Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am hungry or feel like eating something and open the fridge/cupboard to see what food there is – react to what I want to eat when looking at the amount of calories I have connected to the food wherein I still use this point of calories as a measure of ‘what’s good’ and ‘what’s not good’ – where I will feel like eating something but then consider its ‘high calorie content’ and then stop and go for something which has a low calorie content within thinking that that’s ‘the better choice’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have to make a decision about what I am about to eat and open the fridge, to still from time to time scan all the foods and consider all the information I have attached to each particular food present in the fridge and will weight each one’s data against one another and according to that pick what I eat – wherein that moment I completely ‘forget’ about my human physical body and what I as my physical body feel like eating and rather just follow ‘information’ without my decision based on this information being necessarily what is Best for my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see the thought come up towards a particular food, where I think that I shouldn’t eat it and that it’s ‘no good for me’ in terms of ‘putting on weight’ but then shove the thought aside in a sense of spitefulness and eat it anyway – go into an experience of guilt and regret when finishing the particular food/sweets where I believe I made a mistake and that I am now a failure

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how I have created this experience for myself through a Morality character where because I labelled some foods as ‘good’ and some as ‘bad’ and decided to forgo the good for the bad – that I am now a ‘bad person’ because I ‘broke the rules’ and should not have done that

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that in turn I am the creator of this Morality character and had to participate within the labelling of things as right and wrong and good and bad and believing in these values for the Morality Character to exist and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my experience is merely the result of my ideas and beliefs and can thus be changed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body when looking into what to eat but instead follow my Food Religion as all the information I have accumulated over time and sorted by relevance in terms of ‘losing/gaining weight’ – where I will eat both the so called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things and yet depending on the moment can still find myself experiencing adverse effects due to the foods chosen within only looking at the foods in isolation and not considering my body and what I have already eaten / what is compatible within the moment as I only sought compatibility with the ideas and beliefs in my mind in order for myself as my mind to ‘feel better’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I find myself eating a food from the bad/fattening category to start thinking of ways I can make it ‘okay’ within considering what I will and will not eat in the future or consider particular exercises/activities as to ‘make up’ for those ‘extra calories’ where I am “calculating” things in my mind – but where I am actually more playing guesswork within trying to ‘calculate’ and ‘rationalise’ the guilt away for eating what I ate instead of looking at my starting point of eating the food and identifying/tracing the origin/emergence of the guilt and correcting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a Religion about Food where I can’t just eat and nourish my body because I have made up all these rules and regulations to which I have to abide if I want to be a ‘good girl’ within the religion – while I at the same time constantly looking for/ scouting for loopholes that I can use to escape the very rules and codes I created for myself within my own religion wherein I am constantly shifting from being a faithful servant to a sinner and get lost in inner-conflict as I can’t make up my mind about what I want

Related articles

• Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food
• Day 185: When Food is no longer just Food - Part 2
• Day 177: Ana - I Failed You
• Day 186: Baggage from the Past - when is an ED really over?
• Day 179: You Reap what You Sow
• Day 178: Fail-You-Are - Redefining Failure

Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being
Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality
Day 134: Living by the Rule of Fear
Day 135: Stopping the Pattern
Day 136: Walking Back in Time

When and as I see myself reacting to energy as aggravation/anger within another form of energy as fear and anxiety – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am in reactive mode within only responding to energy and not taking into consideration physical reality and so I commit myself to snap myself out of reaction mode and ground myself within and as my human physical body

When and as I see myself reacting to someone expressing anger/aggravation or other forms of conflict/friction within and immediately want to place that energy as conflict/friction into a position of authority wherein I accepted and allowed this energy to determine who I am and what I do – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one assigning such power to energy and that it does not have to be this way and so I commit myself to give my power back to myself and establish myself within and as the physical through breath so I may assess the situation/scenario in fact and not just react to energy in fear

When and as I see myself reacting to someone else being in a reactive energy mode upon which I also enter an energetic reaction mode – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that by reacting within energy and not stopping but participating within the energy I am only ‘throwing the ball back’ wherein I / we are validating the energy game we are playing and thus support it through participation and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, ground myself as my human physical body to no longer support my energy habit or the energy habit of another as myself

When and as I see myself believe/think that people reacting to reactions is normal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this belief is the result of brainwashing within not questioning what we as humans have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as sucking real bad at living on Earth in a way that makes sense and what effective communication really entails – and so I commit myself to investigate where I am still allowing myself to react to reactions and walk these points within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I see myself control my movement in my reality to avoid certain external reactions within fear of them igniting particular reactions within me which I want to avoid – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely circumventing the problem by trying to avoid getting my buttons pushed – but that does not mean that the buttons are not there and so I commit myself to investigate what it is I want to avoid and place myself in those situations to assist and support myself to practically walk through the experience which I want to avoid/fear and prove to myself that I do not have to be a slave to reactions

When and as I see myself control my movement within my reality in order to seek out particular external reactions to which I will have particular reactions which I have deemed as ‘desirable’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that such behavioural patterns indicate that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from certain points within my reality, where I believe I have to reach out to triggers/reactions to cause a particular experience inside myself so I can believe myself to be fulfilled for a moment – and so I commit myself to look at what it is that I want / find desirable and investigate self-honesty what it is that I perceive as lacking within myself causing me to reach out for external inputs to create an artificial experience for myself based on energy within writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application.

Related articles

• Day 136: Walking Back in Time
• Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality
• Day 134: Living by the Rule of Fear
• Day 77: Confessions of a Child Junkie
• Day 150: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 8 - Mirrors in the partnership
• Day 135: Stopping the Pattern

Day 92: Always Expect the Worst - Part 2

This blog is a continuation:
Day 88: Fear of the Past Repeating Itself 
Day 89: Holding Back 
Day 90: Holding Back - Part 2
Day 91: Always Expect the Worst, Like that you won’t get Disappointed

When and as I see myself monitoring the behaviour of a new bird in comparison to birds of the past -- specifically looking to 'match' the behaviour in order to classify it under 'bird that made it' and 'bird that didn't made it' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am trying to dig into the past in order to find out what the future is going to look like, where I am constantly jumping back and forth in order to get some 'information' and within that completely missing what is here as the moment, as things unfold in breath -- which is the only moment where I can make a true assessment -- and so I commit myself to snap myself out of the going back and forth, breathe, ground myself as my human physical body and let go of the need to control and allow myself to enjoy the moment for what it is

When and as I see myself react to seeing Puf bop her head down with fear -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am immediately connecting this physical presentation feature to memories with similar features where birds bopped their head down and later died, where I then go into fear of the same thing happening to Puf -- so I commit myself to within that moment stop the fear, breathe, be here as my human physical body and unconditionally participate in the moment

When and as I see myself keeping a close eye on the behaviour of a new bird from the starting point of seeing whether I should relax or worry -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that neither being 'relaxed' as being 'nonchalant' or the polairty as being 'worried' is going to make a different to what is actually going on, and is in no way going to 'change the future' or alter the outcome just by changing my mood -- what matters is physical action as keeping an eye on things and intervene when necessary -- and not to be constantly and continuasly in a particular 'mood' -- whether positive or negative -- wherein I compromise my effectiveness in dealing with what is here within looking at things within judgment where I can interpret things 'optimistically' and miss things or interpret things 'pessimistically' and make things up -- and so I commit myself to snap myself out of wanting to find out 'how I should feel' -- instead I breathe, ground myself within my human physical body and commit myself to trust myself to pick up behavioural changes which require intervention when necessary -- and act

When and as I see myself to into a want/desire/believe that I need a sense of control -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am taking on this stance in order to manage my inner reality as thoughts,feelings and emotions -- where I believe that if I am able to predict the future/outcome of the bird I can already 'prepare' myself before it happens so that when it happens I can suppress the experience appear to not be affected and so I commit myself to stop wanting control as this wanting control indicates a fear of a particular experience/event and so I move myself to investigate my relationship with that which I fear and dissect my experience within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements, so that whatever happens: I am here

When and as I see myself embracing the motto of "Always expect the worst, then you can't get disspointed' when experiencing anxiety/uncertainty in relaiton to a particular outcome -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that suiting myself up with this motto is not an actual solution to my experience but merely a suppression mechanism where I want to put up a 'brave face' where I hope that if I take this point on that I will not be affected/emotional if the worst case scenario does happen and so I commit myself to stop myself within that moment of thinking "Better expect the worst" and look at what it is that I fear and my experience in relation to it within writing, instead of suppressing it

When and as I see myself wanting to adopt the attitude of "Always expect the worst, like that you can't get disappointed" in relation to an outcome where I fear I may be affected by it -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have accepted and allowed judgment to exist within and as me towards being sad/crying when something happens like the death of an animal -- where I believe that it is 'weak' to demonstrate such behaviour and fear being judged for it and so I commit myself to investigate my relationship with showing how I feel/experience myself within judgment of 'weakness' and I commit myself to within that moment stop and look at how I am judging myself and let go of the fear/judgment and allow myself to breathe, be here and simnply take things as they come

Related articles

• Day 91: Always Expect the Worst, Like that you won't get Disappointed
• Day 82: Self-Completion
• Day 90: Holding Back - Part 2

Day 75: What do I feel like doing? – Part 3

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 61:  Self-Disappointment
Day 73: What do I feel like doing?
Day 74: What do I feel like doing? – Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with headaches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in an ‘out of service’ mode whenever I experience a headache, where I want to just ‘sleep it off’ without moving myself to actually move the headache out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with a headache, where I rather go and “shut myself off” as in sleeping where I expect my body to take care of things while I’m MIA

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create headaches and then expect these headaches to take care of themselves without me practically moving them

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have considered a headache as being a particular experience that one can work and move through just like any other experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to differentiate between modes and headaches because I believe headaches to be more ‘real’ in terms of their intensity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel unwell whether it is my tummy, headache or nausea – to immediately go into the point of “maybe I should rest” – instead of pushing myself to be here as my human physical body and assist myself in pushing the discomfort out and investigating the nature/origin of the discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with ‘negative experiences’ such as headache, nausea, pain – go into a mode of avoidance as in ‘how can I most quickly get rid of this’ instead of considering the practical support within the experience and seeing how I can use this point in assisting and supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience any discomfort such as pain, nausea or headache – that this means that I am unable to operate – even though I have disproven this to myself many times where during for instance period pains I am able to successfully move through the pain within exercising my body

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to move through discomfort as pain, nausea and headaches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed myself – where I was presented with the perfect opportunity to move through the point of not basing my decision on ‘how I feel’ or ‘how I experience myself’ – but instead allowed myself to take the bait and once again end up within self-disappointment


When and as I see myself go into the belief of “I am unable to deal with headaches” when experiencing a headache – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have disproven this point for myself and that there is no point to hold on to this limitation and so I commit myself to push through the pain/discomfort

When and as I see myself wanting to place myself in an ‘out of service’-mode when faced with a headache/pain/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I do not have to submit to my experience since I am the cause/origin/creator of the experience and thus I commit myself to move myself as human physical body to sort my experience out and to investigate/trace the origin point back within myself and work through it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to just “shut myself off” when being faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/headache/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am trying to reach for a ‘quick fix’ as an ‘easy way out’ where I do not want to bother to do the effort of actually moving myself through the pain/discomfort and simply expect my body to do all the work while I am MIA so I commit myself to push/move through the pain and discomfort and to not allow myself to cut myself off from reality because my experience has changed

When and as I see myself looking at a headache and saying to myself that “this is different” and that in this case I can allow myself to “back out” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that a headache is still an experience and so I commit myself to investigate the experience and support myself through the pain with additional support of necessary but do not accept and allow myself to simply ‘back out’ and expect things to take care of itself

When and as I see myself thinking “maybe I should rest/nap” when faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/nausea/headache – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is one of the ways where I will allow myself to ‘back out’ for a moment as self-sabotage/self-manipulation within my application as a ‘back door’ as one of those moments where I am allowed to ‘excuse myself’ because apparently I am going through an “extenuating circumstance” – and so I commit myself do diffuse my excuse as the pain/discomfort/nausea and ground myself within and as my human physically body within and as breath and move the experience as me and sort the point out within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself go into the belief of “I am unable to operate” when faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/headache/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I remind myself of the times where I have effectively moved through pain/discomfort and commit myself to simply do it again

I commit myself to stop failing myself and stand as a person that I can be satisfied with within the principle of what is Best for All Life

Related articles

• Day 74: What do I feel like doing? - Part 2
• Day 37: What's Happening to Me?!
• Day 73: What do I feel like doing?
• Day 46: Running on Automated Pilot
• Day 63: Keeping the Wheels Turning
• Day 38: Being Sick is So BAD! Or is it?

Day 65: Fear of Sharing

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 62: There Must be Something Wrong!
Day 63: Keeping the Wheels Turning
Day 64: Holding on to Myself 

A pattern I have noticed all throughout my life is that ‘fear of sharing’. This relates mostly to sharing how I experience myself, which I experience as being a ‘vulnerable’ point for myself. Whenever someone points out something which I am experiencing and they are correct, I feel naked, exposed – almost violated. The same when they ask me how I am doing or dealing with a particular point – I rather just not talk about it.

I was reflecting on this point and saw how it linked in to the point I have touched on in my previous blogs, in terms of ‘valuing who I am as a person’. Because, the fear of me sharing and the fear of being exposed indicates how I have created a relationship to the thoughts/feelings and emotions I experience inside myself, and believe them to be ‘me’. Where these experiences are almost ‘sacred’-like within my perception of myself as that which I ‘constitute’ of, and where I fear sharing this ‘sacred’ part of myself as my emotions/thoughts/feelings as believing that ‘this is what makes me ‘me’ ‘ and needs to be protected/safeguarded at all cost.

Whenever Bernard would point out some of the things I’d be dealing with, either in private or in public – I would immediately go into fear, almost petrification (and more intensely in a ‘public’ setup) – where I ‘gasp’ inside myself and feel all vulnerable and exposed like, “there you have it, this is who I am – for all to see” , where I feel like my ‘inside’ has just been ‘taken out’ and laid bare outside of myself within having laid out what I am experiencing/facing and where I just want to grab it and put it back inside me before anyone else sees it – because “this is me” and “you can’t just put it out there, this is like my beingness, this is sacred! How dare you!” LOL.

Within those moments I would also immediately judge myself, because I believe my emotions/thoughts/feelings to be me as ‘who I am’ – while all the while they are just the result/product of all the various inputs in my life as my childhood/upbringing and environmental stimulations. So this ‘me’ that I believe to be so sacred and real, is really just an illusion. Yet this point ‘sharing’ and ‘putting it out there’ I still fear, because I still relate my experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions to be ‘me’ and having a particular value.

In this point is also a dimension of ‘fear of being exploited’, where I fear that if others know how I experience myself as thoughts/feelings and emotions that this can be used against me. Though this only again reflects my attitude towards myself, since I am holding these experiences as thoughts/feelings and emotions ‘personal’ and so whenever someone takes these on or mentions them, I take it personal from the starting point of ‘but this is who I am’. So it’s quite interesting to see how vast this point is of believing that who we are is just this bunch of feelings/emotions and thoughts, and where we believe ourselves to be ‘special’ because of our apparent ‘unique composition/mix of thoughts/feelings and emotions’, which ‘make up who we are’. But where we really are all pretty much the same – I mean, all these experiences as thoughts/feeling and emotions are still ‘programs’ in their design, where some have more of one program than another, which makes them apparently ‘different’ and ‘unique’ compared to others – but in the end = we’re all still robots.

Listening to the Life Reviews this point also opened up, where each being will have a particular point that ‘stands out’ which pretty much determined their life and so ‘who they were’, yet I could identify myself with each and every being sharing their Life Review – from the poor person to the rich person, from the spiritual person to the business person, from abused to the abuser. So this again shows how no matter how ‘different’ we believe ourselves to be from others, the underlying blueprints/dynamics of what we participate in is always the same, but its appearance may differ. And this point that ‘one is not special’ is actually liberating, because now you can stop taking things personal because everyone is just as equally fucked as you are lol.

I mean, what are feelings/emotions and thoughts? They are just programs, they are just layers of information – so it is actually really stupid to “fear” sharing these or having them exposed – because they don’t “mean” anything other than the information they contain. It’s simply a matter of realising that we’ve currently accepted and allowed ourselves to be instructed and act upon programs that contain ‘pieces of information’ which are not to our benefit – and so to lay out the information which we currently rely on to live our lives before us, to deconstruct it and replace it with something supportive, and where things such as ‘judgment’ and ‘taking it personal’ only complicate and hamper what is in essence a very simplistic process.

Related articles

• Day 64: Holding on to Myself
• Day 14 - Trusting Fear - Anxiety and Me - Part 4
• Day 50: Here -- Yet Lightyears away
• Day 63: Keeping the Wheels Turning
• Emotional/Feeling Body Creation - Part 2: DAY 103

Day 52: Prelude – Don’t take anything for Granted

This Blog is a continuation to:
Day 51: Shocking Sounds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about what is a ‘relevant point’ to work with and ‘what not’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/opinions/beliefs about points as reactions within myself in relation to my environment where I will judge the reaction/experience I am having as either ‘important’ / ‘not important’ and will accordingly either work or not work on it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/opinions/beliefs/judgments about points as reactions in relation to my environment based on what I think is ‘important’ / ‘not important’ based on whether I believe this point to be ‘interesting’ or ‘deep’ where if I find the point to not be something ‘insightful’ and apparently “extraordinary” – I will ignore it until I come across a point that I believe fits the category of ‘interesting’/’insightful’ and work with that instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mind-fucked myself to such an extent that I have opinions about everything where I even have opinions about my points which are in itself opinions so it’s like having opinions about opinions which is completely bizarre

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selective in terms of the points I want to work with based on judgment/ideas/opinions about the points I face throughout my day where if a point ‘stands out’ that I see/perceive as ‘interesting’ I will be motivated to take it on while if during my day I only face points which I deem as ‘ordinary’ / ‘dull’ I will convince myself that I have apparently ‘nothing to write about’ while there’s lots to write about since not a day goes by that I don’t react to something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the points I face throughout my day and only take those points on which I see/perceive as interesting – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I’ve accepted and allowed to attach either positive or negative energy charges to points in terms of ‘interesting’ / ‘boring’ – which only reveals to me that I am still allowing myself to within working on myself within process – to still be directed within and as energy as negative/positive energy charges where I will follow the positive and ignore/dismiss the negative

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/grasp the full extent of how completely biased we are within every single thing we do in our reality where literally not a single thing escapes our prejudiced eyes – where everything we see/do gets categorised/boxed within compartments of our minds for us to make apparent ‘sense’ of our reality while all the while only creating/manifesting an illusion of reality within ourselves which we then impose/project upon actual physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a point is a point – where the smallest to the biggest reaction counts and is completely relevant to me as the process I walk – and thus I require to look at each and every single point within the realisation that as long as I react – no matter what the nature of the reaction is – I am still not being the directive principle in my life and thus need to ensure that I cover EACH and EVERY SINGLE POINT

When and as I see myself reacting to a reaction (LOL!) within judgment/belief/opinion as ‘Ooh this is a cool/relevant point to work on’ or alternatively, simple dismissal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in judgment towards my reality and within that trying to make it ‘more than’ it really is within wanting to personalize my experience/perception of reality and within that I commit myself to breathe, be here as my human physical body and see reality/my points for what they are

When and as I see myself judging points as reactions/experiences as ‘important’/’not important’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that each and every single point is equally relevant and within that I commit myself to work through each and every single point

When and as I see myself judging/creating opinions about points based on the criteria of whether I find it ‘deep’/’interesting’ or ‘dull’/’ordinary’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am just participating in an another mindfuck where I believe that since I am busy with my process/working through points – that I by default am doing it in a way which is self-directive and within that not seeing/realising the true extent that we’ve fucked ourselves into creating an opinion about every single thing in existence which also includes process/working through points – and so I commit myself to slow myself down within myself when working/reflecting on points to ensure that I am not allowing myself to be directed by opinion as ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ as ‘positive’ / ‘negative’ experience/opinions about points – and within that allow myself to be here, breathe and work with what is here without creating an idea about it

When and as I see myself scanning through my day to identify a point to work with and see myself ‘skipping’ over points because I have judged them as ‘dull’/’ordinary’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these points are very relevant since they indicate the extent that I am accepting and allowing them within ‘skipping’ them in my evaluation of the day and so I commit myself to take on each and every single point no matter how ‘dull’ or ‘ordinary’ they seem to be as these are actually the “secret” points keeping me as personality in place which is indicated by my level of acceptance within seeing them as ‘normal’ / ‘not worthwhile looking at’

I commit myself to walk each and every single point since all are relevant and form part of the intricate whole/network of characters keeping me as an “individual” in place

I commit myself to assist myself in becoming aware of the extent of mind integration/influence within my everyday life through listening to the Quantum Mind series which very delicately, intricately – step by step – explain and describe how the Quantum Mind works in utmost specificity and thus it is within my best interest to listen to these interviews and educate myself on the REAL ME that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see as the REAL DIRECTIVE PRINCIPLE currently in my reality so that I can teach myself to become just as diligent and specific as my mind within correcting myself and walking my Journey to Life

I commit myself to assist and support myself within reading the Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs which every day provide a new dimension / insight which I had not yet considered for myself and within that assist and support myself to get to know myself better as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as Mind so that I can equally assist and support myself in walking my Journey to Life

Related articles

• Day 44: Taking Things Personal
• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 36: Self as Creator
• Day 39: What if something's Wrong with Me?
• Day 50: Here -- Yet Lightyears away

Day 50: Here -- Yet Lightyears away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned the nature of thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned how I will experience myself differently in different moments / day to day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned where thoughts come from and how they manifest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned the origin of thought or how it is able to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider what I experience to be 'reality'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what I experience as 'reality' as 'a given' and trust this experience to be real / valid -- and never look beyond what I experience

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within only giving attention to 'what I experience' I am limiting my awareness to only myself as my mind and completely disregard the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned how come I am here as a physical body in a physical reality -- yet in no way understand/grasp what it means to be here as my body as this physical reality -- where I am here and yet at the same time lightyears away from what is here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never cared to find out what it means to be here as the physical -- but simply assumed it to be of no relevance and that the only thing which matters is me as my mind and how I experience myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within not caring/ considering this physical reality create/contribute to abuse within this world -- as this abuse merely reflects another way of not caring/considering and thus within every moment that I am not caring/considering the physical reality I am authorizing abuse to exist within this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that any form of activism or wanting to bring about change in the world without ensuring that no thought exist within me is complete hypocrisy -- as I am demanding consideration of this physical reality without stopping my own thoughts which eat my flesh away which is the primary form of abuse existent within this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only activism worthwhile participating in is within the act of stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions -- as they are the very personification of abuse, where real, actual substance gets consumed for the sake creating energy as thoughts, feelings and emotions -- and where these thoughts, feelings and emotion do not serve us well in any way whatsoever anyway --- it's like a lose-lose situation!

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace the sadness of being here in this physical reality and yet at the same time having no real access to this physical reality -- because it really is sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have considered the physical as 'not important' / 'irrelevant' -- without seeing and realising that I never actually experienced physical reality -- and so the only thing I actually ever deemed as 'not important' / 'irrelevant' -- is me as my experience of the mind as it is completely limited -- where I projected this limitation unto the physical and believed it to be real -- instead of seeing and realising that it is not the physical which is limited but my mind, and where I as the mind can't stand that I do not have access to this physical reality and within that 'dismiss' / 'spite' it in order to make myself feel better where I will look down upon physical reality as a coping mechanism within the realisiation/truth that I am less/inferior than this physical reality because when I as my Personality Die -- I am Gone -- but the physical remains

I commit myself to show that the nature of the human as the nature of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions has never really been investigated

I commit myself to show that the nature of thoughts, feelings and emotions is actually really disturbing

I commit myself to show that any call for change without stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions is pure hypocrisy

I commit myself to show that as long as the nature of the mind is not understood we will not change and the Earth will not survive our continued exploitation

I commit myself to show that any opinion/observation of reality as the physical has only ever been an opinion as we've never accepted and allowed ourselves to step beyond our mind and really see / investigate what is here

I commit myself to show that we've accepted and allowed ourselves to have become an alien invasion where we are here in this physical reality but have no actual relationship with the physical in anyway whatsoever where we are completely closed off and locked/jailed in our minds and really have no clue about what really goes on on Earth

I commit myself to show that any form of abuse in relation to the physical is inherent to our inferiority of and as the mind where we can't stand that the physical reality is more real than we are and then try to 'get back' at the physical reality through abuse and torture to make ourselves feel better in the limited time we have available on Earth before our meaningless existence disappears into thin air after Death

I commit myself to show that the tendency of the human to see itself as 'intelligent' and 'superior' to all other beings / living organisms on Earth is just another way to deal with our sense of rejection -- where we are the outsiders in physical reality and within our resentment towards ourselves take it out on what is Real within Spite and Jealousy -- and then cover it up within apparently being this 'amazing' / 'evolved' being which is a complete state of denial and delusion

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