Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3
Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions
Day 161: Become an Image and be Treated as an Image
Day 162: Eating Disorders and Unforetold Consequences
Day 163: Mistaking Obsession for Passion
Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a starting point of separation, where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require something ‘out there’ to fill me up with ‘passion and commitment’ and so I commit myself to identify where I perceive that I am lacking commitment and passion within my life where I want to make up for that lack within finding something else to be passionate/committed about and commit myself to apply commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment within my life and see myself going into that movement of ‘looking out there’ and ‘wondering where I can find passion’ I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that commitment and passion is already here as myself and so I commit myself to apply and express commitment and passion as myself

When and as I see myself go into an application of obsession within wanting to be committed/passionate – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am coming from a polarity design where I perceived myself lacking any and all ability to be passionate/committed and within that go into the opposite polarity of being obsessive, where I allow myself to be completely obsessed with whatever point I decided to go with – where there is no space for expression of flexibility, but only a one dimensional focus which is doomed to burn out as it is based on energy instead of self-realization

When and as I see myself longing for passion and commitment in my life and look for it outside of myself – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely diverting/distracting myself from investigating my application where I have detected a point that can be perfected / specified, but where instead of dealing with that point, I go and look for something else to perfect so that I can fool myself to still experience myself as satisfied without actually having taken self-responsibility and so I commit myself to look at the points where I know I can improve myself and commit myself to passionately take on these points and perfect them for myself

When and as I see myself go into a mode of ‘adoration’ and ‘idolizing’ within seeing people with an Eating Disorder / contemplating Eating Disorders within the belief that what I am looking at is diligence, discipline, willpower and commitment – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is exactly what the nature of Eating Disorders is about, where I/we have accepted and allowed ourselves to have created a distorted and disharmonious definition of what it means to be diligent, disciplined, will powered and committed – while we actually have not ever lived true diligence, true discipline, true will power and true commitment – as I have seen and realised through walking the Desteni Process, that true commitment, diligence, discipline and willpower has got nothing to do with occupying oneself with impose an image/illusion unto physical reality – that is an easy thing to do – what takes real discipline, commitment, diligence and willpower is to investigate the nature of ourselves as who we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to become, to see and realise the dishonesty and destruction we’ve become and to walk the process of correcting our nature of self-destruction to one of Self-Support towards ourselves and all other forms of Life as ourselves – where one move and push to become the best possible version of themselves and within doing so assist others to do the same: This is the REAL Challenge and the only Journey of Self-Perfection worth walking

Visit the Desteni I Process Lite website to start your journey to Self Perfection today

Related articles

• Day 164: Eating Disorders as Perfection of Mind Dominance
• Day 274: Eating Disorders and Desteni
• Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Writing - Part 3
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• Day 276: Bulimia and Desteni

Day 1: Words

Some time ago - 4 years to be exact - I took it on to myself to start writing Self-Forgiveness with the aid of a dictionary - and write Self-Forgiveness every day. That commitment didn't really pull through and only lasted for about one post.

So now I decided to take this point back up again -- and commit myself to write Self-Forgiveness on words every day -- unless a specific point opens up during my day, then that point will have priority.

I basically start at the beginning of a dictionary and start reading the listed words. Whenever I come across a word where I have a reaction or memories popping up - I stop at that word, and take time to write out Self-Forgiveness on the points that opened up while reading the word. In this manner, I can work systematically through points and purify my vocabulary, and within that purify my inner reality -- as all this consists of is words.


So - Here I go

abandon
Upon reading this word the following reactions happened:
- Negative Feeling
- Fear
- Memory of Guinea Pig


Negative Feeling
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a 'negative value' to the word 'abandon'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given 'abandon' a negative connotation within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between the word 'abandon' and the emotional charge of 'fear'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'abandonment' / 'being abandoned' is something which should be feared
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'abandoned' as a bad thing

 When and as I see myself react to the word 'abandon' or 'abandonment' within a negative feeling -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am merely accessing a preconceived idea about 'abandon' / 'abandonment' from past memories. I see and realise that these ideas are not real and that my experience is simply indicating to me that there are still memories existent within me of which I haven't yet let go in relation to 'abandon' / 'abandonment'. Thus -- I will take it up on myself to investigate why I still react within a negative way to the word and take the necessary steps to release myself from this form of limitation.


I now for the first time read the actual definition of 'abandon' in the dictionary, and what is fascinating is that while I was reading it I found it to actually be a 'supportive' word --- whilst all the ideas and feelings I have around the word have a 'bad vibe' around it:

1 a : to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent b : to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in ‹~ property›
2: to withdraw protection, support, or help from ‹he ~ed his family›

If I look at it -- within me 'abandon' always stood for something where ''you're on your own now'' -- and feeling helpless. But now reading this definition I can see how abandoning something or someone or being abandoned can actually be a point of support -- as it forces one into a position to stand alone and see how one copes without the support (or perceived support which is actually a form of dependency) one is so habituated to.

Fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'abandonment'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing on my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between 'abandon'/'abandonment' and 'fear of loss'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that 'abandonment' can be a point of support where I have the opportunity to find out for myself where I stand when a particular point in my environment is removed -- and to investigate who I am within this new situation. Am I still the same or have I changed, and if I feel changed -- why so?
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace 'abandonment' as me, as self-support and assistance

When and as I see myself going into an emotional reaction of fear when being faced with the word/point of 'abandonment' -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am accepting and allowing myself to enter into an automated response which I did not direct myself. Thus I direct myself stop participating within fear and bring myself back here, within breath. I see and realise that there is no need to fear 'abandonment' as this would imply separation. Instead, I move myself to investigate why I went into a fear reaction as this indicates to me that there are still points within myself from which I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself. I then take it up on myself to investigate this points and embrace them as me.

Helplessness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between 'abandon' / 'abandonment' and 'helplessness'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'being abandoned' necessarily implies 'being helpless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'abandoning another' necessarily implies 'leaving them in a state of helplessness'.

When and as I see myself going into an emotional state of 'helplessness' upon hearing or seeing the word 'abandon / abandonment' -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am merely accessing an idea about abandonment based on past memories. I do not accept and allow myself to let my past and my past experience direct me. I thus move myself to let go of these memories and bring myself back here, within breath.

I will lay out the Memory and Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements for the Memory in my next blog as this is going to be more extensive.