Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Saturday, 31 October 2020

Day 237: Torn


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the inevitable 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and deny the call for change - both internally and externally 


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that things need to change, that there is no such thing as retaining and maintaining the status quo - because the status quo is part of a dynamic movement which is a downward spiral - and to 'keep things as is' is to keep the downward spiral in place - where even though everything 'seems alright' and there's no 'apparent need for change' - it's only because of the current position I am in within the trend, like a boat on a river that is doing fine, even though the pace of the river is ever so slightly speeding up, hinting at an eventual massive waterfall. BUT because the waterfall is not yet here, it's not yet in sight - I tell myself that everything is okay, that I can ignore the changes that are hinting and indicating the inevitable. Within this placing myself in a position of friction - where I can see, but pretend to not see, want to ‘unsee’ and every moment I act in denial of the changes taking place, the friction, the inner conflict builds


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the old, the familiar, the known - while at the same time seeing that holding on to the old, the familiar and the known is to my detriment -- being torn between the pain of changing and the pain of the consequences of remaining the same


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in letting go of the old, to change and adapt - that I would rather ‘go down with the ship’ than changing course and direction while I still can - even if the outcome of that is unknown -- the going down of the ship is known


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for consequences to manifest, to wait for a point where there is a certain level of ‘too lateness’ yet have a definitive conclusion that ‘this wasn’t the way to go’ - to only then change, by force, through circumstance, instead of me having directed me when there was still more ‘playroom’ and more options available


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that for me to take action and act on the changes of the currents, that I need to be perfectly clear inside myself, instead of seeing and realizing that I need to move and act despite the inner challenges and struggles, that the inner challenges and struggles are part of the process, part of the change, part of the ‘growing pains’


Within this, I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be kind and considerate towards myself and the rifts and ripples I go through and yet to not allow these rifts and ripples to stop me from moving forward


Saturday, 16 February 2013

Day 182: A New Angle on Anger: Re-Defining Anger

I’ve written on Anger in the following posts:



Old Definition:

I’ve lived anger / being angry in my life as merely an experience of displeasure within a framework of ‘justice’ – where I perceived some wrongdoing to have been done and get angry.



Dictionary Definition:

 an·ger                  [ang-ger]            
noun

1.            a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.
2.            Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.
3.            Obsolete . grief; trouble.
verb (used with object)
4.            to arouse anger or wrath in.
5.            Chiefly British Dialect . to cause to smart; inflame.

Playing with the Sound of the word:


Anger
Angle
Anchor
Angry
Angree
And Grieve
End Grief
And Give

Re-Defining Anger:

Looking at the construct of Anger I see there can be two Angles to see/live the word by, where in the one Angle of Anger one is Anchored by a point of Grievance where there is no space for mobility, no flexibility – just being stuck within a point of Grievance. Herein is also a form of Passivity because one is just Angry but there is no movement done to do anything about the Grievance. This is then an expression of Blame and Disempowering – where the more you participate within this form of Anger the deeper the Hooks of the Anchor dig themselves in keeping one stuck -- this is where Anger becomes dAnger when one is not a chAnger.

The second Angle of Anger I was looking at was from a starting point of Support –where Anger can be a point that Anchors you, keeps you from ‘floating away’ and Grounds one within Reminding what needs to Give in order to End All Grief. This is then an Active form of Anger and Self-Empowering as one places self as a chAnger. 
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Friday, 8 February 2013

Day 178: Fail-You-Are - Redefining Failure

Currently the world failure for me is a point of “I fucked up”, “I can’t do this – I am done with” -- where I made a mistake and now I am defined by this point to the extent of it having become an ‘inability’ of mine.

So let’s look at the sounding of the word ‘Failure’

Fail Ure

Fail You Are

Fear Lure

Fa I ll - I in Fall


Within this it is clear that Failure holds an energetic charge of ‘taking things personally’ – where if I fall – I am defined by that fall and within doing so the fall becomes a fail and I am a Failure.

Failure and Fail also come from the Latin word ‘Fallere’ which can also be interpreted as ‘to deceive’. What I see within this is that when I take on the point of ‘I am a Failure’ – it’s also a point of self-deception as self-sabotage – where if I make myself the failure then ‘all is lost’ and there is nothing more for me to do. So it’s in essence an abdication of Self-Responsibility – Because if I Fall and I don’t put myself / I into the fall where it becomes a ‘Fa I l’ – then I am able to just observe what happened, see where things went wrong and correct myself. But if I am the Failure, then I integrate the Fall into myself as a Failure and then that’s the end of the story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take falling personal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I fall submerge myself in an energetic experience of failure as self-defeatism where I allow the point of falling to become a burden I carry as an extension of myself and where I accept and allow myself to define myself as this point of falling within experiencing myself as a failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when I fall and turn it into a fail wherein I make the point in which I fell as something which is final and within that do not give myself the time and space to correct myself and change within learning from my fall

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that participating within failing and failure is a form of self-deception as self-sabotage where one deliberately give up on self in order to forgo the alternative of taking responsibility for the fall and in fact changing/correcting within learning from the fall as a point of self-empowerment

When and as I see myself participate within an energetic experience of failure and think thoughts in the likes of “I am such a failure” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am sabotaging myself within denying myself the opportunity to learn and change and rather wanting to give up - and so I commit myself to investigate my starting point within myself , towards myself and whether I am really actually engaged in Real Self-Change or whether I am just screwing around and within that I commit myself to breathe , ground myself within and as my physical body and learn from the fall in humbleness and take it into a practical walk of change/correction within seeing and realising where things were in misalignment and how I can do things differently to specify my self-application

So a new definition for Failure could be:

When one has fallen and defined oneself according to the fall within taking the point personal. Within doing so one has given one’s power away within holding on to the point within which one has fallen instead of taking self-responsibility and learning from the mistake and utilising the fall as an opportunity to correct and change

So now whenever the point of Failure pops up in my reality I know what I am participating within and can re-align/correct myself out of my mindfuck :-)

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Sunday, 11 November 2012

Day 107: Showing my True Colours

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 106: Regret 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear upon seeing the pups in the box, where I saw that it was not cool that these pups are here in a box with no food, no water – and that this situation obviously requires direction, where upon looking at what to do next and how things might possibly play out – I went into fear of what my parents will say about me taking the pups home to show them and see what we can do for them and feared it being a problem on the train where I didn’t want to get into trouble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have gone into a point of stuckness when seeing that the train and my parents could be a possible problem/obstacle – where I looked at the intensity of the fear and the intensity of wanting to help the pups – and then decided that the fear had ‘more weight’ than me wanting to help the pups, and so I decided to walk away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself, to when I was looking at how to ‘take it from here’, have reacted to the possible point of the train and my parents being a problem – where I reacted to the person who checks the people on the train as being ‘authoritative’, and my parents as being ‘authoritative’ where their decision is the ‘final one’ where I did not trust myself to give a common sensical explanation to either one of them and then based on that decided for myself that it was ‘not worth it’ and ‘I shouldn’t bother’ because I did not want to place myself in a position faced with authority figures and ‘going against them’ and not being confident

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have decided that it was not worth for me to walk through and face my fears in order to be certain that the pups had been given direction and went to a safe place – where instead I decided to hold on to fear as self-limitation and walk away from the pups, walk away from the certainty that they will be okay

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have within that moment have chosen self-interest as holding on to fear as fear of self-change – where I did not want to move out of my comfort zone for the sake of others' wellbeing, but instead chose to not change, and take the chance of the pups being worse off than what they already were

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attempted to sooth the shame within, where I would ‘build my case’ inside myself as thoughts/backchat, where I would think things like “Someone else will probably find them and take care of them”, so that I could justify my decision of walking away and distracting myself from the point of not wanting to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only afterwards change my mind, where I was feeling bad and based on the ‘feeling bad’ decided that I should check up on them – where I went to check where they had previously been and they were gone – where I first went “Oh shit” but then told myself, “Naaah, you see, someone took care of them, they’ll be alright” – while I actually did not have a clue what happened but just gave myself the answer that would make me feel the best about myself and make me forget about the event all together – where everything was seemingly ‘okay’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the fear of facing authority override common sense practicality and care – where I rather jeopardized the lives of other rather than having to face myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within that moment, my true face was shown – where I cared more about fear and maintaining self-limitation than Life


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Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Day 75: What do I feel like doing? – Part 3

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 61:  Self-Disappointment
Day 73: What do I feel like doing?
Day 74: What do I feel like doing? – Part 2


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with headaches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in an ‘out of service’ mode whenever I experience a headache, where I want to just ‘sleep it off’ without moving myself to actually move the headache out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot deal with a headache, where I rather go and “shut myself off” as in sleeping where I expect my body to take care of things while I’m MIA

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create headaches and then expect these headaches to take care of themselves without me practically moving them

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have considered a headache as being a particular experience that one can work and move through just like any other experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to differentiate between modes and headaches because I believe headaches to be more ‘real’ in terms of their intensity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I feel unwell whether it is my tummy, headache or nausea – to immediately go into the point of “maybe I should rest” – instead of pushing myself to be here as my human physical body and assist myself in pushing the discomfort out and investigating the nature/origin of the discomfort

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when faced with ‘negative experiences’ such as headache, nausea, pain – go into a mode of avoidance as in ‘how can I most quickly get rid of this’ instead of considering the practical support within the experience and seeing how I can use this point in assisting and supporting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I experience any discomfort such as pain, nausea or headache – that this means that I am unable to operate – even though I have disproven this to myself many times where during for instance period pains I am able to successfully move through the pain within exercising my body

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to trust myself to be able to move through discomfort as pain, nausea and headaches

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed myself – where I was presented with the perfect opportunity to move through the point of not basing my decision on ‘how I feel’ or ‘how I experience myself’ – but instead allowed myself to take the bait and once again end up within self-disappointment


When and as I see myself go into the belief of “I am unable to deal with headaches” when experiencing a headache – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I have disproven this point for myself and that there is no point to hold on to this limitation and so I commit myself to push through the pain/discomfort

When and as I see myself wanting to place myself in an ‘out of service’-mode when faced with a headache/pain/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I do not have to submit to my experience since I am the cause/origin/creator of the experience and thus I commit myself to move myself as human physical body to sort my experience out and to investigate/trace the origin point back within myself and work through it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself wanting to just “shut myself off” when being faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/headache/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am trying to reach for a ‘quick fix’ as an ‘easy way out’ where I do not want to bother to do the effort of actually moving myself through the pain/discomfort and simply expect my body to do all the work while I am MIA so I commit myself to push/move through the pain and discomfort and to not allow myself to cut myself off from reality because my experience has changed

When and as I see myself looking at a headache and saying to myself that “this is different” and that in this case I can allow myself to “back out” – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that a headache is still an experience and so I commit myself to investigate the experience and support myself through the pain with additional support of necessary but do not accept and allow myself to simply ‘back out’ and expect things to take care of itself

When and as I see myself thinking “maybe I should rest/nap” when faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/nausea/headache – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is one of the ways where I will allow myself to ‘back out’ for a moment as self-sabotage/self-manipulation within my application as a ‘back door’ as one of those moments where I am allowed to ‘excuse myself’ because apparently I am going through an “extenuating circumstance” – and so I commit myself do diffuse my excuse as the pain/discomfort/nausea and ground myself within and as my human physically body within and as breath and move the experience as me and sort the point out within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself go into the belief of “I am unable to operate” when faced with an experience of discomfort such as pain/headache/nausea – I stop and I breathe – I remind myself of the times where I have effectively moved through pain/discomfort and commit myself to simply do it again

I commit myself to stop failing myself and stand as a person that I can be satisfied with within the principle of what is Best for All Life
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Monday, 20 August 2012

Day 36: Self as Creator

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am unable to direct disease as myself – or that at the least it is something for ‘later in my process

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see / realise / understand that if I am the creator of the tick, the virus and the experience of the disease – that I am equally able to direct the disease as myself since all of these variables / factors were me already in the first place –I just can’t remember creating it thanks to this fantastic thing I / we created where we forget all and everything at the point of ‘death’ and ‘birth’ and cycles of karma which we created deliberately to remove ourselves from ever taking self-responsibility within ‘not remembering’ what we’ve done

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that ‘directing a disease as myself’ is not at all impossible within the realisation that I am in fact the creator of and everything and at the same time am part of creation within the realisation that we are all One as Substance and are all made from the same matter as this Physical Reality we all share

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated myself from the tick that bit me and all ticks in existence within believing that “I was the victim of a tick” – instead of seeing and realising that the tick(s) is just another part of me as substance manifested in a different form but is still me in fact within the context of Physical Oneness an Equality

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that anything in this world can only ever exist as a reflection of our nature – and so I cannot blame the tick for becoming sick as the tick is merely an external manifestation of what is already existent here within and as me as my very beingness and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame a tick for my experience within the attempt of not having to face my true parasitic nature which is merely revealed through the externalized manifestation of ticks and other parasites

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe / trust that it is impossible for me to direct disease as myself and that it is impossible for me to change – without seeing and realising that this is just another excuse / justification for not taking self-responsibility -- because if I acknowledge that self-change and self-trust is possible within the realisation that I am here as everything in fact – then this will mean that I will have to take responsibility for everything that is here as me in fact and get my ass in gear – which is something I’ve defined as scary and unwanted within myself and believe that I rather take only limited self-responsibility as the limited reality which is confined within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is completely possible to redirect my trust – where I am able to simply unconditionally redirect my trust of ‘not being able to change’ to ‘I am able to change’ -- and within that statement – change

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to have taken the realisation of ‘ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE’ and pull it through into practical application within every moment and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to beliefs of self-limitation within the religion of myself in the face of the countless times I have been shown and seen for myself that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

When and as I see myself going into an attitude of disbelief, where I do not trust myself to be able to change / direct myself as disease – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the creator of the disease as I am the creator of everything and part of creation as everything – and within the realisation that I am Equal and One with this physical reality within the sharing of Substance I commit myself to trust myself and move myself as disease within the understanding that the disease and my human physical body is me in fact

When and as I see myself postponing walking through a point – within the belief that ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘it’s something for later in my process’ and ‘not now / not yet’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that there’s no point ‘postponing’ to walk through a point if the point is right here – the point is RIGHT HERE – and not LATER, so I embrace the point and walk the point unconditionally in self-trust and let go of all beliefs of self-limitation

I commit myself to remind myself and everyone else that we are in fact the creators of everything and are able to direct creation as ourselves in every possible way – and the only reason I / we are not able to do so is because we have not yet embraced self-responsibility within the realisation that we are One within this Physical Reality as Substance and have allowed ourselves to remain stuck in fragmented limited realities of ourselves as we believe that the only thing which is real is the Mind which for some reason we think is this *amazing* thing, while it’s the most limited thing existence

When and as I see myself looking at something as it being ‘out there’ and ‘separate’ from me – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that everything in existence is and has always only been an extension and reflection of ourselves so we can never really ‘observe’ or ‘behold’ anything which is not ME / US – and within that I commit myself to deconstruct and remove all the layers of separation as beliefs of ‘me and them’ and ‘me against the world’ as all I can ever be faced with is myself and so I commit myself to walk the process of the elimination of Self as the Mind as this is the most limited reality / version one can live in and as and I commit myself toembrace/amalgamate/integrate myself into and as the physical and explore what is possible FOR REAL

When and as I see myself blaming another for an experience I have within myself such as disease – I stop and I breathe – I remind myself that I am the creator of my experience and am perfectly able to direct the experience/disease as myself Equal and One

I commit myself to show that we cannot blame and point fingers at one another as everything and everyone are different parts of ourselves manifested in different externalized forms – but all are me / us in fact and so whenever we point fingers we are really just pointing fingers at ourselves, and so there is no point pointing fingers but to take self-responsibility as creators and move ourselves Equal and One towards what is Best for All so All Parts of ourselves in and as this Physical Reality can be taken Care of Equally within Dignity

When and as I see myself accessing and playing out the belief that ‘I can’t do this’, ‘it’s impossible’, ‘I can’t change’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this is just another of my ‘tricks’ to not take self-responsibility and see/realise/understand that I am perfectly able to change – and so I move my trust of ‘not being able to change’ to trusting myself as change and I change in fact

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that taking responsibility for everything which is here as myself which is this Physical Reality in its entirety is ‘scary’ and ‘unwanted’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the only way Self-Responsibility can be Real if it is Self-Responsibility IN FACT, and this can only happen when everything in its totality is included within this point of Self-Responsibility and anything less is not real Self-Responsibility as one has not accepted and embraced All Parts of Self as Everything and Everyone in this Physical Reality and so there is really only one type of Self-Responsibility and this Self-Responsibility is All Encompassing

When and as I see myself accessing the belief that I am unable to take Self-Responsibility as All Parts of Myself in and as this Physical Reality – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that the scope may change but the Principle remains the same – and as such, nothing much changes and my application will be one and the same as acting within the Principle of what is Best for All within Self-Honesty and transforming this World and thus our Nature to one that is Best for All, so that All Parts of Myself are may be Equal and Equally taken care of

I commit myself to show that since we can trust we can trust whatever it is we want – and whatever we trust will be – and as such why not move our Trust in Separation and Inhumanity to Trust in Equality and Humanity as what is Best for All Life and Manifest / Create a World of Equality At Last

I commit myself to remind myself and others that we are in fact the creators of everything and everyone as we are of the same source as Physical Substance and show that we are able to create anything and move reality into any direction we want – and within that I commit myself to direct this reality as myself to one of Oneness and Equality where All Parts of Reality/Creation are taken care of Equally and Responsibly
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