Day 182: A New Angle on Anger: Re-Defining Anger

I’ve written on Anger in the following posts:

Day 16: Anger and Me - Introduction
Day 17: Betrayal – Anger and Me – Part 2
Day 18: Angry at the World – Anger and Me – Part 3
Day 19 – Power-less – Anger and Me – Part 4
Day 20: Angry People – Anger and Me – Part 5

Old Definition:

I’ve lived anger / being angry in my life as merely an experience of displeasure within a framework of ‘justice’ – where I perceived some wrongdoing to have been done and get angry.

Dictionary Definition:

 an·ger                  [ang-ger]            
noun

1.            a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong; wrath; ire.

2.            Chiefly British Dialect . pain or smart, as of a sore.

3.            Obsolete . grief; trouble.

verb (used with object)

4.            to arouse anger or wrath in.

5.            Chiefly British Dialect . to cause to smart; inflame.

Playing with the Sound of the word:

Anger
Angle
Anchor
Angry
Angree
And Grieve
End Grief
And Give

Re-Defining Anger:

Looking at the construct of Anger I see there can be two Angles to see/live the word by, where in the one Angle of Anger one is Anchored by a point of Grievance where there is no space for mobility, no flexibility – just being stuck within a point of Grievance. Herein is also a form of Passivity because one is just Angry but there is no movement done to do anything about the Grievance. This is then an expression of Blame and Disempowering – where the more you participate within this form of Anger the deeper the Hooks of the Anchor dig themselves in keeping one stuck -- this is where Anger becomes dAnger when one is not a chAnger.

The second Angle of Anger I was looking at was from a starting point of Support –where Anger can be a point that Anchors you, keeps you from ‘floating away’ and Grounds one within Reminding what needs to Give in order to End All Grief. This is then an Active form of Anger and Self-Empowering as one places self as a chAnger. 

Related articles

• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
• Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
• Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
• Day 178: Fail-You-Are - Redefining Failure
• Day 263 - Me Myself and Parrots.
• Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?

Day 1: Words

Some time ago - 4 years to be exact - I took it on to myself to start writing Self-Forgiveness with the aid of a dictionary - and write Self-Forgiveness every day. That commitment didn't really pull through and only lasted for about one post.

So now I decided to take this point back up again -- and commit myself to write Self-Forgiveness on words every day -- unless a specific point opens up during my day, then that point will have priority.

I basically start at the beginning of a dictionary and start reading the listed words. Whenever I come across a word where I have a reaction or memories popping up - I stop at that word, and take time to write out Self-Forgiveness on the points that opened up while reading the word. In this manner, I can work systematically through points and purify my vocabulary, and within that purify my inner reality -- as all this consists of is words.


So - Here I go

abandon
Upon reading this word the following reactions happened:
- Negative Feeling
- Fear
- Memory of Guinea Pig


Negative Feeling
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached a 'negative value' to the word 'abandon'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given 'abandon' a negative connotation within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a connection between the word 'abandon' and the emotional charge of 'fear'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'abandonment' / 'being abandoned' is something which should be feared
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined 'abandoned' as a bad thing

 When and as I see myself react to the word 'abandon' or 'abandonment' within a negative feeling -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am merely accessing a preconceived idea about 'abandon' / 'abandonment' from past memories. I see and realise that these ideas are not real and that my experience is simply indicating to me that there are still memories existent within me of which I haven't yet let go in relation to 'abandon' / 'abandonment'. Thus -- I will take it up on myself to investigate why I still react within a negative way to the word and take the necessary steps to release myself from this form of limitation.


I now for the first time read the actual definition of 'abandon' in the dictionary, and what is fascinating is that while I was reading it I found it to actually be a 'supportive' word --- whilst all the ideas and feelings I have around the word have a 'bad vibe' around it:

1 a : to give up to the control or influence of another person or agent b : to give up with the intent of never again claiming a right or interest in ‹~ property›
2: to withdraw protection, support, or help from ‹he ~ed his family›

If I look at it -- within me 'abandon' always stood for something where ''you're on your own now'' -- and feeling helpless. But now reading this definition I can see how abandoning something or someone or being abandoned can actually be a point of support -- as it forces one into a position to stand alone and see how one copes without the support (or perceived support which is actually a form of dependency) one is so habituated to.

Fear
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'abandonment'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing on my own
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between 'abandon'/'abandonment' and 'fear of loss'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that 'abandonment' can be a point of support where I have the opportunity to find out for myself where I stand when a particular point in my environment is removed -- and to investigate who I am within this new situation. Am I still the same or have I changed, and if I feel changed -- why so?
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace 'abandonment' as me, as self-support and assistance

When and as I see myself going into an emotional reaction of fear when being faced with the word/point of 'abandonment' -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am accepting and allowing myself to enter into an automated response which I did not direct myself. Thus I direct myself stop participating within fear and bring myself back here, within breath. I see and realise that there is no need to fear 'abandonment' as this would imply separation. Instead, I move myself to investigate why I went into a fear reaction as this indicates to me that there are still points within myself from which I accepted and allowed myself to separate myself. I then take it up on myself to investigate this points and embrace them as me.

Helplessness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between 'abandon' / 'abandonment' and 'helplessness'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'being abandoned' necessarily implies 'being helpless'.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'abandoning another' necessarily implies 'leaving them in a state of helplessness'.

When and as I see myself going into an emotional state of 'helplessness' upon hearing or seeing the word 'abandon / abandonment' -- I stop and I breathe. I see and realise that I am merely accessing an idea about abandonment based on past memories. I do not accept and allow myself to let my past and my past experience direct me. I thus move myself to let go of these memories and bring myself back here, within breath.

I will lay out the Memory and Self-Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Statements for the Memory in my next blog as this is going to be more extensive.