Day 64: Holding on to Myself

This Blog is a continuation to:
Day 62: There Must be Something Wrong!
Day 63: Keeping the Wheels Turning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not experiencing anything

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having an energy experience to guide me / tell me what to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be embalmed within some form of energy experience as feeling/emotion/thought in order to ‘make sense’ of my reality without seeing and realising that within the very moment I trust feelings/thoughts/emotions to ‘make sense’ of my reality I am in fact exercising judgment within interpreting what is happening inside me and outside of me as my environment and within that thus actually ‘make something up’ instead of directly seeing how things operate/function

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here without any thoughts/feelings/emotions as that is all that I have ever known / trusted – and so I fear stepping out of comfort zone as energy and step into the unknown/undiscovered within fear of losing myself as energy as personality as ‘who I believe myself to be’ – without seeing/realising/understanding that ‘who I am’ as emotions/feelings/thoughts is merely the product/result of the accumulation of the past as memories and as such does not ‘mean’ anything or does not have any particular ‘value’ – because if my past was different my memories would have been different and as such my thoughts/feelings/emotions and so my personality/Identity as ‘who I believe myself to be’ would be completely different – and so there is no point holding on to self as identify as it is merely brought about by coincidence and is in no way absolute, stable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of identity/personality as ‘individuality’ within the belief that I will be ‘lost’ and ‘not know what to do’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within holding on to identity/personality my behaviour/actions/conduct will always be limited to serve and preserve my self-interest as the continued existence of my Character as ‘who I believe myself to be’ – and will thus never take the step/make the decision to look beyond my own limited existence as a Character and thus not move myself to change my actions/behaviour/conduct to facilitate a world/existence that is best for all

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that as long as I am here living within the starting point of preserving myself as a Character I will never stand up for what is Real – and since I have already seen that my character is simply the conglomeration of memories as past experiences which together form a body as personality which is completely random and determined by where you were born and what social/political/cultural/economic environment one was born into – it has no specific value and might as well be given up as it will never stand the test of time


When and as I see myself going into fear when seeing that I am not experiencing anything as energy as thought/feeling or emotion – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I do not require such energy to exist and that these points are merely in place to ensure my continued survival as a limited Character which will never look beyond itself – and so I commit myself stop the fear, ground myself within and as Breath, letting the fear flow out – and allow myself to look at what is actually relevant and acting accordingly instead of trusting/being dependent on energy as experience as emotions/feelings/thoughts to tell me what to do

When and as I see myself being ‘wobbly’ and ‘unstable’ within seeing that I am not experiencing anything and believing that I need to experience something to tell me what to do – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that any experience of the mind as energy as thoughts/feelings and emotions are always limited to what has been before as the past as where they originate from – and so if I allow myself to determine my direction and movement by energy as thoughts/feelings and emotions I will never grow and expand myself but only further lock/encage myself within my already limited existence as energy – and so I commit myself to let go of this fear and ground myself within and as my human physical body within breath and to trust myself to behave myself according to principle as what is Best for All Life instead of energy s what is Best for My Character only

When and as I see myself not experiencing anything in particular and believing that I must quickly find something to experience within the believe that I require experience as energy as thoughts/feelings and emotions to ‘make sense’ of my reality – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that ‘making sense’ is ‘fabricating sense’ as creating an illusion and so I commit myself to snap myself out of my fear and ground myself here within and as the physical as breath and trust COMMON SENSE as what here and does not have to be ‘made up’

When and as I see myself fearing ‘not being me anymore’ as identity/personality/character – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this ‘me’ is merely the conglomeration of memories where this identity/character/personality as ‘who I believe myself to be’ is the product/result/embodiment of and has no real value, as it is purely coincidental as if I had lived another life under different circumstances me as character would have been different, and so ‘who I am’ as ‘who I believe myself to be’ as no real value and is only here to entertain/distract myself from embracing myself as the Real Character as my Human Physical Body and so I commit myself to stop my fear within the realisation that I have valued the wrong character and ground myself within and as Breath as my Human Physical Body as the only thing about my personal existence which is Real

I commit to show that no Character is of any value which is clearly revealed/shown within all the various Portal interviews with beings from the Afterlife – where beyond the point of Death they are stripped of all Personality as ‘who they believed themselves to be’ and ‘who others believed them to be’ – and all that is left is a single voice as Principle, where no matter what being comes through the Portal the message is always the same as Equality and Oneness as What is Best for All

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Day 24: Life as a CharActor

A memory came up of when I was in high school while I was listening to the ‘Real Communication’ Life Review Interview, where at some point when I was 16-17 years old, I actually dreaded the break times in between classes, especially lunch time as it was longer, as it would mean spending my time with my classmates. I never really formed any relationships with any of my friends as I never really opened myself up or shared any intimate points or experiences with them – so ultimately all my friendships were based on talking about “stuff” as sharing our likes and dislikes as gossiping about people, talking about music, movies, fashion, etc.

Where all we did every day was re-enforce and re-confirm our own characters within ourselves, using one another’s likes and dislikes to validate that “who we are” as ‘character’ is in fact ‘real’, and the ‘right character’ to be – and all other characters who are not like our character are wrong and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as character

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as character, based on personal likes and dislikes which emerged from memories

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out other people with the same character so we can share and validate our character and experience ourselves as ‘real’ and ‘right’, so we may feel comfortable within the Lie we live – where if more than one person also lives and shares this lie, then it must actually be the truth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate other people’s likes and dislikes so they can in return validate my likes and dislikes so I can feel good about myself and delude myself that I am on the right path as the right character within this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out my personal character entourage where I can feel comforted and validated as character and forget about what really happens within this world and inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pre-occupy myself within myself and my world with getting my daily ‘likes’ where I will act out my character according to what I believe the people I like, like – so I can get my daily confirmation that everything is fine and that I do not have to change or take responsibility for anything within my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life’s about being a character and getting other characters to agree with your character and then you Die – without seeing and realising that this is an absolutely stupid way to live one’s life as if it is one big popularity contest between one’s own character and the character of others, where it’s not even about the actual being but made-up make-belief characters based on memories as likes and dislikes which after Death simply disappear into thin air and in no way contributed to making this world a Better Place of All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made life within myself about who I am as character and how to best present my character, where I will be very meticulous about how I look and what I wear, literally pulling a character suit over myself and then believing this character/suit to be “who I am”

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I was not born with the characters which I believe myself to be now – which indicate that these characters are not Who I Am, but a creation of myself as myself which I adapted, as the Lie I live within this world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever stop and have a look at the various different characters existent within me and how they developed emerged – as I would have seen that they are based on memories as energy and likes and dislikes – and not in fact real, as they shift and change and do not stand the test of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have lost myself within the various characters I created within myself – where I am so occupied about what character to be/wear now that I am completely oblivious to what goes on inside the world as the pain and suffering as consequence from a World System which is not Best for All, where half the people in the world suffer so those with money can live out and perfect their characters

I commit myself to identify all the various characters I have built around myself through which I accepted and allowed myself to live within separation – and to bring all these various characters back to myself and release myself from my own creation in separation through Self Forgiveness, Self Correction and Breath within every moment

I commit myself to investigate what characters I have accepted and allowed myself to create and participate within – to pin point the memories from which the characters emerged and let go of these memories so I can empower myself to live here in the moment instead of recycling the past

I commit myself to show how humans have currently only “lived” within and through characters as a form of entertainment where one uses those close to oneself to validate and feed the Lie one lives so one can feel comfortable enough to ignore and neglect the real hardship and abuse existent within this world as consequence of us behaving as CharActors instead of Care Takers as what’s Best for All Life

I commit myself to investigating all the various relationships and friendships I have and have had within my life and see how they contributed to my character building within myself and to let go of these relationships so I may stand as Care Taker as a responsible human being who will act within the Best Interest of All Life instead of not being able to see further than one’s own character and live a Lie in complete separation

I Have the Right to Be How I Am

When I was in primary school, maybe about 9 years old – I was walking with some friends from school towards our homes. One of the girls had started getting bullied because she gossiped a lot about pretty much everyone. She was saying something like “I can’t change who I am, I have the right to be who I am, and if anyone disagrees with how and who I am then that’s their problem”.

When she said it, everyone was just kind of silent because this was kind of a huge concept (remember, we were nine year old and we’re talking about ‘beingness’ and ‘freedom of expression’). Most of us nodded but I couldn’t help myself but think that the statement she made was just not right.

I mean, she was basically saying that, although her behaviour was harmful, no-one had the right to ask her to change because that would infringe her beingness as a whole – which is sacred.

It’s interesting to see how already from a young age, this ingrained belief exists that you cannot change and you will not change because that would simply be disrespectful. And this whole ‘I have the right to be who I am’ belief – will at any given time even prevent someone from even just attempting to change. Because if you attempt to change, well then you are admitting that there’s something “wrong” or “off” with you and that’s just too hard for the ego to handle.

Back then, I would have probably used the exact same excuse to get away with my behaviour. Instead of taking responsibility for my behaviour, simply say that “this is who I am” and asking me to “change who I am” is rude, and thus I am actually the victim of your request for me to take self-responsibility (=asking me to change).

I think this whole concept of “I am who I am and if you don’t like it then f*ck off” attitude came pretty much from all the music we listened. When I was that age we (girls) were mostly into Britney Spears, Spice Girls, Destiny’s Child etc. – and they were full of this stuff.

Even in today’s music and how relationships are portrayed in the media this point of “freedom of speech” or “freedom of expression” gets linked to one’s ‘personality’ – where one’s personality is sacred and divine no matter what and if you question or demand someone to change, you are an abuser of free speech. So all we’re doing is hiding from taking responsibility simply because we have this fucked up idea that we cannot change and we shouldn’t’ change because “we’re just right the way we are”. But if you have a look at the playouts in this world, the policies and rules that we implement = it is quite obvious that “who we are” and “how we behave” is NOT okay.

What Desteni and the Desteni message is trying to do, is to show that how we’ve created this world is not okay and that we have the power to change and make a difference. By changing ourselves and by changing the world – one step at a time. To deny yourself change, is to deny responsibility.

For more on changing yourself visit the Desteni Website
For more in changing the world visit the Equal Money Website