Day 127: Sigh - Part 5

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
Day 126: Sigh - Part 4

When and as I see myself being faced with something that is not going the way I would like it to go, as for instance the internet being slow which would require me to slow down as well – where I see myself taking in an extra long/deep breath in preparation of producing a sigh and making myself feel heavy/weighed down – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise where this pattern leads me and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, slow down and investigate how I can handle things differently

When and as I see myself wanting to sigh to assert my rigidity in relation to something in my reality that I am working with and is not working the way I believe it is *supposed* to work – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that me sighing, being rigid and imposing an experience of heaviness unto me is not going to miraculously change the situation to suddenly become as I would like it to be – where it is in fact doing quite the opposite as I am setting myself up to not find a different way to approach what I am working with and so I commit myself to stop, and investigate what points I have not considered within what I am working with and change my approach

When and as I see myself sighing / throwing a tantrum in relation to something which I perceive to not be going ‘my way’ within the starting point of wanting to hold on to ‘my way of doing things’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I am trying ‘my way’ and it is not working – that this means that ‘my way’ is not effective and should undergo evaluation and so I commit myself to use this opportunity to investigate my self-application and specify myself

When and as I see myself sighing in relation to something that I perceive as ‘not working the way I want it to work’ from the starting point of wanting my sigh to be heard by others and want them to feel bad for me or fix the situation for – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this a form of manipulation and is unacceptable where I want to indirectly get someone to help as to still maintain my idea of ‘my way’ and that ‘my way is the right way’ – and that it is not me that is the problem but the thing or person I perceive as not working/cooperating and want someone else to support this point of view and agree with me that the other is the problem and want their help in the other to change and so I commit myself to stop the moment I see the experience/movement of wanting to sigh within wanting someone to hear my ‘cry’ and check who I am in relation to what or who I am dealing with and change/adapt my approach to get to a point of well functioning

When and as I see myself sighing within an emotional charge of complaining where I sigh very loudly within the belief that ‘things are going against me’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within sighing and wanting everything to adapt to me, I am making a statement that ‘I am at the centre of the universe’ and that I am not willing to change and so I commit myself to stop and investigate what such an action/statement says about myself and whether this is a statement/principle I want to live by and direct myself to make the necessary alignments to make sure that I am satisfied with my self-application within the framework of what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself being in a state of inconsideration towards anything or anyone else within my reality, within for instance getting upset when things are not going the way I want them to go – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience indicates to me the extent of Self-Interest I am still accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as within the belief that since I am only aware of myself and what I experience, that I / my experiences are the only thing that matter and worthy of consideration and commit myself to stop this limited self interest to an interest of all Life and all things

Related articles

• Day 126: Sigh - Part 4
• Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
• Day 45: Self-Forgiveness - Work
• Day 97: Don't you just LOVE Complaining? - Part 2
• Day 204: Powerlessness as Abdication of Responsibility

Day 126: Sigh - Part 4

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words
Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!

 When and as I see myself react to something in my environment 'not working' the way I expect it to -- as the internet running slow and making the buttons not work/clickable -- and react to that within irritation and annoyance an let out a big fat sigh -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am attempting to show my discontent with whatever I perceive as 'not working' as a form of complaining that something is 'not fair' and so I commit myself to stop myself to moment I take that extra deep breath to produce a sign and check what I am doing -- so that I do not necessarily compromise and sabotage myself within holding on to expectations

When and as I see myself being faced with a situation where something is not working the way I want it to work -- such as the internet being slow and taking a long time to process information -- and want to respond to that within letting out a big fat sigh, to show that I am 'not okay' with this -- even though I know that this will not make a difference and will just have to deal with it -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am unnecessarily creating something more out of what is going on within sighing and creating an emotional experience and so I commit myself to stop my emotional reaction , breathe, and slow down

When and as I see myself in a situation where something is 'not working' the way I want/expect it to work such as the internet being slow -- and react to that within sighing and getting upset/frustrated and clicking lots in a desperate attempt to 'get through' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am placing whatever that I perceive as not working within a label of 'not being cooperative' and blame whatever/the internet for my experience of sighing and frustration and so I commit myself to stop my emotional reaction as frustration and stop myself the moment I want to go into a sigh and direct/move myself to slow down and adapt within the realisation that I am the one being uncooperative within getting frustrated/sighing/complaining

When and as I see myself in a situation where something is 'not working' the way I want/expect it to work such as the internet being slow - and let out a big sigh -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this indicates to me that I believe that I have the right to express my discontent in the face of whatever I perceive as being 'uncooperative' -- without seeing and realising that me sighing and myself taking on a stance of non-cooperation is merely me sabotaging myself and moving myself to work effectively with what is here, where I distract myself with the belief that things 'shouldn't be this way' and within that set myself up in a rigid position to show my resistance and protest, but where I end up only working against myself and so I commit to stop the protest and slow myself down within and as breath as I've seen, realised and understand that this is not going to make a difference to physical reality

Will continue tomorrow

Related articles

• Day 97: Don't you just LOVE Complaining? - Part 2
• Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
• Day 80: What Have I Done? - Part 2
• Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!
• Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when something is not working as I expect it -- where things are not going smooth and fast -- get upset at reality not matching my expectation and within that feel that reality is being unfair towards me as my mind, and where I want to show my discontent with reality by letting out a big, fat, sigh -- and within that saying 'Hear me sigh! Look at what you are doing to me! Why are you placing me in this position? It's not fair -- you are wrong and I am right, conform to my ideas goddammit!'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to ever question the expression of 'sighing' -- believing that it is just something we do to
'release steam' and within that not actually look and investigate what it is that moves through me within the moment of sighing

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise, that sighing is not a point of 'releasing some steam', but is actually quite the opposite as a from of 'protest', where one acknowledge that nothing can be done about what one is doing / dealing with, but where self wants to show/indicate that even though self is going to work with it, it doesn't mean that self agrees -- and will thus 'put up a fight' within assuming an uncooperative attitude towards what self is doing and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is not that something or someone is being uncooperative in relation to me which is making me go into discontent and producing a sigh -- but it is me stating within sighing that I am going to take on an uncooperative stance towards whatever it is I am dealing with and thus my experience has got nothing to do with that which I am working with but who I allow myself to be within a given situation and how I decide to deal with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have the right to express my discontent in the face of whatever I perceive as being 'uncooperative' -- without seeing and realising that me sighing and myself taking on a stance of non-cooperation is merely me sabotaging myself and moving myself to work effectively with what is here, where I distract myself with the belief that things 'shouldn't be this way' and within that set myself up in a rigid position to show my resistance and protest, but where I end up only working against myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is perfectly normal for myself and other people to sigh when things are not going the way we/I expect them to go, believing this to be a 'normal' and 'innocent' expression -- not ever questioning where such expressions come from or who one is within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am faced with something that is not going the way I would like it to go, as for instance the internet being slow which would require me to slow down as well -- to deliberately let out a sigh and induce an experience of 'heaviness' and ' a weight pushing down on me' whilst at the same time deluding myself within believing that this experience is being caused by the point I perceive as 'not going the way I want it to go' while I am the one deciding to experience myself within this manner within the deliberate decision of formulating and letting out a big, fat sigh, as some weird form of 'protest'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that me sighing and being all rigid is not going to miraculously change the situation to how I would like it to be -- where I actually only make things worse for myself within not just dealing with what is here and adjusting my course of action and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and attempt to 'force' reality to work 'my way' and conform to an idea in my mind as 'how things should be' -- not seeing and realising that I have no such magnificent mind powers where a single sigh can 'change the tide' and 'make things go my way'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sigh when things aren't going 'my way' -- where I am not allowing myself to be flexible and adapt to what is here and find another way to deal with whatever there is to be dealt with, but instead want to 'hold on' to how I believe things should be even though all the evidence is against me, showing me that how I want things to be isn't how it is, and thus what I am doing is completely ineffective and counterproductive as I am wasting my time -- where with the slow internet I didn't just wait or go somewhere with a better internet connection, but instead went 'click-click-click-click-click WORK GODDAMMIT" -- where it should have been obvious that after a few clicks that what I was trying to achieve was not working and was not going to happen, but where instead of changing my approach I only became more stubborn and upset -- and in essence: throwing a tantrum

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sigh as a form of audible complaint, where I want others to hear me and pity me withing being in a position where apparently 'things are against' -- where I want the other thing or person to change for what I want to achieve to work, instead of me changing and adapting -- merely indicating to me how stuck I am within the belief and religion of myself as 'how things should be' and 'who I am' and my limit of cooperation towards myself and others -- where I just want everything to be nice and easy, and the moment things become rough or I have to change my course of action: I become upset and want to protest -- because "how dare this thing or person get in my way? I have the right to be all comfy! I have the right to the path of least resistance! I have the right to be a single minded and not flexible in how I approach things! Poooooooor meeeeeeeee!"

To be continued

Related articles

• Day 220 - How thoughts create Physical reality.
• Day 118: The Power of Thought: Time Warp
• Day 153: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 11 - Understanding the reflection in the mirror - I feel excluded
• Day 156 - Part of the Package
• Day 165 - Justifying is Fighting for Limitation
• Day 74: Process, writing, self support Part 3

Day 41: What if I become Useless?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into the fear of ‘what if I become useless’ within being sick

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming useless as a consequence of disease/sickness – whereby I can no longer function the way I used to and be less functional/productive within my contribution

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being less productive/functional within contributing to this world in terms of ‘work’ and ‘labour’ within being sick – as I fear that if I am unable to be productive that I will be rejected/spat out now that all my usefulness as a productive unit has been diminished to zero and be left to fend for myself ‘outside of the system’ with no support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ and connected ‘not being able to contribute in productive terms’ to ‘useless’ and ‘uselessness’ to inevitable rejection

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how this fear gets perpetuated through our established economic system where one has to ‘earn’ their living where one can only ‘earn’ their living through contributing in terms of ‘labour’ or ‘work’ – where if one is unable to contribute due to physical limitations or levels of lack of job positions one is screwed as the system will not support someone who does not support the money system – and where there are always some definitively screwed as the system does not allow for 100% level of employment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have bought into the fear of ‘what if I become useless, I will be rejected by the system’ where I will make sure that I can remain productive from the starting point of fear – without for a moment going ‘Hey wait a minute, this design of our system is completely fucked up and needs to be changed’ and within that commit myself to changing the system instead of simply allowing myself to be driven by fear and not come up with an actual solution, where I will attempt to make sure that ‘I am alright’ while I know that this is not possible for everyone due to our acceptance and allowance of the current established system of inequality

When and as I see myself going into the fear of ‘oh shit, what if I become useless within being sick’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting within a survival based program designed to do whatever it takes to ‘keep my spot in the system’ where my own fear of survival will withhold me from questioning the system – where I will rather try and ‘keep up’ with the system as an irrational fear based response rather then seeing/realising that our system is fucked up and taking it up on myself to change the system so no-one has to live in fear of their own survival. Within that I let go of my connection/association of ‘being sick’ to ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ and the connection between ‘not being able to contribute as a productive unit’ to ‘ultimate rejection’ – as I see and realise that such automated chain-fear-response is what keeps me in place as a Money Producing Character in this world who will never question the system because she’s too busy worrying/fearing about her own survival. And within this letting go of these associations/connections I allow myself to see the situation for what it is as the design of a dysfunctional system which is not Best for All and as such requires to be Changed

I commit myself to show that our current system does not support all Life Unconditionally, and that our system only values Life in so far that it can be used within the Money Creation/Accumulation Process where one will be spat out by the system if one’s ‘factors of production’ are depleted – as a used battery being thrown away – where our current economic system support and perpetuates fear of survival in order to keep everyone too busy in their minds worrying about themselves so that they will miss the bigger picture and not consider everyone equally – as one might be able to survive and experience ‘relief’ within having escaped the clutches of survival without support – while being completely oblivious to those who weren’t as fortunate

As such I commit myself to the establishment of a World Economic System of Support where Life is supported unconditionally for the sake of Life and where no-one has to fear for their survival in the case of temporary or permanent physical dysfunction which may limit one’s productive abilities – as this system as the Equal Money System does not place one in a position of dependency in relation to one’s “factors of production” but cares about what is Best for All and Loving thy neighbour as thyself and so no man will be left behind

Related articles

• Day 39: What if something's Wrong with Me?
• Day 56: Measuring the Performance of the Economy - Part 2
• Day 47: The Economic Problem - Part 2
• The Soul of Fear: Day 35
• Life Review – Killed by my Own Fear
• The Relationship between ‘Fear of Death’ and ‘Money’

Day 3: Abroad

This is a continuation of my process of applying Self-Forgiveness on Words -- check my 'Day 1' for some more background.

Abroad

When reading the word 'abroad', I immediately got like a warm nice fuzzy feeling inside me -- I almost didn't notice it because it was very slight. So with this word I've given a positive connotation. The meaning of the positive connotation within myself refers to the point of ''abroad is better than home'' -- where 'abroad' is perceived to be better, more exciting and more 'free' than 'home' / 'here'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given the word 'abroad' a positive energy charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter a fuzzy warm feeling charge within myself upon reading the word 'abroad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'abroad' as a positive thing and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'home'/'here' within a negative context

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the 'warm fuzzy feeling' I get when faced with the word 'abroad', is really only my desire waking up, to escape my current condition, environment,situation and go ''out there'' where apparently my 'current struggles' do not exist

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by favouring the word 'abroad' over 'home'/'here' I am in fact favouring escapism and zero-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the very reason why I would like to go 'abroad' is in order to not deal with my current reality and environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire going abroad as a point of entertainment and distraction instead of taking on my reality and my issues 'here' / at 'home'.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ''going abroad'' isn't even going to satisfy my desire to escape -- as wherever I go, I will be there, carrying my inner struggles with me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my issues and struggles aren't place/location dependent -- but that they exist within and as me and thus wherever I go I will simply recreate them -- same points, different picture.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the creation of a system where people rather escape their reality and issues and ''take off the load'' for a moment -- by traveling and going on holiday. Where no-one considers that when one wants to be away from home that maybe there's a problem that should be addressed. Why is one place better over an other? Why aren't all places equally supportive? This obviously indicates an issue of inequality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support tourism as escapism within favoring 'abroad', and within that support a world of denial where no-one will look at the actual problem as one can simply just 'move out' for a moment and discharge all their worries to then simply go back and 'recharge' themselves full of shit -- creating a pattern of coming and going and never really finding a solution.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that one person's holiday is another person's serving day -- where for one to 'relax' and 'have a nice time' other people require to be available to clean up after them all the time. Making their food, cleaning the room, doing the beds, doing the laundry -- all for the sake of survival in a world where the only thing that means anything is money.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the whole tourism and travel concept is really a concept of polarity -- where for one to have a fun time others need to slave away in order to provide the illusion that one can live without taking care of basic point of self-responsibility


When and as I see myself reacting within a positive energy charge association when hearing/seeing/reading the word 'abroad' -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that what I am participating is a pattern of escapism and attempting to avoid self-responsibility and accountability. Instead, I investigate what it is that I would like to 'run away' / 'hide' from and direct myself to sort these points out.

When and as I see myself day dreaming about ''other places'' -- I stop and I breathe. I bring myself back here within the realization that I cannot run nor hide from myself and use this moment of daydreaming as an opportunity to reflect and investigate on why I would want to be somewhere else -- and then correct these points within Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Corrective Application

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where there is no longer a need to go to 'better' places and where it is no longer felt to be needed to 'go away' from one's home environment due to the accumulation of stress as a consequence of survival

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where people take responsibility for the points they face within everyday life so that we do not need to create an entertainment industry where others slave away in order for others to experience some delusional form of 'freedom'

I commit myself to the creation and establishment of a world where all places and all homes receive equal attention -- so that there is no situation of ''the grass is greener on the other side''. Instead the grass is evenly green everywhere  and people can be happy and satisfied wherever they live and wherever they are born

It is interesting how this 'small' and 'slight' fuzzy feeling inside unfolds into a whole construct and belief system with various implications. I almost wasn't going to work with these word because I deemed the reaction as 'too small' at first -- but then I considered that since there is something, it should be interesting to find out how it unfolds and what is implied within this feeling / construct.

Another interesting point is how abroad is constructed out of 'ab' and 'road' -- where by 'ab' stands for the point of 'leaving', 'removing', 'not present' (from derived from Latin) and then the word 'road' -- where going 'abroad' is one leaving one's 'path' and walking away from the road that needs to be walked.