Day 115: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 3

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 112: Food Preferences - Body or Mind?

Day 113: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 1  

Day 114: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 2

 

 

When and as I see myself access the belief that ‘because I just ate cucumber and my opinion of repulsion is matched by a reaction from my body to puke it out – my opinion must be real’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I already know the origin of this pattern, and that this pattern merely reveals to me the extent to which we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to abdicate our responsibility to the mind, where the mind is integrated and infused into the body to such an extent that it can even create physical reactions such as repulsion to particular foods, where the body merely obeys the mind in its belief of self-righteousness. And so I commit myself to stop my self-belief and move myself to eat the foods I perceive as ‘not tasty’ to assist and support myself to remove the emotional layers connected to them

When and as I see myself participate within thought patterns consisting of “I like this food” or “I don’t like that food” from a starting point of taste – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that these preferences are based on the past as memories and have got nothing to do with ‘who I am’ and ‘what makes me unique’ and has no particular value but the limitation it imposes on myself and my participation within reality and so I commit myself to stop participating within thought patterns of “I like this food” and “I don’t like that food” and ground myself within and as breath in and as my human physical body

I commit myself to challenge my taste preferences, whether it be cucumber or any other food that I dislike as well as any particular foods that I really like or favour – and to investigate within specificity the origin of these likes and dislikes and disengage them through Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements / Application
When and as I see myself holding a grudge towards anything or anyone – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this grudge originated from somewhere and indicate a point that has not yet been dealt with effectively and specifically and so I commit myself to investigate the point within myself and let it go

When and as I see myself believing that because I don’t like some food, and have tried it again and I still don’t like it – that this means that my judgment towards the food is valid – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I cannot just ‘expect’ that ‘all of a sudden’ my preferences will change, as this is decision as self-movement that I have to make for myself and practice, which I what I commit myself to do when faced with not liking a particular food’s taste

When and as I see myself experiencing an intense experience of disgust towards food such as cucumber, or anything or anyone for that matter – and where instead of investigating this and questioning it, immediately, blindly accept and allow it as ‘Oh okay, this is part of I who I am” and integrate it as part of my self-definition – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I was not born with such experiences towards anything or anyone, but was created at some place at some time and so I commit myself to investigate my experience and remove this as a layer of self-definition within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Writing and Application

When and as I see myself experience a like or dislike towards a particular food – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that this experience was created at some point and that unless I ask myself where such experiences come form and question them, they will simply continue to exist within and as me, and so I commit myself to ask the right questions so that I can answers and to not take anything for granted

Day 114: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 2

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 112: Food Preferences - Body or Mind? 

Day 113: Food & The Religion of Self - Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was sitting in the kitchen and making / having lunch and experiencing intense overall disgust towards my sister while the smell of cucumber was around -- have connected the cucumber as being an inherent part of my sister since this was one of the foods she regularly ate -- and within that redirected my experience of hate/disgust towards cucumber -- where from then on, each time I would smell or taste cucumber, I would experience an intense experience of disgust towards the cucumber and want to puke it out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a complete zoned out zombie robot that simply takes in all the various stimuli in the environment and connects it to the image and experience I have before me -- and lock in the various senses to the image and experience, where these are now closely interconnected within myself so that each time of one these features pops up in my reality, I reload the memory within myself and experience the same energy as emotion/thought/feeling as I did then

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to ever before connect my experience of the disgust towards the cucumber to the memory of experiencing disgust towards my sister -- after all, I was there when it happened yet I accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of my inner experience and inner workings of the mind, where I take each experience on 'face value' without questioning it -- where I end up believing things such as "I hate cucumber" without ever questioning where this experience/opinion comes from

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because an experience is 'intense' -- that it must be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'disgust' I experience within smelling and tasting cucumber, is coming DIRECTLY from the cucumber and that I have no part, no say in this experience whatsoever

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to 'connect the dots' before -- where when I looked at it the other day, the experience back then towards my sister and the experience towards the cucumber was a 'perfect match' -- where I never made the connection between the two and believed these to be separate points

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made the cucumber the object of my hate and disgust, even long after my relationship with my sister changed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been reluctant to teach myself to eat cucumber, within the belief that 'this is just the way it is' and within that in fact being reluctant to change 'who I am' as 'who I believe myself to be', where "I hate / don't like cucumber" was just another 'trait' that I made my own that I did not want to give up, because I saw it as being specific to 'who I am' and 'what makes me, me'

Day 112: Food Preferences - Body or Mind?

Back when I lived in Belgium, I had a lot of issues with food, where I didn't like most vegetables except for carrots. With some of them just the smell or taste would get me to a point of what I call "puking spasms" where, my throat constricts, my stomach jumps and stomach acid would kind of 'splush up' for a moment.

So whenever I could, I would avoid vegetables.

At home, my parents would 'force me' to eat my vegetables, saying I would sit at the table until I was done or my dad would become outraged by me not eating my vegetables. I would then either cut my veggies into smaller pieces and swallow them with water or close my nose to diminish the taste -- or wait for them to leave while I "sit at the table until I am done" and put some veggies in a paper napkin and go to the toilet every 20 minutes, flushing it down.

Dinners and lunch at family were also not pleasant, because my parents would insist I eat everything because it's 'not polite'.

I then also noticed after a while that if I just swallow my vegetables, when I would go to the toilet, they would come out looking the same as they came in -- my body hadn't been able to process it. So then I tried to convince my mom to stop force feeding me because even if I took it in, it was just coming out the same -- so what's the point?

Then, when I moved to the Desteni Farm in South Africa, there was no such 'pressure' present in terms of food. I could eat what I wanted and not eat things if I didn't want to. It was then that I actually tried out more foods, and slowly but surely I started eating more and more vegetables and actually being fine eating them. I don't think have I've had any food related 'puke spams' during my stay here, which has now been almost 4 years.

The only vegetable which seems to persist in terms of be being disgusted by it: is cucumber.

I can't stand the smell and taste of it, and I just want to spit it out when chewing it.

Then today, me and Maite were making some lunch and she took out one for the cucumbers from the garden out of the fridge. I asked her for a slice to try it out, and then I first kind of just kept it in front of me and flapped it around a bit, and as I was doing then I was asking myself "What is it with cucumber? Why is this still an issue?"

Then, I moved the cucumber slice closer to my face and smelled it.

A memory then popped up, of my sister having lunch back in Belgium when we were young, and she was having cucumber with her food, and my mom as well. In the memory, I was having the same experience of 'disgust' that I would experience nowadays towards cucumber, towards my sister and mom in general.

When I was young, me and my sister couldn't stand each other, I hated her and she irritated the shit out of me. In the memory she was making her food and eating in a particular way that heightened my 'disgust' towards her -- while the smell of cucumber was in the air. So as this memory flashed, and I look at it, I went "Oh my god, it was never the cucumber!!" I had simply connected my experience of hate and disgust towards my sister to the smell of cucumber -- and then to cucumber in its entirety.

Once again, this proved to me, how we are just Organic Robots, who collect various data and 'make something out of it'. I mean, WTF -- I spent my whole life hating cucumber and not eating cucumber, for what? Because in one memory I had an intense experience of disgust towards someone, and the cucumber happened to be there at the wrong place, at the wrong time -- and became the victim of lifelong judgment and disgust.

The whole point of 'change of environment', where I moved to the farm, also indicates that basically all my resistances were mind based, and connected to my upbringing and how I developed my relationship with food at home.

It really makes you question what makes 'you', 'you' -- and puts to the challenge your whole identity. I mean, I TRULY believed that cucumber was disgusting, I was completely convinced that this was 'a reality'. And now it just turns out to be a figment of my imagination, based on ONE MEMORY, just ONE MEMORY.

How much do we really know, how much can we really confirm as 'being real' -- when we can be completely biased and mislead by such a simple, singular point.

It really emphasises the point of not taking anything for granted, and to really investigate and test out whatever it is you believe, and anything you think to be 'real'. If a conviction such as this is an illusion, then how much more of your mind can you actually trust?

Desteni is the ultimate test -- do you have the courage to take it?

Related articles

• Day 134: Worldwide FOOD SCAM Exposed!
• Day 181 - Memories the present kept imprisoned in the cells
• Day 202: Ascension
• Day 215: The Soul, Ascension and Life after Death - ADC - Part 63