Showing posts with label reactions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reactions. Show all posts

Friday, 2 August 2013

Day 223: Words and the Hidden Battle of Energies

Within being pregnant and walking the preparation of walking/living with another as myself within having to stand as example, I have been working a lot with Words. I have been closely studying the Parenting: Perfecting the Human Race Series for instance which pretty much can be translated into the Science of Words and has been very interesting to listen to (You can download Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5 of the series for free FYI from the Eqafe website). The baby to be has also been sharing points through the portal whereby he will give an update on his personal process and also assist and support me in indicating what words/points to work with that he can already see is impacting him. So it’s been words, words, words for me lately and I have been enjoying the process quite immensely in working with words and dissecting my relationship with words, which are essentially like Maps to ourselves.

My mother is now also visiting for a bit and now I have been able to observe the ‘Science of Words’ quite clearly as well in my communication with her and hers towards me. This is the person who raised me with her words, so it has been quite interesting to see what comes up within myself as we talk and discuss things.

The first thing I noticed is that I would react a lot more towards my mother than I would “normally” do with any other person, and the reactions would also not make much sense – in the sense that it was clear that they were being ‘irrational’. So when I first noticed that I got that I had to start slowing down more. What was interesting then was how I could see while we talked that she would be for instance sharing a story or making a point, but there would be like a ‘shadow story’/’shadow message’ attached to it. Where if you look at the words by itself, it seemed like she was just ‘sharing a story’ – but then looking at the undertone of the story as the energies connected to certain words – there was an additional message connected to it, like the message was ‘bugged’ with a particular energy, sending me a message. I would then receive this ‘energy’ message and resonantly react to what she is saying – first not really knowing exactly ‘what’ I was reacting to, and then slowing myself down and spacing out what had just happened I could tell the exact words that had been energy-laden and how within looking at the composition of the energies along with the words used – I could see a sense of ‘manipulation’ coming through essentially, as I had reacted in fear to the particular story she told which made me want to re-consider some of the decisions I had made (which I know my mother doesn’t completely agree with lol).

In a way, I felt like I had been ‘shot’ with an energy bullet – where on the surface, our communication appeared nice enough, but the shadow conversation that was taking place as energy exchange felt like a stab in the back.

Fascinatingly enough though, I found myself doing the exact same thing an hour or so later – where I was sharing with her something that in itself as ‘just the words’ seemed innocent/genuine – yet I had attached a particular energy to the words, kind of last minute, to deliberately and specifically generate a reaction of fear within her – where as I was saying the words I saw an opportunity to ‘get back’ at her and was able to induce some sense of fear into her. As the last bit of words came out of my mouth, I already realised what I had done and immediately went into shame and regret – because obviously this is not cool and was completely unnecessary. Yet at the same time it was cool to witness this type of communication/interaction within a ‘Mother/Daughter’ set-up/scenario – where I could really see everything I had learnt so far about words in action, being able to witness how this practically plays out in a parenting relationship, how we have this whole other layer/dimension of communication existent between human beings that we are basically not even aware of and how definitely our relationship to words and usage of words has become one of complete deception and manipulation instead of honesty and integrity. So this was a cool reminder/wake up call, re-emphasising the importance of working with words, working with Vocabulary and the work that needs to go into preparing oneself to become an effective Parent, because you have to basically re-design your whole Living as all the Words you use to re-align them to what is Best for All where we no longer ab-use and mis-use words but become Living Words which mean exactly that which they are, and are straight to the point without any Hidden Agendas.

Saturday, 8 December 2012

Day 134: Living by the Rule of Fear

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being
Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a necessary connection between ‘speaking’ and ‘conflict/friction’ – where I believe that the one always follows the other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have placed speaking in function of conflict/friction – where me speaking or not speaking will not depend on myself as what I want to express but is conditioned/linked-to the prospect of conflict/friction – where if there is a possibility for conflict/friction I will refrain from speaking and if I see no such prospect then I will speak and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that no self-expression exists within this as my responses are calculated, programmed and predictable according to the variables in place in my environment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have put my life in service of energy/reactions – where all I ever do is manage my reactions and try to manage my environment to attain preferable/favourable reactions/energies within myself – where in the end there is no ‘me’ to speak of – as all I ever do is react in a programmable, predictable way – where ‘who I am’ as who I believe myself to be as a ‘person’ and a ‘being’ that is alive is just a joke as all I exist as is software running with no substance whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up on life and common sense in favour of avoiding conflict/friction so that I could avoid conflict/friction within myself – not seeing and realising that within this one singular point All is compromised completely – as when it comes down to making decisions about things that matter, I will always follow the path of energy and disregard Life – as this is what I decided and programmed/scripted within myself within not speaking if there is a prospect/possibility for conflict/friction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear energy as conflict/friction and within that made a deal within myself that it is totally okay and justifiable to do things when they get me to avoid conflict/friction -- no matter what the consequences or repercussions are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value/prioritize energy over expression where I will accept and allow myself to compromise if it means that I may have possible avoided conflict/friction – and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise what such agreements within myself manifest within myself as the relationship I have towards myself where I basically state within living out such patterns that I am okay with compromising and betraying myself as long as I can get away from conflict/friction and within that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that within doing so that there is no point to Life because I have given away all my power and have accepted and allowed myself to have become a pinball being thrown around and will just function and act according to whatever inputs are given to me


Being on the farm this point has still been haunting me a lot if not daily. I truly believed that this would be a point that I would just have to ‘live with’ as something I would never be able to walk through/go beyond. But working with people here on the farm and working with animals (especially my horse) and in the end: working with myself – I’ve slowly but surely started to see that I don’t have to react within fear to conflict/friction. This is a really big point for me, but day by day, little by little, push by push I would start finding myself in situations of conflict/friction where it would be playing out right in front of me – and where I would just be here, stable and see how I could be able to direct this point. And then as it happened, I go “Oh my god – it’s just not there, it’s just gone – I can actually experience myself this way? Calm? Stable? This is amazing!!!!!”. And it is really a wonderful experience to be able to stand in situation where you’ve known yourself to have failed your WHOLE Life – and then, in just a small moment, you notice you’ve changed and that you do not have to be that limited version of yourself – that you never had to be that version of yourself. And it’s like ‘Ah’ – such a relief.

We get so brainwashed by our own beliefs of who we think we are and what we can handle, that we do not even try anymore to go beyond what we know/believe ourselves to be. And it’s such a pity, because we just waste our whole life away living out patterns and reactions that we created throughout children, just over and over and over and over and over again until your dead. That’s not freedom, that’s not free will – that’s entrapment.

If you are reading this and you find that you are not satisfied with who you are because of stupid fears and beliefs that hold you back from becoming the best possible version that you can be: definitely check out the Desteni I Process Lite and the Desteni Forum to step by step find out what it is that you’ve accepted and allowed yourself to become, and to slowly but surely push those limitations and boundaries until they shatter. Because who we are now and currently exist as, is only limitation – we do not have the slightest idea ‘who we are’ – so it’s time to get rid of these limitations and find out what’s underneath all that garbage.
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Day 133: Managing vs. Correcting My Inner Reality

This blog is a continuation to:
Day 130: Holding Myself Back
Day 131: Timidity
Day 132: How we Bring Personality Traits into Being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot handle/stand in the face of energy – where I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy is ‘more than’ and ‘bigger’ than me and that I do not have the power to direct such a ‘force’ and that the only thing I can do is to either ‘go with it’ or avoid it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am ‘less than’ and ‘smaller’ than energy within myself and others – not seeing and realising that it is us human beings animating this energy and being the creators of energy as friction within ourselves and that consequently we should be perfectly able to direct such manifestations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created/scripted a pattern of automation within and for myself where I have accepted and allowed myself to have created an ‘if this then that’ reaction within the nature of ‘if faced with friction/conflict’ and/or ‘when anticipating friction/conflict’ – ‘then go into fear and anxiety’ and ‘avoid situation at all cost’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have scripted/patterned myself in a way where I react to one type of energetic manifestation with another form of energetic manifestation – where I will react to aggravation/anger and other forms of conflict/friction energies within the energetic reaction of fear and anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that energy is ‘bigger’ than me where in the moment where I faced with another person being aggravated with something I said – I perceived the aggravation emanating out of the person as ‘taking over’ – where it did not even matter what the being said and whether or not it made sense or not – but where I immediately placed the energy of aggravation as being forceful into a position of authority – where all that mattered in that moment was the energy within the scene that was playing out and where within not understanding where this energy as aggravation all of the sudden came from – shut down within myself and isolate myself from what was happening around me, and in shock/petrification/fear and anxiety decided that I do not want to go through such an experience/scenario ever again and that I ought to avoid these type of situations at all cost

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the moment of seeing and experiencing the energy as aggravation coming from the other person as a reaction to something I said – have separated myself from that energy within placing it above me and in an authoritative position and within separation reacted within fear and anxiety – not seeing and realising how the other person’s energetic reaction as aggravation and my energetic reaction as fear and anxiety locked-in together and fed one another – where my experience of fear and anxiety was confirming the other’s aggravation and validating it, and where the person’s aggravation was confirming and validating my experience of fear and anxiety – where these two energies as reactions came together and within their blind acceptance and allowance permitted the other to exist and within that sustain one another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I was faced with another being aggravated towards something I said – have opted for reaction to a reaction – where I accepted and allowed myself to react to another the same way the other reacted to me (regardless of the type of reaction) – and within doing so confirmed that such scenarios where people are limited and diminished to being reactive robots is ‘normal’ and ‘acceptable’ – and accepted this as what communication/interaction consists of between people and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within that moment have ‘surrendered’ myself to the belief that we live in a reactive world as the only possible version/option of how we humans can interact with one another and that the only thing ‘left to do’ is to strategically avoid certain types of reactions as negative reactions such as conflict/friction and seek out positive reactions – as within controlling and managing one’s input through controlling one’s environment one is able to control/manage one’s inner reality as the reactions that get ignited within self and then believe this to be a solution – not seeing and realising that we are only circumventing the problem as the reactive nature we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to live by – where selective avoidance and seeking out is merely a coping mechanism to manage one’s inner reality without having to effectively deal and sort out / correct one’s inner reality and reality at large as the very mechanics/rules/laws we live by – where instead of living a life of enjoyment and expression we are living a life of fear, compromise, coping, survival and regret – in short: a life unlived
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