Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts

Monday, 8 July 2013

Day 219: Have we Reached our Final Destination?

timeline_filosofie When I was in primary school, most classrooms were fitted with this loooong horizontal poster, showing a timeline of history from the hunter/gatherers up to the Modern Age or the ‘Now’. From year to year, grade to grade, we would move up the timeline in our history lessons.

I remember staring a lot at this timeline whenever I was bored, and I remember thinking that ‘we’ve come a long way’. We started with ‘nothing’ at our hunter/gathers stage, being very primitive. Then we moved through the Ancient times with Egypt and the classical times of the Greeks and the Romans and the middle ages aaall the way up to where we are now. The timelines would also have little pictures of ‘significant’ points in history and I remember the last section of the timeline being cramped up with lots of pictures of like an astronaut and a train, airplane, tv, telephone – all the cool technology shit that we’ve got today.

What I had gathered from my history lessons was that we had gone through a lot of struggle in terms of our own survival and being barbaric towards one another – but that we now finally had come to a stage where we had our living environment sorted out and us humans were living together in ‘good times’. As a kid, this made sense. I had a home, I had a family, I had food every day, a bed to sleep, friends to play with, a future in this world. All my needs were taken care of. So from my perspective at that stage, it had seemed that in terms of where we were at in history was our ‘Final Destination’, like we finally got it right, we’re finally living comfortably – from here on it can only get better.

13 – 15 Years later, I got some more perspective.

Turns out, that when we were looking at the' ‘Modern Age’ and nice, comfy living – that this only counted for a small segment of the world population. Turns out, that everyone else is still stuck on various different points of the timeline, where some are still living primitive lives, coming by with the minimum. Turns our, that child labour is not a nightmare of the past, but a present issue still being lived out by many. Turns out, that people are still servants to those with more money with no potential of getting out of such position. Turns out, that poverty has been increasing and more people are suffering today ever before. Turns out that in this Great Day and Age with all our ‘Modernity’ we’re doing fuck-all to actually make a change to these situations, doing fuck-all to make sure that this magnificent point in history as being taken care of completely in every single way, having all your Human Rights secured – is being stretched and expanded to every single ‘corner’ of the earth.

I mean, looking at that timeline now – it’s really one big scam. That timeline did not in anyway reflect world history in a factual way, but was only meant to show the history of a minority and the present of a minority – and then create the idea / belief that where we’re at now in world history is a world-wide phenomena: bullocks!!

I’m busy reading a People’s History of the United States by Howard Zinn, and one of the things that struck me as I progress through the timeline, is how nothing every changes. We move from enslaving one kinds of people to another. We move from slavery to servitude. Then, while we have all the real though, shitty, cruel slavery taking place – we have an entire hierarchy of different slavery forms within that, where there’s an entire hierarchy of groups – each one enslaved to the next. So that each time when there is some ‘big revolution’ or some ‘big change’ that apparently happened – it’s really no big deal because they same pattern just keeps re-occurring over and over and over again in different forms, over different types of people, over different regions in the world. Like now for instance, I am reading about how bad the workers and laborers had it round the 1850s, having to work in terrible, life-threatening job environments for a near-to-nothing pay – that’s including the child laborers. So now, while the American people may have fought and resisted hard to have made this change – two centuries later and miles off shore = we have the exact same conditions, the exact same situation playing out, where adults and children are forced into labor, dangerous labor, just to get by another day. But are we going out on the street and strike? Are we getting angry, mad, demanding change in anyway whatsoever? No – because apparently ‘that’s all over and all is better now’.

So from reading this book, it is clear that we have not reached anything. I’ve only read about a third of the book but you can already see where it is going. With what I’ve read, and within seeing what is going on in the world today – we are still repeating the exact same patterns as 500 years ago. We haven’t reached our final destination. We’re nowhere close to it. All those great happenings like ‘Independence’, ‘abolishment of slavery’, ‘end of segregation’, ‘end of apartheid’, ‘the declaration of human rights’ – all those events turn bleak and shriveled in the face of history. They are but minute moments where we thought we were getting somewhere, but they are actually completely meaningless. I mean, have a look at the world today, the wars, the conflict, the economic hardship – we have obviously not learnt ANYTHING. We’re still freaking idiots bashing each others heads in, in the name of survival – while we have all the tools to actually live in a world that’s Best for All. All those ‘Great Achievements’ as the only things we tend to remember about our history = it’s just one big joke. They’re completely meaningless. How can you give those events ANY value in the face of what we live today.

If we want to come to a point where we can stop playing out the same old pattern, and actually settle down – we need to consider changes that will actually make an impact on our quality of living here on Earth. We should at the least implement a Basic Income, such as proposed by The Equal Life Foundation as the Basic Income Guaranteed.  This story has gone on for far too long, let’s create our Happy Ending.

Monday, 13 May 2013

Day 202: Personalizing Bad Grades

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 199: Exam Nightmares
Day 200: I Don't Do Bad Grades 
Day 201: Classmates or Competitors?

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access fear of failure whenever I am studying within accessing the 'race'/'competition'-point, where I fear for myself and my future just thinking of the possibility of bad grades

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'the end of my future' / 'the end of the world' to 'bad grades' within an emotional attachment of fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created and attached an emotional attachment/layer to 'bad grades' as in 'grades just above passing' or 'failing grades' -- wherein I react to it in fear and despair instead of practically analyzing what feedback these grades give me and how I can change/adapt things to 'improve' them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have connected 'failure' to 'bad grades' where I believe that only 'failures' do 'bad grades' and that 'bad grades' is a bad omen for 'future failures' / ensures 'future failure'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take bad grades personal, where instead of practically looking at how I got to have bad grades, I am worried about my image and reputation, whereby now I don't only fear 'the end of the world' as my 'future being in jeopardy' but also the 'end of my image' and 'end of my reputation' -- where I believe I have to keep my bad grades hidden/ a secret so that no-one can find out that I don't match the image/reputation I try to uphold

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that this has got nothing to do about 'others' but only myself -- where I am the one investing energy and placing value in the idea of 'not having bad grades' -- where I may just as well not invest energy and value into the idea resulting in me not having issues with bad grades, and simply working through the necessary steps/procedures to correct this point -- within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is my emotional attachment / view of grades that is keeping me /hindering me from practically working through the correction of improving myself, as I am being blindsided by emotional outbursts, preventing me from seeing to the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so invested in a miniscule point like grades, where my whole being will shake if I see the sight of bad grades -- but where if I later that day see the news with people being bombed I will feel nothing in comparison -- indicating to me how our value systems have become completely warped and have lost all perspective about what really matters



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Saturday, 11 May 2013

Day 201: Classmates or Competitors?

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 199: Exam Nightmares
Day 200: I Don't Do Bad Grades 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that I 'must have good grades'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that I 'must have good grades' within observing my siblings having good grades and this being praised by my parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that 'passing' is not good enough and that one should always aim for a '100%'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a fear of bad grades within having been pushed/motivated to 'always have good grades', as others indicated that 'having good grades' will give you the widest variety of options for your future and thus if I have bad grades I am putting in danger my future as I won't necessarily be able to study / follow what I want if/when bad grades limit me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my desire for good grades is rooted/embedded within the fear of having bad grades as fearing for my future / having limited career options

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have promised to myself that I will never allow myself to have bad grades because if I do I might end up in a miserable position in the system

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have questioned my parents or the education system, where it became clear that even though school was a place where I could be with my friends and play during break times -- I was at the same time in a race/competition with the other children in the class, a race/competition for future status in society/the system -- where some will study hard to make sure that they will be able to further their education while others don't or simply can't with the means available and where each child does not look out or look back at one's friends or care about their situation because we all know 'someone has to do the sucky jobs one day' but 'at least it won't be me because I have good grades'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into a form of tunnel vision, where all I could see was a straight vision to my future / future position in society/the system -- where all I cared about was 'getting good grades' as this was what I understood to be my 'ticket' to a nice life in the system -- where there was no time or space to consider others who may not be doing as well as I was and thus would possibly end up in less favourable positions in society/system -- but where instead of helping/assisting them I only went further into fear as I 'cannot waste any time on them' and must 'take advantage' of their shortcomings as this puts me 'further ahead' in the race

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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

Day 176: Does Wisdom come with Age?

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics

Day 174: Don't talk Politics!

Day 175: Mother Knows Best!


When and as I see myself react within fear and anxiety when a person responds to me within strong conviction and emotion -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that my fear and anxiety is originating from not understanding what is going on within the situation and not knowing how to place the person's emotionally charged response into context -- and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and ground myself out of the fear into my body so that I can hear what is being said instead of react and work only with that

When and as I see myself react within immediate acceptance when receiving a response from an adult / any person older that me from the starting point that 'they know best' - I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that the viability of a person's answer/response does not rest on age but on the words spoken and their mathematical relationship within common sense -- and so I commit myself to within those moments, stop, breathe and listen/hear to the words being said/shared and to consider the words spoken and what their implications are and assess from there instead of using age as an only variable of validity

When and as I see myself react to a person conveying a message within strong conviction and emotion and interpret this behaviour as 'if he/she feels so strongly about this, he/she must have good reason for this statement and is probably right' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that how a person feels about a particular point does not increase the viability of the statement / point -- but is only an indicator of just that = how the person feels/experiences the point and so I commit myself to breathe and let go of the idea that conviction/strong emotion = truthfullness and move myself to hear the words spoken / shared and consider the viability of the system within the context of the words spoken/shared only within investigating their relationship and implications and whether or not these stand within what is Best for All Life

When and as I see myself go into a zombie mode of merely accepting what is being said to me from the starting point of "parents know best -- they've survived in this world for so long, there must be truthfulness in what they say" -- I stop and I breathe, I see and realise that this form of reasoning cannot be trusted as this only implies that they have been able to follow/comply with the system but this in itself does not say anything about the truthfulness/validity of the system itself

When and as I see myself wanting to ask/inquire about another person's political standpoint/point of view and react to this within the belief/anticipation/fear/anxiety that "bad things will happen if I do this" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that this is a response pattern that was instructed to me which I accepted and allowed within me without testing out whether the statement is actually real and so I commit myself to simply inquire/ask and receive the response unconditionally

When and as I see myself react to other people inquiring/asking/commenting on my political standpoint / point of view within an experience of offense wherein "everyone deserves to keep their political views/standpoints secret/private" and "my political standpoints/views are none of anyone else's business’-- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am running on an outdated script copied from my parents and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and respond openly and within that I commit myself to investigate my experience within sharing openly and identifying/flagging any points of uncomfortability for further self-investigation and correction

When and as I see myself seeing a point within another words which I do not see as making sense, such as having friends but not being open about one's political view with them, and going into a response of 'nah' and brushing away / suppressing the point as non-important / me probably being wrong -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have the ability to hear and assess words and so I commit myself to speak when such a point arises and open up the point -- because even if I am wrong I will then be able to see why and correct myself rather than brushing away the point and not doing anything with it while at the same time not really being satisfied/understanding of the answer given to me

Monday, 4 February 2013

Day 175: Mother Knows Best!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics

Day 174: Don't talk Politics!

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in fear and anxiety when I asked my mother about our neighbours political view/standpoint wherein she immediately assumed a stance of shock and perplexity to my question and where her words (Leila! You don't ask that type of questions! You don't ask people who they vote for, that's very inappropriate! You only talk about it with family. People have the right to keep their voting preferences a secret and you shouldn't ask about it') pierced through my ears and body so that I would never forget : you do no talk about and inquire about other people’s political views, it’s impolite and inappropriate

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ‘stepped back’ within myself within hearing my mother’s response of ‘No you don’t talk about that’ , wherein I had taken her verbal response and emotional reaction personal within the belief that “I should have known this” -- where her verbal response and emotional reaction was so strong and so full of conviction that I interpreted this strong display of emotion as ‘she must be right if she feels so strongly about this – she must have good reason for her statement’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have trusted my mother as being an authority on ‘how the world works’ because she has been here longer than I have and is still alive and well off in the current system and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I safely and carefully walk in my mother’s footsteps and do as she did, I will end up in a safe place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have concluded from my mother’s intense negative response in relation to asking about other people’s political views/standpoints that ‘bad things will happen if you ask/talk about other people’s political views/standpoints’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have immediately integrated, without questioning that ‘everyone deserves to keep their political views/standpoints secret’ and ‘other people’s political standpoints/views are none of my business’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have trusted myself within the moment where I experienced a slight discomfort within me when hearing my mother’s instructions on how to deal with politics in public life – as I found it strange and peculiar that one would not want to know/inquire about one’s neighbours political standpoint/views if they are considered to be ‘one’s friends’ – and where it was strange that this aspect of a ‘friend’ ‘s life would be okay to be secret/hidden – as obviously one’s political standpoint/point of view tells/shows a lot about where a person is standing in their Life and what their approach is to Life, and this is something I would want to know about within my friends

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Day 174: Don't talk Politics!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted upon hearing Gian speak about politics in public within which he was expressing his political view and standpoint and reacted to this information within surprise and offense, wherein I thought "Doesn't he know he should not talk about politics like that in public - it's not done!!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have watched out carefully and closely after hearing Gian express his political view/stand point to a stranger within the belief that it is not done -- where I carefully anticipated the other person's reaction within the belief that the person will act/respond according to my moral code as 'you don't talk about politics in front of strangers' where I exprected the other person to react within a point of conflict/friction and offense/uncomfortability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held my breath within the moment of the stranger moving her mouth to start forming her response to Gian having expressed his political view/standpoint within the belief/expectation that she is going to say something displeasing with Gian's comment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in disbelief upon hearing the stranger agree with Gian's comment where I reacted within "This can't be right, she didn't do what I expected her to do" and where I was shocked that my belief-system / moral-code had been wrong / not a 'universal principle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself having felt betrayed by my own belief-system / moral-code when it turned out to not match reality amd within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have investigated my belief-system / moral-code in relation to politics

When and as I see myself react to someone expressing their political views in public within the starting point of a belief system of "speaking in public about one's political views/standpoint is not done' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am acting upon taught instructions as what had been given to me by my parents in relation to politics without finding out / investigating for myself whether these instructions were real/valid and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and let go of the reaction/fear and ground myself within my human physical body

When and as I see myself react within anticipation when someone is about to respond to another having expressed their political views in public, where I anticipate their reaction to be 'negative' / 'being displeased' with someone having expressed their political views in public -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that my belief-system / moral-code did not match reality and that the outcome of a response towards someone is not pre-scripted to always be negative as if it is some universal law, but will depend from person to person and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, be here and unconditionally embrace the moment no matter the outcome and trust myself to act within common sense no matter what comes out of the situation/conversation

When and as I see myself react within 'betrayal' to my belief-system / moral-code not having played out in reality as to how I believed things should have played out -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have only betrayed myself within not investigating my own belief-systems and moral-codes and find out whether they are rooted in Reality/Common Sense or the realm of Belief, where instead of actively investigating I had to go through a process of reaction to be shown where I still require alignment and so I commit myself to actively engage in investigating my moral-codes and belief-systems so that I do not have to go through a process of reaction each time, where I have to wait for an event to happen before I see/realise that there is a problem to be aligned/work through
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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics


Today I had an interesting reaction that came up.


Gian and I went to the optometrist to get new glasses. At the end of our appointment we were going through the information about the lenses and how long it would take before I would get the new glasses. The lady who was helping us mentioned that the lenses have to go overseas to get treated since the technology to do the treatments does not exist in South Africa. She then mentioned a funding problem upon which Gian made a comment about the government and the president being corrupt.

As he opened his mouth and started criticizing the government, I immediately reacted into disbelief and my eyes went big and one of the thoughts that came up automatically was 'you can't just talk about politics like that in front of people -- what if they don't agree with your point of view??!! Doesn't he know it's really impolite and inappropriate?!!'. What's interesting about this thought is that it sounded exactly like my mom and how my physical behaviour changed for a moment was exactly how my mother changed her physical posture when I asked her about other people's political views for the first time.

I remember being a kid and elections were around the corner. There were posters and ads all over town about the different parties and representatives, and our mailbox would get flooded with pamphlets daily. I started getting curious what this whole politics ordeal was about and started asking my mom questions. Like how do the elections work, what this this and that party, who is our mayor, what party is he from, what party do 'we' / she vote for (she was the only one voting at the time, since my dad is not originally from Belgium but naturalized he has the option to vote but does not have to -- in general voting is compulsory in Belgium).

She explained how the voting process is a very private thing -- which I interpreted as being secretive -- where people go in a little booth where no-one can see what party and who they vote for, and where the voting cannot be traced back to them (not sure if this is actually so, this is what I got out of it as she explained it to me).

I remember looking outside through the window and seeing the neighbours on the street. My mom is friends with them so I asked them who the vote for. She immediately reacted, almost in a fright and her eyes went all big and she said: 'Leila! You don't ask that type of questions! You don't ask people who they vote for, that's very inappropriate! You only talk about it with family. People have the right to keep their voting preferences a secret and you shouldn't ask about it'.

Woaw, ok.

This point was then classified under other points such as
'Don't ask people how old they are, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much money they make, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much they weight, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'.

So as Gian was sharing his perspective with the lady, I went into complete fear because he was breaking an important moral code: DON'T TALK POLITICS WITH OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN FAMILY - IT'S IMPOLITE!!!!'

When he was done, I held my breath in suspension, awaiting the woman's response -- anticipating an uncomfortable moment. Instead she laughed, agreed and made some more jokes about the government and the president -- not an uncomfortable situation at all. There was also a sense of betrayal, because things had not played out the way 'they should have' in terms of how my mother had prepared me in relation to politics and other people.

So it was interesting to see how this one moment, this one event triggered a memory from say 15 years ago, as the first impression I got from my mother about talking / asking about politics with other people -- and how within that moment I took on the entire expression my mom had taken on when she had talked to me all those years ago - exactly copying the physical movements/changes and the exact words spoken back then, but in this case in thought form.

I mean, in terms of where I am now and my involvement within political issues -- this is a very strange and random reaction, completely out of place. This really shows how we are programmed and instructed by our parents as children, copying and integrating the impressions we receive from them and then play them out without asking/questioning -- as they are adults and they have been longer than me here on Earth and know how things are done, I must just trust them and follow foot.

It's also creepy to see how an event of 15 years ago which only lasted a few seconds is stored in the body, with all its information in tact, ready to come up when the right trigger is set off. The experience seemingly came 'out of nowhere', but when I looked at it closer it was so clear that it was just a replica of my moms experience/expression over a decade ago.
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Thursday, 20 September 2012

Day 56: Fearing Myself



This blog is a continuation to:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a negative energy charge to the sound of a door opening and closing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed an additional meaning to the sound of a door opening and closing – where other than this sound meaning that a door has opened and closed – I attached the meaning of ‘opportunity for conflict’ unto the sound and created a relationship connected between the sound and this meaning as an idea/belief inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached an emotion experience as energy as fear and anxiety to the sound of a door opening and closing – where I believed within myself that the sound of a door opening and closing is a ‘bad omen’ and token for conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have jumped inside myself when I would sit at home and hear the door open and close – where I would ‘kickstart’ fear and anxiety within myself and think “Oh oh, I hope it’s not dad”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had some sort of advantage within reacting within fear and anxiety to the sound of the front door opening and closing

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have seen and realised that I was in no way having an ‘advantage’ over the situation within being in fear and anxiety, as all I was doing was putting myself under strain without influencing/affecting the situation in anyway whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would hear the door open and close downstairs and be able to discern that it was my father who came home – have placed myself into ‘lockdown’ within fear and anxiety and try to remain in my room in an attempt to avoid my father and within that avoid conflict

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have seen and realised that if my father was out for conflict then it was going to happen no matter if I was going to stay in my room or not so there was no point in modifying my behaviour for the sake of ‘what if’ – where just because of this ‘what if’ I place myself on lockdown and confine myself to a stressful experience which in no way assists or supports me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would hear loud noises coming from downstairs, slowly and quietly work my way to the staircase outside of my bedroom door, and try and identify what they are talking about so I can see whether I am being mentioned or not so that I know if I have to go into hiding or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I could hear loud noises coming from downstairs and trying to ‘hear-in’ on what is going on, have believed that if I can find out what they are arguing about that I can do something to change/fix the situation for myself in terms of minimalizing conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would hear loud noises coming from downstairs and go sit on the staircase to find out what they are arguing about – have gone into massive fear and petrification where I breathe very shallowly just in case they can hear me breathe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would be listening in to what my parents were arguing about downstairs and would hear my name – to start crying almost instantaneously and think “Oh no, not again” and go hide in my bed/bathroom next to my room in the hope that I would be able to avoid conflict this way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would hear my father’s footsteps on the stairs have increased my levels of anxiety and fear within anticipating him coming to my room and stirring up conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created strenuous situations for myself – where every day I would place myself in a state of fear and anxiety within the fear of ‘what if’ – where yes from time to time my father would be coming up to my room and lash out on me / us – but where most of the time this wasn’t the case – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the worst part about fearing conflict as the fear itself as all the days and nights spent in fear and anxiety which combined add to more distress and unpleasantness than the actual conflict occasions and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the fear of conflict was not me fearing my father but fearing how I would experience myself within facing my father and thus I was actually fearing myself as I was the one generating and creating the various experiences as fear, anxiety and petrification and so the point was never to ‘avoid the conflict’ but to come to a point where I can manage myself as my inner experiences as this is what I really feared


When and as I see myself going into a negative energy charge upon hearing the sound of a door opening and closing within the belief that this sound implies ‘a door to conflict’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am reacting within a programmed response pattern based on the past as memory and that this implication/meaning is a make-belief I created myself and so I commit myself to breathe, be here and let go of the energetic charge experience

When and as I see myself reacting within an emotional experience of fear and anxiety to the sound of a door opening and closing – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am not here but acting within and as memory and thus I commit myself to stop my participation within fear and anxiety and ground myself here as my physical body within and as breath

When and as I see myself reacting to the sound of people arguing / conflict and wanting to find out whether I am being mentioned or not – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the conversation/argument is either about me or it is not and I will find out if I am involved and that there is no point being stressed out ‘just in case’ and so I commit myself to stop participating in the fear of ‘what if’ and wanting to gain a sense of control within wanting to find out whether I am being mentioned – but just be here within and as breath and unconditionally let go of the fear and trust myself to deal with the situation if necessary

When and as I see myself minimalizing my breath when hearing conflict within the fear that someone might notice me and re-direct their conflict/anger towards me – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that within holding my breath/breathing shallowly I am only keeping myself as fear in place and in no way actually supporting myself – and so I commit myself to snap out of my fear and allow myself to breathe unconditionally and trust myself to deal with the situation if it were to come my way

When and as I see myself wanting to cry/break down within hearing my name mentioned within conflict – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there is no point within becoming all emotional within knowing that the conflict is somehow related to me – as I know that I will just feel shitty and depressed with myself if I continue participating within this breakdown – and so I commit myself to breathe be here and trust myself to deal with the situation / direct myself when the point opens up

When and as I see myself perceiving conflict as something ‘out there’ which ‘happens to me, done unto me by another’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the main point/issue at hand is the conflict I experience inside myself as fear and anxiety and so When and as I see myself reacting in fear to conflict within wanting to avoid conflict – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that what I am trying to avoid is my own inner experience as how I believe I will experience myself and thus I commit myself to work on myself as fear and anxiety so that I no longer compromise myself and my living within fear of conflict


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