Day 154: Cutting the Strings

This blog is a continuation to:

Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being
Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality
Day 134: Living by the Rule of Fear
Day 135: Stopping the Pattern
Day 136: Walking Back in Time
Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions
Day 138: Move or Be Moved
Day 139: Taking things Personal is Self-Interest
Day 140: Opting for Avoidance over Change
Day 141: Why are you so Mean to Me?
Day 142: Respecting Beliefs
Day 143: Busted!
Day 144: Moving Beyond Self
Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
Day 146: Death of a Horse
Day 147 & 148: Aftermath - Death of a Horse
Day 149: Interpretation vs Seeing & Correcting
Day 150: How Dare you make me Feel Bad?
Day 151: My Way or the Highway
Day 152: Things are Not Always what they Seem
Day 153: Body – Marionette of the Mind
Day 154: Cutting the Strings

When and as I see myself participating within movements which just seemingly seem to ‘happen’ where these movements just come about without me actively directing and moving myself within awareness – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that if I am not the directive principle something else is and so I commit myself to stop, breathe and identify what program is directing my physical movement and work through it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements and Application

When and as I see myself moving my hand over my mouth within conversations/activities – I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am accessing my ‘holding back’ programming and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, ground myself as my human physical body and participate unconditionally and to investigate what fear point triggered the program and to work through it within writing and self-correction

When and as I see myself pick up my scarf and move towards my mouth / place it over my mouth – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that unless my face is cold there is no logical explanation as to why I would be placing my scarf over my mouth and so I must be accessing the ‘holding back’ program within and as me and so I commit myself to stop, breathe, remove the scarf and participate unconditionally

When and as I see myself move my hand in front of my mouth, move my scarf in front of my mouth, start mumbling or experience a movement of ‘holding back’ within my chest – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise I am accessing a program in support of ‘holding back’ indicating to me that I am reacting to a fear point and so I commit myself to correct these movements as removing my hand/scarf away from my mouth and start speaking clearly to assist and support myself to get out of my programmed response pattern to particular triggers and I commit myself to identify, trace, and pin-point the exact trigger that set the reaction into motion and work through it within Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

When and as I see myself experiencing emotions and feelings such as fear and anxiety upon which I respond with particular movements which get set in motion without really knowing ‘how’ or ‘why’ I am responding this way – I stop and I breathe -- I see and realise that I am playing out a programmed pattern designed to set off upon receiving particular triggers, where I have accepted and allowed such points/experiences/movements to a point of normalcy and so I commit myself to question every inner movement and outer movement as my human physical body within asking myself: where does this movement come from – am I the directive principle or not? And to accordingly assist and support myself to spot any patterns which I was not yet conscious of and to investigate them within self-reflective writing and write and apply myself to correction

I commit myself to identify/spot every moment where I go and access the ‘holding back’ program within myself and to correct myself each and every time until it is done

When and as I see myself experience resistance/difficulty in relation to stop the pattern of holding back within and as me and want to rather just ‘go with it’ as what I am used to / have allowed to become my ‘comfort zone’ – I stop and I breathe – I see and realise that I can either continue compromising myself to the rest of my life or I can make an effort to change, which will take some time, discipline, diligence, consistency and patience – but where I will have actually changed and have a result that I can be happy/satisfied with and so I commit myself to change within honouring myself and the best I can be

Related articles

• Day 153: Body - Marionette of the Mind
• Day 136: Walking Back in Time
• Day 145: From Reaction to Self-Reflection
• Day 163: Birthing ourselves as life, as a partnership Part 21 - Suppression.
• Day 130: Holding Myself Back
• Day 137: Re-Acting Reactive Reactions

Day 125: I am the Centre of the Universe!

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 123: An Innocent Sigh?
Day 124: *Sigh* - a Sound says More than a Thousand Words

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within complaining audibly as sighing very loudly, I am stating that I am at the centre of the universe and that everything revolves around me -- where if things don't work out for me it is not up to me to change -- it's up to everything and everyone else to change and adapt to how I want things to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and what goes on inside me (and even that, only to a VERY limited extent) and am not able to experience what everyone else / everything else is experiencing -- that my existence is the only one that matters so that when things are not going the way I want them, I get upset because I am only concerned with my existence, my reality within the belief that only I matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the belief that since I am only aware of myself, that only I matter -- where I do not even try and attempt to put myself in other people's shoes -- because that would mean having to move out of my comfort zone as all I know and all I care about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I have experiences, and can only experience me and nothing else -- that this means that I am special -- not seeing and realising that it is all quite in reverse, where me only being able to experience and be aware of myself only indicate my level of irrelevance as I have accepted and allowed myself to be separated from everything and everyone in existence to such an extent that I am in fact rejected by the whole but instead of acknowledging this, will give my situation a 'positive twist' and make something 'special' out of it as to not face the reality/truth of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that since I am only aware of myself and no-one else -- that only my happiness matters because I am not able to experience other people's happiness or suffering -- so why should I bother do something about them if I don't receive any gains?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life and existence is all about having nice, positive experiences -- which then creates situations where I get upset and sigh / manipulate myself into a 'down mood' when faced with a simple point such as the internet being slow, where I perceive the internet as being slow as infringing on my right to happiness and should adjust/change IMMEDIATELY, where I perceive how the internet is behaving to be UNACCEPTABLE and within that I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the arrogance of such actions where many people suffer real damages as for instance being physically starved through my acceptances and allowances within the starting point of self-interest and do not care to change my behaviour as the result of who I am IMMEDIATELY, while expecting others to change right here, right now to be able to achieve a 'peace of mind' and move away from the illusionary damage I experience within and as my mind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my actions as sighing and getting upset about 'things not going my way' is indicative to my values as this reveals what I care to spend my energy on as 'getting upset' to something like the internet being slow -- while being completely apathetic to the real relevant suffering of others and will make-up whatever excuses and justifications as to not have to spend time and energy on improving the life of everyone but only care about my own personal comfort of mind -- revealing to me what I have accepted and allowed myself to become within the name of Self Interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because I once in a while will feel bad for another or react to for instance animal abuse -- that this means that 'I am a good person' -- not seeing and realising that these reactions only happen ever so often and are minute compared to what preoccupies me most of the time as thoughts/feelings and emotions which relate only to the regard of my own self-interest

Day 50: Here -- Yet Lightyears away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned the nature of thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned how I will experience myself differently in different moments / day to day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned where thoughts come from and how they manifest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned the origin of thought or how it is able to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only consider what I experience to be 'reality'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take what I experience as 'reality' as 'a given' and trust this experience to be real / valid -- and never look beyond what I experience

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within only giving attention to 'what I experience' I am limiting my awareness to only myself as my mind and completely disregard the physical reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never have questioned how come I am here as a physical body in a physical reality -- yet in no way understand/grasp what it means to be here as my body as this physical reality -- where I am here and yet at the same time lightyears away from what is here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never cared to find out what it means to be here as the physical -- but simply assumed it to be of no relevance and that the only thing which matters is me as my mind and how I experience myself


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within not caring/ considering this physical reality create/contribute to abuse within this world -- as this abuse merely reflects another way of not caring/considering and thus within every moment that I am not caring/considering the physical reality I am authorizing abuse to exist within this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that any form of activism or wanting to bring about change in the world without ensuring that no thought exist within me is complete hypocrisy -- as I am demanding consideration of this physical reality without stopping my own thoughts which eat my flesh away which is the primary form of abuse existent within this world

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that the only activism worthwhile participating in is within the act of stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions -- as they are the very personification of abuse, where real, actual substance gets consumed for the sake creating energy as thoughts, feelings and emotions -- and where these thoughts, feelings and emotion do not serve us well in any way whatsoever anyway --- it's like a lose-lose situation!

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace the sadness of being here in this physical reality and yet at the same time having no real access to this physical reality -- because it really is sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have considered the physical as 'not important' / 'irrelevant' -- without seeing and realising that I never actually experienced physical reality -- and so the only thing I actually ever deemed as 'not important' / 'irrelevant' -- is me as my experience of the mind as it is completely limited -- where I projected this limitation unto the physical and believed it to be real -- instead of seeing and realising that it is not the physical which is limited but my mind, and where I as the mind can't stand that I do not have access to this physical reality and within that 'dismiss' / 'spite' it in order to make myself feel better where I will look down upon physical reality as a coping mechanism within the realisiation/truth that I am less/inferior than this physical reality because when I as my Personality Die -- I am Gone -- but the physical remains

I commit myself to show that the nature of the human as the nature of the mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions has never really been investigated

I commit myself to show that the nature of thoughts, feelings and emotions is actually really disturbing

I commit myself to show that any call for change without stopping thoughts, feelings and emotions is pure hypocrisy

I commit myself to show that as long as the nature of the mind is not understood we will not change and the Earth will not survive our continued exploitation

I commit myself to show that any opinion/observation of reality as the physical has only ever been an opinion as we've never accepted and allowed ourselves to step beyond our mind and really see / investigate what is here

I commit myself to show that we've accepted and allowed ourselves to have become an alien invasion where we are here in this physical reality but have no actual relationship with the physical in anyway whatsoever where we are completely closed off and locked/jailed in our minds and really have no clue about what really goes on on Earth

I commit myself to show that any form of abuse in relation to the physical is inherent to our inferiority of and as the mind where we can't stand that the physical reality is more real than we are and then try to 'get back' at the physical reality through abuse and torture to make ourselves feel better in the limited time we have available on Earth before our meaningless existence disappears into thin air after Death

I commit myself to show that the tendency of the human to see itself as 'intelligent' and 'superior' to all other beings / living organisms on Earth is just another way to deal with our sense of rejection -- where we are the outsiders in physical reality and within our resentment towards ourselves take it out on what is Real within Spite and Jealousy -- and then cover it up within apparently being this 'amazing' / 'evolved' being which is a complete state of denial and delusion

Related articles

• Day 150: Matrix of FLESH is SELF
• Day 36: Self as Creator
• The Science of Thought - Introduction: DAY 149
• Emotional/Feeling Body Creation - Part 2: DAY 103
• Day 46: Running on Automated Pilot
• Day 147: Followers
• Walking with Thoughts - Part 2: DAY 144
• The Science of Thought - Part 1: DAY 150
• Day 139: The Rapture and True Activism
• Day 138: Authority and True Activism

Day 8: Know it All

When I made my first trip to the farm, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how everything worked and that I had a good understanding of the Desteni principles.

 Was I in for a surprise.

 Already on my first day of arrival this turned out to be untrue. Although I had participated quite a lot on the old Desteni forum -- I found out that I didn't know shit. I was faced with an environment where other people were actually applying the principles and this was way beyond what I had conceived through my "knowledge" that I had accumulated. Once more I realised how small my "bubble" really was -- especially when listening to the interdimensional beings telling their stories on cold winter nights by the fire. It's like there's a whole reality right here in front of our eyes -- but we can't see it. All we can see is this world which we call ''reality" which is not even a publicly shared reality but our own private, customization of what we want to see.

 And the only reason why we can't see is because of the accepted and allowed emotions, feelings and thoughts which override the real factual world. And this 'layer' through which we filter everything we see keeps us from seeing what is really going on.

I remember the one night I was sitting in the lounge, and I was going through a particular experience and I couldn't pinpoint what it was (how ridiculous is that anyway, that you as a being can experience things -- and then not know what the hell it is, I mean it’s inside you it IS YOU -- again just showing how limited we are no matter how far gone we are in "history" and no matter how "evolved" we consider ourselves to be). Bernard was in the lounge and the Portal as well -- there might have been some other people around but I can't remember. Then at some point Bernard asked to whoever was in the body to leave and get my liver in.

So there I sat on the couch, facing and talking to my liver (well mostly my liver talking to me). In the meantime Bernard was pushing all sorts of points on my back, triggering all kinds of experiences. My liver would then tell me exactly what I was experiencing and, how come I was experiencing, what past memories were involved -- the whole deal.

I was astonished.

My liver knew freakin more about me than I knew about myself. I mean, do I even know how my liver works or where it even sits inside my body? And here it is explaining to me what I've accepted and allowed myself to become in the nitty grittiest detail. Obviously -- I knew nothing at all.

I highly recommend the available downloads on the EQAFE website and the Heaven's Journey to Life blogs which allow one to have a 'peek' at what actually goes on inside ourselves and the world -- and to assist ourselves in lifting the Veils of our Minds so we may finally SEE and create a World that's Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “I know it all”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to settle for my limited awareness and knowledge as “this is it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my perception of the world

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise – that when different people have different perceptions about the world – that this is extremely odd

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my own perception and that of others when I realise that different people have different perceptions – there is only one world – how can everyone have a different version of the same reality we share?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dismiss this observation and instead stand by what “I” perceive and act and live according to that

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question my perception, what I see and even more so – what I don’t see

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I know how I work and that I know how the world works

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I know shit and that I need other people to help me in understanding how the world works and to cross-reference our different “realities” so we can break down all the different various divisions between each one’s own “reality” so we may come back down to Earth and share the same reality as what is actually here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have believed that I could figure things out on my own

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise the extent of limitation existent within myself as the mind and that I need other people to assist and support me in challenging these limitations

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I need other people to challenge these limitations – as I have become these limitations and thus do not see them, am not aware of them myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble in accepting and asking for assistance in understanding and seeing how the inner and outer reality really work

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that my own liver is superior to me in every single way as it knows exactly who it is and on top of that it knows exactly who I am – I don’t know either

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and dismiss the physical aspect of our reality while this is the very aspect which allows me to live my life and have my illusionary bubble

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely unaware of what goes on inside me and how I as the mind and the physical actually operate

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to admit that I need others to assist me with seeing what I have accepted and allowed myself to become

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that “my awareness” is completely worthless and actually not awareness at all

I commit myself to investigate my beliefs and perceptions and deconstruct them in order to go beyond the layers of deception and see what is really going on

I commit myself to no longer ignore and dismiss the physical within the realisation that it is the only thing which is real

I commit myself to expose how everyone’s mind bubble is merely a customized illusion and is not real in fact

I commit myself to assist and support myself, and others as myself to get back down to Earth and work with what is here – instead of being preoccupied in our illusionary reality bubbles which do not match and created unnecessary friction and conflict within the world

I commit myself to humbleness and allow myself to be assisted by others in breaking down my false awareness

I commit myself to a single awareness and the breaking down of all separate realities so we may all come to common ground and create a world that Best for All

I commit myself to the 7 Year Journey to Life, to release myself from my self-imposed limitations and expand my awareness

I commit myself to question any and all beliefs

I commit myself to make use of the information provided by Desteni through various platforms and media as I understand that I cannot walk this process alone

I commit myself to support Desteni so others may receive the same assistance and support as I have been given