Day 240: The Non-Believer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see life as ‘work’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see life as ‘burden’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a burden out of everything in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see everything and everyone as out to abuse me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up on myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone pushing through resistance 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given in to resistance 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have diminished myself to such an extent that even the most basic things like feeding myself have become a burden 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind 'I have time', behind 'I don't have to do this right now', behind 'choice' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'in time things will get easier' that 'time heals all wounds' - not seeing and realizing that it is in reverse, that wounds fester and grow deeper roots 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to wait for things to 'come together' on their own accord

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have taken Bernard's words to heart, for real - but instead stored them as knowledge and information in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'in time it will be easier to live and apply his words' with the hidden notion that 'maybe I don't have to live and apply them, maybe there's a way out' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have wasted my time and continue to waste my time 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for someone to save me from myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself 

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have twisted the words 'believing in myself' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined believing in myself as hoping and waiting for things to magically work out 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'believing in myself' as 'taking a backseat' within myself, that I don't have to be aware, that I don't have to be in breath 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined believing in myself as passive hope, waiting and hoping for things to magically work out 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am somehow exempt from reality and consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in a state of shock, of ‘oh shit, I really have to do this, WE really have to do this’ - where there is a sense of ‘I can’t believe this is happening, this is real’ even though it has been shared and foretold many times, but I took it for granted, believed and perceived that somehow there’s going to be a ‘happy ending’ - yet all the indicators are not pointing at a happy ending , things are getting worse 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have treated process as a method of ‘self improvement’ as a way to ‘improve myself’ and ‘improve my life’ - looking only at the context of ‘my life’ and ‘this one life’ and not from the perspective of eternity as eternal being that is going to be here after death, as a being that is part of all that is here, that there is no actual ‘death’ as ‘an end’ - there is no escaping what is here as what I have accepted and allowed as what is currently exists here on this earth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have walked my process as overcoming ‘some limitations’ and not within the commitment to overcome ALL limitations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have settled for improvement and not absolute transcendence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have settled for improvement and not absolute transcendence because I already decided at the beginning of my process that ‘I can’t really do this’ 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that I ‘can’t really do this’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided within myself that walking process is ‘impossible’ and within that never really committed 100%

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Bernard is the exception 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Bernard asked everyone to do the impossible 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have walked my process as a lifestyle - and in essence have walked as a non-believer, as a Judas - showing a front of agreement but behind my back crossing my fingers that 'I don't actually believe this' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the beginning of my process had seen the implications of Bernard's words, of being the directive principle in EVERY MOMENT OF BREATH, even when ASLEEP - and to have in that moment gone 'pfft, no way, that's stretching it too far' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never really have started my process but been only walking the process to walking my process - still 'making up my mind' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been walking in postponement, waiting 'for proof' even though I lived with the walking and talking proof as Bernard 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have treated process like a dream - that it's not really real - while it is all in reverse - what I thought was real and important was the dream 

Day 233: Depression and Denial

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place my focus on ‘getting through the day’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk my day in anticipation of my day being over, to wait for the time where I am ‘too tired to do anything’ and can go to sleep

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a form of depression as a consequence of not directing my fearfulness - where I fear ‘my day’ but really fear myself within my day as I anticipate ‘more of the same’ to take place and be experienced

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a polarity towards the day and night, fearing and wanting to avoid the day, wanting the day to get ‘over and done with’ - while looking forward to the night where I can ‘shut down’ and basically ‘not be existent’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be existent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out the time and state as sleep where ‘nothing more is required of me’ because I’ve made myself believe that it is all too much and too overwhelming

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I make things too much and too overwhelming through my very relationship with the day and night, my relationship to being awake and not being awake - where each time I resist the day, the night ‘becomes sweeter’ and the ‘sweeter’ the night becomes, the more I resist the day - trapping myself in a compounded loop where I enhance my experiences, polarizing myself even more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to be awake, to not want to be existent because I have on some level given up on myself, given up on the fact that I can change, that my experience can change, that I can be the directive principle of myself instead of a slave to my mind and emotional experiences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my depression by referencing my experience of fear and overwhelm, that ‘this is just the way things are’ and that there is ‘no way out’ and ‘no chance of change’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only reason I don’t want to be existent is because I have accepted my state and position as being a slave to the mind - where I am stuck in the haze of the ‘now’ of consciousness where no moment is ‘new’ as every moment is laid over and projected over by my mind 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my depression by saying that ‘nothing is changing’, looking for external change as a reward that I am ‘doing the right thing’

Within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to walk my process for myself, despite what may or may not be changing on the outside - where I have created conditions around my process that make it either ‘worth it’ or ‘not worth it’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fixated my process on ‘doing’ as what I am doing / not doing and what others are doing / not doing instead of focusing on Who I Am 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a chore out of process, a religion - where I ‘move’ and ‘do my corrections’ but do not do them as myself, but do them from a sense of ‘avoiding damnation’, of ‘having to do the right thing’ - from a ‘I have to’ not because ‘I want to’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I have become a victim to myself, abdicating self-responsibility by blaming others for the actions and decisions I have made and the actions and decisions I have not made

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and argue for my limitations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight and argue for my limitations instead of fighting and arguing for my expansion and growth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to defend my idea that I cannot be self-responsible, that I am not a creator, that I am not of Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and live in constant denial of my true nature, in denial of Oneness and Equality as an Equal Creator of Reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the belief that I am not a creator, that I am just a victim and a slave - not consider what it is I want to create for myself and everyone because apparently ‘that’s not even an option’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to believe or conceive that I am more than who I think and believe I am as a character - to only see and behold myself from a System’s perspective and have stopped seeing myself and who I am within the context of Life, as a Child of Life

Day 224: Bernard

Written on 13/08/2013

Shortly after I had received the news that Bernard had passed away and had a moment for myself -- I said his name:

Bernard

I wanted to look at what would come up -- what Bernard had meant for me -- and all I got was an impression of vastness - a vastness that went into all directions, a vastness that never stopped.

There were no words, no pictures, no memories, no feelings that could describe or capture what Bernard had meant for me, what Bernard meant for this world.

Even now as I try to dig up memories, try to dig up anything at all -- there is nothing. It is as if our minds are just too damn limited to even in any way record what Bernard was and stood for -- as Bernard was not something which could just be reduced to some memories or pictures -- Bernard was way beyond that.

When I look back at specific events -- it was not so much what we were doing or how he was doing / saying things that stuck with me, but his ever stable and unwavering presence. Bernard had a way of Earthing you, bringing you Here.

I was never quite comfortable around Bernard. In general, I have never been much comfortable around people. When meeting new people I would be reserved, first wanting to see what another person's "ammo" was before engaging with them, so that I could be 'prepared' and modify my behaviour as to minimize any conflict -- and only when I had properly gauged the other person and had established for myself how to 'behave' around them -- the discomfort would fade away.

This never happened with Bernard. There was no 'gauging' Bernard, of establishing a pattern, no way of determining the 'rules' he lived by. Bernard did not live by any rules -- he was Bernard and he was simply here. He was solid as a rock as the Principles he stood by and lived in every moment -- yet fluid like water, being able to adapt and change as the moment saw fit. He was consistent in his message yet unpredictable in his expression. Bernard was not limited by moods or things happening around him to determine who he was going to be, he was here as everything and could become any expression at any time -- purely self-willed. He could be the sweetest, gentlest man -- making me burst out in tears as I did not know such gentleness could exist. He could also be the thunder and lightning rocking your foundation -- making you question your entire beingness.

Bernard showed us what was possible if we let go of our accepted and allowed limitations as what we consider it to be, 'to be human' -- and within that he was more than 'just a man'. And at the same time he showed what 'just a man' can do, as he still lived by the same "laws of physics" that we all have to abide to. He still had to eat, drink, shit, sleep. He still only had 24 hours in a day like the rest of us -- and yet he has been able to accomplish what no-one has ever done before, he accomplished the 'extra-ordinary' -- but of course, that is only because we within ourselves had settled for the ordinary.

There will probably be more things coming up as the day(s) go by as all the things I have learnt from Bernard -- from interacting with him online and having lived with him for the past 5+ years. Everything I am and the life I currently live I have him to thank for -- and for that I am eternally grateful.

Thank you Bernard.

Related articles

• Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated
• Day 223: Words and the Hidden Battle of Energies
• Day 458: Facts and Feelings: How to Stop and Prevent Brainwashing
• Day 460: Transhumanism: the Rise of the Machine - Part 1
• Day 452: The Depression Scam
• Day 464: Looking for Purpose
• Day 465: The Desteni Threat

Day 204: It Can't be That Easy

This is a continuation to:
Day 203: My Head is like a Broken Record

I now have started a 'new thing' for myself wherein I first speak in my Self-Forgiveness blog and record it with my cellphone (lol, I first wrote 'selfphone',which is like 'self sounding' from the perspective of "phone"/"phonetics") and afterwards write it out.

I decided to do it this way because I have had massive resistance speaking my whole life, where even just this one point of speaking out loud by myself has become a point of resistance and awkwardness, where the sound of my own voice freaks me out. As a child I used being quiet as a coping mechanism, where I believed that if I can keep myself quiet, I can make myself unnoticeable and I will be less likely to entice conflict within my environment.

So within speaking my Self Forgiveness out loud, I find myself being able to have to practically move through the resistance of fear of speaking – even if it is just “to” myself, to get comfortable with my own voice – as I often speak in mumbles to get the speaking ‘over with’ instead of making sure that my words are clear and specific. Here again, doing the Self Forgiveness out loud has shown to be another ground of practice within that regard – where it is easier to notice whether the words are flowing and/or whether there is any judgment involved in the point I am working on, or the words used within the Self Forgiveness.

Anyway, as I was speaking and writing my blog from yesterday ‘Day 203: My Mind is Like a Broken Record’ – I started to breathe. I started to breathe, I started to slow down for myself and found myself able to disregard the information my thoughts were attempting to convey – reminding myself, that the chatter is not relevant and so, there is no point giving it attention and then suddenly POOF the thought it gone lol.

This morning I woke up with the general emotions and thoughts as what I had accepted to be ‘normal’ to wake up with – and immediately I stopped, I looked at the thoughts, the emotions and what they represent and asked myself: Wait a minute – how are you relevant again? How is this supposed to help me being effective, help me within being stable, help me within establishing a world that is best for all Life? And I looked at the thoughts, the feelings and emotions and kind of an ‘uuuuh’ experience – where it was clear that these thoughts, feelings and emotions have absolutely no function within the context of what is Best for All Life, and gone they went.

I took a deep breath, threw my blanket open, ready to jump out of bed and was surprised at the ease and lightness with which I was getting out of bed – it was so strange, “this is not normal”, “this is not how it usually goes”, “can it really be that easy?” And there, doubt set in, and from the moment that I even just started considering the possible validity of these statements as thoughts in the slightest way – a darkness and a heaviness crept in and it was like prison bars shot down from the sky out of nowhere and back I was in my cage. Dammit! I allowed myself to be fooled again lol. So I stopped, looked at the thoughts, looked at where they came from, looked at the resistance of living my commitment – where the point of ‘It can’t be that easy’ was basically me looking for an excuse/justification to fail and find a reason why I can’t commit to my decision, which again is really not a ‘can’t’, but more of a ‘I don’t want to’.

I found myself missing many breaths and I also found myself picking up on Breathing just as much today. The habitual doubt and self-judgment always just being around the corner to question myself and my commitment – where each time I miss, it finds an opportunity to show its face, and I find an opportunity to not participate and simply start over.

Related articles

• Day 203: My Head is like a Broken Record
• I am Insecure, What do you think of me - Day 346
• Day 351 - Mirage of self Part 3
• Where Does Following Your Heart As a Compass Lead You? DAY 205
• Day 356 & 357 Self-Change through SELF-JUDGEMENT or through a simply DECISION?

Day 152: Things are Not Always what they Seem

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting
Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?
Day 151: My Way or the Highway

When and as I see myself go into a reactive mode of fear and anxiety in relation to expression – where I fear getting ‘negative feedback’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this fear response was built and automated through the past as memories and through my acceptance and allowance of taking feedback personal, where instead of investigating I go into a mode of self-pity and self-victimization and hiding and so I commit myself to breathe through the fear and anxiety and unconditionally express myself and work with any feedback which may come forward from the starting point of self-support and self-assistance

When and as I see myself go into a reactive mode of fear and anxiety in relation to expression within fearing the past re-occurring – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the fear and anxiety is indicating to me a point of self-dishonesty within me which I have not yet dealt with effectively, where I go into fear in relation to expression and expecting negative feedback because I know that I have not changed with regards to past feedback and so it is very possible that I will get the same feedback again and thus I commit myself to look at the points that I know require changing but that I have not addressed within holding on to my belief of who I am as self-limitation and change myself in fact

When and as I see myself go into a reactive mode of fear and anxiety in relation to expression – where I want to hold back and not speak within the fear of receiving feedback indicating a requirement of change – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that as long as I remain in self-judgment and give in to self-judgment I will always remain limited and not grow in my living application and so I commit myself to accept that I am not yet Perfection as Life and that I will be faced with feedback indicating to me that I require to change and to embrace these points within self-support and move myself to Perfect myself and I commit myself to let go of the negative energetic charge that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach to the point of ‘feedback’

When and as I see myself go into a reactive mode of fear in relation to expression and hold back within fear of having to change – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that such an experience indicates to me that I have not yet fully and completely committed myself to Self-Change for what is Best for All Life but am still holding on to my limited individuality as self-interest and so I commit myself to Self Change as What is Best for All Life and to work through any points which are not aligned to the Principle of Equality as what is Best for All within myself and my reality until it is Done

When and as I see myself perceive timid and shy people / as well as myself within a point of ‘poor thing’ and believing it to be an innocent manifestation -- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that any form of personality trait is always embedded within Self interest as I have walked this point for myself and have seen that things are not as innocent as they seem, and that there are many dimensions and angles to always be considered within a singular point – and so I commit myself to investigate my relationship and judgments towards all forms of personality traits whether positive, negative or neutral to see how they operate and where they come from so that I can work with what they actually consist of and do not allow value judgments to keep me from working through particular points simply because I created an idea about things and within that disregarded/looked over things within myself

 

Day 121: How we Ruin our Lives with Memories

A while back, I listened to one of the interviews on EQAFE called 'Life Review - How I ruined my Life with a Memory'. This interview was really cool for me to see how a singular moment, a singular set up -- can define your life and limit how you will experience and behave yourself for the remainder of your life.

Since listening to the interview, I've been giving more attention to memories and what role memories play within facing points (which you may have noticed if you've been reading my blogs, the memories just keep coming lol).

It's an interesting and also important point -- because, every moment is a new memory, every memory contains specific information upon which we will act in the future -- it's part of our 'database' that we use to guide ourselves, what we do, who we will interact with, etc.

I mean, the memory that is being walked through by the being in the interview, is very simply and 'innocent'-like in nature and then as the being walks through her life and her story unfolds -- it's just astounding how much a singular memory can affect us in who we allow ourselves to be and become, and to what extent we remain trapped in the past.

It also assisted me to work with particular experiences that I would I have, that I guess you could say "defined me" as feeling that these experiences were very much "a part of me" -- yet, I couldn't really 'place' them where it seemed as if these experiences had just appeared and emerged 'out of the blue' and didn't have any foothold to 'grab unto' to give myself direction and to have an approach on how to work with these experiences. So as I was listening to the interview, it all started making sense and it gave me a new way/perspective/approach on how I could deal with these experiences -- where before the experiences would just be 'floating around' and I would jsut be grabbing at thin air, trying to make sense out of what it was that I would experience in particular moments -- whereas now it's like I have a pin in my hand and can see the experience 'float around' and then just pin it down, BAM - gotcha! LOL

So if you sit with any experiences which you are finding hard to 'pin point' in terms of how to work with them and where they come from -- I'd definitely suggest listening to this interviews, as it gives a very nice, basic, simple perspective on the role of Memories -- and then even in addition to that you could check out the Quantum Mind series -- there, memories are taken to a whole NEW level -- and it's really quite fascinating to hear and 'see' (the descriptions in the interviews are so specific, it's like you can literally "See" what is being said) how the quantum mind works -- and I mean, you've got to have some degree of respect for how meticulous and specific the mind works after listening to a couple of those interviews -- we've really set ourselves up for quite the journey...

Related articles

• Day 213: Human Rats Trapped in an A-Maze-Ment(al) Game
• Day 189 - Postponing listening to Eqafe Interviews.
• Day 129: Mystery and Imagination
• 183. Like and Dislike = Mind Control
• Back to Breath (Day 15 of 21) Is What Makes you Happy also What's Best for you? DAY 147
• Day 160: Solitude 1

Day 52: Prelude – Don’t take anything for Granted

This Blog is a continuation to:
Day 51: Shocking Sounds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an idea about what is a ‘relevant point’ to work with and ‘what not’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/opinions/beliefs about points as reactions within myself in relation to my environment where I will judge the reaction/experience I am having as either ‘important’ / ‘not important’ and will accordingly either work or not work on it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created ideas/opinions/beliefs/judgments about points as reactions in relation to my environment based on what I think is ‘important’ / ‘not important’ based on whether I believe this point to be ‘interesting’ or ‘deep’ where if I find the point to not be something ‘insightful’ and apparently “extraordinary” – I will ignore it until I come across a point that I believe fits the category of ‘interesting’/’insightful’ and work with that instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have mind-fucked myself to such an extent that I have opinions about everything where I even have opinions about my points which are in itself opinions so it’s like having opinions about opinions which is completely bizarre

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be selective in terms of the points I want to work with based on judgment/ideas/opinions about the points I face throughout my day where if a point ‘stands out’ that I see/perceive as ‘interesting’ I will be motivated to take it on while if during my day I only face points which I deem as ‘ordinary’ / ‘dull’ I will convince myself that I have apparently ‘nothing to write about’ while there’s lots to write about since not a day goes by that I don’t react to something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the points I face throughout my day and only take those points on which I see/perceive as interesting – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I’ve accepted and allowed to attach either positive or negative energy charges to points in terms of ‘interesting’ / ‘boring’ – which only reveals to me that I am still allowing myself to within working on myself within process – to still be directed within and as energy as negative/positive energy charges where I will follow the positive and ignore/dismiss the negative

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/understand/grasp the full extent of how completely biased we are within every single thing we do in our reality where literally not a single thing escapes our prejudiced eyes – where everything we see/do gets categorised/boxed within compartments of our minds for us to make apparent ‘sense’ of our reality while all the while only creating/manifesting an illusion of reality within ourselves which we then impose/project upon actual physical reality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a point is a point – where the smallest to the biggest reaction counts and is completely relevant to me as the process I walk – and thus I require to look at each and every single point within the realisation that as long as I react – no matter what the nature of the reaction is – I am still not being the directive principle in my life and thus need to ensure that I cover EACH and EVERY SINGLE POINT

When and as I see myself reacting to a reaction (LOL!) within judgment/belief/opinion as ‘Ooh this is a cool/relevant point to work on’ or alternatively, simple dismissal – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am participating in judgment towards my reality and within that trying to make it ‘more than’ it really is within wanting to personalize my experience/perception of reality and within that I commit myself to breathe, be here as my human physical body and see reality/my points for what they are

When and as I see myself judging points as reactions/experiences as ‘important’/’not important’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that each and every single point is equally relevant and within that I commit myself to work through each and every single point

When and as I see myself judging/creating opinions about points based on the criteria of whether I find it ‘deep’/’interesting’ or ‘dull’/’ordinary’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am just participating in an another mindfuck where I believe that since I am busy with my process/working through points – that I by default am doing it in a way which is self-directive and within that not seeing/realising the true extent that we’ve fucked ourselves into creating an opinion about every single thing in existence which also includes process/working through points – and so I commit myself to slow myself down within myself when working/reflecting on points to ensure that I am not allowing myself to be directed by opinion as ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ as ‘positive’ / ‘negative’ experience/opinions about points – and within that allow myself to be here, breathe and work with what is here without creating an idea about it

When and as I see myself scanning through my day to identify a point to work with and see myself ‘skipping’ over points because I have judged them as ‘dull’/’ordinary’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these points are very relevant since they indicate the extent that I am accepting and allowing them within ‘skipping’ them in my evaluation of the day and so I commit myself to take on each and every single point no matter how ‘dull’ or ‘ordinary’ they seem to be as these are actually the “secret” points keeping me as personality in place which is indicated by my level of acceptance within seeing them as ‘normal’ / ‘not worthwhile looking at’

I commit myself to walk each and every single point since all are relevant and form part of the intricate whole/network of characters keeping me as an “individual” in place

I commit myself to assist myself in becoming aware of the extent of mind integration/influence within my everyday life through listening to the Quantum Mind series which very delicately, intricately – step by step – explain and describe how the Quantum Mind works in utmost specificity and thus it is within my best interest to listen to these interviews and educate myself on the REAL ME that I have never accepted and allowed myself to see as the REAL DIRECTIVE PRINCIPLE currently in my reality so that I can teach myself to become just as diligent and specific as my mind within correcting myself and walking my Journey to Life

I commit myself to assist and support myself within reading the Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs which every day provide a new dimension / insight which I had not yet considered for myself and within that assist and support myself to get to know myself better as what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as Mind so that I can equally assist and support myself in walking my Journey to Life

Related articles

• Day 44: Taking Things Personal
• Day 69: Perceptual Character Self Forgiveness Statements continued...
• Day 36: Self as Creator
• Day 39: What if something's Wrong with Me?
• Day 50: Here -- Yet Lightyears away

Day 35: Reversing Trust

My tick bite fever has subsided now, and now my physical body is just feeling ‘weak’ from the aftermath. I’m however still sitting with some points which opened up during my period of dis-ease.

One of these points is the point of self-trust. Bernard painfully pointed out while pushing a point on my shoulder that I am not trusting myself and seeing myself as weak. This point also got reflected in a sore point where my right occipital bone is, where the point of the ‘religion of self’ resides. And then my forearm running up to my wrist and thumb was painful/stiff as this point of fear and lack of self-trust was making me ‘inflexible’.

So basically while I was sick I understood the point that one has to face disease and sickness from a starting point of self-direction and self-movement, where you direct the disease as yourself out of your body. But while I was sick, the belief persisted that I am being a victim of the disease, and that I am a victim of the tick and the bite – and that all I can do is be an ‘observer’ within this event and just sit back tight in my body and ‘wait it out’ so to speak. I mean, I understood what had to be done – but I just didn’t see myself capable of ‘being here as my body and directing the disease as myself’ because of the intense trust/ faith/ belief I have placed on reality as “I know it”, which is a reality of separation – and so this trust / faith / belief in separation got reflected in my attitude within ‘being sick’ where I allowed myself to separate myself from my body, the disease and even the tick to the vastest extent. Within placing trust in separation, I placed myself as the victim and was in fear most of the time, because I wasn’t taking self-responsibility within the realisation that I am the creator of all of this: I am the creator of the tick, I am the creator of the virus, I am the creator of the experience of sickness. And because I took this point of responsibility/creation for granted, I believed I was ‘powerless’ and couldn’t do anything – but that was only because that was the position I placed myself in within trusting reality “as I know it” – which is a very limited reality.

I’ve been shown countless times during my process, the simplicity of what needs to be done and the simplicity of HOW it is done. It’s so simple it blows your mind away, because your mind just can’t fathom that it’s that simple, and comes up with all different kinds of excuses and justifications why it just can’t be that simple so that we won’t ever change.

For instance, one evening a few years back the power had tripped for the entire evening / night, and then we held a session where everyone was in the lounge sitting by the fire, and all sorts of beings would come through the portal to share their story. One of them was Piet Retief and he explained how even after he was dead he was still chasing Zulus for hundreds of years in the dimensions – where he had re-created the battlefield and just re-lived that one singular event over and over and over. Or Satan came through explaining how he used to be just a system and how scared he was when it was announced that all systems were going to be deleted in the dimensions and how delighted he was when he found out that he was still here after the deletion took place – lol.

That evening I had a realisation and Bernard went “You! What did you just realise?!” – and I said “Really anything is possible / Nothing’s impossible” – and then Bernard was like “Yep, that’s right”. And it’s true, listening to all the interviews and all the various ways we’ve fucked ourselves into eternity just demonstrates how we can really do and create ANYTHING WE WANT. Yet, when I am faced with a point like directing disease as myself I’m like “uuuugh noooo, can’t do it – me weeeeaaaak – disease is too stroooooong – this ‘anything’s possible’ doesn’t apply to me”. I mean WTF!

So today the simplicity of things was shown to me again. Some hours after Bernard initially pushed my points, he came to check up on me and my shoulder, and the pain was still there. So then he says “What do you know, you know you can trust. Because right now, you are trusting the world, you are trusting the system. So what do you do? You take that trust and place it as trust in a New World – and that’s all there is too it, it’s really simple. You take your trust and place it somewhere else. Where you now trust separation you move your trust to a World of Equality that’s Best for All, it’s simplicity isn’t it” and all that he says while waving his hand around and having this nonchalant look on his face like what he just said is the most common sensical, obvious thing in the world that even a kindergartener can grasp lol.

So now it is up to me to take this point of realization into practical application, and to actually trust myself that I am able to change, and that I am able to move beyond this limited version I’ve accepted myself to be as all that I can ever be.

Living on the farm, your view on ‘what is possible’ really gets challenged, and over and over again you are reminded that we can be so much more. Yet whenever I would hear stories / insights on how particular beings faced/transcended/changed through points, I would always just go “oh woaw, that’s so amazing!... but that’s not something I see myself doing” or “oh woaw, that’s so great… But I doubt I’ll ever be able to do that” – so it’s like, I am seeing in front of my face that we can be anything and anyone we want to be, but I’ll just sit back and go “Nah, not me – I can’t do that” and just go on living life as a little fear robot.

So now I am taking this tick bite fever event as an opportunity to look at the beliefs and fears which played out and move myself into self-trust and into my physical – and prove / show to myself that I can change – just as everyone else can.


To be continued…

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• Day 94: Did You Know?
• Day 103: Passion for Economics
• Day 123: TRUE ACTIVIST UNIVERSAL GRACE
• Day 97: The Holy Spirit is IN Me
• Day 116: Re-Defining Words to Living Words
• Day 101: Cosmic Being

Day 28: Ticks and Tick Bite Fever – Part 3

When and as I hear horror stories / see scary movie scenes and react to them within fear – I stop and I breathe – I commit myself to investigate why I am allowing myself to be imprinted with fear and untangle these points within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements/Application

When and as I am faced with points of potential ‘danger’ and react within fear – I stop and I breathe – I look at what it is that I can do practically, as a common sense point of prevention as to not create any unnecessary consequence for myself, apply these points and then let go of the point of danger --- as I have seen/realised/understood/walked the point that pre-occupying oneself with fear is only worsening/limiting the situation for self and does not have any practical contribution to the problem – and so I let go, breathe and walk Here, in every moment of breath

When and as I see myself reaching for fear as a protection mechanism – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that reaching out to an experience of fear is like locking yourself up in your personal jail in the hope that nothing will happen to you / that you’re safe from the ‘outside world’ – but now within the fear of something happening, you’ve already trapped yourself – and so your own fear is really your own worst enemy – and thus I commit myself to investigate all patterns where I tend to reach for fear as a protection mechanism, write it out , let go and correct myself

When and as I see myself changing/altering my behaviour towards something or someone in my environment after having received a ‘new piece of information’ – I stop and I breathe – I see/realise/understand that I now have created a new relationship / new character in relation to the thing/being where I added my own layer/dimension– and started participating with them/it through this layer instead of participating with them actually, direct – and thus I commit myself to investigate my relationship with all beings, people, objects and remove all the illusionary layers and characters which I have created throughout my life based on memory as stored information – so I can finally allow myself to participate within this physical world for real, and let go of my own ‘personal/customized’ “version” of reality – which was never real

When and as I see myself reacting within fear when having to make a decision – I stop and I breathe – I look at all the points within common sense and make a decision within the moment – and if I find myself unable to consider all points effectively because of fear possession, I get someone else involved to cross-reference the information to make sure that I do not make stupid decisions, and in fact consider all the points/dimensions involved

I commit myself to not make my Life on Earth more unpleasant than it has to be – by committing myself to stop all Back Chat and remove all Characters which I’ve created/accumulated over the years – so I may finally be here, as this physical reality and find out how things work for real