Day 181: Crucified between Past and Future: Re-Defining Anxiety

I’m going through the blogs I’ve written so far within my Journey to Life and identifying words to re-define as part of this process.

A bunch of my first blogs were in relation to fear and anxiety:

Day 11: Anxiety and Me - Part 1
Day 12: Anxiety and Me - Part 2
Day 13 - Fear of Failure - Anxiety and Me - Part 3
Day 14 - Trusting Fear - Anxiety and Me - Part 4
Day 15: Self as Creator - Fear and Me - Part 5

In this blog I want to take on the word ‘Anxiety’ as this has been a word that I’ve experienced many times in my life – if not continuously in the past.

So : Anxiety

Dictionary definition:

noun, plural anx·i·e·ties.

1.

distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune: He felt anxiety about the possible loss of his job.

2.

earnest but tense desire; eagerness: He had a keen anxiety to succeed in his work.

3.

Psychiatry. a state of apprehension and psychic tension occurring in some forms of mental disorder

In my life I’ve mostly experience anxiety as a fear paired with much pain and tension in my solar plexus – where in the end the very flesh of my tummy actually hurts from all the built up fear. The fear was always related to something in the future where I fear being in a particular situation and imagining worst case scenarios – I never really investigated it. – it was just there and it was annoying – so within that ‘not knowing what to do with this experience’ there was definitely a negative charged attached to this word.


Sounding of the word:
Anxiety
Eng (Dutch for ‘scarcy’) Sight I see (Scary Sight I see)


The ‘An’ / ‘Ang’ part of the word Anxiety reminds me of Angling – and the ‘X’ I see as a cross / crossing/cross point between past and future – where in the moment of anXiety you are angling with a hook, where you first throw your line backwards, hooking into the past and then throw it forward: into the future. Within that you’re never here, but always moving from past to future where X is that crossing point which is also in the middle of the word ‘anXiety’. This ‘back and forth’ sort of movement is also a point of conflict/friction where you’re buzzing while being pulled both into the past and future – which can be seen as being ‘crucified’ between the past and the future.

In terms of the fear component in Anxiety, fear I’ve found has often to do with merely a point of not understanding – where often I find myself fearing something but when it is then explained to me specifically and I understand it (like say an experience), then the fear goes away.

So here I would look at Anxiety as throwing fears from the past where I was not understanding / realising how to cope with something and projecting/throwing these into the future as expectations where I fear/dread being in such situations again

So a new definition for anxiety could be where one is participating within a concern based on the past - where a point was not clearly understood / missed in terms of effectively working with/through which generated a sense of confusion turned into fear - and whereby one is fishing these past concerns up and throwing them into the future - and where one within this experience of conflict is unable to clearly evaluate and assess the situation and give self direction – and thus one would be required to identify/investigate the point which requires clarification in terms of not understanding so self can upgrade one’s understanding and stand effectively within the point which generated anxiety

So now it’s not a matter anymore of ‘shit I am experiencing anxiety – I want to avoid what I fear’ – but to instead see the experience of anxiety as merely a line of information coming up in a particular moment which requires to be read (as the new definition) and to correct/re-align oneself according to this information which presented itself within that moment as a tool/guideline towards Self-Perfection.

Related articles

• Day 181 - Self Doubt Part 6.
• Day 159 - How will the world ever change if I don't become and live as the change I speak of?
• Day 181: Human Nature and the True Dare-Devil
• Day 152: Things are Not Always what they Seem
• Day 126 - Behind the Scenes of "Physics and the Desteni Process" series - A Battle of the Mind- Self Forgiveness
• Day 181: Applied Equality in Equal Money Capitalism

Day 12: Anxiety and Me - Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a relationship of comfort with anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being in a state of anxiety something provides me with greater control over myself and my situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between "anxiety" and "preparedness"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am in a state of anxiety, that I am somehow better prepared for whatever which may be coming

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anxiety places me in a 'better position' -- instead of seeing and realising that it is actually in reverse

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that if I already place myself mentally within the unwanted situation which I anticipate -- that this somehow is going to affect the outcome in a way that benefits me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find the experience of anxiety "normal"

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the experience of anxiety is in fact not normal at all and is rather uncomfortable and unpleasant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given my power away to an experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given my power away to emotions and feelings and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that by giving my power away to emotions and feelings such as anxiety, I am in fact validating and enforcing their existence while at the same time invalidating and weakening myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed emotions and feelings in a position of Author-ity where I have accepted and allowed myself to let emotions and feelings dictate who I am and how I experience myself instead of seeing and realising myself as my own Author-ity and scripting my own path within alignment with that which is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a victim of my feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is nothing that I can do about the emotions and feelings I experience and that all I can do is "wait it out" until I can feel 'better'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand up within myself to no longer accept and allow emotions and feelings to dictate who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am a slave to my feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard emotions and feelings as some 'external force' to which I can only submit -- instead of seeing and realising that emotions and feelings are not some external force, but are in fact me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and that it is a matter of me abdicating my responsibility towards a part of myself from which I am have separated myself from

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the emotions and feelings I experience are me in fact as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and that it is thus a matter of me directing myself towards an outcome that is Best for All and thus also best for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from my emotions and feelings

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question the experiences inside me as feelings and emotions even though they clearly make my life more difficult and less pleasant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is okay to act upon emotions and feelings as that is what everyone else seems to have been doing

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to question manifestations within this world which clearly do not bring about an outcome which is Best for All -- simply because I see others not question it

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the principle of what is Best for All overrules the conditioning of the masses


When and as I see myself going into a state of anxiety and going "oh no, here it goes again" -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that the very statement as the thought "here IT goes again" implies separation and is me indicating to myself where I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from a part of myself and thus abdicate my self-responsibility. As I breathe in I allow myself to acknowledge the fact that this anxiety is in fact me and not some separate entity here to dominate me and since I am the creator of the anxiety as myself I am perfectly capable of directing this anxiety and stop myself as anxiety

When and as I see myself going into a state of anxiety -- I stop and I breathe -- I ask myself "What am I afraid of facing" and investigate the origin of anxiety within myself. I allow myself to sit down and have a look at the points which opened up and apply Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements so that these points no longer remain as obstacles within my life

When and as I see myself going into a state of anxiety -- I stop and I take a deep breath in and a deep breath out -- I assist and support myself within breathing to ground myself and re-direct the energy instead of the energy directing me as this has shown me to lead me nowhere

When and as I find myself in a state of anxiety and find myself feeling small and powerless in the face of this emotional experience -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am in fact the one feeding this manifestation inside myself where I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to emotions and feelings and within that impose inferiority upon myself -- I see and realise that this is not self-supportive and thus I get myself back together and STOP within the realisation that I am the creator and origin of the experienced fear and anxiety


I commit myself to the establishment of an Equal Money System where feelings and emotions are part of a child's education so that a child may learn and know how to deal with feelings and emotions from an early age

I commit myself to the re-education of Parents so that parents may be the living examples to the children and so assist and support them in terms of how to deal with their internal realities so that these may be aligned within the interest of what is Best for All

I commit myself to expose the uselessness and inherent limitation existent within the allowance of emotions and feelings to rule our very being and to show what is possible when one place themselves as their own Author-ity within one’s life

I commit myself to the end of all fear and anxiety -- in myself and everyone else