Day 239: Experience Living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my experiences as I perceive and believe that the only way to give myself direction and derive guidelines of ‘who to be’ and ‘what to do’ comes from what I experience inside myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that the only way to have direction and have a guideline is to fall back on my experiences as my compass of positive and negative as what to say yes and no to depending on what I experience as positive or negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that using experience as emotions and feelings and thoughts as the morality construct of right and wrong is the only way to have direction in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if I give up my thoughts, feelings and emotions that I am giving up direction for myself in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if I give up my thoughts, feelings and emotions that there is ‘nothing else’ and ‘nothing left’ to fall back on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and perceive that I do not have the capacity of common sense and considering what is best for all and so when the notion comes up of ‘give up all emotions, feelings and thoughts’ I go into a panic -- because I perceive and believe that nothing else exists besides emotions, feelings and thoughts 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a continuous dance of balancing the positive and negative energetic experiences inside myself - constantly compensating one for the other, perceiving and believing that I am 'moving forward' but really I am just stuck in a cycle of infinity, moving between polarities, where even though the 'seasons' change, I have not changed, I only think and perceive I have changed based on the notion that 'there was movement' 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that if only I had more positive experiences that 'things would be better' - not seeing and realizing that only the 'experience' is better but that this is not an actual indicator of things for real being and moving better - as both the positive and negative energy are an illusion and not an indicator of reality 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe that I am incapable of principled living which then only leaves me with experienced living -- which leaves me as a victim to the dictations of my mind as the positives and negatives I've accumulated and assigned to words throughout my childhood from my family, culture, environment - which is essentially random as it is based on the negatives and positives others had assigned and passed on / shared through various encounters where I have established my own ‘cocktail’ of positives and negatives as ‘MY’ outlook on life encapsulated in positive and negative experiences, not seeing and realizing that it is not MY outlook on life and living but the outlooks I’ve copied and integrated from those around and before me

 

Day 212: Time is Money

This blog is in continuation to: 
Day 211: Don't Be So Ridiculous!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined everything which is not in relation to money making and one's personal advancement within the system as 'ridiculous' and 'a waste of time'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed as a child that when my parents told me to stop doing something or 'get over it already', when I was busy doing something just because it was fun for myself / interesting -- have believed that I was being 'ridiculous' participating in such activities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that only activities which will directly or indirectly give me a) money or b) and advantage in the system -- are activities worthwhile pursuing/participating within and are deemed as 'acceptable' and 'normal' and thus within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deemed any activity that will not in any way get me money or an advantage in the system as 'pointless' and 'ridiculous'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have adopted the 'time is money' motto within categorizing and labeling activities as either worthwhile or pointless/ridiculous -- depending on their relationship to money/success -- where Time is Money and thus any Time spent which will not give A Return of Money or as Success is Irrational and should immediately be abandoned

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken my parents' remarks personal, within believing that I as a being was essentially ridiculous for doing the things I do and should stop what I do and change to be more in alignment with what the world does to be taken seriously

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it was nothing personal, where my parents believed they were doing 'the right thing' within prepping me to become a proper Homo Economicus from a young age, so I would leave behind anything which might hold me back in the system and only focus on / develop those points within myself which will allow me to gain an advantage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined playing with/exploring nature and the physical body as 'ridiculous', 'pointless' and 'a waste of time' and within this I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that it is only pointless and ridiculous within the rules and standards of the current system which only cares about money and is thus not pointless/ridiculous in itself / its beingness but only when one is trying to live by the rules and values of the money system where the only thing that matters is money and success and no time/space is given to intimacy in relation to the physical world we live in

Related articles

• Day 207: Buying Power and the Idea of Freedom
• Day 208: Freedom and Limitation - Two Sides fof the Same Coin
• I am Insecure, What do you think of me - Day 346
• Day 177: Relating Intelligence to Money, Mistakes
• Day 345 - Prioritizing my Time.
• Day 169: The Intelligent Thing is to Give Up Intelligence For Your Survival

Day 189: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession – Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 186: Baggage from the Past – when is an ED really over?
Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion
Day 188: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession – Part 1

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt/shame/regret within the context of ‘I am a bad person’, thinking that ‘I shouldn’t have done that’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I created this experience for myself within having adopted particular rules/guidelines within my Morality Character where I labelled some foods as ‘good’ and some foods as ‘bad’ and will consequently according to what I eat either experience a positive energy charge connected to the ‘good food’ or a negative energy charge connected to the ‘bad food’ and so I commit myself to breathe, stop, let go and investigate what rules/script I adopted which resulted in my experience and delete/remove them

When and as I see myself experience guilt/shame/regret in relation to eating particular foods – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am the creator of my experience within my participation and development of my Morality Character and thus I commit myself to take responsibility for my creation and remove myself from Morality and align myself to Principle as what’s Best for my Body

When and as I see myself picking out food based on information linked to weight loss and gain – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am eating / feeding myself in order to satisfy my mind which is not the purpose of food and where as a consequence I make bad food decisions which I later regret – even though they were supposed to be ‘good decisions’ according to my food religion but my body then shows me otherwise and so I commit myself to let go and listen to my body and pick food / eat in order to sustain my body which is the purpose of food in the first place

When and as I see myself eating a food from the bad/fattening category and start thinking of ways I can make it ‘okay’ within considering what I will and will not eat in the future or consider particular exercises/activities as to ‘make up’ for those ‘extra calories’ where I am “calculating” things in my mind – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I am merely trying to make up for ‘feeling bad’ and try to find ways to justify my decision so that I can ‘feel better’ – without looking at why I ate the food and why it is necessary to go and ‘make up’ for it and so I commit myself to stop and retrace my steps all the way back and investigate the trigger that set me off down this path of disordered reasoning

When and as I see myself accessing all my rules, codes and guidelines in relation to food and trying to figure out the ‘right thing to do’ while at the same time finding excuses/reasons why I ‘shouldn’t do the right thing’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I am constantly trying to do the ‘right thing’ while at the same time trying to avoid it – there is something wrong with my direction as I am conflicted about what it is I want and thus I commit myself to investigate my starting point and come to a commitment/principle that I can actually stand by within what’s Best for my Body

Related articles

• Day 188: Releasing Myself from Calorie Obsession - Part 1
• Day 185: When Food is no longer just Food - Part 2
• Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion
• Day 177: Ana - I Failed You
• Day 165: Eating Disorders and Real Self-Perfection
• Day 170: Starving and Binging - Two Sides of the Same Coin
• Day 166: From Anorexia to Bulimia
• Day 171: Hiding behind Anorexia
• Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food

Day 187: Sinner and Saint of my own Food Religion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I am hungry or feel like eating something and open the fridge/cupboard to see what food there is – react to what I want to eat when looking at the amount of calories I have connected to the food wherein I still use this point of calories as a measure of ‘what’s good’ and ‘what’s not good’ – where I will feel like eating something but then consider its ‘high calorie content’ and then stop and go for something which has a low calorie content within thinking that that’s ‘the better choice’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I have to make a decision about what I am about to eat and open the fridge, to still from time to time scan all the foods and consider all the information I have attached to each particular food present in the fridge and will weight each one’s data against one another and according to that pick what I eat – wherein that moment I completely ‘forget’ about my human physical body and what I as my physical body feel like eating and rather just follow ‘information’ without my decision based on this information being necessarily what is Best for my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see the thought come up towards a particular food, where I think that I shouldn’t eat it and that it’s ‘no good for me’ in terms of ‘putting on weight’ but then shove the thought aside in a sense of spitefulness and eat it anyway – go into an experience of guilt and regret when finishing the particular food/sweets where I believe I made a mistake and that I am now a failure

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise how I have created this experience for myself through a Morality character where because I labelled some foods as ‘good’ and some as ‘bad’ and decided to forgo the good for the bad – that I am now a ‘bad person’ because I ‘broke the rules’ and should not have done that

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that in turn I am the creator of this Morality character and had to participate within the labelling of things as right and wrong and good and bad and believing in these values for the Morality Character to exist and thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my experience is merely the result of my ideas and beliefs and can thus be changed

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to listen to my body when looking into what to eat but instead follow my Food Religion as all the information I have accumulated over time and sorted by relevance in terms of ‘losing/gaining weight’ – where I will eat both the so called ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things and yet depending on the moment can still find myself experiencing adverse effects due to the foods chosen within only looking at the foods in isolation and not considering my body and what I have already eaten / what is compatible within the moment as I only sought compatibility with the ideas and beliefs in my mind in order for myself as my mind to ‘feel better’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I find myself eating a food from the bad/fattening category to start thinking of ways I can make it ‘okay’ within considering what I will and will not eat in the future or consider particular exercises/activities as to ‘make up’ for those ‘extra calories’ where I am “calculating” things in my mind – but where I am actually more playing guesswork within trying to ‘calculate’ and ‘rationalise’ the guilt away for eating what I ate instead of looking at my starting point of eating the food and identifying/tracing the origin/emergence of the guilt and correcting myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a Religion about Food where I can’t just eat and nourish my body because I have made up all these rules and regulations to which I have to abide if I want to be a ‘good girl’ within the religion – while I at the same time constantly looking for/ scouting for loopholes that I can use to escape the very rules and codes I created for myself within my own religion wherein I am constantly shifting from being a faithful servant to a sinner and get lost in inner-conflict as I can’t make up my mind about what I want

Related articles

• Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food
• Day 185: When Food is no longer just Food - Part 2
• Day 177: Ana - I Failed You
• Day 186: Baggage from the Past - when is an ED really over?
• Day 179: You Reap what You Sow
• Day 178: Fail-You-Are - Redefining Failure

Day 184: When Food is no longer just Food

This blog is a continuation to Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately generate and participate within thoughts which are non-supportive to my physical well-being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have forced myself through my mind to turn on myself within composing, generating and participating in thoughts which I knew did not match reality – but did it anyway because I wanted to deliberately make myself disordered

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have practiced having non-supportive thoughts to my physical well-being in relation to food and my body, where I would deliberately over analyse foods from a knowledge perspective and create a relationship with everything single piece of food in my environment as to ‘twist’ its nature – where for instance a banana was no longer a banana but had x amount of calories and was not good for this and that and has so much sugar and it’s a BAD FOOD

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deliberately manipulated and twisted my relationship with food by labelling foods from a starting point of ‘what will make me fat’ – without actually understanding how fat is produced in the body and how my human physical body really works in anyway whatsoever – but just go on ‘hearsay’ information about ‘bad’ and ‘good’ foods and create a whole food religion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself have deliberately manipulated and sabotaged my relationship with my human physical body – where I was previously quite fine with my body as it’s just kind of here and does what it does – to deliberately meticulously starting to observe, analyse and investigate my body and start labelling and marking all the things that are ‘wrong’ with my body – again based only on ‘hearsay’ information while having no clue what and how the body works and why particular points are manifested within a particular way within only caring about how my body ‘looks like’ and being completely oblivious/ignorant as to the actual workings and process of the body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have deliberately repeated the same thoughts and thought patterns over and over again until I actually believe them and automatically just ‘pop up’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have ignored knowing that what I was doing was fucked up as it was clear that I was sabotaging my well being both mentally and physically for the sake of looking a particular way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within moments where I could see what I was doing have gone and delved deeper into thought manipulation as to ‘cover up’ what I saw and throw a bunch of garbage on top of it – where I threw so many thoughts of judgment and manipulation at myself so that I would “calm down” and continue with depriving myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately re-shape my perception of myself as to make it easier to abuse myself – to justify it and ‘make sense’ out of it so that I would not have to stop for a moment and question my behaviour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have brainwashed myself into an Eating Disorder

Day 174: Don't talk Politics!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted upon hearing Gian speak about politics in public within which he was expressing his political view and standpoint and reacted to this information within surprise and offense, wherein I thought "Doesn't he know he should not talk about politics like that in public - it's not done!!"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have watched out carefully and closely after hearing Gian express his political view/stand point to a stranger within the belief that it is not done -- where I carefully anticipated the other person's reaction within the belief that the person will act/respond according to my moral code as 'you don't talk about politics in front of strangers' where I exprected the other person to react within a point of conflict/friction and offense/uncomfortability

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have held my breath within the moment of the stranger moving her mouth to start forming her response to Gian having expressed his political view/standpoint within the belief/expectation that she is going to say something displeasing with Gian's comment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have reacted in disbelief upon hearing the stranger agree with Gian's comment where I reacted within "This can't be right, she didn't do what I expected her to do" and where I was shocked that my belief-system / moral-code had been wrong / not a 'universal principle'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself having felt betrayed by my own belief-system / moral-code when it turned out to not match reality amd within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to have investigated my belief-system / moral-code in relation to politics

When and as I see myself react to someone expressing their political views in public within the starting point of a belief system of "speaking in public about one's political views/standpoint is not done' -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am acting upon taught instructions as what had been given to me by my parents in relation to politics without finding out / investigating for myself whether these instructions were real/valid and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and let go of the reaction/fear and ground myself within my human physical body

When and as I see myself react within anticipation when someone is about to respond to another having expressed their political views in public, where I anticipate their reaction to be 'negative' / 'being displeased' with someone having expressed their political views in public -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that my belief-system / moral-code did not match reality and that the outcome of a response towards someone is not pre-scripted to always be negative as if it is some universal law, but will depend from person to person and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, be here and unconditionally embrace the moment no matter the outcome and trust myself to act within common sense no matter what comes out of the situation/conversation

When and as I see myself react within 'betrayal' to my belief-system / moral-code not having played out in reality as to how I believed things should have played out -- I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I have only betrayed myself within not investigating my own belief-systems and moral-codes and find out whether they are rooted in Reality/Common Sense or the realm of Belief, where instead of actively investigating I had to go through a process of reaction to be shown where I still require alignment and so I commit myself to actively engage in investigating my moral-codes and belief-systems so that I do not have to go through a process of reaction each time, where I have to wait for an event to happen before I see/realise that there is a problem to be aligned/work through

Related articles

• Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?
• Day 276 - Self Doubt - Part 1
• Day 252 - The Trap of Who I am Every Day.
• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
• Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions
• Day 222 - I am worthless in Conversations and Self Sabotage

Day 173: My Moral Code & Politics

Today I had an interesting reaction that came up.


Gian and I went to the optometrist to get new glasses. At the end of our appointment we were going through the information about the lenses and how long it would take before I would get the new glasses. The lady who was helping us mentioned that the lenses have to go overseas to get treated since the technology to do the treatments does not exist in South Africa. She then mentioned a funding problem upon which Gian made a comment about the government and the president being corrupt.

As he opened his mouth and started criticizing the government, I immediately reacted into disbelief and my eyes went big and one of the thoughts that came up automatically was 'you can't just talk about politics like that in front of people -- what if they don't agree with your point of view??!! Doesn't he know it's really impolite and inappropriate?!!'. What's interesting about this thought is that it sounded exactly like my mom and how my physical behaviour changed for a moment was exactly how my mother changed her physical posture when I asked her about other people's political views for the first time.

I remember being a kid and elections were around the corner. There were posters and ads all over town about the different parties and representatives, and our mailbox would get flooded with pamphlets daily. I started getting curious what this whole politics ordeal was about and started asking my mom questions. Like how do the elections work, what this this and that party, who is our mayor, what party is he from, what party do 'we' / she vote for (she was the only one voting at the time, since my dad is not originally from Belgium but naturalized he has the option to vote but does not have to -- in general voting is compulsory in Belgium).

She explained how the voting process is a very private thing -- which I interpreted as being secretive -- where people go in a little booth where no-one can see what party and who they vote for, and where the voting cannot be traced back to them (not sure if this is actually so, this is what I got out of it as she explained it to me).

I remember looking outside through the window and seeing the neighbours on the street. My mom is friends with them so I asked them who the vote for. She immediately reacted, almost in a fright and her eyes went all big and she said: 'Leila! You don't ask that type of questions! You don't ask people who they vote for, that's very inappropriate! You only talk about it with family. People have the right to keep their voting preferences a secret and you shouldn't ask about it'.

Woaw, ok.

This point was then classified under other points such as
'Don't ask people how old they are, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much money they make, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'
'Don't ask people how much they weight, it's inappropriate, it's impolite - it's a private matter'.

So as Gian was sharing his perspective with the lady, I went into complete fear because he was breaking an important moral code: DON'T TALK POLITICS WITH OTHER PEOPLE OTHER THAN FAMILY - IT'S IMPOLITE!!!!'

When he was done, I held my breath in suspension, awaiting the woman's response -- anticipating an uncomfortable moment. Instead she laughed, agreed and made some more jokes about the government and the president -- not an uncomfortable situation at all. There was also a sense of betrayal, because things had not played out the way 'they should have' in terms of how my mother had prepared me in relation to politics and other people.

So it was interesting to see how this one moment, this one event triggered a memory from say 15 years ago, as the first impression I got from my mother about talking / asking about politics with other people -- and how within that moment I took on the entire expression my mom had taken on when she had talked to me all those years ago - exactly copying the physical movements/changes and the exact words spoken back then, but in this case in thought form.

I mean, in terms of where I am now and my involvement within political issues -- this is a very strange and random reaction, completely out of place. This really shows how we are programmed and instructed by our parents as children, copying and integrating the impressions we receive from them and then play them out without asking/questioning -- as they are adults and they have been longer than me here on Earth and know how things are done, I must just trust them and follow foot.

It's also creepy to see how an event of 15 years ago which only lasted a few seconds is stored in the body, with all its information in tact, ready to come up when the right trigger is set off. The experience seemingly came 'out of nowhere', but when I looked at it closer it was so clear that it was just a replica of my moms experience/expression over a decade ago.

Related articles

• SA Pupils Terrified - Bullying - Day 275
• Day 250: Teeth and God - ADC - Part 97
• Day 266: Thank God for the System
• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
• Day 174: Loyalty to Life in Equal Money Capitalism
• Day 149: Credits and Levels of Administration within an Equal Money System

Day 160: Eating Disorders and Contradictions

 This blog is a continuation to:
Day 155: Introduction – Starving Myself
Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Thought - Part 1
Day 158: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Images - Part 2
Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder – The Power of Writing – Part 3

While I was busy losing weight, I got to a point where I was skinny, but not like 'underweight' skinny. My mom had been observing losing me weight but hadn't said anything so far.

Then one day, she came to me and gave me a hug and went "Oh, just look at you -- so thing and slender - you have achieved what I never could! I am so proud of you!"

My mom had been trying to lose weight and following different diets ever since I could remember. Whenever we would visit our grandparents, her father would always make remarks about her weight and it was obvious that this was affecting her. And whatever she did, even after she'd lose some weight - she'd still look kind of the same.

So as my mom was giving me this compliment, I could hear in her voice and see in her eyes what a big deal this has been for her in her life, which I had noticed before, but hadn't realised the 'depth' of it so to speak. The way she said it and the words she chose - it was all very specific - and in that moment I felt so 'powerful' and 'chuffed' with myself - because I had just achieved in a few months what my mom had tried for most of her life but never succeeded. Within that moment I got a sense of 'superiority', where I felt like I was rising 'above' my mother and within that I found greater motivation to continue what I was doing, to be able to continue to experience this sense of superiority.

So I experienced a nice boost of fuel right then and there -- while at the same time feeling bad/guilty because I felt like I was 'cheating'. In front of my family - which was only dinner - I just ate less, so from their perspective I was just losing weight because I was eating more in moderation, while actually I didn't eat anything at all besides the dinner they saw me eat. It also felt bizarre, because they way I had achieved this 'new figure' -- was not in a healthy manner, yet I was receiving compliments from every direction (not just my mom, that one just stood out). Obviously, the people I got the compliments from did not know the full story, yet it was interesting to see how everyone supported my 'new look' without asking how I did it, where the only point of focus was the 'image' that I had attained without looking/considering what had gone into it to attain this image -- which was in essence not a cool procedure.

After I got this boost, I got even more strict with myself and lost more weight. But now my mother was getting concerned about me, and kind of getting suspicious and agitated. I was confused about this change in attitude, because I was like 'Uh, isn't this what you wanted? You were fine with me losing weight rapidly previously, why is it a problem now all of a sudden?' From my perspective nothing had changed, I had been hard on myself all this time and following unhealthy procedures, now I was just going 'that extra mile' so for me it didn't make sense that what I was doing now was invalid while what I had done previously had apparently been 'valid' -- they were both destructive in nature. I felt like I was receiving 'mixed signals' where it kind of resulted into 'it's okay to abuse yourself to some point but don't go too far with it'.

This was something which I had kind of seen before as a general point within society, but pushing it this far within my own life, it had become more prominent and clear for me to see. This made me reflect on the nature of society and what we accept and allow as 'normal' -- where everyone has got mental disorders to some extent, like everyone experiences feelings and emotions as 'ups' and 'downs' which is considered 'normal' and 'acceptable' -- yet go and take it that 'extra mile' and now you are mentally ill and are labelled being bi-polar.

SO it was kind of sick to see how in general, being dysfunctional is accepted as long as you don't take it too far (which to me seemed unfair) -- probably because if you take it 'too far', the nature of the dysfunction becomes evident which might get people to question the design as for instance going through 'highs and lows' as actually not being 'okay' and 'normal' -- so be dysfunctional, because we don't really want to change our nature, but keep your dysfunction 'in check' and 'under the radar' otherwise we have to actually deal with the problem.

So it was interesting to see the deception of how we live, what we do, what is seen as 'normal' and what is 'abnormal' -- and how we are not consistent in what is deemed 'acceptable' and 'not acceptable'.

Because it's okay to have moods, but then if you have moods at a higher 'intensity' - it's suddenly not okay anymore.
It's fine to have thoughts but it's not fine to have voices in your head. It's okay to fantasize about sex and imagine stuff while you're masturbating, but it's not okay to actually play out your fantasies or go and be a 'peeping tom'.
It's okay to want to look nice but if you use botox you're superficial.
It's okay to have secrets but it's not okay to lie.
It's okay if you can't concentrate from time to time but it's not normal to have ADHD.
It's okay to blend in with your environment but it's not okay to be a 'faker'.
It's okay to circumcise but it's not okay to abuse children.
It's okay to bend the rules but it's not okay to break them.
It's okay to value and respect your culture but it's not okay to be a racist.
It's okay to speak your mind but it's not okay to be mean.
It's okay to be smart but if you're very smart you're a nerd.
It's okay to be lonely but not to be alone
It's okay to be religious but not okay to be in a cult.
It's okay to believe in God but not okay to believe in the Spaghetti Monster
It's okay to want to change the world but not okay to actually do it.
It's okay to celebrate birthdays but it's not okay to be self-centered
It's okay to put down your pet but it's not okay to euthanize people
It's okay to eat animals but not people
It's okay to advertise but not okay to Mind Control
It's okay to 'be yourself' but farting in public is NOT DONE
It's okay to be normal but it's not okay to be ordinary
It's okay to be nice but it's not okay to be an asslicker
It's okay to win but not okay to lose
It's okay to enjoy food but it's not okay to be obese
It's okay to have a system where unemployment is inevitable, but if you're unemployed you're lazy
It's okay to talk to Jesus but not to yourself
It's okay to get someone drunk to get in their pants but it's not okay to rape someone

Related articles

• Day 267. The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 1
• The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 2. Day 268.
• Day 156: Wanting Passion and Purpose in Life
• Day 157: Generating an Eating Disorder - Part 1
• Day 159: Generating an Eating Disorder - The Power of Writing - Part 3
• The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 3. Day 269.