I forgive myself that I have
accepted
and allowed myself to when I was
sick, set myself up as the ‘observer’
within my body – where I experienced myself as merely ‘observing’ all
these things ‘happening to me’ within my body – without for a moment
stopping and realising that I am my body and so things can’t just happen
‘to me’ without me being part of its creation/development and direction
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would experience things moving / have
pain
within my body – have gone into a mode of ‘Waaaooaah, what’s happening
to me!?’ and just sit there being startled without for a moment
seeing
/ realising that I am my body and that I can, as my body simply check
what’s going on and assist myself as my body in moving / re-aligning
myself to a point of optimum functioning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have
separated myself from my human physical body to such an extent, where I
will ‘look’ at what it is that I am experiencing from an ‘outsider’
point of view- and for instance ‘look at my tummy’ when it is
sore/nauseous, as if it is something ‘out there’ – without seeing /
realising that I AM my tummy – and so there’s no point to just ‘sit
there’ and ‘look’ at what is going on as a statement of separation, but
instead realise that I am my tummy and I am the experience of
pain/nausea – and so
I can direct myself as my tummy as the nausea/pain
Equal and One and correct / assist myself in moving through whatever is
going on within and as myself
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sick and
feeling
unwell, have ‘stepped back’ into and has my mind’s chambers where I
would just ‘sit’ there and ‘wait’ for my body and the medicine to do
whatever – where I completely separated myself from the disease, the
medicine and my body within the belief that ‘I am a victim’, ‘I am
powerless’, ‘I am weak’, ‘I can’t do anything but wait it out’ – without
seeing and realising that I am in fact my body, the disease and the
medicine and can thus direct all these points as myself Equal and One
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created
the habit of whenever I would experience something such as illness,
pain, nausea – have gone into a reactive mode of ‘Woah, what’s happening
to me??!!’ – where I immediately would go into fear of not
understanding what is going on and freak out / cry /worry – without
seeing and realising that I can only experience things as ‘happening to
me’ and ‘not understanding what’s happening to me’ when I am in a
complete state of separation in relation to my body – where I merely
take in a little compartment in my mind, being completely oblivious to
my human physical body, its
processes and how it functions – so that when I am in pain or something is ‘off’ – I go into complete fear/
anxiety/stress
because I am suddenly reminded of this ‘human body’ I have, and freak
out because I’ve never allowed myself to get to know myself as my human
physical body within the belief that
who I am
is limited to my mind – and so I am confused and distressed as I don’t
know what to do with this experience as I haven’t considered that I am
my body and can thus I can simply be here as my body and check out
what’s happening and accordingly assist and support myself in
re-aligning my body to well-functioning
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I would
experience things such as pain/nausea/disease go into a state of panic
and distress as I believe that ‘I do not know what’s going on’ and ‘I
don’t know what to do about this’ – and then within this fear reach out
to other people such as my parents/
teachers,
where I will go to them and ask for feedback on what’s happening to me –
wherein they also react into fear and distress as they don’t know what
to do either– and where they will go and get me to a
doctor
to tell us ‘what is going on’ because we’ve accepted and allowed
ourselves to separate ourselves from our bodies to such an extent that
we believe that we can’t tell ‘what’s going on’ and that we need someone
who’s learnt about the human body from books to tell us what is going
on and give us medicine to “fix us” where the medicine will take care of
the symptoms so that we do not have to experience pain/nausea/sickness
and get back to a point where we can once again be completely unaware of
our bodies
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel
physically unwell, trust doctors and other so called ‘medical
authorities’ to tell me what is wrong and tell me what to do – without
seeing and realising that these people know as much as I do – because
they too have separated themselves from their bodies as they have gone
and studied the body ‘from books’ and never investigated / studied their
own bodies from the starting point that they are their bodies and can
thus see / realise / understand how the body works and functions from
this Equal and One starting point – but since they, just as me, have
separated themselves from their bodies – they only have limited
knowledge on how the body works and this knowledge can only ever be
within the form of ‘interpretation’ as all studies done in relation to
the body have always been done from the starting point of separation and
observation - and never from a starting point of Physical Oneness and
Equality
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be satisfied
with the way we currently treat our bodies within the context of
disease – where I will feel unwell and go to a doctor who then gives a
label to what it is that I am experiencing and gives me some medicine to
feel well once again – without ever finding out how the dis-ease was
created in the first place and what I can do about it so that it doesn’t
happen again and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to only care about my wellbeing as the mind as
happiness
wherein I do not want this physical body of mine to be in pain / be
unwell because then I am not able to be peaceful in my mind as my body
is constantly reminding me that something is wrong and that it requires
attention but I don’t want to look at it, as all I want to do is be
happy and so I will do whatever it takes to make myself feel ‘normal’
again so I can continue to live in my mind undisturbed and uninterrupted
by my body’s existence
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see disease /
pain / nausea as a disturbance and just ‘want to get rid of it’ –
instead of seeing / realising / understanding that my body is trying to
give me a
message
going “HEEEELLLOOOOOOOOOO, anyone there??? Something’s up in your
boooodyyy! Better check it ooooout” – but where I’ll just want to go
SHHHT!! Because now I feel unwell and I can’t focus on the things I want
to focus on as the things that apparently ‘matter’ in life as Mind
Entertainment, where I can no longer entertain myself undisturbed within
my mind as
thoughts/fantasies/back
chat because there’s this body nagging me which is constantly drawing
attention away from my mind to the body and I want to be in my mind not
my body and so I’ll go and look for a ‘quick fix’ as meds and
painkillers to make the body shut the
hell
up so I can continue “living my life” – and so just suppress the Human
Physical Body into silence, without ever investigating what was causing
the discomfort in the first place
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined
my human physical body as a ‘nuisance’ – instead of seeing / realising
that it is actually all in reverse and that it is the Mind which is the
actual nuisance as I am living in constant fear but will deny this and
patch up my fear experience by holding on / looking only at the ‘good
things’ in life as
hopes and
dreams and will not for a moment
question
my limited reality as the Mind in the belief that it is ‘so much more’
than my human physical body without ever having actually investigated my
human physical body and what it means to be here as my human physical
body – because if I would have I would not be here protecting and
defending my mind as ‘the greatest thing ever’ as it is the one thing
keeping me confined in the limited space in my head – while my human
body is part of the physical and is everywhere, showing me that the
physical is actually superior to the mind
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see /
realise that we are taught from an early age that what’s important is
the Mind as the Pursuit of Happiness where we are told it is good to
dream and to
hope
and that we should get out of Life whatever it is we want – without
having been taught any consideration for our physical reality and within
doing so we’ve manifested a world where beings go and chase their
dreams and hopes and believe that they have the right to get out of life
whatever it is they want because apparently they are ‘special’ as that
is what our parents have told us, and that we ‘deserve the good things
in life’ – while in the meantime within not giving attention to the
physical reality we’ve manifested a world where half the population
lives a life of misery within physical deprivation and we don’t care
because we’re special and we have the right to have the ‘good life’ –
too bad it didn’t work out for all those poor people
suffering and
starving
but my mommy told me I am special and that I deserve the best, I’m not
going to bother giving attention to you and your miserable existence
because it makes me feel bad inside and I don’t want to feel bad, I want
to feel good so I’m just gonna go ahead and ignore all you people
living a life that I wouldn’t want to live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that
my mind is real and that my body is a nuisance without seeing /
realising that without my body
I am just a thought, and that at death my
body will still be here and return to the Earth while who I am as the
Mind will simply be deleted, removed – gone without its exit making any
impact on the World because the Mind is not Physical and only the
Physical can make an impact within a Physical Reality
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that a little tick is more powerful than a
single
thought because it has an actual impact on this physical reality while
all my Mind as thoughts can do is ramble about in my head without making
any difference to the world at all
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and
realise that what is of importance is not the mind – but my physical
body – as it is through my body that I am here on Earth ‘living my life’
and if it were not for my body I would not be here right now and within
that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have
taken my human physical body for granted completely within not seeing /
realising that I am completely dependent on my human physical body and
its well-functioning for my existence and presence here on Earth – as I
can be here on Earth without mind but I cannot be Here on Earth without a
body
When and as I see myself going into an ‘observer’ mode upon noticing
something being ‘off’ within the context of my human physically body – I
stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am powerless as an
observer as I can only observe – and thus I move myself into and as my
body as
physical awareness and check out what it that is ‘off’ within my
body – and accordingly assist and support my body within re-aligning
myself as my body to a point of well-functioning
When and as I see myself going into fear as ‘What’s Happening to Me?!’
upon seeing / noticing something being ‘off’ within the context of my
human physical body – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am
in fear
/ distress because I do not understand what is going on and start
making assumptions – instead I realise that I am my human physical body
and am thus perfectly able to understand what is going if I stand here
One and Equal as myself as my human physical body and check what is
going on – and within checking what is going on I can direct myself to
correct / assist myself within re-aligning myself to get myself as my
body to a point of well-functioning
When and as I see myself going into a state of self-victimization in
relation to my body as ‘I am weak’, ‘I am powerless’, ‘I am a victim’ – I
stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the one placing myself
into the position of
powerlessness/victimization
within separating myself from my human physical body and within this
separation keep myself from being the self-directive principle – and
thus I embrace myself as my human physical body and take
self-responsibility for myself and allow myself to unconditionally check
out / investigate my human physical body and what it is experiencing
and within that assist myself in correcting the point which requires
re-alignment
I commit myself to get to know my human physical body for the first
time, to spend
time
with myself as my human physical body to actually find out how I
operate as my body, how I experience myself as my body – and within
doing so for the first time allow myself to develop an intimate
relationship with myself as my human physical body
When and as I see myself wanting to reach for ‘external’ points /
sources to tell me what to do / what is going on with myself – I stop
and I breathe – I see and realise that within this I am only further
separating myself from my human physical body within wanting someone
else to tell me what I am experiencing while I am perfectly able to see /
identify what it is what I am experiencing because
I am my body and I
am my experience – I just haven’t allowed myself to see /realise it
I commit myself to show that we’ve never really ‘understood’ the human
physical body and its biological processes/functionings as we’ve only
ever studied/observed the human physical body from the starting point of
separation as the ‘observers’ – where we’ve never allowed ourselves to
develop an intimate relationship with and as ourselves as our human
physical bodies – which implies that all information/knowledge available
on the human physical body is within the form of interpretation as
we’ve never cared to find out first-hand what is real and what is not
When and as I experience physical discomfort and go into a state of
‘What can I do to get rid of this’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and
realise that this thought is indicating to me that I am not
here as breath as my human physical body – but ‘out there’ in my mind not
wanting to be disturbed by Reality, only wanting to tend to the physical
discomfort so I can go back being interrupted within my Mind Reality –
and so I bring myself here within and as Breath, move myself back into
and as my body and
re-organize my values and priorities as this incident
is indicating to me that I am still holding on to the mind over matter –
and within that I commit myself to investigate within self-honest
self-reflection what it is that I am still holding on to and forgive
myself
When and as I see myself making the association that my human physical
body is a ‘nuisance’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I
am being within the Mind within not wanting to tend to my physical body –
because if I am here as my body I am no longer in the Mind which me as
the Mind does not want because then it doesn’t get fed anymore – and so I
commit myself to
stick to Breath and do not accept and allow these
‘scare tactics’ of myself as the mind in keeping myself from what is
Real as this Physical Reality because that’s the only place where I have
power / am empowered – which is something my mind doesn’t want, and so
it is really my mind which is the real nuisance and
parasite which makes we want to believe that I can’t do without it
When and as I see myself going into a point of distraction of moving
myself physically and applying myself in a way which will have a real
physical impact within
changing our current reality of Abuse to one that is
Best for All
-- I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am acting within
self-interest and the belief that ‘I should be able to do what I want’
and ‘I should get the best out of life’ which is an attitude I’ve
adopted within
childhood
as parents teach us that we are special which implies that others are
‘less’ – and so I stop participating within the distraction and remind
myself of what is Real and what is of Importance and move myself back
into and as my body as a physical statement of what really matters, and
within that move myself to apply myself in a way that feeds What is Best
for All and All Physical Bodies / Parts of Existence -- instead of only
feeding what’s Best for my Limited Ego as the Mind within selfishness
I commit myself to show within my
Journey to Life that what matters is
this Physical Reality as we can see that what lasts is this Physical
Reality, while the Mind can be deleted just like that – and does not
contribute in any way to manifesting a World that is
Best for All as the
Mind only cares about itself at the expense of others
I commit myself to show that the little things we take for granted such
as plants, bugs,
animals, nature – have more impact on Reality than our
Minds and as such we should seriously re-assess our values and beliefs
as they based within delusion
I commit myself to tend and take care of myself as my human physical
body, to be here within and as breath and for the first time allow
myself to feel what it is like to walk, to pick things up, to
write,
to type, to eat, to drink – as I’ve only ever done all these physical
actions from an automated mind perspective – and within that I am
grateful to the tick to show me that I have never been here as my body
and commit myself to use this opportunity of physical recovery to adjust
myself and my
behaviour within the Physical to one that is Real
I commit myself to be a student of Life through listening to the
EQAFE interviews and reading the Blogs / material published by
Desteni
such as
Heaven’s Journey to Life,
Creation’s Journey to Life and
Earth’s Journey to Life – as they in detail explain the processes of the
Mind and Body and so assist myself within understanding myself and my
Mind / Body processes so I can re-align myself from a Limited Mind
Reality to a Shared Physical Existence and change my Self-Interested
nature to one that cares about Other’s as Self and cares to manifest a
World which is Best for All – as I understand that I do not yet have all
the tools/information within walking my
Process and require others to
assist me in seeing / realising the extent of Self-Deception I’ve
accepted and allowed myself to Be and Live as
In Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions I mentioned how at some point my family started getting suspicious of my eating behaviour and how skinny I started looking.
