ – where I believed that if I rely on sound as cues in my reality that I will be better prepared / have an advantage when shit hits the fan

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that shit will either hit the fan – or it won’t and so it does not matter how ‘well’ I can read the sounds in the house and within that evaluate the situation – since within that I am just sitting there doing nothing really, and so whether I tie my experience to these sounds or not does in no way whatsoever alter or change what is going to happen and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am at an advantage when I am aware of the sounds in the house and link my experience to them – instead of seeing and realising that within tying my experience to the sounds in the house I am only creating more stress for myself within myself within anticipating ‘something bad to happen’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within ‘anticipating something “bad” to happen’ – I am already placing myself ‘there’ as if it’s already happening, where I am already in fear and anxiety – and thus if I do not like what is about to happen / might happen – yet place myself in the position of ‘already being there’ and having the experience that goes with it – I am in fact sabotaging myself as I am doing unto myself what I fear happening – lol – since I do not fear the actual event which is about to take place, but my experience within it as fear, anxiety and petrification, yet I am already creating and generating this fear, anxiety and petrification – it’s so irrational

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have found myself so ‘clever’ within assessing situations based on sound – where I thought it was so cool that I can assess what’s going to happen just by listening to the sounds in the house – without ever stopping for a moment and seeing/realising how I am in fact trapping myself within this point of sound where for hours on end my experience inside myself would be defined and determined by the sounds in the house where I would be on edge at all times which was NOT a cool experience – yet in some twisted way believed that it was helping me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was assisting myself within the relationship I had created with the sounds in the house – where I believed that within linking my inner experience to the sounds in the house that I was gaining some sense of ‘control’ since I was getting “immediate feedback” within myself based on the sounds and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my inner experience as anticipation as fear and anxiety was in fact the very statement of powerlessness as lack of control´-- yet believed that within ‘being able to tell what’s going to happen based on sound’ convinced myself that I was somehow in control of myself and my environment

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that I was actually not able to ‘tell what was going to happen’ – since I could only tell what was happening at the moment of hearing the actual sounds – but I could not tell whether or not shit was going to hit the fan until it was hitting it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I have a relationship towards something in my reality, such as a relationship to sound where specific emotions/thoughts/feelings get triggered/activated to particular sounds – that this means that ‘I have control’ within believing that I can place/define the situation for myself from a Mind perspective -- without seeing and realising that even though I give something a label and categorise is in a particular place inside myself -- this does not somehow provide me with control over the situation that will assist me in coping in anyway whatsoever, at best I am constricting/limiting myself to always experience/act based on the compartmentalisation of information which I receive through my senses – in this case: sound


When and as I see myself relying on sounds as ‘cues’ to tell me what to do and how to behave – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am abdicating self-responsibility within allowing sounds to dictate/determine how I feel and behave and so I commit myself to when such moments arrive, to breathe, be here as my human physical body and disengage myself from participating in energetic responses to sounds

When and as I see myself looking for sounds to guide me how to feel/act – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed myself to make something ‘more’ out of sounds – where I’ve placed personal meaning unto the sounds which then dictate how I feel/experience myself and so I commit myself to breathe, be here as my human physical body and to for myself identify the meaning I have given to the sound by which I am accepting and allowing myself to be directed by – and realise myself from this relationship within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I see my inner experience of myself shift according to the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in a programmed response pattern based on memories featuring similar sound aspects – and so I commit myself to breathe, be here and investigate the nature of my reactions and memories from which they emerged within Self-Reflective Writing

When and as I see myself ‘tuning in’ to the sounds in my environment from a starting point of ‘analysing the situation’ within anticipation and wanting to be ‘prepared’/’ready’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am tricking and manipulating myself into a sense of ‘control’ whilst all the while only feeding self-doubt and self-distrust within closely monitoring my environment for ‘cues’ on what might possibly happen next – because I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself totally and completely to stand and be here within any given situation – and where I thus will reach for ‘anticipation’ as a form of ‘preparedness’ without seeing and realising that all I am doing is placing myself in a position of fear and ensuring that if something happens that I will act within and as the starting point of fear and within that miss the opportunity to be self-directive.
And so I commit myself to snap myself out of my ‘anticipation mode’ and allow myself to unconditionally be here within as breath as my human physical body and take things one thing at a time without creating an idea/belief about it beforehand

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I can influence the outcome of an event by obsessively focussing on the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is just another form of ‘Positive Thinking’ where I delude myself that I am apparently making a change through being completely possessed/occupied with interpreting sounds without making any difference to the situation/outcome in anyway whatsoever – and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, be here and let go of my obsessive behaviour as I see/realise/understand that I cannot do anything about the situation but can only trust myself to direct myself appropriately when and if the situation arises

When and as I see myself going into fear and anxiety at the prospect of something – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that my behaviour is completely irrational within creating an unpleasant experience for myself before anything has even happened – and within that I commit myself to breathe, be here and ground the energy through my feet out of my body and unconditionally walk without allowing myself to be pre-occupied about what might and might not happen in the course of time

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I gain control within tying my inner experience to the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is how I delude/brainwash myself into believing that I am ‘in control’ simply because I have an experience towards something and can relate this experience to memories of the past where I had the same experience linked to the same/similar sound – and that because my memory and current moment share alike features – physical and mental -- that this means that I can predict the future LOLOLOL – which is like, absolute bullshit -- and so I commit myself to stop bullshitting myself and have a good laugh at my own stupidity, Earth myself here and walk moment by moment unconditionally

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I can “predict the future” within being overly aware of the sounds in my environment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the only thing which is predictable is myself as a Robot as I’ve programmed myself to execute certain actions such as generating emotions/feeling/thoughts when presented with certain input such as sound – and so within that I can perfectly predict how I will experience myself since I just have to look at my programming but within that however, I am not able to predict the future of the physical reality – and so any predicting taking place is always only taking place in my mind about my mind. I commit myself to stop participating in fake sense of psychic powers as I’ve seen/realised that they are completely non-existent and ground myself here within and as Breath as my human physical body and participate with what is here as this physical reality

When and as I see myself gaining a sense of ‘control’ within tying my experience to sound and experiencing an energetic movement within myself when hearing a sound – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in fact placing myself in a ‘controlled condition’ within securing myself within and as memory – where I can be certain that I will only ever experience what I have already experienced in the past as stored experiences linked to memories – and within that limiting/confining myself and my movement as I am not allowing myself to be here and see/assess the situation for what it is but immediately presume that it will be the same as in the past and so re-create the past / impose it unto the present – within that I commit myself to prove to myself that I can live without having an energetic reaction or belief/opinion about things in my world and that I do not need these energetic reactions in order to live my life

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I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to stop fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from fear within not trusting myself to stop fear as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I create fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to trust myself as the creator of fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand one and equal to my creation

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that fear is self-induced

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this implies that I can direct fear as myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take responsibility for my creation as fear within and as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame outside/external sources and circumstances for me creating fear

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have taken the point back to myself and take responsibility for what I accept and allow within this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and stop fear through thoughts

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that trying to stop the mind through the mind doesn't work

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand by and trust in breath -- here, in every moment

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that breath is the only stable point within life and it is the only common sense point to stick to within living life

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the physical and breath

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is the physical which is going to support me within stopping myself as the mind as fear and not the mind lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that one day, the fear within and as me is not just going vanish just like that -- as it took a process of habitual conditioning and accumulation over time to integrate the fear within and as me and connect it to all the various trigger points which I accepted and allowed to exist within myself -- and thus it is going to take time through accumulation within daily application and consistency to disintegrate the fear within and as me and replace it with practical common sense consideration within what is Best for All Life

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I imposed this affliction unto myself within a process of creation and that it is thus going to take an equal process of creation to re-create myself in a way that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is up to me to face my fears, day by day, breath by breath until it's done

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there are no quick fixes -- as this would be cheating and not taking full self-responsibility for one's creation

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I will be facing fear over and over again -- each time being faced with a test and that it is up to me to work through it each and every single time -- to prove to myself in fact that I can stand -- which should not be a problem, since if I can work through it once, I can work through it and face it no matter how many times it comes up -- within self-trust


When and as I see myself experiencing fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that breath and my physical body are here to assist me in grounding the energy I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as -- and thus I utilize breath to ground myself and allow the energy to flow out of my body into the Earth

When and as I see myself being discouraged and having thoughts like "What? Fear again?!" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that a creation process within time accumulation and consistency took place to create and embed this fear within and as me -- and it is thus going to take an equal process of creation to disintegrate the fear within and as me -- and within that I commit myself to be patient with myself and stand by breath -- moment by moment -- until it is done

When and as I see myself panicking in the face of fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am in fact the creator which means that I am the directive principle allowing fear to roam free within me -- and that this same directive principle as myself can thus cease fear as well

I commit myself to do what it takes to undo the mess we've created within this world within the consideration that it took time to create this mess and that it is thus also going to take time to clean it up

I commit myself to move myself to do whatever it takes to get over this mess once and for all -- no matter how long it takes

I commit myself to stand by breath and my physical body and to assist and support my physical body the same way as it assists and supports me