Practical Agreement: Body Support

One of the things that I’ve enjoyed tremendously (and am still enjoying) from the start of my agreement are body massages – mmm!

It first started when Gian and I were sitting in the lounge by the fire and Bernard still has his desk and pc right next to the fire place. As we were sitting there Bernard told us to hold hands and feel the touch – “Isn’t that so nice?” he said. That it was lol.

We’d then start with just holding hands while sitting in the lounge listening to beings in the Portal telling their story or Bernard doing an interview.We would use the physical touch through the hands as a point of support to remain ‘here’ and not go off into the mind as thoughts.

Later we then moved from playing and massaging the hand to the arm, back etc until we were comfortable to start massaging the whole body.

First we went through a phase of “Resistance”. We’d be doing a massaging session and I would be uncomfortable with Gian massaging me on certain spots and sometimes just burst out into laughter because some spots were just soooo ticklish! This was cool to identify what judgments, feelings/emotions, and value points one has given to certain areas of the body. During the massage you can simply ‘breathe’ through the experience and just take note of any thoughts / points that pop up in relation to the body parts / areas. As you breathe it is like a wave washing away the ideas and beliefs attached to those points – like a cleansing. Then, later, you can write down the points as thoughts / judgments / emotions and apply Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements on all the points.

Then we went through a ‘Pain’ phase – where we’d specifically massage parts that were painful or tight. You’ll find that when someone points out to you that they are aching in a particular spot and you gently feel the area with your fingers/hands – that there will be like a hard type of ‘clump’ somewhere in the flesh. These are crystals that are manifested overtime through compression and accumulation. We will then massage the spot with the crystal until it becomes smaller and smaller (and asking the other to breathe through the pain) and move it out of the body. If you do massaging often you will become very quickly acquainted to the typical “problem areas” and find these crystals fairly easy. I also sometimes use my partner’s skin condition as guideline / map of what to be on the lookout for. If he for instance has a bunch of pimples emerging in one particular ‘isolated’ area – then I will go and investigate with my hands. Many times the muscle and skin will be very tight there and would indicate some anger issues having planted themselves into the flesh.

If one is able to identify the point in relation to which the crystal manifested, you can apply Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements. You can identify it through it simply popping up right there in the moment, like you just “know” that that’s the point. If you have been participating within the Desteni I Process and are familiar wit Muscle Communication, then you can use this as a tool to pinpoint the exact issue. At some point we had many printouts of a page with the outline of a body on it and space for writing. We’d then make a little dot on the spot where pain or discomfort was experienced to use Muscle Communication to identify the exact point.
You can also run a little search in Veno’s Structural Resonance to give yourself context in relation to the point. You can also lay Osho Tarot Cards if you have these available to yourself or flip through Louise Hay’s “You Can Heal your Body” book – so lots of options.

Then we went through a phase of “In the moment Self-Forgiveness”. One of us would be giving a massage to the other and the one receiving the massage would apply Self-Forgiveness on any and all points that would come up in the moment until all was clear. Oh, massages are also great to bring up any suppressed points. Your body holds and stores everything has memory within itself. By stimulating the physical through massaging these points can open up and can then be faced – so if your partner is crying, it might not be your awful massaging techniques ;).

What else…

Blind Massaging! One of the many benefits of having so many visitors coming over from overseas is those eye cover thingies that you get in the plane. We would use these to blindfold ourselves and do massages with touch as the only point of stimulation for the senses. This can be a really cool experience. If you breathe and massage for long enough you will find that at one point you cannot distinguish your own body from your partner’s and it feels like you are just one, merged body. You can do this without blindfolds as well but the blindfolding has a way of intensifying touch more easily. You can obviously also move on to doing other things with you blindfolds :P.

Massages in a Jacuzzi or a nice hot bath with salt and vinegar can be quite pleasant as well. The warm water helps with relaxing the body and allow your fingers to really “get in there” – watch that your partner doesn’t fall asleep (group massages can also be done in Jacuzzi, in the end you don’t know whose foot your holding or who is holding yours lol).

So here some points that one can play with explore in an agreement or just with a good friend. Beware though of getting yourself involved into any sort of sexual vibes when you first start of with massaging (especially if you are not massaging your partner). Take note of the trigger and the program playing out but breathe through it and do not allow yourself to participate within it and create a mind fuck. Practice touch being just that = touch – no matter where it is on the body, all areas equal.

Play with different hand movements like stroking, squeezing, rubbing, tapping, etc. We also use oil on the body to assist with the easy flow of the hands on the body so you can play with that too, using oil or no oil. When you are receiving a massage, take note of what you enjoy and apply this to your partner as well.
The more you practice the better you’ll get.

Massage all parts equally. Whether you are only giving a quick back rub or a full body massage – make sure you give both sides of the body equal attention with your touch. It is not very nice to be left at the end of a session with one or more body parts screaming for more attention lol.

It might also be a good idea to drink a nice cup of water after a session. A lot of toxins will try to find their way out of the body and if you are not sufficiently hydrated to assist your body with this process, then you might find yourself  with quite an unpleasant head ache.

Enjoy!

Technorati Tags: massage,relationships,agreement,support,physical,body,basic,guide,diy,dip,relax,pain,breathe,enjoy,soothing,desteniiprocess,equal money,desteni

Arguments within Agreements

The first year that I was in an Agreement with Gian, our Agreement revolved around one thing: Self-Forgiveness. Most of our discussion ended up in misunderstanding, disagreements and fights.
When we’d both cool down and look at each person’s “side of the story” – we could see where the other was coming from and “where it all went wrong”. It’s amazing how assumptions, opinions and ideas can create this whole “alternate universe” right then and there as your having a conversation with your partner – and your partner is also participating in his or her own “alternate universe” and none of the two are actually participating in the only universe that matters, the physical one right here.
So the first year (more year and a half) – we applied Self-Forgiveness, a lot of it. This was exactly because of these ‘alternate realties’ we’d create inside ourselves and then project unto the other person. Only after we went through this phase – the deconstruction phase – we were able to actually start communicating and hearing each other. And the Self-Forgiveness we did, was never about the other person – we’d simply each time take the point back to ourselves, apply Self-Forgiveness and then that’s that.

In the beginning we were very easily tempted to “point out each other’s dishonesties” and to “stand up” (well play out an ‘idea’ of what it means to “stand up”) but then all we’d do was point fingers at each other, get angry / hurt and not get one foot further. See, in the initial stage of an Agreement, there’s just no way that you can immediately effectively assist the other by “pointing things out” because you’ve got so much shit of yourself that is filtering and moulding your perception of the other – that you never get a clear picture of what is actually going on – and that most likely, your just projecting your own shit. So once you realise this point – you’re ready to get somewhere lol.
 
Before I was in the Agreement I am currently in with Gian, I thought that I was pretty stable and was easily able to assist myself in terms of dealing with my inner world. Because of that, I had created an idea about myself that “I was pretty stable” and that thus the Agreement should go pretty smooth. Boy, was I wrong! LOL – all those ‘issues’ and ‘points’ that I had worked through in my Process while walking ‘alone’ suddenly looked very bleak and small compared to what I was facing within the Agreement. Sometimes it looked like the end just wouldn’t come in sight and every day was just a struggle within myself to get through the day without getting each other all agitated. But whatever happened , we just stuck to the basics: breathe, forgive, don’t give up.
And then, one day it suddenly hit me: I’m not struggling anymore.
Our agreement was effortless.
So whenever you find yourself in an Argument with your Partner take note to a) Not take it personal (god, if you do this, you’ll make things very hard for yourself) and b) to realise – that mostly when you are having an Argument, YOU’RE BOTH WRONG!!!.
The moment you see /realize that you (and your partner) are wrong, you’ll find that it’s very easy to stop and give up the argument because you’re not fighting to be proven right = there’s suddenly nothing to win and then all of a sudden your actual starting point within the fight will be clear for both parties to investigate (mostly just ‘I am right, you are wrong, lemme steal your energy so I can feel goooooood).

Ok that’s it for now.

Technorati Tags: agreement,relationships,perfect,romantic,hate,love,conflict,disagreement,argument,fighting,solution,problem,key,secrets,man,female,male,woman,desteniiprocess

My Agreement - Making a Decision

I've been in an Agreement with Gian for about 2 years and 9 months now.

Here I share some points that I found to be 'fundamental' within walking Process in Agreement...

I remember the day that Bernard spoke to me about entering an Agreement, that I should first ask myself the question whether I am willing to commit myself to a single being for 'eternity'.

This stirred-up a lot of points within me, mostly in relation to ideas I had formed about concepts such as'marriage' and 'freedom' and 'commitment'. Though now I can see how starting with the disentanglement of that particular single point from the beginning - I started establishing the foundation upon which the Agreement that I later on entered was going to be built.

What was clear to me at that point in my process was the following: Process is going to have to be walked by everyone, everyone is a 'reflection' of me, we're all in this mess together - so one has to be able to walk an Agreement with anyone/everyone - as everyone shares all points, and all points have to be taken responsibility for.

So when the point opened up of entering into an Agreement with Gian, the points where I saw that I resisted (which was certain characteristics/personality traits within Gian) - I knew were not 'valid reasons' to 'not go there' - as I understood the point that I have to be able to walk with anyone, so why not Gian?

In the early stages of the Agreement, I had many moments where I wanted to 'give-up' and just say 'no'.
Where I thought I couldn't take it anymore, it was just not working, how am I ever going to get through this?
Then as I want to speak the words or discuss the point - I saw that this would be self-dishonest, self-defeating. Because all I would be doing was giving up on myself, saying 'I can't change' and giving up on my partner saying that 'he can't change'. While if you look at it from a commonsense perspective: even if I do end the Agreement due to the current points I am facing and my experience thereof - I am still going to have to push through & transcend the exact same points - so really, there was no point in 'ending' the Agreement as this would only be an attempt to 'postpone' the 'inevitable' and thus create a timeloop. The points are here - might as well face them as they come.

Then there was many times where I would wander off and play with the idea of entering an Agreement with someone else, trying to convince myself that 'it was just not working with Gian' and 'it will go better/easier with this or that person'. While again - if I had to look at it from a common sense perspective - we are all copies. And the points that I am currently facing where I go into 'escapism' in the form of desiring an Agreement with someone else, I am going to have to face with any other person anyway! Because, like I said, we are all copies, and secondly, I am still going to be stuck with, yes, exactly = me! So my experience is going to be the exact same just with a different person in front of me. So again, another reason to end the Agreement defeated.

The 'Dynamic' of the Agreement was also something that was/is quite challenging. In many ways, Gian and I are opposites - where our strong and weak points are each other's polarities. So, in the beginning = we were not equal. We weren't programmed as 'equal'. For instance, my strong points and skills rest more on the intellectual side - which is Gian's weak point. Whereas Gian's strong point is his enthusiasm, innocence and ability to 'move' things and not being able to hold things in (whatever is bothering him, it'll come out some way or another) - which is my weak point. [Together we're a team! lol]. So as we walk, I assist him with his weak points, get them to a point of effectiveness and he'll do the same for me and so we 'equalize' each other.

Where one can either 'take it personal' that one's being assisted with their weak point - or just accept that that's the way you've been programmed, be real about and allow yourself to change.

That's all for now - I will share more in the days to come.