Another One Bites the Dust & God is An Evil Fucker

Few days back Cerise found another Nestling that the cats had caught. It didn't look like it got hurt by the cats and seemed to be quite 'lively'.

Those so far have been the 'two requirements' for little birdies to Survive.

If they get bitten by a cat -  no matter how lethal the bite itself - the bird dies due to the bacteria the cats carry in their saliva. Which is pretty damn stupid - the smallest puncture and they're fucked.

'Liveliness' is a requirement because some birds just go into complete trauma and depression after we take them in. We don't just 'take-in' little birdies - it always happens after an event - whether being kicked out by the parents, caught by cats etc. When they go into trauma & shock = they do not want to eat, they do not want to move. If you push them they just fall to the side and stay there - completely giving up on life. We talk to the birdies, saying that it doesn't have to be this way and that it's all just in their head. They decide whether they want to live or not - it's really simple = you eat or you die. Sometimes they 'get over-it' but most of the time they don't.

So back to this birdie - it was lively & seemed healthy so I was hopeful that this one was 'going to make it'. Usually if they're not going to make it they die the same day, that night or the day after.

We checked what type of Bird it was and it turned out too also be a Flycatcher like TweetTweet (Fiscal Flycatcher that we've had since beginning of November) - they are pretty resilient to trauma and can be very stubborn and aggressive. So because of the birdie being a Flycatcher - African Paradise Flycatcher to be precise - I thought everything was pointing to the 'right direction'.

I had to 'force-feed' the birdie the first day though - get my nail in-between the bill, get it open and shove some soaked cat-food pellet pieces down its throat (it's an Insect Eater and this cat-food has about the right proportion of protein and fat for Birds, fascinatingly enough). The next day it was looking much 'better' and making lots of sounds and weaning for food. While I was inspecting the bird though, there seemed to be something wrong underneath its right wing. It looked like a fleecy type of thing - I first thought that maybe the Cats had made a rip in the skin and that the lung or something was exposed. Then later I saw that it was like that around its entire belly on that same side. I did some research and it basically came down to that sometimes when cats get to the birdies, the birdie gets punctured and air leaks underneath the skin. This then gets all blown up and the birdie gets prone to infection.

The birdie was now eating 3-4 times more than the grown-up Flycatcher and it just seemed to keep on wanting more and more - even after dark. It was almost like it just wanted to keep on having more 'fuel' and that it was running out of it quickly. I also noticed that the birdie was shaking now - so it was probably trying to fight off an infection - metabolism going overdrive.

He survived that night and in the morning after horses I fed it and kept it on my belly, enclosed in my hands, keeping it nice and warm. After two hours it seemed to be doing better - no more shaking and not asking for food anymore that much. I thought maybe the birdie should rest a bit, so I put him in the little shoebox that we'd prepared for him and kept him in and then he started acting weird - opening its wings and just lying there. I saw that I had done everything I could and it was now just a matter of time. So I went back to sleep as it was still quiet early. An hour or so later I woke up, I checked the box - and there it was, not begging for food anymore - body still = the birdie was dead. I asked Gian to take care of the Birdie (throw it away) and after he left the room I started crying. For three days I had kept the birdie with me constantly, everywhere I went, I took the birdie with me to make sure that it would get food whenever it needed and that it would stay nice and warm [except during horses, then he'd sleep in the box]. I played with him and talked to him and now he was suddenly dead - again.

The entire Design is so fucked up - these birdies almost don't stand a chance. The moment the slightest thing goes wrong - a bit too cold, a bit too hungry, a bit too much trauma, the slightest injury = they die.

It's so completely fucked up beyond imagination and no-one seems to notice it. Today I watched a piece of documentary on Hummingbirds and there again - the Fucked up Design of Nature exposed. The only thing they do is live from Day to Day - if they do not consume half of their body weight in Nectar [+1000 flowers] and in addition to that, enough bugs for protein = they simply die. Even when they're not flying their heartbeat can race at 600 beats per minute. And it's for this exact same reason that these birds are aggressive. If they find a flower they will want to protect it and keep it from other because their Survival depends on it  [recognize this behavior somewhere?] - sometimes they simply die during the night, during their sleep because their 'fuel' ran out.

If God really existed - then he was either an Evil Fucker or a Complete Retard - to allow such fucked-up designs in Existence. Then again - we are the creators of this Existence so what does that tell about us?

Freedom

A Week back or so we "found" these two birdies here. We had to remove their nest from the roof because the workers were busy welding pipes and the nest almost caught fire.

They weren't very happy with the situations and were constantly flying around and trying to get out of their cage. When we would let them out they would just fly and hoover around and they'd get chased by TweetTweet (a Flycatcher who's about 2-3 times their size).

We decided not to let them out anymore because all the chasing around made them very nervous. [When they were hungry they'd fly up to TweetTweet and beg her for food, thinking she's their mother - she would just grab their legs and try to pull their legs off....]

We also decided that once they started eating seeds and drink water [we fed them very watery pro nutro]- we'd let them go because then they'd be able to survive outside - and getting outside seemed to be the only thing they cared about.

So then one day I'm sitting by my desk and see that they finally started eating & drinking and that they were looking quite strong. I tell Gian and a few moments later we let them fly out. It was quite a windy day and they were struggling quite a bit to fly, but after a few minutes they were out of our sights.

A bit later I'm sitting by my desk, where I have a view through my window to the BirdFeeder and the Birds that go there. I see that there's a group of Birds that fly away with each sound / movement - except for this one little birdie. So I take the binoculars and take a look, and it's one of the two birdies we let go. He looked a bit lost and upset - bewildered - not knowing what to do. I took note of it but left it at that.

An hour after we let them go, I went up to the new building, and when I came back I saw that the two birdies were sitting by our window from our room, trying to get in.

All this time that they've been in our room, they were all about "Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!" and now that we had let them out, they were all about 'Let me In! Let me In! Let me In!"

They thought that they'd find "freedom" when getting out of their cage, out of our room - but the freedom that they found wasn't freedom at all. Out there, there was only Survival - not exactly the "Freedom" they'd been looking for.

We were able to get the youngest one back, and is currently living with us. The eldest one would come flying down to us but then go back into the trees. After a while he we couldn't hear him anymore (when we'd whistle  they'd both respond with a short 'tweet' - that's how we would find them when we couldn't see them).

Lol - the moment we got the youngest one in the cage, it stuffed itself with food and fell asleep from exhaustion. This was just ONE HOUR of being outside 'in the wild'.

The Idea and Picture that everyone has of Nature is so deceptive - as if it is this 'Beautiful' Thing - and 'if only we could be a bit more like Nature & The Animals'. The truth is that Nature and The Animal Kingdom are a reflection of our Nature, of Human Nature. The Survival you see in Nature is the same Survival you see within Human Society. It's Cruel & Deceptive.

This just shows the extent of how we have fucked up this entire reality in each and every single way possible- that deception has seeped through every particle of existence. It's time to Stop.

Expanding Responsibility

About a month ago, Cerise purchased some DVD’s over the internet on Hoof Rehabilitation for Horses. Before, a few of us would do a little hoof trimming ‘on the side’ – meaning – the farrier  and his boys would come every 4 to 6 weeks and trim the horses their feet down, and after that we would do bits of maintenance trims (in my case mostly taking flares down).

Watching these new DVD’s though, gave a whole new perspective on the anatomy of a horse’s hoof and the dynamics involved. Taking in this new information and looking at our current farrier and his methods, I realised that he is actually just harming the horses. If I looked at the problems Charlie has had with his hoofs – they would re-occur after each trim, and whenever the farrier came, for the next week his hoofs would be very sensitive and soar.
  

I wasn’t too happy with this realisation because it came down to me having to make a decision.

a)      I let our current farrier trim Charlie’s hooves knowing that he is actually just harming him

b)      I educate myself and take full responsibility for Charlie’s hooves and no longer depend on a farrier.

The reason why I wasn’t ‘too happy’ with the realisation I had, was that I now knew that the farrier was harming the horse’s hoof and thus I could not just “ignore” this and let the point of ‘hooves’ be something the farrier takes care of – something that the farrier must deal with on his next visit, and I can just ‘wash my hands off’ this point and distance myself - because ‘it’s not my area’, ‘I don’t deal with this’, ‘it’s his problem’...

With this new knowledge it became my problem though and it was up to me to do something about it. So I started studying the DVD’s and slowly started trimming Charlie’s hooves.

Then a week later or so, Cerise came in my room saying that the farrier was gonna be here nownow and that it was up to me if I wanted to take Charlie down. 

My first thought was that I should bring him down to get a trim, ‘to be on the safe side’. On the safe side from the perspective of ‘what if I did anything wrong’, ‘what if I am fucking my horse up’ – ‘let the guy just do his job, this is his area of expertise’. But then I also knew that if I let him trim my horse it would undo everything I’ve done so far and that I’d have to start over from scratch. So it came down to a point of trust – to allow myself to trust myself and stick to my common sense.

My only point of certainty was that I knew that the traditional method of trimming was harming the horse and that what was being in explained in the DVD’s made a whole lot of sense.

So I decided not to bring Charlie down.

This for me was a very hard decision because it somehow felt that I was ‘letting go’ of being able to depend on the farrier and that it was now all up to me. I also knew that he wouldn’t agree with this way of trimming (this was clear from past conversations on the topic where he would disagree with certain styles of trimming) and kind of ‘wanted to be nice’ and ‘stick to his method’ and from that perspective ‘just let him trim Charlie’ – not wanting any conflict or confrontation of any kind.


I also in a way didn’t see myself fit to take care of Charlie’s hooves - seeing him as ‘more than’ due to his profession being that of a farrier – you know, hooves is what he does – and me only being into horse stuff quiet recently, and learning new things – thinking that he as ‘the established knowledge’  might see me as a dumb, spoiled, stupid, girl that doesn’t know what she’s doing (which is all just self-judgment and pre-conceived I ideas I have about myself as being inadequate)


I went down anyway to assist with the horses that were being done because some of the people weren’t on the farm. As they were busy doing the hooves I observed and was quite satisfied with my decision of not letting them do Charlie. When Polo (horse) was done I left.

Afterwards Rozelle came to me in my room saying that they almost did Charlie’s feet but that they told them not to do it. She then also said that the farrier disagreed with the way I was trimming and that according to him I was harming the horse and that if I was to continue he didn’t want to work on my horse every again.

So there big fear and anxiety came up – for me this confirmed my anticipation that he wouldn’t agree and that if I was going to trim Charlie myself, I wouldn’t be able to ‘fall back’ on the farrier if I wanted.


 I started looking at all the different possibilities of what he might have been referring to that I might have done wrong, that could end up in me having done harm unto Charlie. I re-watched the videos, rechecked all the documentation to see where I could’ve done something wrong. The only point that I could see was that I might had ‘done wrong’ – was that I had taken down his hoof a bit too much. 

I did self-forgiveness that day out loud on self-trust and fear of making mistakes and fucking Charlie up.  But I was still very anxious about his feet and the ‘possible harm’ that might come from what I had done (abscesses or bruises or pain in general). I resisted going to the horses and taking care of Charlie because all I could think of was his hooves and me having fucked them up. Each time I would go up to him I would immediately check his feet to make sure that everything was still ‘right’ and that he was still standing (lol I even imagined his hooves having fallen off and him laying on the ground). I’d also want to get away from Charlie has soon as possible because I wanted to ‘get away’ from this uncomfortable point. The fear was quite extensive.

I then realised what I was doing, and that I was actually neglecting Charlie in a way as if he was something ‘bad’ and ‘wrong’ because of his hooves and the new responsibility that came along with it. It reminded me of the day when I first got Charlie, I was so scared and afraid of him because I was afraid of the amount of responsibility involved. This being was fully dependent on me and that was it.  When I realised that point – I stopped – and I embraced the responsibility, just as I had done before when I got him.

Later that day I looked again at everything, and I picked up one of the hooves that was trimmed by the farrier and that hoof was looking worse than Charlie’s. Meaning that his argument against the way Charlie’s foot was trimmed was invalid, because if that was the case – it could also be applied to the way he was trimming hooves ( I feared I had taken the hoof down too much – yet the other horses their hooves were cut flat – the harm he was speaking of might as well happen to them).

So I set all my nervousness and anxieties aside and allowed myself to trust myself once more. Charlie’s feet are looking good and I am satisfied that I can maintain his feet on my own. I know that this is a step in the unknown but this is a point of responsibility that was going to have to be taken either way.  I know I might make mistakes, but I also know that I will get right eventually. And I’ve got Cerise who is also joining me in this ‘new journey’ of taking care of our boys’ hooves and we can support each other in this.

And – looking at it from a practical side - if everyone were to look after their own horse’s their hooves, there would be no need for farriers doing a mass amount of horses and fucking up their bodies completely. This bieng just a consideration for in an Equal Money System.

Reflecting Back on Parents visiting the Desteni Farm

My mother came to visit the Farm last year, around July/August.
This year she came and visit again, this time with my father. They planned a tour through South Africa prior to coming to the Farm, and asked me and Maite to come with - which we did.

After the tour Bernard came to pick us up at Durban airport and we left for the farm.

The decision that my father was going to visit along with my mother had been made pretty early on. So during the year, I would from time to time wonder and even fear what it would be like with my father visiting the farm.

My relationship with my father back in Belgium was one of fear and avoidance. I resisted seeing him again, at the farm, because I feared that we would just play out the same dynamic again. All the worst case scenario stuff that I had imagined didn't happen at all lol.

What was interesting though was that I could see my parents for the first time. They were taken out of their comfort/safety zone which was their 'home' and also 'their country' - to a different country, where they didn't know the language well, and stayed at someone else's place.

Just that change of environment exposed how much of how I knew them to be was all environment related. Back in Belgium I saw my parents, as responsible, trustworthy adults. But seeing them in an environment where they have literally no control = showed the real truth. They couldn't go and use their 'family authority' or 'this is my house' authority whenever it suited them, because they were no longer in their 'bubble'.

Them being here left them in a vulnerable position, which allowed me to re-evaluate how I saw my parents and who I am in relation to them. Suddenly me and Maite were put in the position of 'parents' or 'responsible ones'. They don't know English very well, so with every little thing they wanted to do or find out = we had to be present, and they would freak out whenever they wouldn't understand a situation (= left with no control).

The most interesting part for me was that I saw that I do not have to have this 'fear-avoidance' relationship with my dad, and that if something is bother me, I can actually talk to him about.

So basically, it was interesting to see how their personality as I knew them to be was closely related and tied to their home environment/safety/comfort-zone - and once that is taken away, that particular personality breaks apart. It was fascinating that I could see with my own eyes how I had experienced myself towards my parents, and how we as a family participated with each other had been one big fraud, a huge mind fuck for all those years - each one just playing out their script, their role - without stepping out of it.

 And with that realization -  it was cool to just let go.

Why we Are All Mass Murderers within Our Current Money System

I would like to mention the point of ‘Why we are all Mass Murderers’ with our Current Money System.

Due to accepting and allowing the existence of our Current Money System we are all collectively Mass Murderers.

So, Why are we all Mass Murderers within our Current Money System?

Because our Current Money System is Based on a Polarity Construct where some ‘Have’ and some ‘Have-Not’. Where we all participate in making the rich more rich and the poor more poor. And we all have agreed on this Money System.

As long as we keep on supporting our Current Money System simply by accepting it and allowing it to exist – we are actually the ones killing those unable to support themselves due to lack of money.

They are not just dying of ‘starvation’. They are dying because of our ignorance and lack of basic common sense and care for one another.

They are dying because we are unwilling to change. They are dying in Our name.

We are the ones putting death sentences on innocent children just so we can maintain and continue our lifestyle.

We are the ones Responsible – We are the ones that can thus make a Change.

Support an Equal Money System where all get a Basic Amount of Money to be able to support themselves – and Stop the needless dying.

An Equal Money System where those that currently Have – will still Have – but they won’t have unnecessary things that they do not actually need– because those things require others to not have.

And where the current Have-Not’s – will Have as well.

It has already been proven that there is enough food and resources to support Everyone. The only reason why one would not want to Implement an Equal Money and Support system is due to Self-Interest.

Stop the Killing, Stand for an Equal Money System.

points that came up during movie

What came up during the movie I went to see yesterday



So – what came up within seeing ‘Twilight’. First of all my fascinating for this guy – his eyes – that specific look I always fall for.

What did I find so fascinating about him?

He was beautiful. He seemed mature, ‘deep’ – the perception that there is something ‘more’ within this guy. And this ‘more’ would state that there is a ‘less’ within me – that I am unfulfilled – that I am incomplete and that I need to fill up this ‘less’ and fulfill myself.



Excitement – I look for excitement. During the movie I got sucked into this energy of excitement – like an energy that builds up to then come to its climax like an orgasm.



Whenever I meet a guy like that I get totally fascinated and then my sole purpose – goal becomes ‘getting him’. It’s like an exciting chase – my search for acceptance within another. And I will not care how much I compromise myself – supress myself – abuse myself – as long as I get this guy I believe it to be all worth it.
The belief that acceptance lies within another. That self acceptance can only be here if I get accepted by someone else first. And being accepted by this being becomes my focus – not realising that I am separating myself from self-acceptance HERE. Literally chasing a ghost – a projection outside of myself.



Getting someone to love me – accept me – being the ultimate goal in my life. This energy – excitement of getting that is similar to that of the energy of sex – of getting an orgasm.

Getting my goal fulfilled – to get my goal achieved is my orgasm.



Seeing sex as the ultimate act of acceptance – THE achievement – the final goal. So the path of excitement – the desire – chase – manipulation is only there to get to this final point. To experience myself as complete – which I defined to be the act of sex – experiencing an orgasm - as being the act of total acceptance. And believe that to be something I have to achieve (while it is really an empty and shallow experience – and then there’s the dissapointment afterwards – because I still feel incomplete – unfulfilled. Because I haven’t accepted myself and until I see and realise that all of me is HERE and I accept myself as all of me that is here – I will experience myself as being incomplete and unfulfilled – looking for something more. But this can never be achieved by looking and getting something outside – separate from myself. Cause by looking for something ‘more’ I am stating that I am ‘less’ and thus I will get ‘less’ – one and equal. Trapped forever – enslaved forever within desire – polarity – separation and unfulfillment.



Wanting – desiring to be complete – to be fulfilled. Big time separation.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined the act of sex as being the act of ultimate acceptance



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that acceptance lies within the act of sex



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined an orgasm as the experience of being complete – as being fulfilled



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define completeness and fullfilment as having sex and experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let ‘experiencing completeness, fullfillment and acceptance’ be the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve – which I separated myself from – and projected unto the act of sex and experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have let ‘having an orgasm wherein I experience fulfillment, completeness and total self acceptance’ become my ultimate goal in my life – as THE thing I have to achieve to be content with myself – to finally be complete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken for granted the extent to which I separated me from myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as incomplete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be incomplete – to experience myself as being incomplete



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as being unfulfilled – to believe myself being unfulfilled – and to experience myself as being unfulfilled



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself as ‘missing’ something – stating that there is a ‘less’ within me and that I need to get a ‘more’ to complete myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have started a search – a quest – to get that ‘something more’ which I perceive myself to need to be fulfilled – looking, searching and seeking for something outside of myself to complete myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that this ‘more’ I am searching for – lies within guys – within relationships and the act of sex



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have separated me from myself – and within that experience myself as missing something



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that I can never be complete, fulfilled and accept myself by looking for something outside of myself. There is nothing outside of myself that can complete, fullfill me or accept me. Only I can complete, fullfill and accept me – within seeing and realising that all of me is already HERE as ME and thus I do not require to look for it somewhere outside of myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘finding someone to totally accept me – love me’ as being the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined ‘the act of sex – as the act of total acceptance’ as being the ultimate goal in my life that I have to achieve



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined sex as the key to experience acceptance, completeness and fullfillment



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made something out of sex which it is not



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that sex is simply an expression – nothing more – nothing less



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/belief/opinion/image/perception that the key to experiencing acceptance, completeness and fullfillment lies within sex – within experiencing an orgasm



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise msyelf within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself within achieving this ultimate goal that I have set for myself



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care to which extent I have to compromise, suppress, abuse myself – as long as I can achieve my goal



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throw myself as life into a trashcan so I can chase some illusion



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to abdicate msyelf completely to the mind – to my quest – search – goal of achievement



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there is nothing for me to achieve – as all is here already.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy this search – this quest and defined it as being exciting – while it’s all just one big energy fuck leading to – exactly NOWHERE



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up this energy and then follow it in the hope and belief that it will lead me to something MORE than who I am here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can be more than who I am here



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look up this energy and follow it even though I know it leads to nowhere – yet I follow my curiosity and hope that maybe MAYBE THIS TIME I will get what I want



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to STOP when I notice myself following this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become addicted to this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this energy



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need this energy like I need water to keep myself alive



Funny – the movie was about vampires – but who’s being the real vampire here lol “III nEEEEEED ENEERGYYYYYYY *sucks energy up yummmm better than blood mmm*



I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that all of me is HERE.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossibe/inprobable that everything of me is already here as me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not wanting to see that all of me is already here as me – because I have defined it as being impossible and unreal



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible that all of me is already HERE as me



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible and unreal for me to accept me to live in self acceptance



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as impossible and unreal for me to love me and live in self love



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined it as unreal and impossible for me to be complete and fulfilled without needing anything or anyone outside of myself to ‘make me so’



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit and deny myself within these definitions



I let go of all definitions



I accept myself here



I appreciate myself



I love myself



I am here



I am stable



I do not accept and allow myself to distract myself with haunting projections and following energies that lead to nowhere



I do not accept and allow myself to separate me from myself any longer



I see that all of me is HERE – and that looking for me somewhere out there is simply separation and not real.



I accept that all of me is HERE as me



I breathe



I express



I am here

Manipulation

Manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate out of self interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become habituated to manipulating – to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have accepted manipulating/manipulation within my nature – deeming it as natural

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be normal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined manipulation as ‘normal’ , ‘natural’ and ‘accepted’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that manipulation isn’t normal, natural or acceptable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that manipulation can be justified

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question manipulation in all its different ways and forms

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/perception/belief/opinion/image that I need to manipulate people into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok to manipulate other beings into liking me as it is all I have ever known and believe it to be justified because everyone else is doing it – instead of seeing and realising that it is not ok, it is not normal to manipulate and it is not ok that everyone else is doing it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have made it a habit to manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live through a program where I manipulate other beings into liking me – instead of expressing myself unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be a natural extension of myself

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question why I manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become used to manipulating other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question myself and stop in the moment that I see and realise that I am using manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken manipulation for granted because it seemed ‘so me’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have defined myself according to and as manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to exist within and as me – as a part of me which I believe to be me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that manipulation is who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and endless pattern where I manipulate other beings into liking me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice manipulation as if it is necessary – like breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe manipulation to be necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that manipulation is not necessary

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to just unconditionally express myself – direct – instead of wasting my time in manipulating and calculating how I should express myself to come to a desired outcome/result

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become addicted to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do without manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear expressing myself unconditionally out of fear what the other might say or think – and thus I wrap what I want to express in manipulation

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be unconditionally and directive within my expression – but instead present what I want to express in such a way that I can have a desired outcome/result (or avoid a certain outcome/result) – without realising that I am actually compromising myself and my self expression through manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need to manipulate in whatever I express

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can choose between expressing myself in a manipulative way – or being direct – whenever it suits me best

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that there lies no choice within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become dependent on manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation to be my ‘safe zone’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing that part of me where I defined myself according to manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear finding out who I am if I were to let go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared in letting go of manipulation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of manipulation because of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have soaked manipulation into everything I say or do – out of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation out of fear of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation to avoid conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation so that I do not have to be faced with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation as a form of procrastination so that I do not have to face myself – yet

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that whenever I am not being unconditional – I am manipulating in one way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have taken this expectation/anticipation for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict and therefore use manipulation constantly and continuously in order to prevent this ‘conflict’ that I expect/anticipate to be coming.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have become used to living in constant and continuous expectation/anticipation of conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into fearing conflict

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project conflict into the future and use manipulation as a means to avoid this ‘conflict’ idea that I projected into the future

Where does this construct originate from?
Childhood - newsflash

Expressing myself unconditionally wasn’t appreciated and thus I compromised and suppressed my self expression. If I did express myself I would to it in such a way towards a being that I could calculate how they would react to it – as in getting positive feedback from them – instead of judgment (if I were to just unconditionally express myself)

So herein the belief/idea was also created that if I were to unconditionally express myself - I would end up being judged. So instead I would present myself and express myself in such a way that I could calculate how the other being would react to it – and get positive feedback because of fear of judgment.

This construct kept running throughout my entire life – even though it didn’t/doesn’t apply to the circumstances at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate other beings into liking me because I fear being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to use manipulation – and that if I don’t I will end up being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use manipulation to avoid being judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/belief/opinion/image/perception that if I do not manipulate – I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I unconditionally express myself that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the idea/image/belief/perception/opinion that if I were to unconditionally express myself – that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into believing that I have to use manipulation and that if I don’t I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have conditioned myself into believing that if I express myself unconditionally that I will get judged

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and avoid judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect and anticipate other people judging me and thus I use manipulation as a means to avoid judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear judgment because I believe it to be real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that judgment is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created the image/idea/belief/opinion/perception that judgment is real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have attached worth, value and meaning to judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and believe judgment to be valid

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realise that judgment is not real – not valid – and is actually worthless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have used manipulation as a means to keep myself safe from judgment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need manipulation to be able to live in this world

I let go

I breathe

I let go of manipulation

I let go of control

I let go of fear

I accept myself

I am here


I express myself here in every moment of breath – where no expectation or anticpation exists – where only I as the breath remains HERE. I express msyelf unconditionally and not accept and allow myself to compromise myself.
I let go of my fear of judgment. I see and realise that judgment is not real – and it never has been real.
I let go of patterns and habits that do not serve me – such as manipulation and the anticipation of judgment.
When I notice myself going into manipulation mode – I STOP – I breathe – I let go and simply express myself unconditionally.
I assist and support myself - within capturing these moments of shifting in a mode - by being here in self presence in every moment of breath. To no longer live in constructs and programs of the past – but live here in every single moment of breath – living to the fullest.